feel that charge - closed

[Odette Cosway]

{ FEEL IT COMIN' IN THE AIR AND THE SCREAMS FROM EVERYWHERE }
I'M ADDICTED TO THE THRILL
- - - - - - IT'S A DANGEROUS LOVE AFFAIR

It was too dark to see. Thankfully, she knew these corridors fairly well by now. Had to walk them most nights watching for students, had to navigate the twists and the turns to get to and from her classes, and of course, there was also the fact that her Common room was located down here. It was just nights like this that made it more difficult. The fact that the moon was hiding behind clouds made no difference in the lighting. The torches were spaced more infrequently down here to begin with, it was just that nights like this made things so very cold. Colder than she knew what to do with. She knew she was supposed to be meeting Scott, at some point. She was beyond nervous, it didn't help things that every part of her body ached. A delicious, sweet ache, but an ache none the less. She'd hardly been able to take classes today, sitting so still whenever her body needed to move or it got stiff, Scott hadn't even been there, which lead her to think that he was upset, obviously with her, obviously about last night. She had thought that it would have been alright, Danny had implied to as much but she wouldn't know for sure until she saw him. Since he hadn't come up to her at all today, she was going to have to seek him out. Drag him out of bed if she really had to. She just...needed to see him. Needed to know. Her thighs wanted to push together as she walked, half from shaking, half because that way they didn't hurt. Her nethers ached with every step...she hadn't even realized it was possible to hurt this way, her face still felt like Danny was touching it, had been desperate to touch him all day but hadn't. Not until she knew. He wouldn't even tell her where Scott was or if he was upset...which of course had lead to a fight. Her feelings were obviously all over the place. Her heels clicked down the polished granite floors softly, echo bouncing off of the walls and resonating in her ears, but that was a soothing sound, made her feel a little better. Her hands folded over her chest, palms rubbing heat into her covered upper arms, at least until there was the addition of a second hand on her arm, yanking her to the side. She damn near screamed but there was a hand over her mouth, a body coming to greet hers...that smell. She knew him. Her eyes widened, it was too dark to tell which one it was, and that was going to drive her mind even more insane. Her eyes straining to see him better, though given that their presence was welcome now, she stopped fighting.

Her heart didn't want to calm itself, seemingly intent on hammering straight up and out of her chest. She hadn't been expecting to have been grabbed out of nowhere. Had thought that she would have taken longer to find him, at the very least. Had thought that she would have had to search a few floors at the very least, her eyes slowly adjusting to the light, the fingers grabbing her only to the point being nearly painful as he held her against the wall. At least the cold against her back was soothing her muscles. Why were his eyes clamped shut? It took her a long moment, but it dawned on her that normally, she would have been hitting him, would have stomped her shoe into his foot and stormed off. Funny how quickly things changed. He was too close, she could feel him pressed up against her body, at least she knew how it was desire that was filling her, practically overflowing, that was what this rich heat was. Something apparently, that she needed to make friends with. “Hi. “Scott!” she recognized the voice, only slightly higher in octave but the inflection was always different. Fuck. There went the heat, the nerves, the shame...all of it rushing to her. “I uh—“ She couldn't help herself, her body moved on it's own, dropping the small clutch that had been in her hands to the ground, her hands moving to his ribs in the same moment that her body relaxed into the wall behind her, hands balling into his shirt and holding him where he was, her chin lifting until her lips found his. Perhaps with a little too much longing. Her chest deflating with what had to be a moan but was too soft to tell, her body felt like it was melting into his. It was hardly the first time that she had kissed him, and it was hardly the plan she had set off with, but he was so close...and he smelled so nice, and he had been gone all day....gone. Her lips broke contact and her face hit the wall behind her painfully. “Ow,” her face scrunched “I – I was looking for you, you weren't in class and...” her eyes lifted, feeling strange for the way that she was talking to him. “Was that okay?”

“Okay is an understatement.” Smiling. That was far too much smiling in her book. At least she hadn't been mistaken, or dreaming, or crazy...or something whenever she had interpreted what Danny had said to her last night. Whenever she had thought that both meant...both. She hadn't even meant to kiss him, it had sort of just...happened. There was a lot to talk about, certainly more than she had managed to talk about with Danny last night...they hadn't gotten to cover much at all before...things had happened. Again, without her planning. Scott was supposed to be the easier one, because at least she knew somewhat how to conduct herself around him...not much better, but a little better. Then his lips were on hers, because he wanted them to be, not because she had attacked him. Her entire body reacted, returning the kiss and her hands pulling into his shirt once more. Her disappointment was a little too vocal whenever he pulled away from her, though the clenching of her thighs thanked him for it. “I needed to think about some things. You know- my turn to talk to you and everything?” That sounded....bad. She knew they needed to talk, but he sounded so sad about it, and she couldn't figure out why. “Before we-“ Well, that was that. One night of hope and now he had changed his mind, or Danny had. Somehow she felt like it was Danny that would have changed his mind. He liked her less. She didn't even know what to say, but the crushing feeling was making it hard to breath. Still, her chin dipped into a nod, waiting for the words that she was already expecting to leave her lips. “Danny said something? That … I wanted to ask you about.” her mouth was dry, like all of the moisture had relocated to her eyes, but still she said nothing, her glance shifting upward quickly to calm herself. Get a better hold on what was happening. It was sad really. She was better by the time she looked back down at him, waiting. “What did he say?”

words1212 tagged Scotty Scott notes wearing
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[Scott Wilde]

I DON'T WANT TO RUN AWAY BUT I CAN'T TAKE IT

( • I D O N ' T U N D E R S T A N D • )

Three years, Danny had said, his face so serious that Scott couldn’t even try to think of accusing him of being insincere. It was a subject that his twin would have known better than to lie about anyways- knew just how important a subject it would be to him. Three years was the same amount of time that it had been since … since the whole Astronomy tower misunderstanding, since the lies that had forced the three of them apart so definitely for the past three years. At first he’d thought maybe, that it was just the one other guy then, had been ready to shrug it off- but that look in his twin’s face had him pausing, doing the math in his own head. Wondering. Danny seemed to think that it had been just him, only him, before the night before. And that was just… so many different emotions had seized him, the urge to go seek her out in class taking him over. But he didn’t want this to be like the courtyard argument that had started everyone talking. Didn’t think that this belonged to the outside world at all. This was personal, more personal than any discussion they’d had before this- this was… important. He’d gone about the whole day setting things up, having talked with Danny in the first and only class that his brother had missed that morning. He just wanted- needed to get everything else out of the way yet. Of course, there were some things that had to wait until after hours, but that was fine. It was hardly the first time he’d done this. It had been three years. And there were slight differences. But it was still essentially the same thing. He just … needed to find a way to get Odette out of the Slytherin girls dorm without waking up the rest of them- bargained for password folded up on a paper in his back pocket along with the faux glasses should he be stopped. It was, actually, Danny’s night for patrols.


Something that Scott would never complain about again when masquerading as his twin. He loved Danny’s patrols. Owed Danny’s patrols. More so after tonight. His fingers balled, one fist curled around his wand as he turned yet another corner- footsteps stilling instantly at the sound of heel on stone. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. His body slid easily along the wall- pressing into the tapestry behind him as he waited, eyes searching out the darkened corridor to try and make out the figure heading in his direction. He could only thank Merlin that he hadn’t been fucking walking as loud as he had earlier, that he’d changed out the tennis shoes that he’d worn for the most of the day for the sleeker pair on his feet now. Just like he could only hope that the figure hurried up and just passed by him. He wasn’t about to stop whoever was out after curfew and give them detention- not when it put him that much more behind schedule. As it was it had taken longer than he remembered to cart that many candles up the Astronomy tower stairs. His breath almost huffed out of his chest, eyes narrowing as the figure drew almost abreast of where he was pressed to the wall.. Blonde. That was blonde hair. Blonde hair and too high heels. He couldn’t mistake her figure from this close up, arm darting out before he had time to think about it and fingers wrapping around her arm, pulling her over to where he was standing flipping them- his other hand belatedly coming up to cut off her scream. Shit. He hadn’t thought that through but- with her so near, and everything a jumbled mess in his head now he couldn’t even feel as badly about it as he should, his body stilling with a wince as he waited for the hits that never came. Come to think of it her entire body was still against his. One eye peeked open, looking down at her suspiciously for a moment before lowering his hand. “Hi.” Stupid, he had other things to say, but only the one word wanted to leave his lips in greeting. “I uh—“

“Scott!” His name, not a question but a greeting- one that had his lips almost shifting up into a smile, would have succeeded were it not for all the nerves twisting his stomach. They had so much to go over, so much to make clear and make right. And they really did only have tonight- no that wasn’t right. He knew that in truth they had a good deal longer than that to work things out; it was only that tonight was the airing of it, the start of the talking… Folded paper weighed heavily in his right pocket, the slightly faded writing finally lifted from the charm that had held to it these past three years. His fingers shifted from their hold on her- seconds away from releasing her and stepping back, but her hands were suddenly on him, body sliding up even as he looked down- surprise only fractionally pausing him before he pushed his face down to meet her, lips slanting over hers. His fingers tightened again, the hand at her arm sliding up to her shoulder, curving around rounded muscle as his other fell to her hip, body pressing her unintentionally back against the stone behind her. He was never unsurprised with the reaction his body seemed to have to kissing the girl in front of him – it didn’t seem to matter how long it had been since they did it or what the setting was- everything seemed to pause around him, his lips moving over hers with a steady surety that seemed lacking too often in their encounters. It wasn’t until she pulled back that he lifted his own head back up to its usual height, straightened back out with a shocked smile on his lips, slight chuckle moving between them as she ran her head into the wall with her hurried movement. It was… comforting to know he wasn’t the only one nervous. “Ow. I – I was looking for you, you weren't in class and…Was that okay?” She’d been looking for him? Something in his chest tinged, his fingers moving against her shoulder, as if encouraging her to keep talking. He hadn’t thought that she’d be wondering where he was- hadn’t thought to tell Danny anything to tell her if she asked. Fuck, that was probably going to be a problem- one he only marginally acknowledged as he laughed again, his forehead dropping to hers slightly. “Okay is an understatement.” The biggest understatement. She had kissed him. Had made that move all on her own. His grasp shifted with the intensity of emotion that it offset within him, head dipping without thinking and pressing his lips to hers- once, twice, before pulling back. He needed to focus on answering the first part of her sentence, explain why it was that he’d been absent in the first place, something that had his upturned lips turning down slightly as he realized what that meant. “I needed to think about some things. You know- my turn to talk to you and everything?” This time slightly nervous as he expelled a rough breath. “Before we-“ Another pause as the hand at her shoulder moved up, pushed the hair at the side of her face away from the curve in her cheekbone. “Danny said something? That … I wanted to ask you about.”


“What did he say?” He didn’t even know how to start to ask now that he’d begun with it. He’d intended to cover the rest of it first, try and dispel other misconceptions and misunderstandings between them before getting to that. But it was so present in his mind, pushing it forward as he shifted, not quite putting distance between them but almost. “About..” He sucked a breath in through his teeth- almost looking up to the ceiling before he stopped himself. “aboutwhoallyou’dbeenwith.” Daniel’s theory that Scott was the only one echoing through his mind several times over as his grip on her loosened. “Not that it’s any of my business or that it matters-“ he cut off there, because it did. It did matter. At least if Danny was right about it- if it was the way he thought it was…

IF I AM NOT MADE FOR YOU

( • T H E N W H Y D O E S M Y H E A R T T E L L M E I A M ? • )

W O R D S •stuff

T A G G E D •Odette

O U T F I T • later

L Y R I C S • If you're not the one- Daniel Bedingfield

T E M P L A T E • PANIC! ITS LAUZ of CAUTION

N O T E S •short,short,short- I suck I'm sorry

[Odette Cosway]

{ FEEL IT COMIN' IN THE AIR AND THE SCREAMS FROM EVERYWHERE }
I'M ADDICTED TO THE THRILL
- - - - - - IT'S A DANGEROUS LOVE AFFAIR

“About..” Her breath stilled in her chest as she waited, obviously this was something important to him. Since when did he have trouble talking about things? Since when did he have an issue saying anything to her, most of all if it could have been considered negative. It was usually Daniel who clammed up around her, who kept things to himself rather than talking about things. “aboutwhoallyou’dbeenwith.” She felt herself adjust. She should have known that they were going to have spoken about last night, somewhere in her head she knew that he would have told Scott, she did. Still, she just didn't understand why he was looking at her like that, just who had Daniel said that she had been with. She had thought that she had been fairly clear...the way that he had spoken to her implied that she had been clear...he had said that it was alright. She didn't think that he would have lied to Scott about it. So, she was just confused. Her hands lowered from his body and she couldn't quite meet his eyes. She needed more information before she started to panic. It wasn't showing on her face yet, but she knew it would be soon. “Not that it’s any of my business or that it matters-“ Her eyes cut back to him. The words he was saying, were just the same as all of the men who always approached her were, same dirty things saying that they could teach her a thing or two, or wanted to test her out. Even if he wasn't using the same TONE as they were, she didn't like hearing it. “And just who all did he say that i've been with?” hurt evident.

She didn't want to look at him, didn't even think she needed an answer, she should just go back to bed. - “Me?” Her eyes lifted to his again, of course it had just been with him. He had said that he hadn't believed the rumors about her, had he been lying? She wouldn't have...she was confused. How was being with him a bad thing “Just me,” The way he said it, like he was nervous, apart from Daniel last night, that was true. She wasn't going to lie about it. She lied to everybody about how many people that she had had sex with, but not him. There would be no point in it. “Oh,” she whispered, more of an exhalation than a word as the hands on her arms were tightening, turning painful. “Scotty?” and the hands dropped from her, his body removed and stepped back as she watched him, what was the deal? Why was he reacting like this and she hadn't even said anything. “after that night...” she swallowed, no, she didn't want to explain. Couldn't have, wouldn't have made it halfway through even. “It was just you. Scott. Just once.” she should rectify, to include last night, but he knew. She knew he knew. She didn't need to bring it up again.

“I had thought… that there was one more… after me.” Why was he being like this? Making her feel guilty for not sleeping with more people, somehow. She didn't understand it. She just wanted to understand. Her features twisted as she watched him, it was like he was...in pain. “No, there wasn't.” She didn't have any idea who it was that she could possibly be referring to, there hadn't even been a single person she would have even considered sleeping with until a year later, and even then nothing had happened, she had hardly kissed him. The git. It wasn't like she expected either of them to have never been with anybody else.. They were popular in their own rights, she had seen them with other girls over the years, attractive as they were, it wasn't hard to assume things. Was that the issue here? He didn't want to tell her that? “I know it's not the same for you, and that's okay,” her voice caught on the word okay without even meaning for it to. She had thought that she really was, okay with it. “I don't know why you're so angry with me?”

words707 tagged Scotty Scott notes wearing
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[Scott Wilde]

I DON'T WANT TO RUN AWAY BUT I CAN'T TAKE IT

( • I D O N ' T U N D E R S T A N D • )

She seemed… to be just as on edge as he was- gaze flickering from his and back again. He wasn’t sure how to take that, how to take the way that she looked back up at him with that face- that face? That face like he’d said something awful to her. Maybe Daniel had been wrong after all. Maybe he’d misunderstood her entirely… or maybe it was just that she didn’t want him to know, was ashamed of the fact that it was true. “And just who all did he say that i've been with?” Who all? His brows dipped slightly, head lowering as if being nearer to her would help- trying to understand what it was that she was taking offense to before he made it any worse. His breath drew in somewhat unevenly, swelling his ribs as he looked nervously down at her. “Me?” Him. “Just me,” he clarified, swallowing past the obstruction in his throat as he waited on her to answer- stomach twisting uncomfortably. There was no good answer to that, not one that would make him feel better about it. It wasn’t that he wanted her to have been with other people- wasn’t that he wanted any of the rumors surrounding her to be true. It was only that- a barrage of faces filed behind his eyes, bile rising in his throat momentarily. It was just his actions, his response to it. To hearing that about her and believing it. His fingers tightened slightly, dropping suddenly when he realized what he’d done- half step back as he looked to her for explanation.

“after that night…It was just you. Scott. Just once.” Just him. Just that once. Just him. He swallowed, shaking his head and looking up at the ceiling as he tried to fight back the overwhelming sense of… disgust with himself. Tried to fight back the images of the faces that were spinning through his memory, names staring out at him glaringly. Another shake of his head and his hands were put on his hips, exhaling roughly through his nose. “I had thought… that there was one more… after me.” His eyes looked back to her, sincere in trying to make her understand that he wasn’t trying to call her a liar- that he wasn’t doubting her or saying that there should have been. There was a part of him- somewhere buried behind all that had rushed to the forefront with her confession that felt it was right this way that it was the way it should be. But he couldn’t afford that- couldn’t allow himself to think that with all that he’d done.

“No, there wasn't.” His eyes came back down to her slowly, his face twisting just that slightest bit more. Of course there wasn’t. How had he not grasped that the second that any of the rest of the half truths and lies had been revealed? It was the same source after all- the same blonde haired girl, who’d pretended to be his friend for so long, pretended in the same way the one in front of him had pretended not to be. There was so much he had to tell her, so much they needed to go over and doing it in this corridor, out in the open like this felt wrong, felt… too barren. He wanted to be able to sit down when they went over it, wanted to be able to explain things out as fully as he was able to try and make her understand why they’d all come to the conclusions they had. The only place they could readily go to though he wouldn’t take her- not for this. That was for rewriting memories not reliving them, rehashing and fixing over the errors that had been so craftily put into their minds. His fingers curled tighter against his palm, lips pressing down on one another. Fuck. “I know it's not the same for you, and that's okay,”- his head was shaking before she could finish, eyes moving away from her once more. It was too much- to see her while he thought of them, to have to think of them in order to explain it to her. “No it’s not.” Harsher than he intended. He was mad at himself- at his decisions, not her… and yet it came out of his lips like that, aimed at the air around them and the situation they’d been corralled into. “I don't know why you're so angry with me?” His breath gusted out from him, shoulders hunching forward in defeat as her words hit him. Mad at her. “I couldn’t- I’m not mad at you.” How could he be mad at her? Again his head shaking, eyes moving to her throat, he couldn’t look at her face yet- couldn’t…. stand to see the way she’d be looking at him in just a moment. “Bridgette,” the name coming out like he was saying something much more foul than just that, “told me that she saw you taking someone to your bed.” And he hadn’t believed it, not at first, had discounted it all the same as the other rumors. “And then the Barbie… you know the plastic blonde in your house? She was saying the same thing the next day.” And he’d reacted. He hadn’t even been angry at her with it, not really… he’d just been hurt. Hurt and wanting to prove to himself that there wasn’t something wrong with him.

IF I AM NOT MADE FOR YOU

( • T H E N W H Y D O E S M Y H E A R T T E L L M E I A M ? • )

W O R D S •stuff

T A G G E D •Odette

O U T F I T • later

L Y R I C S • If you're not the one- Daniel Bedingfield

T E M P L A T E • PANIC! ITS LAUZ of CAUTION

N O T E S •short,short,short- I suck I'm sorry

[Odette Cosway]

{ FEEL IT COMIN' IN THE AIR AND THE SCREAMS FROM EVERYWHERE }
I'M ADDICTED TO THE THRILL
- - - - - - IT'S A DANGEROUS LOVE AFFAIR

“No it’s not.” She wished that there was just a little bit more space between the two of them, instead of having to push herself against the wall she had been resting on. The way that he said the word like he was angry with her, like she should have slept with more people, or if her inexperience somehow offended him. Her chin jerked toward her body in surprise. Why would he have said that? Her arms lifted to wrap around her torso, hugging her arms to her body, fingers pressing into the sleeves of her shirt tightly. “I couldn’t- I’m not mad at you.” Then why was he acting like he was? She didn't understand and he didn't seem to want to fill in the blanks for her either. It was vexing. “Bridgette,” “Excuse me?” her lips curling into a disgusted sneer the second the word left his lips. She didn't even want to think about that bitch. She wasn't even here, how could it POSSIBLY be happening, how could that name cause her any more pain? She didn't understand, and she didn't like it. Wouldn't stand for it. At least he had the decency to sound like he was offended by the name too. What Danny had ever seen in her, Odette couldn't possibly fathom. “told me that she saw you taking someone to your bed.” the shock wiped the hate from her face for only a moment before it had been replaced. Of course she had. The bitch was the reason half of the things going around the school about her, were. She wasn't stupid, she knew Bridgette hated her just as much as she was hated. “And then the Barbie… you know the plastic blonde in your house? She was saying the same thing the next day.” Yes, she knew who he was talking about. “I don't see what that has to do with it? For Merlin's sake Scott they aren't even in my year! How would they know if I had been taking anybody anywhere, those rooms are private.” her hands coming up exasperatedly at her words. “Besides, even if I had what's that got to do with whoever you had been...” she didn't want to say it because she couldn't think it. Wouldn't accept it, another thing she would overlook and just, pretend had never happened.

“A lot.” Fuck. She was going to start crying. Again. She could feel it, feel it with that damned tone he was using. There was something that he wasn't telling her, not to mention that he had lied, he had believed what had been said about her. Her bottom lip pulled totally into her mouth, chewing at the skin to keep herself together. “Enough.” she mumbled, her word distorted by the lip in her mouth. She let go of her hold “Out with it Scott. Just say whatever it is.” He looked like he was in physical pain. Like there was something about to make him be sick. Merlin do not let him be sick right now. She couldn't take that. “I just- I didn’t believe any of the others.” Any of the others? He had said that he hadn't believed any of it. She could feel a twist in her gut, she didn't want to know, and yet she had asked...hadn't she? She had been the one to tell him to spit it out, and now she was going to have to deal with whatever it was that he said to her. It just meant that there had been something about her that he did believe. She didn't even know where to begin, the things that had been said about her over the past three years had gotten more than slightly creative. It obviously wasn't one of the good things. “Scott!” what was he doing to his face, she stepped forward quickly, her hands moving to stop him but it was already too late, he had already marked his face. She had never seen him like this before. She didn't even know how to handle it. “But they both said the same thing. So I just…” He just what? Her hands dropped to her sides. What had he done? Apprehensively, her hands curled back around her torso, she wasn't going to like whatever it was that he said to her. She knew that she wasn't. “You just....what Scott?”

“I just believed them.” It wasn't like she hadn't ever had the opportunity, wasn't like she hadn't wanted to, from time to time. It was just, whenever it actually came down to it, she always found a reason not to. A reason to leave, a reason to keep on rescheduling until she was called a bitch and then blown off. She was far from a nun, she knew that. Still, she didn't understand why, with the things that they had said that night...it hurt. It hurt thinking that he could believe any of it, for even a second. Danny, she understood, on some level. Totally apart from the level of poison that he had been spoon fed from that bitch he had dated for so fucking long. Scott...she had just expected more from. Things had always been different with the two of them. It really was a good thing that he had moved to the side of her, that he was no longer looking at her face, he didn't see the silent tear that rolled down her face. Didn't see as it fell from her cheek and pressed into the fabric of her shirt, darkening the single spot. And that was good, one was all she would allow herself anyway. Everybody else believed it about her, that she was a tease, a whore, an easy lay...despite there ever actually being any evidence or proof. Just words. Which, was somehow worse. She could feel him pulling on her wrist, and she pulled herself away, tucking her hands behind her bottom and against the wall. For a moment. For a long moment she considered walking away, but that would get her nowhere. That would make her a traitor...somehow. Hearing one out and not the other. Finally, she smoothed the back of her skirt against her thighs and let herself lower daintily, until she was sitting on the cold floor, her legs pushed to the side of her, leaning against her one hand. “And I was stupid about it.” She didn't want to hear this, and yet she couldn't tell him to stop talking. “I thought that if someone wanted me then it would be okay.” Her eyes closed, pushed back the tears that threatened to spill. She didn't want to know. This was exactly why she hadn't told him that there hadn't been anybody else, this was exactly why she lied to everybody about it. Because she didn't want to spur some sort of confession from him, didn't want to hurt knowing that she could just be moved on from. Her pride wouldn't allow such a fact to register as true, or even possible. She wanted to stand, wanted to leave. She knew he wouldn't chase her, and that would just make everything all that much worse. She didn't want to care. She wanted to know how long, how long as he waited, just exactly what it was that he had heard about her, why he had chosen to do that, to spite her? With who? How often? No. She didn't want to know. She didn't know if she could handle it. She needed to...she didn't want to...She couldn't even open her eyes. “And just why do you think I want to hear this?”

words1273tagged Scotty Scott notes wearing
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[Scott Wilde]

I DON'T WANT TO RUN AWAY BUT I CAN'T TAKE IT

( • I D O N ' T U N D E R S T A N D • )

“I don't see what that has to do with it? For Merlin's sake Scott they aren't even in my year! How would they know if I had been taking anybody anywhere, those rooms are private.” It had everything to do with it, with the decisions he’d made following all that he had heard the da- no he couldn’t do that, couldn’t place any of the blame anywhere but at his own feet. He’d been the one to believe what he’d been told after all. It had been from two sources, sources that didn’t exactly get along from what he knew- sources that wouldn’t have had any time between them to conspire. He could have gone and asked Odette herself. He could have done any number of things. What he had done though… again the shame choked up the back of his throat, eyes looking back up to the ceiling above them. “Besides, even if I had what's that got to do with whoever you had been...” Whoever. Whoever sounded like it had been just one other. Maybe that he could forget. He didn’t exactly regret all of them. Didn’t regret two of them in the same respect he did the rest. He was at least friends with Barbie in a respect. Had gotten along well enough with her… The ones directly following what he’d heard though… He blew a breath out of his nostrils, looking back at her with the guilt ridden in even that short glance, his shoulders rolling. “A lot.” Everything to do with it.

“Enough. Out with it Scott. Just say whatever it is.” He couldn’t just force those words out though, didn’t know how he was supposed to explain it to her without making it seem like she was in any way at fault, or that he felt she was. Eight girls. Seven that had been a byproduct of his misconceptions and fucked up actions as a result. He didn’t even know how he could think of them without feeling sick now- without feeling like just the level of asshole that he was. He and Danny had said so much about Mikey over the years, over the way that he used those girls and never so much as felt a twinge in conscience over it. But how was he any better? Seven girls. Seven girls that he’d slept with because he felt like he had something to prove, someone to forget. A montage of blondes. There was absolutely nothing about that that was okay. Both hands rose, pushing into the flesh of his forehead and dragging down over his face until his palms caught on his chins, fingers curling up to push into the sockets of his now closed eyes. Out with it. Like it was an easy subject to talk about. “I just- I didn’t believe any of the others.” He hadn’t. Any number of the other guys over the following three years. Just that one instance. What did that say about him? He shook his head slightly, pulling the pads of his fingers roughly down his face, hard enough to draw the blood up under the skin to the surface in strange parallel lines. “But they both said the same thing. So I just…” His shoulders rolled up towards his ears, eyes still focusing on the ceiling rather than her. He didn’t even want to be acknowledging this to her, didn’t want to be explaining this right now. How in the hell was he supposed to verbalize all of that had followed?

“Scott! You just....what Scott?” This wasn’t how this was supposed to go, wasn’t how they were supposed to have started off the night. He knew there would be unpleasant things that they needed to discuss but this was so much worse, so much more difficult to get out here with her looking at him like that. His head shook slightly, fingers curling further before he straightened, shoulders slumping forward as if in defeat as he took a step towards her. He didn’t like the way this was set up- facing one another like this it felt more like a confrontation than a conversation, felt like the settings for an argument and he just… wanted to make her understand how stupid he’d been about it. It wasn’t like he’d achieved Mikey’s level of slut even; it had only been the eight. Only eight in comparison to just the one though… and with the history between the two of them… his breath came heavily on a sigh between his lips, stepping around her just slightly and going back to the wall, waiting until he was level with it to turn and push his back into it, sliding down the stone and looking up at the ceiling again, as if somewhere in the rafters the words he needed to say would magically appear. “I just believed them.” Because why wouldn’t she have with how angry she’d been with him? With the way things had seemed to have gone down. It was just that one though, just that one that had ever been an issue for him- so soon after everything had happened. He hadn’t been mad at her, not even when it had happened supposedly, not really. He wouldn’t have been mad at her if it was truth. He didn’t expect for her to box herself up and away for him- not when she seemed so against everything about him most days, especially in that light. His hand reached forward, fingers sliding around her wrist and tugging lightly, trying to pull her back. He needed her to sit, it wasn’t like they were leaving this particular corridor anytime soon- they had too much to go over first. “And I was stupid about it.” His entire body seemed to be reflecting the hollow acceptance ridden guilt that his voice was portraying, his legs shoved out in front of him, separated in a v with his shoulders hunched slightly away from the stone. He had just wanted to feel like he mattered, to someone or something. Which was stupid. Because he knew he did. He had family and friends and all kinds of things. But Odette’s flinching back away from him- that disgusted look she’d gotten on her face seconds before she’d uttered those words… “I thought that if someone wanted me then it would be okay.” And it hadn’t been. Not even that first time after her. He was elated for all of five minutes before he left and then it just… settled. That disgust with himself. The realization that he hadn’t once actually seen the girl’s face of who he was with…

He couldn’t pretend not to see that this was hurting her- hurting the both of them. So much different than if he had just continued on with what he had planned in the first place and left this bit for his memory only. But it wasn’t fair- not to her and not to him. They’d agreed, he and Danny, that if they went into this it was going to be with full disclosure and with all parties completely aware of everything that had put them in the positions that they had been in for so long. They’d had three years of misunderstandings and other people pushing their way between the three of them- if they went into this … relationship without all parties fully on board and informed then it would only serve to come back and bite them in the ass. Hadn’t that been proven already? “And just why do you think I want to hear this?” He expelled a short breath, shaking his head. No, he didn’t- and if she thought he, of all people, wanted to tell her about this … mess that he’d gotten himself into. He drew his knees up to his chest, elbows resting on top of the rounded cartilage and pushing his fingertips back into the flesh of his face, tongue darting out along the seam of his lips- surprised to find the salt there lining them. “I don’t- think you want to hear it,” he clarified, his fingers curling until he could run the pads of them up over the plains of his cheek- press them into the unnaturally dry skin there- cracked almost from the salt that had rested there too long. “I don’t want to say it either,” the admission unsure as he looked back over to her his lips turning south. “But I don’t want to lie to you Odette.” No shortening of her name, or adding to it- no nicknames to try and set them into the correct context. “I want you to know-“ his hands lifted from himself entirely, gesturing towards himself as if he couldn’t quite find the right words. And he couldn’t. “I fucked up. I just wanted to be with you and there were so many things between that because of that bitch,” he spat the word with venom, shaking his head and reminding- only himself- that he had a course to stay on. A course he’d deviated from but now it was a part as well, this painful conversation. “and a blonde pretty girl interested in me? My mind always went to you and I thought if I got her interested enough, maybe you would be too or something-“ he cut off, clearly frustrated with the way it was coming across, with the inability to explain it correctly. Because it had been so much more than that too, so many different things all juxtaposed into one. “Or that maybe it meant I didn’t fuck up as much as I thought I had. I just-“ his shoulders sagged in defeat, pushed back into the stone as he moved his eyes away from her, looked to the cracked stone between them.

IF I AM NOT MADE FOR YOU

( • T H E N W H Y D O E S M Y H E A R T T E L L M E I A M ? • )

W O R D S •stuff

T A G G E D •Odette

O U T F I T • later

L Y R I C S • If you're not the one- Daniel Bedingfield

T E M P L A T E • PANIC! ITS LAUZ of CAUTION

N O T E S •short,short,short- I suck I'm sorry

[Odette Cosway]

{ FEEL IT COMIN' IN THE AIR AND THE SCREAMS FROM EVERYWHERE }
I'M ADDICTED TO THE THRILL
- - - - - - IT'S A DANGEROUS LOVE AFFAIR

Odette seemed to have lost the ability to take command of her own body. She couldn't stop moving. She couldn't stop fidgeting. Her fingers pushed into her fabric covering her arms, her feet rolled inside of the heels covering them, her thighs keeping from pushing together so she didn't feel that same ache that she had been relishing in all day long. The same one she had been clinging to, but didn't want to feel right now. Didn't want to be reminded of Danny, couldn't let herself get distracted, and in the same moment wanted nothing more than to be very far away from this conversation. She hadn't asked Danny who all he had been with, because she didn't want to know. Just the one that she did know about was bad enough. She had been forced to listen to tales of it, in detail, over and over again. Deliberate with its intricacies. She didn't want to hear about Scott because it was going to hurt too much. Danny was one thing, but Scott...that was a whole other thing entirely. She could tell enough just by the way that he was moving around. More than one, he was wearing it on his face. So obviously more than just her. Not that she expected him to be celibate...but yes, well, why couldn't he have been? If the things he had said so long ago were true? It was unrealistic, and she didn't care. “I don’t- think you want to hear it,” She could hear the strain in his voice and it hurt her. It was hurting both of them. Why couldn't he just let it go? She wanted him to let it go. She couldn't even look at him. Looking anywhere else, the ceiling, the lines between stones above his head, her shoes, the fact that she seemed to have scuffed the left one, the lines in her shirt, not at him. “I don’t want to say it either, But I don’t want to lie to you Odette.” She wanted to ask him to lie. In that moment, she wanted to scream for him to stop. To just, lie and let it be what it should have been had fate not gotten in the way. Things would have been so different now. But that was just foolish girlhood getting in the way again. She knew better than to dream of such things. She wasn't a child. Wouldn't let herself be so even in her own head. There was no room for fantasies there. “I want you to know-I fucked up. I just wanted to be with you and there were so many things between that because of that bitch,” They were both at fault. Yes, that bitch had gotten in the way, more than once in a big way. But she was gone now. Odette never wanted to think on her again. “and a blonde pretty girl interested in me? My mind always went to you and I thought if I got her interested enough, maybe you would be to or something-“ The air sucked from her chest, her eyes shooting to him directly. He couldn't possibly mean what he was implying. She had to of misheard him, or taken it out of context. She was just putting words in that sentence where there were none. Right? She had to be. She would give him the benefit of the doubt. He had earned it. There was no way he would have slept with the bitch. No way. “Or that maybe it meant I didn’t fuck up as much as I thought I had. I just-“ Forcing air back into her body, her tongue ran over her upper lip slowly and her eyes rolled upward, willing the tears to just go away. “Just tell me what you did,”

Odette winced at the sound of his head hitting the wall. That wasn't just a normal, frustrated thud...if he didn't want to tell her so damn badly, then he shouldn't. They would be better off with her not knowing. She felt her weight shifting from one foot to the other, unable to even relish in her soreness now. “I had sex with some people,” A dry sob left her throat before she could stop herself. She wanted to cover her ears and just walk away. She wanted to shake her head no and reject the information completely, even more than that she wanted to shrug it off, she hated that she had willingly given him the power to hurt her. She wanted to pretend it was no big deal and that so had she. So they were fine. Yesterday morning she would have been able to. Would have been able to just walk away and cry whenever she was alone. She had told everybody that she had been with more than just him...that's what she should have told them as well. Only, she hadn't said a damn word about it one way or the other...freaking Danny had just...known. Somehow. She hadn't been able to ask...too nervous. “because I thought that if they wanted me then eventually you would too.” Was he blaming her? Her brow pinched together, she couldn't see his face clearly enough in the dark, didn't know what he was really saying. She had always wanted him...things had just.“Not that it worked.” Only it had, hadn't it? He had gotten all of that, and here she was. Right where she didn't want to be. “Seriously. Had to have a curse or something. Like someone put some real voodoo on me. Or you know a spell or something. I’m apparently a great one night stand,” More guilt. She had thought that he had left her...in that room. That he had set her up, used her for some sort of joke. Apparently that was a thing that he did. At least she could say with confidence that their one night, hadn't exactly been 'great' at the time. Well...no. She didn't want to remember. “but that’s about it.” She huffed “That's about it?” as if that wasn't enough? She wasn't stupid...she knew a boy that looked like him was sought after. Knew his reputation, knew enough of his personality, the core of it to see how he was. Knew that girls fell for him far more often than he knew. Still. She found herself...angry. “Well how many then Scott? Why don't you go ahead and tell me their names while you're at it? Really wanna drive that knife a little deeper?” she moved her hand to indicate a twisting knife “tell me positions, tell me just how much you thought about me then, while you were fucking other women.” She moved forward in the darkness, proximately aware of where he was, her words a bitter hiss “Did you have a type then? Model them all after me? I'm so very fucking flattered,” she laughed, bordering hysterics, “No, NO, you couldn't be bothered to wait for the real thing...that's fine, tell me it's all my fault. Because I'm such a mean girl I deserve it, right? HAH,” she had said that she didn't want to know, that the information wasn't going to help anything. Danny hadn't felt the need to spill the beans. Her heels clicked an irregular pattern as she moved toward the entrance of the little alcove they were in. her hand clutching at her stomach like she was going to be sick. “Just tell me she wasn't one of them...”

“Can you even hear yourself Odette? Your only listening to half the damn picture as usual.” Her shift in stance wasn't because she was uncomfortable with her footing. The way she balked ever so slightly at his words like she was affronted. Maybe she was. She couldn't fathom just what it was that he could have been thinking, talking to her like that. She was very certain she was seeing just enough of the picture. She got the point. He had slept with other people. Couldn't he tell that just hearing that was torture for her? She damn near couldn't stomach it. Whatever the other half was, it was going to be just as painful, and she was going to hate it just as much. His laugh felt like a slap, her arms were already curling around her body and it had nothing to do with the dungeons being cold. “I’ll give you their names and the fucking dates if you want. It’s the same damn number. I’m a good lay, a good friend- hell I’m even a good whipping boy apparently, but anything beyond that is just out of the fucking question. I didn’t blame you. I never blamed you. Not for any of it.” The same number? What did that mean? Why would he remember the dates? She could feel herself chewing on her bottom lip, and forced herself to stop. She needed to stop. If he was going to talk to her like this, then she needed to defend herself against it. Just like they always did. Maybe nothing had changed after all. “How was I supposed to wait around for the real thing when anytime I tried talking to her for real she started spouting insults and stomping off in her GOD DAMNED heels Odette?” But she couldn't have spoken to him, of course she had spouted off insults...what else was she supposed to do after what had happened? She had been so young, and maybe she wasn't all that much older now but she felt older. That was what counted. It had scarred her. How was she supposed to know he was ever actually trying to talk to her, she had just thought...that since he had set her up, that he was just rubbing salt into the wound. ”Tell me that though. Because I sure as hell tried. Even half way bring up that night and try and talk to you and your off on a fucking bend. And I get it now, I do- but how in the hell was I supposed to know when you never told me? I had her,” Her. He had her? Odette's stomach retched damn near audibly. Her whole body reacted to what was implied, not just the tone he used while saying it. “orchestrating every damn thing that happened since we stepped off of that goddamned train. Everything but you. You think she didn’t have a say in all of this? Like she wasn’t manipulative enough to find a way?” Not from her lack of trying, that was for sure. Not after first year, all of that vipers purchase had ended with her, first year. If only that thing had died then too. How Odette hated her.”Tell me....she....wasn't one of them,” soft, barely restrained sobs hidden just behind the words, begging him to tell her a lie, something she didn't want to be true so badly the very thought of it was make her ill. Yes, Odette knew the bitch, knew she always got what it was that she wanted...but it was different with Scott. Danny was...well, Danny could be so stupid. Well meaning, but fucking stupid, Scott was supposed to be better...he was supposed to be stronger...untouchable. She didn't want to think she had sunk her disgusting claws into him too.

words1885tagged Scotty Scott notes wearing
template PANIC! ITS LAUZ @ CAUTION

[Scott Wilde]

I DON'T WANT TO RUN AWAY BUT I CAN'T TAKE IT

( • I D O N ' T U N D E R S T A N D • )

“Just tell me what you did,” The back of his head hit the wall forcefully, ignoring the dull pain that it brought with it as he looked up to the ceiling instead of to her. “I had sex with some people,” she wasn’t asking numbers and fuck if he was just going to go out and tell her how many without her doing so. Some people eliminated names too- made them … fuck he was doing it again, making them less like people, making it easier on himself to deal with it. His breath gusted out in a sigh, monotone taking over his voice as he stared at a particularly dark spot above him. Like someone had inked in the stone or something. “because I thought that if they wanted me then eventually you would too.” Might as well get it all out there, he and Danny had talked about that aspect, the reason behind why he’d slept with those girls. They’d even attempted trying to talk about why it was that it always ended at just that, but the difference in opinion and the vehemence on both of their parts forced them, like so many other subjects they couldn’t even broach agreement on, to drop it entirely. “Not that it worked.” There was some kind of irony there, his lips twisting in some barren imitation of a smile. “Seriously. Had to have a curse or something. Like someone put some real voodoo on me. Or you know a spell or something. I’m apparently a great one night stand,” he tried to get back to the monotone, keep the derision out of his voice with the words- but he was well aware that he was doing a shit poor job of it. It was just like now that the words had started coming they couldn’t be held back- leaving his throat like word vomit. “but that’s about it.” Voodoo indeed. The only one who even spoke to him for very long after was Barbie Bitch. And that was more because they were friends than anything else. That was different. It wasn’t like he was awful in the sack either, he had gotten around to asking that much at least. It was just… something that apparently seemed to happen… repeatedly.

She wasn’t getting it. Even the small glances he chanced at her out of the corner of his eyes was telling in that regard enough- the way her face was twisting up like that. Not her fault that she wasn’t, not really- not when he couldn’t string the words together correctly or make it come out right. But he had to get this right, get this out there. There were people that, if they managed to fix this- make it work, would throw his past out at her like it was something dirty. Which… maybe it was. Girls and boys both that would want nothing more than to cause problems by mentioning one of the girls he’d been with. He wasn’t stupid. Just because he’d never really been in a relationship didn’t mean that he didn’t know how they worked. Didn’t mean he didn’t understand the pitfalls of not coming clean about this… this clusterfuck. He wanted to scream, fist his hands in his hair and give way to the ever mounting frustration in his chest because this? This was nothing that he wanted to be talking about. Nothing that he knew how to talk about. This wasn’t teasing her over some questionable choice in cd purchase or pulling at the end of her hair just to have an excuse to touch her. Wasn’t even coming clean about how he felt about her- that would be easy. That would be so much easier. This was telling her things about himself he didn’t even much like his twin knowing. Things he didn’t like saying to the mirror even. “That's about it?” Fuck. Taken wrong. Again. She said it like the words were poisonous, like she was incredulous with his phrasing. But he hadn’t meant it like that. That’s about it was all they wanted him for. Regardless if he’d liked them for anything more or not. That’s it was about the number of times he’d gone to put his arm around one of them in the hallway like he had countless times before he’d slept with them and have them shrug out from under it like they couldn’t bear the thought of him touching them. That’s it was in reference to the sheer amount of times he’d thought that maybe he’d gotten it right and not fucked it up only to have it shown that while he could make them scream his name as well as any romance novel when he was with them at night, the next day was a whole different story. “Well how many then Scott? Why don't you go ahead and tell me their names while you're at it? Really wanna drive that knife a little deeper? tell me positions, tell me just how much you thought about me then, while you were fucking other women. Did you have a type then? Model them all after me? I'm so very fucking flattered. No, NO, you couldn't be bothered to wait for the real thing...that's fine, tell me it's all my fault. Because I'm such a mean girl I deserve it, right? HAH, Just tell me she wasn't one of them...” Her words just seemed to reaffirm everything he’d been thinking, unbidden anger welling within him in response to her own. That he could handle, she was always angry at him, always belittling him like it was sport. That was familiar. The hurt beneath it maybe not so much- but then he couldn’t focus on that- not with his head already shaking in response to her words. “Can you even hear yourself Odette? Your only listening to half the damn picture as usual.” He still couldn’t face her completely, couldn’t bring his eyes to lower to hers as he barked out his own laugh- cutting as it was. “I’ll give you their names and the fucking dates if you want. It’s the same damn number. I’m a good lay, a good friend- hell I’m even a good whipping boy apparently, but anything beyond that is just out of the fucking question. I didn’t blame you. I never blamed you. Not for any of it.” Not for leaving him like that, not for the way she’d treated him afterwards. Women were good at leaving him- great at it even. Hell his own mother couldn’t be bothered to stick around, why should anyone else?

“How was I supposed to wait around for the real thing when anytime I tried talking to her for real she started spouting insults and stomping off in her GOD DAMNED heels Odette? Tell me that though. Because I sure as hell tried. Even half way bring up that night and try and talk to you and your off on a fucking bend. And I get it now, I do- but how in the hell was I supposed to know when you never told me? I had her,” his voice was colored in the bitter memories, eyebrows twisted up on his forehead as if he’d rather be talking about anything but, “orchestrating every damn thing that happened since we stepped off of that goddamned train. Everything but you. You think she didn’t have a say in all of this? Like she wasn’t manipulative enough to find a way?” He’d never even liked her. The pictures she’d brought up with that question he’d yet to answer bringing bile up his throat, coating the back of it as he dropped his head to his knees, breathing far more heavily than his speech had required. He hadn’t wanted to be around her. Not really. Hadn’t wanted to be around anyone. But Danny was busy and she’d been so damn convincing. And she had alcohol. So much alcohol. He wasn’t even aware of the tears pouring out of his eyes, silently dropping to both denim and stone floor as he pressed his forehead into the hard, rounded surface of his knees. He’d told her no. He swore he had. Told her to stop and tried to pick her up off of him when she’d climbed on top. Tried to push her off, but she just kept kissing his neck and whispering things to him and he didn’t want to hurt her. God he hadn’t wanted to hurt anyone. He’d never agreed- never said yes. But she was warm and he was drunk and his body had said it for him despite his frequent vocal protestations. But that didn’t matter. They couldn’t matter when his body had responded like that to her touching him. His fault. All over again, like still painted pictures behind his closed lids. His fault and he hadn’t been able to do anything to stop it.

”Tell me....she....wasn't one of them.” Everyone knew. Everyone had heard. He’d thought Odette had too, had waited for the backlash for days- and told himself that the reason he hadn’t received any was because she just didn’t care enough about it, that she didn’t care enough about him anymore to give him any. He should have known better. And maybe he had, known somehow, that she either hadn’t heard or hadn’t paid attention to the gossip that had sprung up through the corridors about Scott and Danny. The punch had sure as hell been public enough. But then again, not so unheard of. His shoulder shook in their bowed stance as he shook his head- from one side to the other twice over as he tried to block out the memories that her asking all of this was bringing up. Of the cheap smell of that way too fucking sweet perfume that she always clouded herself in. “What else was I supposed to do besides say no Odette?” The defeat in the sobbed words was evident, his fists clenching as he drew them around the legs he was still using to press his forehead into. “I said no. And it didn’t matter. What else was I supposed to fucking do?”

IF I AM NOT MADE FOR YOU

( • T H E N W H Y D O E S M Y H E A R T T E L L M E I A M ? • )

W O R D S •stuff

T A G G E D •Odette

O U T F I T • later

L Y R I C S • If you're not the one- Daniel Bedingfield

T E M P L A T E • PANIC! ITS LAUZ of CAUTION

N O T E S •short,short,short- I suck I'm sorry

[Odette Cosway]

{ FEEL IT COMIN' IN THE AIR AND THE SCREAMS FROM EVERYWHERE }
I'M ADDICTED TO THE THRILL
- - - - - - IT'S A DANGEROUS LOVE AFFAIR

She didn't care what she had heard. She didn't care about what that stupid harpy came back to the dorm bragging about. Didn't care about the way she would lay across the foot of Odette's bed late at night, rolling around and twirling that ugly hair around her fingers, bragging. Didn't trust a single word that came out of that woman's mouth...she needed to hear it from Danny. She was desperate to have him lie to her about this. She could live with that lie forever. Her hands pressed into her thighs near painfully, fingers digging into the skin and balling the fabric of her skirt upward, she was going to ruin the fabric, she knew it. An audible chocked sob resounded around the space as she looked over to where he was sitting. The knowledge he had slept with her now battling with what he was saying. What did he mean that he said no? Why would he have said no? Was he implying that she had...that she had..molested him or something? Her feet begged her to leave. To turn and leave, she kept nearly wobbling on them. What was she supposed to say to that? She didn't understand, and it was holding her in place. “What?”

Odette felt torn between her pride and her desperate need to understand what he had just said to her. She needed to understand, she felt like her mental sanity was hanging on by a thread because of it. She needed to know what he meant by that, what he was attempting to say...and her brain was filling in every possible blank that she could come up with. Of course, ordered by the worst possible case first. Her foot lifted to take a step into the room, and she stopped it. Putting it back down into it's place, back where it belonged. She couldn't go over to him. She couldn't allow herself to be physically close to him. She knew what that did to her. She was raw enough as it was, like if he said the wrong thing....it could shatter her. Her fingers tugged on her long sleeves, her bottom lip being pulled between nervous teeth. Thank Merlin he couldn't see her. Not in this dim lighting. She would die. “I-” She swallowed, the same bold, faux tone that she normally took in the hallways finally returning to her, “I need to know exactly what you mean by that Scott.” She had to remember who she was talking to. why she was having this conversation in the first place. “Please”

He was implying that she had raped him. Merlin. Fuck. If she hadn't hated that bitch before. Odette had never loathed another person with every fiber of her being in the same way that she loathed this woman. With all of the other men that she had victimized, had even sat with Mikey and helped as he had tested himself over and over again for STD's, His story sounded so damned similar to the one that Scott was telling her now. Only, Mikey wasn't hers. Mikey was only her friend, she didn't care about him in the same way she did for Scott. Even if Danny should be partially to blame, for being with that viper. For bringing that, that harpy into their lives and not seeing her for what she really was. The skin on Odette's knuckles was turning white from how tightly she was gripping onto the fabric of her clothing. Her. This one was hers in a way that Danny never really had been. Scott was special, should have stayed that same special...and it was all her fault. All of it. Stupid....poisonous viper. She killed everything she touched. “Does Danny know?” That was stupid, of course he knew. Of course he did. “That she raped you?” because that was what it was. There wasn't another word for it, not with the way he was phrasing it. She just wanted to scream, and to keep screaming until she could hex that thing into oblivion. She felt so useless, just standing here, not knowing what to do, now knowing how to handle her own body. So. Angry. At things that she couldn't even change. She wanted to transfer some of that anger to Scott, for not being better, for being so damned human, but that was what she liked so much about him, how he worked...even if he was easy to manipulate. No, she was going to make herself sick again. Her hand shifting to press her wrist to her stomach, hoping to calm the sea inside of her. She felt like her waters were turning black, storm raging and she didn't know how to stop it. “And the others?” might as well get it over with, whatever else he had to say... “Nothing can be worse than that, whatever else you have to say,”

words817tagged Scotty Scott notes wearing
template PANIC! ITS LAUZ @ CAUTION

[Scott Wilde]

I DON'T WANT TO RUN AWAY BUT I CAN'T TAKE IT

( • I D O N ' T U N D E R S T A N D • )

”What?” He didn't want to hear her voice like that, hear the accusation he had been afraid of her using ever since he'd decided that he needed to tell her. Danny had said it didn't count, that it wasn't the same- Annie had said all sorts of things... but it didn't change the fact that it had happened. Or that it still made his stomach twist up inside just thinking of it, or that it tore at the inside of his chest. It made him less somehow, and not just because of the fact that she had been his brother's girlfriend at the time, or because of the way that he'd been feeling at the time- but because he'd been so powerless to stop it, had somehow managed to just let it happen- and that's what made it worse, what made it unbearable. And fuck if that didn't make him a bad person because the other reasons should have bothered him a hell of a lot more. He didn't even know what to say, his fists balling to press into the sockets of his closed eyes, trying to stop the moisture there. He'd said no. He had. But what he'd said and what he'd allowed were two different things entirely. He'd said no. But his body hadn't.

“I-” He was suddenly aware that he didn't want to hear her voice here, for the first time ever- found it did more damage than good. Because she was stuttering, pausing, because her voice wasn't Odette... and he couldn't handle it. Because he was a coward. And this wasn't even the end of the night, wasn't the end of painful revelations that they had to go through. They had so much more, why they were even.. how he'd even... “I need to know exactly what you mean by that Scott.” What he meant? That voice, compelling- forcing the stuttering in his chest to slow slightly, his breath to slow in some way or form. “Please” Fuck. “I was drunk,” there was absolutely no reason to tell her when it had happened, his voice came out hollow- came out strained. “With her. Danny was busy and I just-” wasn't himself. Wanted to see her in a good light despite how he felt about her and her relationship with his brother. “I was so drunk. And she just-” another break. How in the hell was he even supposed to explain that. “She tried and I said no but she kept on and I said no.” He needed her to know that- he'd own up to all of the others without any complaint. He'd slept with them, those girls were different. He didn't want to claim Bridgette. Didn't want to even think about it. But he had to.

God, fucking hell, he couldn't possibly force any other words up his throat, couldn't explain it to her any better because that was just so... real. So present. They didn't talk about it. Not him, not Danny- never around Mikey. And not ever, ever did he or Danny talk to Annie about it because... well that just opened a whole other fucking mess that had been created by that bitches actions. A mess that could be avoided and forgotten most of the time. She'd come in and just fucked everything up, with as many of them as she could, and for no damned reason. And what had Scott done? Scott had let her, had helped her. All the fucking time. Anytime her name was mentioned he felt like his skin was too tight, that thousands of ants were crawling across the flesh and stinging him all at fucking once. “Does Danny know?” And just like that he was even more uncomfortable in his own skin. Because, did she think that he'd hidden it from Danny? Did she think he was that fucking despicable now? That he'd hide a part of himself from his twin like that? Ever? Even so disgusting a part, he just-- couldn't. He started to nod his head, fingers uncurling so that he could press the heels of his palm into his eyes, rub frantically only to be stilled completely by her next words. “That she raped you?” Like someone had frozen him entirely, his breath completely stilling in his chest, coming back with a rough exhalation of air into the space in front of him as he shook his head. “It wasn't-” He couldn't even finish the sentence. It wasn't rape because he'd reacted. Because he'd let her. He hadn't hit her or pushed her or thrown her off of him. He hadn't done anything. “I didn't exactly resist Odette. I never even touched her.” Never even lifted his hands to try and lift her off. He'd been so drunk, and a part of him was so afraid of physically hurting her. She may have been a lot of things but she was so little- even compared to him back then, she'd been so much smaller than he was. “And the others? Nothing can be worse than that, whatever else you have to say,” The others? The other girls? The subject change was so abrupt, just abrupt enough for his hands to drop from his eyes, red shot eyes jerking up to hers in surprise. “The others? The girls? I slept with them because I thought they might actually like me. Or,” an uncomfortable pause, “because I thought maybe someone would be interested in me for more than just-” another moment. Sex. Why couldn't he say it? He'd had sex with her, Danny had had sex with her, but comparing the two to what he'd done with those other girls- even when it had seemed fine, just didn't sit right within him.

IF I AM NOT MADE FOR YOU

( • T H E N W H Y D O E S M Y H E A R T T E L L M E I A M ? • )

W O R D S •stuff

T A G G E D •Odette

O U T F I T • later

L Y R I C S • If you're not the one- Daniel Bedingfield

T E M P L A T E • PANIC! ITS LAUZ of CAUTION

N O T E S •short,short,short- I suck I'm sorry

[Odette Cosway]

{ FEEL IT COMIN' IN THE AIR AND THE SCREAMS FROM EVERYWHERE }
I'M ADDICTED TO THE THRILL
- - - - - - IT'S A DANGEROUS LOVE AFFAIR

“It wasn't-” Odette's lips pressed together, thick pillows pushing against one another until they almost disappeared totally from view and her eyes rolled upward. Of course he wouldn't think it was. Because it was a guy, and he was stupid like the rest of his gender. Had it been reversed, not that it ever would have been, but if he hadn't been drunk, if he had been female, that was exactly what it would have been called. The castle would have had ways to ward against that sort of thing, it didn't even think of protecting the men because it just didn't. Not many girls like Bridgette came around, thank Merlin, the castle just wasn't ready for her. Oh, how Odette wished that she could just strip her magic from her, that would be the best. “I didn't exactly resist Odette. I never even touched her.” She shook her head, she could fight him, but it would be pointless. That was what it was, and if he didn't want to see it. Then fine. She couldn't press the issue, she would vomit. “The others? The girls? I slept with them because I thought they might actually like me. Or,” No, no. She should have been clear, she didn't want to hear about him with other women. Didn't want to hear anything about it. Obviously it was upsetting the both of them. She was strong, but she wasn't so strong that she could stand here listening to that any more. Not just for herself but because of the way she could tell he was closing in on himself....had he done that when....back whenever, another flop of her stomach. She couldn't go there. “because I thought maybe someone would be interested in me for more than just-” Why did she have to be the one to do this? Merlin all she wanted to do was go running back to her down and start screaming inside of her curtains. She wanted to hide under her blankets for hours, days until she had processed....but if she left did that mean that the whole thing was off of the table? She could handle that thought even less than the rest of them. Good Odette. Perspective. Swallowing hard she moved back into the darkness with shaking legs until she found a spot against the stone beside him, at least half a foot away. Just in case. Slowly she lowered herself down until she was sitting on her ankles, daintily fixing her skirt around her body as she did. “Well. Fine. We can never have sex again,” she case him a sideways glance, she was trying to imbibe humor into this conversation, because of perspective, but she might be failing. “I don't want you confused about my intentions.”

Muscle past it Odette. If she had survived living in the same tower as that viper for five years, she could stomach this. She could move past it. He was hardly the first of her victims. She was still out there somewhere, doing the same things, over and over, hurting even more people than Odette could possible fathom. This was a victim that she liked. Or something along those lines. She had managed to sit next to him, and her skin was only crawling a little. She couldn't shake the mental image of them out of her head, she didn't even have anything more repulsing to replace it with. Not really. “Kinda drastic don't you think?” She shook her head. Her voice still a little more tense than she would have liked, given the circumstances. Perspective. “Your judgment cannot be trusted.” though, she could tell that he was trying, trying like she was trying. That was something. Not exactly progress, but it was something. She watched as he pulled his inhaler from his pocket, why didn't he just get that damned condition fixed already? He should. It was annoying. Well, she imagined that it was annoying for him. It didn't really bother her any, except for that one time. “You aren't like them, so that's not even a problem.” That felt definitive, and wrong, so she said nothing. She was trying very hard not to calculate how many showers must have happened between the time she knew that the witch had broken up with Danny, and now...because that would be her base starting point to see just how well she had been washed off of his skin. Between the bumping of his shoulder against her own, and the fierce burn and ache that was already all over her body, she had trouble remaining still. It was a powerful thing, her want to be close to him, to keep that special sizzle that was his touch on her skin, even with what she had just learned about him. Obviously, she had a a very real problem. So she did the only thing that she knew how to do right now, she sat, adjusting herself every few moments because her protesting muscles demanded it. Was she staring? She might be staring.

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words841 tagged Scotty Scott notes wearing
template PANIC! ITS LAUZ @ CAUTION[/div]

[Scott Wilde]

I DON'T WANT TO RUN AWAY BUT I CAN'T TAKE IT

( • I D O N ' T U N D E R S T A N D • )

He didn't register her coming closer, even looking at her, until she was already sitting down- hands moving the fabric of her skirt around her. It took him even longer to process the fact that she was sitting down, next to him- that she was staying and not walking away. He wouldn't have blamed her. He really wouldn't have, and the fact that she was still here, looking at him like that- the look on her face wasn't the same as it had been earlier, she looked... more resolved- she looked like Odette again, that flash behind her irises back in full force. She was sitting here, with him, not telling him to fuck off, or that she had changed her mind- all things he had, if he were being completely fucking honest, kind of expected from her at this point. Instead she was still here, which meant something didn't it? Meant that she was at least willing to continue hearing the rest of the clusterfuck of their past out in the open finally. “Well. Fine. We can never have sex again,” He started, his eyes which had started to drift to the wall on the other side of the hall jerking back to hers with surprise. Maybe her staying didn't mean she was forgiving him, maybe she just wanted to finish this out so she could- “I don't want you confused about my intentions.” The snort left him without thought, lips quirking at the side despite the fact that his chest still felt far too tight, far too tight for someone without a breathing problem. Nevermind one with. His posture uncurled slightly, spine straightening from the way it had been bent over his knees as one of his arms moved- hand digging in his jeans pocket as he looked over to her. “Kinda drastic don't you think?” Trying to get his tone back to the normalcy she seemed to be managing- well not quite, but she was doing a damned sight better than him at it. He might have even been more fooled if he hadn't spent the past six years watching her every damn facial expression. She'd gone and stolen his usual role though, making a joke when things got too heavy- and he could appreciate that. It was why they worked so well together, even when the rest of the school thought they were constantly fighting. They had a good balance, the two of them, that he couldn't not appreciate as he did. His hand came back up, clutched around the plastic as he pushed his feet out from his body slightly, the angle of his knees changing so that he could sling his arms up over the tops of them, gaze going to the opposite wall as he pushed the inhaler up to his lips, inhaling sharply with the succession of pushes his thumb activated. “Anyways,” his voice was lighter as he let the hand clutching the instrument fall back to his knees, eyes rolling at the very thought of what had crossed his mind. “You aren't like them, so that's not even a problem.” She was Odette. She wasn't like anyone else that he knew. And she never would be- because she was... special and shit. His eyes slid to look at her out of the corners of them, sliding his back against the wall and ass against the floor until there was less room between them- shoulder leaning to bump against hers. It wasn't a big move or anything, wasn't imbued with lengthy explanations of thanks- but he hoped that she got it, understood just how much he had wanted her to stay through that, just how much he was … thankful that she had.

“Your judgment cannot be trusted.” He might have flinched a bit at the statement, sitting there watching her process the information- processing himself at the same time. He hadn't meant for any of this to be brought up, but it had been- it was over and done with. Right? Right. At least the telling of it, even if his muscles were still jerking beneath his skin- itching to release some of the pent up emotion trapped within them. He needed to run. Or jump. Or fly- or something. Just needed something, but he was sitting here, because they needed something. Needed to talk. He had plans for them later, a memory to fix. He just needed to push past the rest of what was going on, get through the dirty parts so he could tell her – show her how important that she was to him. He sighed audibly, watching her fidgeting and trying to think how best to bring it up now. “My judgment hasn't been impaired any,” just... altered over time. Drastically in some areas. “Gah,” his head rolled back, thumping against stone behind it with a soft thud. “You know, I thought because I'd thought this all out it would be- not fucking easy you know?- but easier.” A moment of silence as he let his hand fall to dig in his pocket again, fingers searching until they could pull the paper out of it- carefully keeping from crumpling it as he held it out to the side of him, speaking before her fingers even connected with the thing. “I told you I'd wrote you a note you know, and I had- if you hate her now it's just going to get worse,” his voice was as devoid of emotion as he could get it, though the bitter anger still rang heavy in the undertone of his words. If she thought all Bridgette had done to he and Danny was bad enough... “Do you know how much preparation it took that night? The candles and the bed and everything. It was supposed to be special you know-” he cut off again shaking his head. “It was special. Like that was for us. Just us.”

IF I AM NOT MADE FOR YOU

( • T H E N W H Y D O E S M Y H E A R T T E L L M E I A M ? • )

W O R D S •stuff

T A G G E D •Odette

O U T F I T • later

L Y R I C S • If you're not the one- Daniel Bedingfield

T E M P L A T E • PANIC! ITS LAUZ of CAUTION

N O T E S •short,short,short- I suck I'm sorry

[Odette Cosway]

{ FEEL IT COMIN' IN THE AIR AND THE SCREAMS FROM EVERYWHERE }
I'M ADDICTED TO THE THRILL
- - - - - - IT'S A DANGEROUS LOVE AFFAIR

“I told you I'd wrote you a note you know, and I had- if you hate her now it's just going to get worse,” The paper that he was pushing toward her was old, like, older than it should have been if she hadn't ever seen it before. Still, her hands moved to accept it, fingers closing around it and lifting herself to her feet, moving her body toward the hall where the lighting was, and to keep her back to him while she read it. Her own chest felt tight, like she might start to panic at any moment and she didn't want to. Shouldn't be feeling that way. “Is this the note?” She spoke loudly enough to hear but didn't move as her eyes ran down the lines of the paper, his handwriting was so much worse back then, obviously she hadn't given it back to him, as far as she knew, that thing was very far away from the castle. Her free hand wrapped around her waist, hugging her arm to her body and tears threatened to spill. It was just a simple note really, the scratchings of a child to a child but it felt...it would have...had she been the one who had gotten the note instead of being walked in on, things would have been so much different...she wouldn't have...and they might have. The 'what if's' could easily make her sick. She hated the way her shoulders seized to fight back the dry sob that wanted to wrack her body, three, four times she read the letter and she knew another hundred or so were to come. No doubts about that. How did the damned paper feel so fucking heavy? She felt...smaller, for having read this, were that even possible. “Do you know how much preparation it took that night? The candles and the bed and everything. It was supposed to be special you know-” The hand holding the paper flipped, the back of her hand curling and pressing against her mouth to keep herself silent. Even if it was Scott, that amount of emotion wasn't to be shared. Didn't want him to see. “It was special. Like that was for us. Just us.” She nodded mutely, even if all he would see was a bob of her long blonde curls. She felt frozen, because the note would have been perfect, if things had gone to plan.

“She knew about me getting the candles, knew I had made sure that Dannyboy had that area of the castle on his shift. I didn't think anything of it, you know, I didn't tell her- so I figured it was safe. I didn't know she'd do anything Odette, especially without her even knowing what all was going on. I swear I wouldn't have left you if I knew.” Oh the candles. All a million different scents and not a single one of them complemented one another, magical and floating all around the space, never dripping down onto their heads because that was their way. It was just another thing that had made that night horrible, and wonderful, all in the same moment. She could still see them, and the shadows that they cast on his face, and other parts of him. The only naked boy that she had seen before last night. Why he would have trusted her, with something so important, something so special was beyond her. How could he not see that she was evil? From day one she had been evil...and it just got worse instead of better. She was constantly jealous of everything around her. Never happy until she had everything. Stupid boys. He shouldn't have left her. She didn't even care about the reason, or how logical it all was she didn't care. “She took the note- somehow, I don't know- changed the writing and gave it to Mikey. I only knew it was my note- you know, because of the paper. We just found out. After class that day.” Oh merlin, that meant she had been up there...that she had seen...that she had been watching and Odette was just conniving enough to know it was true...she had been up there, staring at Odette's naked, vulnerable form and stolen the letter, then gone on her way to fetch the rest of the school. Making her out to be the whore. Why would she have done that? Why would she have given it to Mikey? Why not burn it? Why not just throw it away, toss it over the railing, shown it to somebody...why change the writing and give it to Mikey of all people? “Mikey?” she echoed softly, confused. They had just found out, after class...the one where they had asked her...”I don't understand,” how did Mikey fit into any of this? It was so much to take it. Even more, why would Mikey keep a letter from her? Somewhere along the line, her shoulders must have lifted in confusion, must have been climbing as her body tensed, but it all stopped whenever his hands came around her and she was finally able to exhale again, her body seemed to melt against him. It wasn't natural, these stupid reactions. She was just so powerfully attracted to him, to them, and she didn't even want to understand it because it was okay now, it was allowed, even if it was strange. Her hand curled the letter into her palm, no way was she letting that go. No, she needed it. She was going to keep it. It was hers, as it always should have been. Her head leaning against his, soothing the worry with his proximity.

Things were finally falling into place. The things that Danny had hinted at last night, the things that had been implied in their very limited conversation, that would be why he had thought that she and Mikey... as if. She had only ever been out with one of the men in that dorm in a romantic way, and even then it wasn't all that romantic. The others were just her friends. Odette had always gotten along better with men in general. She had a handful of female 'friends' but whenever she graduated, she knew she would never have to suffer through a conversation with them ever again. Clutching the note close to her chest and spun slowly in his arms, her cheek finally pressing against his chest, slowly lifting her head to look at him as best she could. She could have been doing this for years. Then, again, that would have meant no Danny....so maybe this was better. Her mouth felt dry anyway, “Anything else you plan on slapping me with?”

There was too much being discussed for her to be able to process any of it properly. Too many topics and moving from one to another. Her stomach was in knots, she felt like she was going to be sick, she had been since this woman, this devil had been brought up whatsoever. She needed time to process and she wasn't being afforded any whatsoever. She wasn't going to be able to sleep for days at this rate. Just going to lay in bed for hours, playing over every second of this entire conversation, there was too much....it was too heavy. At least it was all faded away, just for a moment, whenever she was pressed up against him like this. Curled up under his arm like she was. He didn't want to keep talking about these things any more than she wanted to keep asking about them. Again later, she wasn't letting anything go. Though, if he kept smiling like that, she might just reconsider. “Well, I mean- I wanted you to go on a uh- walk with me? But I really need you to trust me for it.” A walk? Where were they going to be going off to at this time of night? Her concern had to be written clearly on her face. She was a Prefect, not supposed to be going anywhere or doing anything crazy, but he was asking her to trust him...and how could she deny him that? So much...the knot was rising in her throat. She didn't trust anybody. Not really. Not since....not for years, anyway. Her lips pushed together, she couldn't open them and lie to him, so she just nodded along strangely for a moment, her hands moving to push against his chest, only to reconsider, just resting there. “Kiss me.”

words1417 tagged Scotty Scott notes wearing
template PANIC! ITS LAUZ @ CAUTION

[Scott Wilde]

I DON'T WANT TO RUN AWAY BUT I CAN'T TAKE IT

( • I D O N ' T U N D E R S T A N D • )

She was walking away, but she needed the light to read- it wasn't like she was walking away from him, like she was leaving. So he could sit back and wait, because this was a whole fucking lot to take in all at once, especially following, as it had, the last revelation. This was something that, while equally painful, wasn't as... crippling for him though. Didn't have the same issues. He could face this easier, get angrier over it. Because he wasn't the one to have done wrong here, not really, this was all Bridgette. “Is this the note?” The note. So many implications, he only nodded at first, intent on watching her reaction even if her back was to him- but he realized the error quickly enough, clearing his throat before the simple “yeah” could work its way out. The note. He'd been so... happy when he'd written it, had felt so full of everything, full of life. Because as awkward as some of the night had been, and as many new things that had happened- also awkwardly- it had been special. He wasn't lying about that or making it up. It had been theirs and had been great- for him even right up until later that day in the courtyard. It had meant... a lot, it had meant all kinds of things in all kinds of ways. And Bridgette had wanted to ruin that too, he watched the muscles in Odette's back shift, watched her posture change as she obviously finished reading the note. And he almost didn't say the words about the rest. Because he just wanted to hug her and apologize for being the dumbass who hadn't seen it coming. He wanted to take her up to the tower and just forget about the rest of this and just restart, but he couldn't afford to let anything come back and bite them in the ass later. The relationship they were going to try making would be hard enough on its own, with enough difficulty and adjustment there, he didn't want to add any leverage to it and allow someone to come between it. Not like last time. All his bases covered. It was just like planning for a quidditch match. Find the teams weaknesses and fortify them, that way even if the other team tried... they were covered. He needed to be covered. He didn't want to lose Odette again, the thought itself was just … fucking terrifying. “She knew about me getting the candles, knew I had made sure that Dannyboy had that area of the castle on his shift. I didn't think anything of it, you know, I didn't tell her- so I figured it was safe. I didn't know she'd do anything Odette, especially without her even knowing what all was going on. I swear I wouldn't have left you if I knew.” He could feel his shoulder blades sliding up the wall, his fingers shoving his inhaler back down into his pocket as he pushed off of it and made his way to her. “She took the note- somehow, I don't know- changed the writing and gave it to Mikey. I only knew it was my note- you know, because of the paper. We just found out. After class that day.” Wouldn't have found out at all if not for Mikey, if not for all of the arguments and talking, the planning that the lot of them had gone into. If not for Annie shoving them all in the same room and pretty much forcing them all to talk. So much. They'd learned so much. His arms came up, curling around her middle from behind. He just- needed to touch her.

He knew that she was grasping all of the implications, that they were all being shoved at her in what had taken the three boys and Annie, with the occasional insert from Apollo, three days to figure out in its entirety. Three days and a note hurled at Mikey's feet laden with accusations. Three days of arguments and planning and discussion. “Mikey?” His forehead brushed against the side of hers, taking the comfort it provided while he could. Mikey. Yeah. Mikey. That was another big clusterfuck. As if those three days hadn't highlighted the weird shit going on with him, they hadn't had time to think about it or talk about it. There was so much just in this one situation as it were. “Yeah. Bridgette uh- she took the note.” The one he'd written, he could feel the anger at that all over again in his lower abdomen, filling his body with the virulent hate that came with her name alone. “And she magically altered the writing and the signature. To make it look like... Mikey had left it for you, I mean she gave it to Danny... and he thought...” He'd kept secrets, that was the biggest problem. Kept secrets from Scott, from Mikey- hadn't gone to anyone with what he thought, hadn't tried talking it out. And Scott? Scott hadn't seen- and had acted without talking things through. This is where it had landed them. He wanted to say lesson learned or some shit, wanted to feel like it was all for the better, that they'd come out stronger. But that was all so dependent...

He liked being able to touch her, not pulling on her ear or poking her in the side- but actually touch her without her entire body recoiling as if he'd somehow physically hurt her. It was... nice, or something along those lines, whatever it was it was appreciated, his arms tightening slightly as he rested his forehead against the side of hers. He was no longer used to the easy familiarity that they had once shared, regardless of the fact that he fell right back into it- a release of the force he used to keep physical reactions in check these past three years. Couldn't reach for her hand, couldn't- well he just couldn't do any number of things. His arms loosed as her body shifted, prepared for the wild flailing of arms and angry words she would no doubt hurl at him, readying himself to let go entirely... only she was turning inside of the looser grasp instead of pulling away, pushing her face against his chest. And that was fuckawesome. Fuckawesome enough for him to forget what else he might have said as he rearranged his arms, hands clasping about the other wrist behind her as he pushed his chin into the blonde locks on top of her head, lips curling slightly. Because she was hugging him. And that seemed kind of significant. A lot of significant. “Anything else you plan on slapping me with?” The slight tilt of his lips stretched into a full blown grin, lower half of his face tilting down to bury the comments he wanted to make into her hair, hands separating, moving down to her hips and allowing his fingers to curve around the swell of her sides. He wasn't going to laugh. This was serious, it was, and he still felt serious... but the levity that was allowed from that comment made it easier for his palms to run up from the point they rested to the indent of her waist. “Well, I mean- I wanted you to go on a uh- walk with me? But I really need you to trust me for it.”

There was a part of him that was waiting for her to push him back away, demand that he leave or that he not talk to her- something, anything. He half expected her to start screaming at him again or some shit even if she didn't seem like she wanted to talk about any of it. There was a part of him that was half expecting her to slap him again, or tell him about how little he meant to her. Any of it and his will to continue with this would have crumpled. Fallen. Something. He would have gone back to Danny and left the two of them to it- wouldn't have interfered or anything. But, like she could fucking read his mind or something, she said the only thing that was guaranteed to shut him up and make him comply immediately. “Kiss me.” Like he was going to be able to do anything but. The first time he'd kissed her had been fumbling and dorky, he knew it, bumping noses and foreheads and not knowing which way to turn. And after? It had been hard and needy and more aggressive than he'd want to admit to even Danny most of the time. His head dipped, hands moving- rising up over her shoulders and scaling the flesh of her throat until his palms could curl around the curve of her jaw, fingers splaying so that the thumb of his right hand could brush the softer flesh just beneath her chin. He hovered there for a moment, looking at her, from her eyes to her lips before he angled his head- sure at least that his nose wouldn't be bumping hers- as he closed his lips over hers- fingers flexing the minute that they touched. He hadn't been kidding when he told her that she was all he saw, that she was a damned goddess in her own rights. She was- and touching her- being able to kiss her, was something else entirely. His lips moved over hers slowly- not awkwardly, not angrily, just … brushing over hers with the firmness of his decision. He wanted to be with Odette. He'd always wanted to be with Odette. Adding his twin into the equation didn't change a damn thing but to make it even more plausible. His left hand shifted, running from the side of her face to the back of her neck, up under her hair so he could press into the base where the two met- fingers curling up into the blonde hair as he tilted his head some.

IF I AM NOT MADE FOR YOU

( • T H E N W H Y D O E S M Y H E A R T T E L L M E I A M ? • )

W O R D S •stuff

T A G G E D •Odette

O U T F I T • later

L Y R I C S • If you're not the one- Daniel Bedingfield

T E M P L A T E • PANIC! ITS LAUZ of CAUTION

N O T E S •short,short,short- I suck I'm sorry

[Odette Cosway]

{ FEEL IT COMIN' IN THE AIR AND THE SCREAMS FROM EVERYWHERE }
I'M ADDICTED TO THE THRILL
- - - - - - IT'S A DANGEROUS LOVE AFFAIR

There was no part of her that wasn't still angry. She was still pushing to move past the fact that her brain was still wanting to throw the faces of each and every one of the girls at her. That wanted to pair those faces with the one sitting next to her, in disgusting technicolor details. She didn't want to think about him with other women. Didn't want to think of other women looking at him...much less touching him. It wasn't that she blamed them...it was natural human order. Scott, was more attractive than any other boy in this school so obviously, so was his brother...and she didn't even want to think about him right now. She needed to be thinking about the fact that, they were willing to work out the details for her, to not make her choose, to share time and...Merlin knew what all else was in store. Maybe a month from now this would be over, maybe it wouldn't work, or they couldn't sort out the details, maybe it would be done...but maybe it wouldn't. She would have to deal with this information, to process, on her own, at some point. There had been a point in her life that she had trusted him, with everything that she had, and she didn't want to think that it was gone. She had become bitter, removed, she'd had to in her course back to where she was now. Life happened...but this was still the first time she had been this close to him...she had to trust in the old trust she'd had. To try to reform the faith in him that he was hurting her for a reason. He was just being honest...was this how relationships were supposed to start? It wasn't very fun.

At least he was willing to change the subject. Of course he was. Who wouldn't want to kiss her. Their first kiss had been perfect, in everything save for execution. All bumping teeth and awkward noses. She'd heard from the girls in her dorm, at the time, that if it was who you were supposed to be kissing, that it would just...fit. That your faces would just line up right and the cosmos would open or some other rubbish...but it had been oddly painful, and she hadn't cared. At least not back then. She hadn't kissed many people since then...but she liked to think that at least now, she knew what she was doing. Their last kiss...though, she wasn't able to think about without recrossing her legs. Even though it had been painful in it's own way too, but so much better. She wasn't even sure who had started that one, she thought him...and it made sense now, but she had been so very confused for such a long time. Though....this time...she was just plain scared. Butterflies in her stomach and the urge to fidget was rising. What if he said no, what if this was just some huge joke? His hands were moving to her throat, her breath seemed to stop at his fingers, watching him with strained eyes in the darkness of this alcove. Thumb moving over her skin and she could feel her mouth going dry. Her tongue hastily running over roof of her mouth just as he angled his head. She felt like her heart was going to hammer right out of her chest. What sort of nonsense was that, really.

Odette's shoulders dropped as she leaned better into him, her lips moving with his own. There were no fireworks bursting over the backs of her eyelids, there was no tightness in her chest or an overpowering lust...pretty sure her already sore muscles would have protested to that very strongly...but it did feel right. It didn't hurt and it wasn't hurried. Comfortable, like she should have been doing this every day since that which they had met. It would just have to work, limp along if that was what was really needed, but it needed to work, because their faces were finally fitting and that was all that mattered. At least she knew that she could trust in him to reassure her of that, preferably, in this form.

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