feel that charge - closed

[Scott Wilde]

I DON'T WANT TO RUN AWAY BUT I CAN'T TAKE IT

( • I D O N ' T U N D E R S T A N D • )

It was different than it had been third year- and of fucking course it was, there had been years between then and now to change any number of things. He wasn’t fumbling in order to find his lips with her own, to discover the angle that didn’t send him on a crash course into either her nose or her lips. Didn’t have to pull back and laugh and try again another five or six times with awkward, half-held breath and mumbled words between them. That had been fine. Great. Awesome. That had been them then, and it worked, made it special. First girl he’d ever really cared to kiss like that. First for a lot of things, and he wondered sometimes if Odette knew or remembered all of that as clearly as he did. This was… softer though. It wasn’t driven by anger like it had been that day in the courtyard earlier this year- this year. Fuck it didn’t even seem like it had been that short a time ago and yet he knew perfectly well that it had been. A matter of weeks. He’d had her up against a wall then. And it had been. Different. Fuck- so very different than the soft press of his lips to her as they were now. That had been angry and needy and driven by something else entirely. This was just… comfort. Reassurance. This was him trying to promise her without all of the words that were getting between them and muddling things up that this could work, that he wanted it to work. It was any number of things pressed between their lips as he moved his over hers, slanted against the line that separated her own even as the pads of his fingers pressed into the crown of her skull- his thumbs brushing over the lines of either side of her jaw with a soft exhalation passed between them as he pulled back- eyes remaining closed as he touched his forehead to hers, shoulders slumping down as he leant into her, exhaling slowly with the smallest rotation of his neck, skin sliding against hers before he pulled even further back- a lopsided smile stretching his lips. So fucking pretty. He wondered if it would ever not hit him every time he looked at her- in any and every lighting. All that poetic shit about looking better in the moonlight or the torchlight or whatever the fuck it was that made it more romantic- Odette just looked good in every light. Well. Except candlelight. That was different. Attached to memories and all like it was. Like a punch to his damn gut. His smile stretched out into a grin, thumbs arching up to brush over her cheeks this time.

Because she’d let him kiss her. Because she’d kissed him back. If the joy on his lips was tinted with a bit of arrogance it wasn’t his fault so he wasn’t about to try and hide it- his teeth flashing in the dimmed lighting before he closed his lips back over them. “So that’s a yeah, yeah?” Tone undeniably pleased as he ran his palms back down the sides of her neck before breaking away a step from her, slowly, hesitantly- because fuck if he didn’t want to stay pressed up against her and try kissing her again. Like ten more times. As many times as she’d let him. But they were still in the hallways. And they still had- plans, and things, because “I’m taking that as a yeah.” He answered before she could, another half a step back before he spun, dropping into a crouch, his form rocking slightly before he set his heels in to steady himself- chin notching over his shoulder to look back at her with an even wider grin. “C’mon,” his shoulders rolling, excitement- and nervousness, always the nervousness with her- especially considering where it was he wanted to take her- his hand held out slightly cockeyed behind him to try and encourage her to come closer. “Climb on.” Because it would go quicker this way- fucks sake he knew she wasn’t going to ditch those damn heels willingly- and she might be, possibly, a little bit sore. Or something. He was guessing. Or maybe she could just be tired. Either way. He wasn’t adverse to providing the transport for her. The exact opposite of that. His head tilted again, eyebrows lifting on his forehead as he read the hesitance in her features. “C’mon tell me princess when did you last let your heart decide?” Jovial in the way he delivered the line- such stark contrast to not even fifteen minutes before. Eyebrows moving up and down on his forehead- she was half muggle, she had to know that movie. Had to. Every little girl grew up on those. And boys too. He was a staunch fucking believer that they were as much boy movies as they were girls. You know. If you separated that shit and all.

His grin stretched even wider- arm lengthening along with his fingers in a fluid movement to catch at the edge of one of her hands, his fingers curling loosely around her own as he tugged slightly- his torso twisted nearly in half so that he could pull her body closer to his own. It wasn’t like he was going to drop her. He was like… three times her size. And she was tiny anyways. Weighed so much less than the weights and things used for quidditch practice. “I can open your eyes,” low, teasing almost- a little cajoling as he pulled her even more forward. “Take you wonder by wooonderrr,” just the barest bit of lilt behind his words to hint at the song itself until she was close enough to his back for him to drop her hand- his shoulders turning so that he could roll them forward and realign his body. All she had to do was hop on and they’d be set to go.

IF I AM NOT MADE FOR YOU

( • T H E N W H Y D O E S M Y H E A R T T E L L M E I A M ? • )

W O R D S •1000

T A G G E D •Odette

O U T F I T • later

L Y R I C S • If you're not the one- Daniel Bedingfield

T E M P L A T E • PANIC! ITS LAUZ of CAUTION

N O T E S •short,short,short- I suck I'm sorry

[Odette Cosway]

{ FEEL IT COMIN' IN THE AIR AND THE SCREAMS FROM EVERYWHERE }
I'M ADDICTED TO THE THRILL
- - - - - - IT'S A DANGEROUS LOVE AFFAIR

“So that’s a yeah, yeah?” A 'yeah' to giving whatever this was a shot, that was all that she was agreeing to. Odette knew better than to assume that she could agree to one and not the other. She was going to be hauled out of this dungeon and pushed off, to wherever it was that he wanted her to go. Agreeing to doing, whatever it was that they were going to try doing, meant that they were going to start seeing through all of her insults. The dynamic had already shifted and she was going to have to handle that one way or another...at least with one of them, or both of them, one? She had no idea. Being alone with them, together, was frightening to her enough as it was. She had spent, so very very many years hating Danny that being alone with him – apart from last night, though she was still weirdly embarrassed about the whole thing. It had been welcome, and she was glad it happened...maybe she was still in shock. This was all happening so fast, mentally, it was easier to transition on this whole thing, with Scott. Something she was never going to say out loud. “I’m taking that as a yeah.” Sly smile was her only response, because as if she had a choice in the matter. She didn't get up whenever he did, watching him stand and moving back down, she was half expecting him to just haul her to her feet without another word. Luckily, she was so much better in her heels now than she had been whenever they were younger and he had tried such a thing, had near snapped her ankle more than once. Of course, he had just used it as an excuse to tell her that she needed to wear 'normal people shoes.'

“C’mon,” Her lips pursed, as if she was actually considering, his hand extending to her, and she leaned forward slightly, just in case. Her hand rest in his delicately, but he didn't yank, he didn't pull. “Climb on.” With a grin, she did as he asked, wrapping her arms around his neck and letting her legs rest in his hands, she had tried to hold herself against him, but there was still a tightness in her legs. A tenderness in her pelvic floor and inner thighs that didn't lend well for this particular position so she was going to, just, have to rely on him totally. Hopefully, he wouldn't mind, or make jokes about her being heavy because while she could walk, she liked traveling like this. Also, she really didn't want to talk about why she was such a limp noodle on his back. They both knew the answer. She just wanted it to remain unspoken. In as unspoken as her constant hissing and wincing in pain could make it. Humiliating as it was. “C’mon tell me princess when did you last let your heart decide?” They were losers. Through and through. At least she understood the reference. One of the many movies they liked to watch whenever they were younger. He was just entertaining himself now. “I can open your eyes, Take you wonder by wooonderrr,” “You can't sing. You know that right,” didn't mean a damn thing that she liked his voice anyway. Adjusting herself as well as she could and making sure that she wasn't choking him, or that her skirt wasn't tucked up around her waist. All covered, - just in case. It was after hours so it was unlikely that they were going to run into anybody, but she didn't want to risk being out after dark with a boy that looked like him two nights in a row. She still had her reputation to look after.


words643 tagged Scotty Scott notes wearing
template PANIC! ITS LAUZ @ CAUTION

[Scott Wilde]

I DON'T WANT TO RUN AWAY BUT I CAN'T TAKE IT

( • I D O N ' T U N D E R S T A N D • )

He might actually have stuck his chest out a little when she accepted his help, climbing onto his back- his lips feeling like they were about to fucking split from the force of the grin they were stretching into. While he’d never admit it, certainly not to her now, there had definitely been a part of him that was worried she would have still said no even after kissing him. Or told him that the two of them needed to take things slower and get to know one another again. Or that she didn’t really feel comfortable being alone with him just yet. Or that everything that they’d already talked about would resurface in her thought process and she’d shove his hand away and tell him that she was rethinking the whole damn thing. Worst case scenarios, that was what he had been worrying about- even with the excitement not yet worn off of having kissed her. Because she was fucking Odette… and she tended to flip from one extreme to another with little to no warning and leave him wondering what it was he’d done or said wrong. But he wasn’t going to worry about that now. Not with her arms wrapping around his neck and her legs sliding to the sides of his torso. His hands shifted, moving over her thighs to grip the bottoms of each without pressing harder than he absolutely had to, thumbs reaching out as far as they were able to brush back across the skin under them just because he could. And because in knowing he could he had to do it at least once, although the action of doing so did have the drawback of making him want to repeat the motion. He stood from the floor slowly, making sure he had her centered on his back and that he wasn’t going to throw the both of them off balance before readjusting his own balance, setting off at a slightly uneven pace until the first hiss registered over by his right ear. Fucking shit. This. This is why he wasn’t left up to the minute detail planning most of the time. He got too excited about things and only thought them half through. He’d thought having her on his back would help with the … discomfort or whatever it was that she was feeling from… all of that. His eyebrows pulled down, straightening his knees a bit more with every step and trying to find a balance that didn’t jostle her so much up there as the one he’d started out with. He wanted to show her that he did care how she felt and that he could be … a decent guy and shit. Not the opposite.

And singing Disney at her was as good a promise as any. Their shit always ended with a happily ever after, even the sequels and shit- the guy got the girl, the girl discovered she was awesome as shit, the villain died, and everyone who was anyway affiliated with the main couple in a positive manner ended up on the best side of the fence of life that they’d ever been on. Which, following that, meant that all of his family and friends would end up rich and happy and he and Odette and Danny would somehow figure all of this shit out- probably not until right before or after the villain died… although, technically, he was kind of the villain of this story in a way…. Although the main villain nah. That was saved for the scary bitch herself. He was all good with her dying. Something preferably along the lines of The Lion King, torn to bits by her evil minions. That seemed fitting. Maybe he could even be counted as an ex-evil-minion and get in on that even. “You can't sing. You know that right,” He snorted. Loud. And again for extra measure. He couldn’t sing. Pffff. The fingers of his right hand twisted, coming together to pinch lightly at her flesh before falling back to cradling her thigh. “Stop twisting Medusa.” Mock hurt in his voice before he bounced a little, lips turning up high on his face at the hiss before falling again. Damnit. He’d… shit. Forgotten. Again. But he wasn’t about to say sorry and let her think she had any more of the upper hand than she already knew she did here. That was like asking for trouble. Scary, scary trouble. “It’s about time that you put your cards back on the table. It’s about time that you show her you’re willing and able,” if he wasn’t going to win her with Disney he was one hundred percent willing to go to the boy bands that were in his ipod solely for her use. Solely. Because of course he didn’t love them or anything, even though he had listened to them all on his own since everything went down. Only way he’d know the lyrics so well… obviously. Turning up one of the flight of stairs with another brush of his thumbs against her thighs in silent apologies before he began to slowly, so fucking slowly for her benefit, walk up them. “It’s about time that you get the girl back- That you get the girl back on your side. You’ve got to get the girl back, get the girl back.”

Rolling only his shoulders a little to the tempo of the music that was supposed to be there as they turned another corridor- moving so that they were heading down the opposite end of the hallway that would have taken them back up towards the common rooms and sort, trying to ignore the way his stomach began to flip as he headed towards the end of the castle that could really only have conceivably taken them to three places- and the one that he had in mind had so much history, both positive and negative…. “Tell her she was always right… You were in the wrong, you can’t deny.” He didn’t have a great voice, he knew that. He couldn’t sing like Sissa or Mikey. He didn’t screech like Aaron’s second youngest though. And he counted that as a blessing. He was… alright. Wasn’t awful. He didn’t think. And he kind of, sort of, really wanted her to understand what he was saying, because he knew- as his feet began to ascend the last set of steps they had before they reached their destination- he knew she had to know by now where it was exactly that he was taking her. He was actually pretty positive that her breathing had changed the minute it became clear that that was actually the destination he had in mind and not one of the other two that it could have been. Could of sworn he felt her inhale a little too roughly or something. But he’d been mostly focused on his off-key rendering of the song to her and actually getting her into the room without her scrambling down his back and clawing at him to get away. Worst case scenarios again. He cut off the lyrics to humming, taking the last few steps and pushing open the door with a little hesitancy to his motions- the littering of blankets and candles and everything else as it had been three years ago actually set up with her in the room now making his own breath catch as he slid her slowly down off of his back- his throat working in strangely silent exhale. Felt like it should have ripped his vocal chords all to hell. “I thought maybe…” He turned himself around, his hands going to secure her upper arms as if afraid she’d bolt from the room- because he was- that was exactly what he was afraid of. “I thought I could make it up to you.” Wanted to rewrite that entire night and give her what it should have been- make it for them like it was supposed to have been in the first place. “Odette… I promise I’m not going anywhere.” Not this time. Danny knew where he was, he had all of his bases covered this time and Danny was the only one who knew. And this time? This time they had Annie and Mikey and even fucking Apollo even if he was less sure on that one, to back them if something did happen. They had this. This was theirs. This room. And if he meant the sentence in more than one way… well he just did.

IF I AM NOT MADE FOR YOU

( • T H E N W H Y D O E S M Y H E A R T T E L L M E I A M ? • )

W O R D S •1424

T A G G E D •Odette

O U T F I T • later

L Y R I C S • If you're not the one- Daniel Bedingfield

T E M P L A T E • PANIC! ITS LAUZ of CAUTION

N O T E S •short,short,short- I suck I'm sorry

[Odette Cosway]

{ FEEL IT COMIN' IN THE AIR AND THE SCREAMS FROM EVERYWHERE }
I'M ADDICTED TO THE THRILL
- - - - - - IT'S A DANGEROUS LOVE AFFAIR

It wasn't that Odette cared whether people did or did not follow rules...well, she did because she was a Prefect, but that was all just a part of building up her reputation again. She certainly was a rule follower. These days. She wouldn't have wanted to admit to that fact. She tended to walk more steadily on her heels, trying to limit the sound that came from their hitting the stone floors. Something Scott had to know, which was why he was he was carrying her – she was going to think so anyway. His cautious fingers supporting her small frame, cradling instead of holding. Had to be harder that way, but her sore thighs thanked him for it. The phantom path of his thumbs remaining on her skin even though he was already moved. Changed to a pinch only whenever she spoke, her thighs flexing to lift her higher onto his back – as if she could have squirmed away from his grasp and failing, hissing (hopefully silently) again as she fell heavy back into his hands. She shouldn't have tried to move so damned fast. Pulling her bottom lip between her teeth – pushing aside the lingering guilt over why she was as sore as she was. He knew – said he was alright with it, and still. “Stop twisting Medusa.” Her head twisted, chin resting on the crook of her elbow, he meant nothing by calling her that. She knew that, she had always just assumed it was because he couldn't stomach her name. That had to of been more pride, because if he really thought that she was a Medusa, he wouldn't have been carrying her. Right? Unless this was all just some elaborate prank...taking her back up to that tower to humiliate her again. It wouldn't be too out of line – they were infamous for their pranks. Would serve her right, for not being able to keep up with the shifting of their roles. Flip flopping – but not Scott. He wouldn't do that to her – not again. Besides – he had only recently found out about the whole thing. Didn't make any sense that he didn't know but he had said it was all Bridgette and she believed him. Her gaze shifted to count the moles on his neck – their specific placing. It was absolutely Scott that was holding her. Self doubt. She would get over this. She just needed to trust, and that was...difficult for her. He didn't mean anything by calling her that. He couldn't. Her hands were balling into fists around his neck anyway.

“It’s about time that you put your cards back on the table. It’s about time that you show her you’re willing and able,” The words of his next song pushed past the rough breathing from jogging them both up the stairs and out of the dungeons. She thought about commenting how if he wasn't quiet – they were bound to be found out for sure. Was she still supposed to be holding on to that persona that she had developed to torment them – where she pretended that nothing ever got through her thick skin. So, she stayed quiet. “It’s about time that you get the girl back- That you get the girl back on your side. You’ve got to get the girl back, get the girl back.” Her head resting on her arm, slow grin spreading over her features. Focus on the now. On the hands on her legs, rubbing small frequent circles against her flesh and trying so hard not to push. Not thinking about how she knew this path, even as they were heading down that particular direction...her earlier thoughts circling painfully in the forefront of her mind. She hadn't been back up there. It terrified her, unreasonably terrified her. Whenever Astronomy had been held there for a class or two, she had skipped it. Another thing she didn't really like to do. “Tell her she was always right… You were in the wrong, you can’t deny.” Her eyes closed, not staring at the walls, not letting her heart pound in her ears, just listening. Her arms felt like wire – too tense, she wasn't shaking, she hoped. She might have been. The pain shooting throughout her various limbs indicated she was too tense – all of those abused muscles protesting. She knew those squeaking hinges. Knew the place they were standing as felt the breeze from the opened door to the balcony and now she knew she was shaking. Everything hurt and her arms around his neck had to be cutting off his air. She didn't want to open her eyes. Didn't want to be back there, it even smelled the same.

She felt heavier – like she was suddenly going to weigh too much for him to hold and he was going to drop her. Lock her out here again, laughing as he held the door shut to her crying. He might not have ever done it in person – but he had done it in her nightmares often enough. His grip on her thighs lessened and she straightened herself out, standing on her own feet – even if they were turned in and pointing at one another, her arms instantly wrapping around her torso and forcing her eyes open slowly. Nothing hurt anymore because everything hurt. She couldn't breathe...she almost felt light headed. She didn't want to be back here again, her hands were trembling and mocking voices were playing over and over again in her head. Laughing at her. Turning what had been so wonder – something that should have been the best night of a young girls life into a horror show. She was going to bite through her lip, she could feel the skin coming off between her teeth, copper and bile was going to meet one another any moment now. “I thought maybe…” She couldn't hear him – she was trying to back against the door, waiting for her shoulders to hit something solid but he grabbed her upper arms – holding her steady. Nice or a trick. Kind or just using her? “I thought I could make it up to you.” Her eyes were wild, glossy as they finally turned to him. She deserved this. Whatever it was that he was planning she deserved it for allowing herself to be fooled into coming back here, to being around them...for thinking that something had changed. For thinking it was all going to be alright now, that some miracle had happened and she was getting everything she wanted...but no. Now they both could say they had her – and everything was going to be worse. Father was going to pull her out of school again. “Odette… I promise I’m not going anywhere.” Some sort of bubble of crazed laughter left her throat. What sort of lunacy was this? She nearly fell backward and hit the door...not sure if he meant it or – she wasn't sure of anything really. Even the blankets were the same. How had he managed that?

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words1200 tagged Scotty Scott notes wearing
template PANIC! ITS LAUZ @ CAUTION[/div]

[Scott Wilde]

I DON'T WANT TO RUN AWAY BUT I CAN'T TAKE IT

( • I D O N ' T U N D E R S T A N D • )

Fuck, he didn’t need to be looking at the play of emotion across her face- chasing terror and anxiety both off and back onto her features- to know that she was barely managing to stand still in this room, barely seeing him within the space. And if that didn’t punch him in the gut, didn’t make that ball that he’d managed to hide from himself, that angst from earlier that very evening that had built between them and forced the tears from him- to come back in full force… twisted it up inside of him until he was bending at the knees with her hysteric little laugh, pushing himself until his face was almost level with hers, trying to focus her gaze on him, trying to hold her eyes with his own. He needed her to see him and understand. This had to seem cruel and stupid, especially with all that he had recently learned, but it was so important to him- to recreate this. To fix this. He couldn’t go back and time and show her, he couldn’t prove to her that his words were real beyond what he had already done except with this. This showing. “Odette,” pleading, trying to get her back to him the best he could- only allowing himself to breathe out once more when she looked to him, his hands moving, palms rolling, from the sides of her shoulders and up her neck, framing her face with his fingers splayed across either cheek, holding her face centered with his own. “Odette I wouldn’t ever do anything to intentionally hurt you.” Not even all the times in the years previous after the night that had started this when they were fighting. None of his words even had actually been designed to hurt her, he’d kept from those the best he was able. Had allowed her to say what she wanted and come back with only the most sarcastic of quips that never got personal enough to be biting. He didn’t think he was capable of seeing her hurt by him- except… that was what he was doing here wasn’t it? She was shaking- he could feel it beneath his hands, shaking because of where they were and there was a part of him insisting to walk her from this tower and continue this somewhere else. But that wasn’t healing and he needed it, thought she needed it too. Wanted to move forward and he was so afraid that they couldn’t without fully facing this. Not only the mistakes that Bridgette had made but those they had too. They could have resolved this between them, even with her interference. If he’d pushed, if she’d come to him- they could have taken care of this on their own. They were old enough now, where they hadn’t been then, to do so. To face it. Even if it felt like just thinking that made his own chest tighten.

“Odette,” pleading still as he moved his hands back down to her arms, spun them to where it was his back to the door- walking her backward slowly, making sure his gaze held hers the whole time. “Baby I’m not leaving you. I’m not going to walk out of that door without you.” Repeating over again. He shouldn’t have left her that morning. Not for any reason. “I’m not leaving you until you tell me to.” The tenor and reason behind his words changing, sheen over his eyes brightening slightly. And even then this time, with what he knew now, he felt like he’d still probably fight it- try and get her to change her mind. His hands shifted to the tops of her shoulders, pressing down until her body buckled, guiding her down to the edge of the blankets and crouching in front of her, shuffling forward until he was squatting an inch or so away from her, his hands going to frame her face again, thumbs brushing out to repeat the same soothing circles he’d tried on her thighs the entire way up. His lips opened again, breath stuttering out between them with the words he wanted to say, heart pounding as his mouth refused to spit them out. “She’s about to walk away. So if you’re gonna make her wanna stay. Tell her she’s your moon and sun… tell her that she’s always been the one.” He should have felt stupid resorting to lyrics again to try and tell her- should have just used the three words he knew were meant just for her, the ones he’d been fighting saying all evening because this was supposed to be too soon and he didn’t want to scare her off- but it was all so accurate. She was everything he’d ever wanted, the only girl who he’d ever really wanted in this type of way. In any type of way really. Any substantial type. She was his one and that was supposed to be a girl’s fantasy or supposed to be silly to think of like that but Odette was it for him, she was it and he was just a sixth year and he’d known it since he’d met her on the damn train. And that kind of shit just didn’t happen. That kind of thing didn’t just fall into your lap bound by a nervousness and a couple of alcohol bottles pressed into your hands by older siblings to quell it. He didn’t even sing the words this time, not really, just uttered in a slightly different tone than that of his speaking voice and he wanted to just show her the inside of his head and how consumed it was with the very being that she made up.

He swallowed, hard, thumbs arching to push the moisture under her eyes out of the way, rolling the tears off of her face and shaking his head. “I could never want to hurt you Odette.” Choked. His breath stuttering within his chest, seizing up like he needed his inhaler but he couldn’t reach for it, couldn’t push it to his lips because he was just staring at her, his face open and pleading, his eyes full of everything he wanted to tell her and was too damn pussy to do so. She looked so little and hurt sitting like that in front of him, like she was scared of which way to turn and he couldn’t take it- couldn’t take being the reason behind it- the exhalation too rough, angry sounding as it fled his lips, leaning in until his forehead was almost pressed to hers, his voice pitched low and gravelly. “Don’t you get it?” Angry sounding though it wasn’t at her, not at her or even the emotion he was inspiring within him but his own inability to get it out, to show her. “I love you to fucking much Odette. I love you so fucking much,” rushed, the words ripping from his lips as his very chest shook, the fingers against her face quaking with the fear and the sheer entirety of everything he was laying at her feet. “Let me love you,” soft this time, his forehead finally connecting to hers as he lowered himself, slid down fully onto his ass- “Let me show you how I love you.” Still shaking, his voice just barely wrapping around the words as he tilted her face just up to his, his nose brushing the tip of hers.

IF I AM NOT MADE FOR YOU

( • T H E N W H Y D O E S M Y H E A R T T E L L M E I A M ? • )

W O R D S •1241

T A G G E D •Odette

O U T F I T • later

L Y R I C S • If you're not the one- Daniel Bedingfield

T E M P L A T E • PANIC! ITS LAUZ of CAUTION

N O T E S •short,short,short- I suck I'm sorry

[Odette Cosway]

{ FEEL IT COMIN' IN THE AIR AND THE SCREAMS FROM EVERYWHERE }
I'M ADDICTED TO THE THRILL
- - - - - - IT'S A DANGEROUS LOVE AFFAIR

Odette's eyes didn't want to focus on the man lowering himself to her vision. Didn't want to see anything happening or the smell of the candles burning. The way his brown eyes were trying to pull her closer – away from the brink of insanity. It was silly, really, to be so worked up over something that happened so long ago but it had shaped her – forced her to change her academic plan and then her family, the professors...it was so bad. Traumatic. “Odette,” Her lips widened into an even more crazed grin, laughter shifting to come from somewhere near her stomach but felt like her stomach was missing. Fallen right out of her butt, or something equally insane. If this was a joke – this was of course, the absolute worst way for him to be seeing her and she couldn't stop herself. Hands working up to her neck and the vulnerability she was feeling was making it next to impossible to see anything straight. Worse. Fingers on her face, holding her center and her own hands splayed against the door, half working to find the door knob so she could run. Sore muscles be damned. They would still work, wouldn't they? “Odette I wouldn’t ever do anything to intentionally hurt you.” But he did. He had. That was exactly what they had been doing for the last two and a half years – intentionally hurting one another. Saying mean things or spreading lies...that was hurting. Wasn't it? “Odette,” Her eyes flicked to him, and the most that she could manage was one shaky hand moving from the door to his forearm, squeezing. Though – not the hand closest to the door knob....no, he did that for her. Spinning the both of them and effectively blocking her in. Blocked. Stuck. Trapped. He was keeping her here and her lungs stopped their erratic movement, sticking in her body...they felt like they were shriveling up and blackening. Little spots dotting the corners of her vision. This was what a panic attack felt like. Had to be. Her knees were going to give.

“Baby I’m not leaving you. I’m not going to walk out of that door without you.” She was watching his eyes – he was forcing her too and it was only helping slightly. Not as much as it should have been. “I’m not leaving you until you tell me to.” Frantically, she was searching his eyes for something, anything to hint that he was lying. He, the one of the two that she knew better. Would have assumed she would always know better, waiting for the lines of his face to tighten and the lie to become evident...and it wasn't. He was just watching. Waiting. Pushing the pair of them backward and downward...onto the blankets that she didn't want to touch, didn't want to have anything to do with. Of course she remembered all of this, even now, in perfect detail. She had been so young for something so cruel to happen to her. Unforgettable. She had half a mind to climb right back up his shoulders and cling there so that she didn't have to be here anymore – touching this. Which, had been her only barrier between her modesty and the world that whole day. Humiliated. “She’s about to walk away. So if you’re gonna make her wanna stay. Tell her she’s your moon and sun… tell her that she’s always been the one.” Not really singing this time but she almost scoffed – progress. His goofy face so strained that she was almost believing him. Almost. Her hands still had a death grip on his arms – she couldn't imagine that changing either. Even with the circles on the skin of her face, which really, she should have cared about, she was going to break out, then she wasn't going to be pretty or appealing to him anymore. She should have – it was within her realm but she couldn't even breathe right, let alone think.

“I could never want to hurt you Odette.” He had said he didn't know. Even now. Never heard the rumors. Never been informed...and that it was all Bridgette, and knowing that evil devil she could believe it. Right? She could. She knew Bridgette's blackened heart and could trust fully in the knowledge that she was evil. Beyond evil. Twisted the both of them. “Don’t you get it?” The anger snapped her to focus, as much as she could with her erratic breathing. She felt like she was the one with Asthma...wasn't this hard for him to? Had it not meant as much to him – being up here with her? Though – he didn't have the same issues with being up here that she did. There was no reason for him to be afraid of this room. Just her. “I love you to fucking much Odette. I love you so fucking much,” Odette's eyes lifted to his – magnetized, focusing on his brown eyes in disbelief. That wasn't a prank. She would have heard it in his voice. No. He meant that. Nobody had ever said that to her before, not even in a friendly way. Just wasn't something that was really done in her house. Except a drunk Mikey – he said he loved everything. Even the fireplaces but that was neither here no there. Didn't count for anything. No. Scott had just said that he loved her. Loved her. She didn't know it, but her shaking had stopped. “Let me love you,” Forehead connecting with her own and her weight shifted, pushing herself better onto her knees. “Let me show you how I love you.” Her heart still pounding she wasn't even aware that she was nodding. Agreeing blindly to whatever it was that he was wanting to do. Her legs lifting her upward as his nose brushed hers, her teeth damn near colliding with his own as she kissed him – because she couldn't not, because her fear was trapping her tongue from saying that she loved him to. Because of course she did. She always had and she didn't know how to say it, or express it, and she knew that he hadn't meant to say it in the first place, he just...had.

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words1066 tagged Scotty Scott notes wearing
template PANIC! ITS LAUZ @ CAUTION[/div]

[Scott Wilde]

I DON'T WANT TO RUN AWAY BUT I CAN'T TAKE IT

( • I D O N ' T U N D E R S T A N D • )

She was freaking out the entire time, he knew it, he knew it and he couldn’t stop from trying to pull her back to the place they’d been in for only a few moments between what had initially been their confrontation and the coming up here. Tried to get her to see him and remember what it was that tonight was about for the two of them. Them only. Because Danny and Odette were fixing things between them the night before too- it was all about fixing things between the three of them, but theirs was just misconception and the start of building whatever it was that they were trying, this strange relationship that no name seemed to fit. For he and Odette though… for the two of them it was repairing what had been torn and broken to what he’d thought was beyond repair. It was patchwork and clearing away of the mess that had been left between the two of them. And that should have been the only focus, the talking of that- should have been it but he couldn’t just sit there and watch her come apart at the seams and do nothing, say nothing. The words had been burning the tip of his tongue for years now, begging for release and he’d bitten them back bitterly so many times that it was a twisted sort of release that spun through him with the confession, with the acknowledgement of what he didn’t understand her not already knowing. Not seeing. It was so obvious, no matter how he tried to hide it. So blatantly there, in everything he did and was. She had shaped him that day on the train, taken whatever it was else he might have done and derailed him from that path. They should have been talking about the clenching of his gut and the absolute terror that was so obviously gripping her just from being in this room- this place that only ever should have been happy for the two of them- but he couldn’t. He couldn’t bring that back up without her doing so first. The tears between them, while awful, felt almost cathartic. Almost, not quite, like they needed to be shed between them to clear away all that had built up over the years or something and fuck if that just didn’t sound stupid even in his own head. He wasn’t an emotional genius, wasn’t all that great at navigating real, personal situations despite what he claimed. Couldn’t put into words everything pushing through his system and into the air between them no matter how hard he tried and it was just those three words on loop, wanting to show her- wanting to paint it for her so that she understood that she was everything that he saw.

Every small shift of her frame, every slightest turn of her face more upon him made him feel like maybe he was making some progress, like maybe it was actually getting through the shaking of her limbs and the emotions that had taken her hostage. Or maybe it was wishful thinking, regardless it only pushed him further, spurred his words on with more intensity- made his features shift into even more earnestness. He did, by God he did love her. And saying so fucking much didn’t even begin to cover it or express it properly because when it came out of his lips it still didn’t feel enough- like the word love wasn’t even strong enough to describe just how deeply he felt for her in her entirety. All of her, not just the faces she put on or the agenda she had set forth. With her stupid fucking heels and her backhanded compliments. Her snarky insults and the way she flipped her hair like it was an actual dismissal and it didn’t seem to matter how angry or irritated he could actually get with her it never stopped him wanting to be around her, never stemmed the desire to kiss her despite all of that. He just… loved her. And the smallest shake of her head in affirmative almost had his hands dropping from her face, moving off of her and falling back on his haunches because fuck all if his heart didn’t feel like it had stopped for a moment. Yes. That was a yes. He was going to take it as a yes- his fingers widening to frame her face more fully, fingertips pressing into the underside of her jaw as he tilted her face up just the slightest bit more. It wasn’t fear that had him holding back in that moment, his nose still brushing hers lightly, or hesitation that had him holding back. It was reverence that his hands spelled out over the plains of her cheeks, absolutely taken with every dip and curve and even the damned moisture staining them- his lips pushing forward even as she moved in, teeth scraping violently against his and it didn’t stop him from angling his head, turning it so that their noses weren’t pushed so tight up against one another- so that it was lips moving in tandem without the interference of molars clashing. Hands shifting to grasp more of her face- his fingers almost shaking with the intensity of feeling that overtook him. Yes she said yes and he didn’t deserve the yes or the second chance but he was a selfish fucking bastard and more than willing to take it and run, his top lip pressing between the both of her own and allowing his knees to finally fall to the floor- putting her beneath him again but he didn’t fucking care.

Didn’t fucking care that the stone was digging into his kneecaps and chilling the skin even through his jeans. Didn’t care that he was having to bend his neck so far down that there might actually be a crick in it before the next few minutes were out, because her lips were on his and it was like answer and benediction both- the press and pull of his prayer and praise. His lips slowed minutely, losing pace but not emotion, his shoulders lifting with the breath that had been caught in his chest as his body seemed to rise- lips not moving from hers even as they opened more- even as breath turned to vocalization. “So much.” Because it was overwhelming in the way it arced through him, in the way it overtook his being and made his palms itch to be more connected with her flesh, his hands sliding down her cheeks and over her jaw until they were framing either side of her neck, sliding until they hit her shoulders and curling so that as he shuffled forward on his knees he could shift her backwards, almost lifting her entirely off of her knees as he pushed himself up onto the blankets with her, pulled her until she was shifting up over him, his legs moving out from beneath him so that he kneeling back on his calves. “I love you.” Because he couldn’t not say it again as his lips captured her top lip, pulled it up with the breath of the words before releasing, his arms going to cage her body to his- palms pressing against her lower back even as his fingers bunched up the fabric located there. He had meant to explain things to her more fully. To ask her what it was she really wanted out of all of this and let her know that if she only wanted Danny or if she felt like it was just too much between the two of them with their history that he could step back or- he’d meant to say a whole mess of things and then some besides. Meant to apologize over and over again until the words couldn’t leave his throat anymore and now it wasn’t even possible for him to move past the very three he had sworn he wouldn’t be throwing at her so soon. Apology in the way his hands went to caress every time he felt he pushed or pulled too hard- in the way his tongue flattened out in apology when his teeth scraped her swollen lips and in the way his forehead pressed into hers. Apology in those very three words that hadn’t been meant to be said yet, untimely but he couldn’t swallow them back for anything he was worth.

IF I AM NOT MADE FOR YOU

( • T H E N W H Y D O E S M Y H E A R T T E L L M E I A M ? • )

W O R D S •1408

T A G G E D •Odette

O U T F I T • later

L Y R I C S • If you're not the one- Daniel Bedingfield

T E M P L A T E • PANIC! ITS LAUZ of CAUTION

N O T E S •short,short,short- I suck I'm sorry

[Odette Cosway]

{ FEEL IT COMIN' IN THE AIR AND THE SCREAMS FROM EVERYWHERE }
I'M ADDICTED TO THE THRILL
- - - - - - IT'S A DANGEROUS LOVE AFFAIR

Everything always got quiet whenever he kissed her. Normally. The world spun a little slower, she felt things a little deeper. Maybe it was her light headedness, or the balcony, or Merlin only knew what but she felt charged – static electricity in the air and sparking against her face via his fingers. His arms moving to support her being close to him and wordlessly shifting their position so that she wasn't attempting to crush his face. She had kissed people before. Why she was suddenly so damned bad at it she didn't know. Crushing faces and gnashing teeth. Her body was still reluctant to accept the words that were slowly sinking into her skin – she should have said it back. She should have. She knew that was how she felt. About the both of them. Had always known that. She couldn't imagine being capable of being anything strong toward anybody else. Two people. Well, really, the same person. Just split into halves. She had no idea how this was going to work – she couldn't even think correctly because everything just kept getting sort of – hazy. Blurry around the edges and it was only half to do with the fact that she couldn't stop crying. She had done alright – keeping those tears at bay until he had said what he did and now she didn't seem to be able to stop. His teeth on her lips in a far more skillful way than she had been doing before. She couldn't stop the moan into his mouth the moment his hands gripped her more firmly, because it was right. Even though she was terrified – now of more than just this room, of the words and the power exchange that always inevitably came with them. He had to know that she loved him. That was what this was all about.

Allowing herself to be leaned backward, to be pinned underneath him, and Merlin if that didn't send a whole other sensation throughout her whole body. Fully supported by his hands until he lay her down onto the blankets. If he so chose. Slow, painfully slow as he situated himself, couldn't have been comfortable, the way that he had been. Not that she had been thinking about comfort. “So much.” Her plump lips breaking into a smile once again as he lifted her, half on top of him – even more awkward than before but she didn't even care because it was softer than a table, sort of. “I love you.” Strong arm banding around her back and pulling her closer to him...she hadn't been this close to him, well...she had, but not like this. Not without rain pouring over them or too dark to see. This was so much different, emotionally. She didn't like to think about emotions very often, they hadn't served her very well in the past. She did feel them, sometimes she thought that she felt them a little too strongly. Certainly whenever it came to the two brothers. She didn't even know what Danny was doing – felt like it would have been a little rude to ask. Even the soreness in her muscles seemed to be trying to give her a break, the swelling in her lips that she had been poking at all through classes was less – or returning even worse, or something. She didn't understand how this was all supposed to work. Maybe there would just be a lot of ice baths in her future. She could handle that. Could find a way to make it work. She would have to.

Odette's arms looped around his neck, trying to keep close at the angle, her shirt felt too hot. Too confining – could her body really get that flushed that fast? “I've always,” she managed to gasp, breaking contact even if only for a moment...her lips pressing together and her eyes scrunched shut. Her fingers pulling at the hem of her sleeves behind his neck, probably bumping him annoyingly. Slowly, she looked up to his warm brown eyes, taking a steady breath and pausing to wipe the tears from her face, at least those seemed to have stopped now. Small miracle. So long as she focused on him and not the setting, she wasn't afraid. “I love you too.” too fast. “I mean” she situated her hips to be more even. “I mean I love you too. I always have.” she had wanted to tell them, whenever it was the both of them. Would have been ideal...but she had hardly stopped herself earlier and he needed to know.

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words772 tagged Scotty Scott notes wearing
template PANIC! ITS LAUZ @ CAUTION[/div]

[Scott Wilde]

I DON'T WANT TO RUN AWAY BUT I CAN'T TAKE IT

( • I D O N ' T U N D E R S T A N D • )

He was supposed to pull away now and talk to her or something. Tell her every single damn thing that he’d spent hours rehearsing in front of Danny… and Mikey and Annie and even that once Apollo. So many different words covering so many different things and he’d studied harder to remember just what all it was he wanted her to know than he ever had for any class in any subject- forced those words to become route in his brain so that he would be able to call them up and make sure that she understood because her understanding was so goddamned important to him- he’d meant to get it all out, at least most of it, down in the corridors before they started this but then there had been the revelations that he’d shared, that she’d given him. Forced all but what they were tossing at one another out of his head and forced it to the back burner where it stayed even after because fuck all if he didn’t want to just get her up here and move past all of it. And break away at the chinks that were still left. Like he could physically fast forward the time and the healing process that he knew they had to go through. Ideally it would have happened before they got to this point but it hadn’t and he should have had the strength to pull back and use his words and shit now that she didn’t seem as likely to crawl back up the fucking wall exorcist style and refuse to ever speak to him again. But she was kissing him, with her little arms around her neck and making breathy little noises couldn’t just escape his notice- moaning into his mouth and he had kissed her before. He had kissed her angrily and he had kissed her out of desperation but it had been three years since he’d actually gotten to kiss her. Three years with all of the bullshit they had been wading through and the lies they had been fed and this, with her wrapped all around him and him feeling as if he was completely wrapped in her and devoid of any other sensation, it was different. Three years ago he hadn’t had the slightest idea of what he was doing- and that hadn’t taken away from the meaning of what had transpired or anything- it just being her had been enough back then. His fingers pushed the fabric of her shirt up, thumbs falling to the expanse of skin that was revealed with the motion and pressing into the small of her back- jolting electricity at the skin on skin contact- his lips parting in a haggard exhalation of breath against hers.

Words. He hadn’t even said what he was feeling accurately enough, but with the words and his hands and her hands and their lips connected he didn’t feel like he had any better way of expressing it. Trying to pour all of the excess that he didn’t know how to properly put to verse into his actions and knowing that even then it wouldn’t transmit fully. His actions stilled the minute she pulled from his lips, hands freezing- tensing upon the small of her back as she shifted. “I've always,” His eyes opened slowly, half afraid of the expression her face would hold even if the tone of her voice didn’t seem to lead to another freak out- it was still possible, there was so much. So much. Two words, they almost made him laugh hysterically because they applied to everything in this situation. So much love. So much hurt. So much history. So much shit. And it was beyond the point of ridiculous, but she was nervous- about something, pausing his actions and her own and despite the fact that he didn’t want to touch her any more and make her think he was trying to pressure her or change her mind or anything negative- second guessing everything he did and said in a way he never would have before because of all that had happened- but he couldn’t stop his palms from flattening out, slipping beneath the already bunched up hem of her shirt and rubbing small circles up and down the area they were covering- looking down at her with furrowed brows. Waiting for- refusal? Another freak out? Reproach for the words he hadn’t even meant to say? He didn’t know, and each time her wrists bumped at the back of his skull he felt like his anxiety over it was only growing more and more. Like it had any correlation whatsoever. Waiting, he could wait- for her anyways. Trying to keep the nervous shroud from falling over his features and watching as she took that half of a moment to gather herself, wiping the tears that he had missed and those that had come after- taking that deep breath and “I love you too.” He wasn’t even sure that he’d heard it at first, his breath stopping completely in his chest with a far too painful stutter of his heartbeat. Because he hadn’t expected her to say that. Because he hadn’t been asking for reciprocal when he’d blurted his own confession out. “I mean” The slow strokes to her back paused again, hands pressing instead more firmly into the skin beneath as if trying to center her, as if doing so could center himself as well. “I mean I love you too. I always have.”

Struck dumb. He had to look it. Stupid, like his brain was firing a few cells short of operational- lips parted just slightly as he stared at her face like it alone could ascertain whether or not to trust those words. A beat of silence passed between them, his eyes flashing back and forth between the both of hers before his forehead lowered again- coming to rest softly against hers with an exhalation of breath so light it might not have passed his lips at all. His shoulders shifted, right arm breaking the circle he’d caged her into- his hand coming out from beneath her to press against her cheek- fingers reaching to curl around the side of her head, tangling in the hair there with muted reverence. He couldn’t process correctly, didn’t have the words to tell her just how hearing that affected him- so much more even than her presence alone did. The palm on her back shifted, slid to the center and pushed just the slightest bit up to pull her as much to him as he possibly could, cement his body to hers. The exhalation this time was more, a half of a laugh behind the sigh as he turned his face slightly, rubbing his forehead against hers, eyes refusing to disconnect from hers. “Yeah?” Quiet, like he didn’t want to puncture the bubble that had formed around them with too loud a voice. “I’m taking that as a yeah,” more humor inflicted into his voice this time as his lips finally moved upwards, broke suddenly into a grin so large it seemed likely to split the skin around it, his head tilting so he could push his nose into the side of hers, another half-laugh working its way up out of his throat. “I think you’re kind of perfect, and that scares me,” more serious now, although he was doing anything but breaking away from her. “And I don’t know how this is going to work between the three of us and that scares me too.” Listing them off like he was going through the list. “But it will work, because Danny loves you too, even if he hasn’t said it yet.” Matter of fact. “And you’re the only person who could understand the both of us, and fit like you do.” Trying to reassure both her and himself with the same words he’d used with Danny the other night.

IF I AM NOT MADE FOR YOU

( • T H E N W H Y D O E S M Y H E A R T T E L L M E I A M ? • )

W O R D S •1325

T A G G E D •Odette

O U T F I T • later

L Y R I C S • If you're not the one- Daniel Bedingfield

T E M P L A T E • PANIC! ITS LAUZ of CAUTION

N O T E S •short,short,short- I suck I'm sorry

[Odette Cosway]

{ FEEL IT COMIN' IN THE AIR AND THE SCREAMS FROM EVERYWHERE }
I'M ADDICTED TO THE THRILL
- - - - - - IT'S A DANGEROUS LOVE AFFAIR

Oh, oh she never realized how much she enjoyed the skin to skin contact. With Danny it had been – something else. Had been explosions and fireworks, sparks and pop rocks, and this was fire. This was a heat that was almost too much – had to be all in her head. Nobody could possibly hope to have this sort of effect on another person. It wasn't logical. He had only just barely slipped his hands under the hem of her rather modestly cut shirt, with it's higher neck and the long cut of the torso, the cold hair hitting even the smallest amount of her skin had her eyes snapping open – only for a moment before his hand covered the space, the shirt falling back down to cover the exposed skin and any restraint she had left, melted with her into his torso. Then she said what she said and she knew it was true. She had never said it out loud before – but she knew it was true. Couldn't have hurt back then the way that it had if she hadn't. Would have tried to forget him over the years following if she hadn't been in love with him. She was too young to love, had been assured that those sorts of feelings would come later but honestly, if there was something stronger feeling than this, she didn't want to have anything to do with it. Would have torn her apart. Such childish ruling, if you like them, pull their pig tails and run to the swings.

Her eyes finally pealed to see him, nervous...he could change his mind. He could. The way he was staring at her, he had to of. Thought that she was stupid for saying it, but he had said it, and it was right, that was what you were supposed to do, right? His forehead falling to hers, and his hands on her skin and all she could manage was her hands cupping the back of his neck, holding herself to him and she couldn't have let go if she wanted to. She could hardly even breathe. If he didn’t' say something soon, she was going to start crying again...she could feel it. The awkward, unsteady intake of breaths into her lungs. “Yeah?” Her upper lip pulled between her teeth, staring, he was staring too...had she somehow done something wrong? Was this something that girls just weren't supposed to do, or something equally as stupid? “I’m taking that as a yeah,” She could hear the tone, but she couldn't find it within her to smile, was it funny? Or disbelief? She was supposed to be the one who was good at reading them. Supposed to know how to handle situations because she should have known what to say or do to disarm them, and she was just coming up blank. Really convenient.

Though the smile was a good sign and in spite of her nerves, she was smiling too. Wide, too wide. “I think you’re kind of perfect, and that scares me,” Perfect? Hah. She audibly made a noise of disbelief, she was far from perfect. He had to be the only one of an opinion like that. “And I don’t know how this is going to work between the three of us and that scares me too.” Yeah. That. She hadn't even touched the subject with Danny last night. Had done...what they had done and hadn't had breath for just about anything else. He had to practically carry her to her dorm, her legs like jelly and she had clung to him. Pinned her to the wall directly outside of the Slytherin commons...and....well. Given her even more reason to be sore. Had been early enough – people could have been leaving for breakfast...and he had, done well...more of that, her face had to be turning red just thinking about it. Guilt. Shouldn't be thinking about one whenever she was with the other. She always just assumed them one in the same. Point being, that they hadn't had any time for talking. Had been rather connected, right up until she had staggered bow legged into the common room. Oh Merlin her body shouldn't be responding like this, it was just a side thought. She was focused. She was. Her hips shifted on their own. She knew that the two of them had to be talking about all of this, details and she needed to find a way to be okay with them talking about her ...like that...whenever she wasn't around. She figured, that was going to be the easier part in all of this, honestly. “But it will work, because Danny loves you too, even if he hasn’t said it yet.” She doubted that, believed it whenever Scott said he did, but she and Danny had other issues. All involved parties knew that. “And you’re the only person who could understand the both of us, and fit like you do.” Oh it didn't fit, she had to just hope they weren't identical in that, oh...he meant. Right. She nodded anyway. “It's more complicated for you than it is for...no, not really” she grinned, complicated all around.

Her head tilting, nose pushing into his cheek and her lips ran along the skin just beside his mouth and above his jaw as she spoke. “You love me.” should have saved them a lot of trouble, like a ripple running through her whole body with the exclamation. Nodding to herself and pressing her lips into the stubble on his jaw. Her nose crinkling, her arms tightening to pull herself closer, placing a single kiss to his neck before her head lifted, a smile unlike the others stretching across her face. “You love me, and I can actually do that...”

words974 tagged Scotty Scott notes wearing
template PANIC! ITS LAUZ @ CAUTION

[Scott Wilde]

I DON'T WANT TO RUN AWAY BUT I CAN'T TAKE IT

( • I D O N ' T U N D E R S T A N D • )

He couldn’t stop his thumb from arching over her cheekbone, tracing the line of it at her dissent from what he was saying- his lips tipping up even further despite the fact that he wanted to reiterate that he thought she was, in fact, perfect- because even a few days before this she would have taken that sentence and haughtily agreed or rolled her eyes at him and told him just how far above she was compared to him- and this, this was a change, and it was one that was so much more like the Odette he’d known before everything had gone askew and been twisted by the witchbitch from hell. She was letting him see her for the first time, intentionally in so many years that the act itself did for him almost just as much as the words she’d said had- his lips pulling even further up and his forehead sliding against hers. Didn’t matter that she was disagreeing with something he knew he was more right about than she was, didn’t matter that a few minutes before this even they’d still been on a wholly different rocky path- the quick cycling of emotions was catching up with him- twisting through him so fast with no warning that it was a miracle in and of itself that he was still functional and if it was even half this way for her it was no surprise she’d been crying throughout the almost entire exchange. Overwhelmed. Everything about tonight was overwhelming but the thought of not having tonight and all that it entailed was unbearable. “It's more complicated for you than it is for...no, not really” His face had turned more serious again at the first half of her sentence, eyebrows twisting with worry before she finished with her grin and his shoulders were allowed to sag back from the tensing he hadn’t even been aware had occurred. More complicated… he might have agreed if he didn’t know both situations so well, if he weren’t so directly involved in both- albeit one more than the other, they both still affected him just as deeply regardless. Him or his twin- like choosing between the two of them was an actual possibility… and the fact that there was another person out there that felt the same way… his chest felt like it was swelling again, staring down at her with his own grin, even if it was slowly falling off of his face- a softer smile in its wake. “Yeah, no baby, just different types of complications.” Nodding as if affirming it himself. No matter which of them she was dealing with… had to make it more difficult for her on that end, but she was still here- still saying what she had to him and looking up at him with that face. With those expressions on her face.

She was moving her face against his, her lips pressing into his skin and he couldn’t help but to pull her closer to him- couldn’t help but to do a lot of things around Odette that he didn’t originally intend to do. Like she took away his ability to actually think things through or make decisions in the way he usually would. Made him … crazy. She made him certifiably insane, his breath huffing out from between his lips as he shifted, his hips circling once into hers without any thought to the motion. Problematic. That’s what that was. She wasn’t even really touching him. Not in any way that excused just how affected. “You love me.” Her lips were moving against his skin- and that was his singular focus, a distracted hum of agreement to her statement rumbling out of his throat as his fingers tightened and loosened alternatively against her flesh. “You love me, and I can actually do that...” Could do that… which meant she was going to be making a habit of it- at least that was how he was going to take it and he was completely okay with that logic. His lips turning up even further as he met her gaze- nodding just slightly so as to not remove his forehead from hers. She could do that- and- without breaking eye contact he shifted his face down, tilted his chin so that he was looking at her from the side so he could kiss her chin- move his lips up over the center until he was hovering over her lips again. And he could do that. A huge smile breaking over his face. “Any time you want.” Whenever. Where ever. As often as she pleased. He knew for damn sure he was going to be taking advantage of the ability to kiss her- no matter who was around. Now that the option was open… his lips just barely touched upon hers, shifted over hers before he pulled back again. Barely a kiss even. But his lips were still sparking, insisting that he dip back down and claim her mouth with his own in the way that he wanted to. The hand framing her face shifted, palm running up the side so he could push her hair back, his eyes moving over every inch of her features before moving back to her gaze once more. “And I do love you.” Rhetorical to tell her ‘so much’ again but the words were leaving his lips regardless. “So much.” The impulse versus action thing into play again. Fuck she turned his head all kinds of inside out.

“And,” his lips moved to the side of her cheek that was now open due to the movement of his hand- pressing his lips there, and down- following the curve in the hollow of her cheek, “I’m going to show you just how much yeah?” His lips finally falling to hers like he’d been holding off doing for the past few moments, his eyes shutting as he allowed himself to be immersed in the moment, in the feel of her lips under his and the heated flesh at the small of her back under his palm. Allowed his hips to circle down into hers again, purposeful this time as they rolled, one side and then to the other with a sure sort of precision- his lips breaking from hers with a pop- teeth dragging along her lower lip until it released audibly, his eyes opening with a shudder of his lashes- roving over her face once more before he allowed his face to fall into the crook of her neck, his lips moving up and down the side column of her throat, pausing every other second to suction the skin there into his lips- dragging teeth and tongue over it both with a noise in the back of his throat that pulsed between them. Just how much. He knew she was sore- knew everything that happened the night before although he was almost certain she’d be embarrassed if she knew just how much in detail he knew all of it, but it was he and Danny- twinnected. It was no more than they would have known if they hadn’t agreed to be with the same woman; it was just … different because of it. Shaking legs- Danny had said she almost hadn’t been to make it to her dormitory alone and he could well believe it with the noises she’d been making on his back on the way up here- the ease at which he’d gotten her down onto the blankets. His lips paused at her collarbone- one hand sliding down from her hair to her hip as his other finally moved from the small of her back, rotating until it was on the opposite side- both of them moving slowly up her torso to where her shirt was already bunched up, pushing it further up and allowing his eyes to follow the movement and the skin it put on display, throat working nervously as he swallowed back the excess drool, had to be drool, how could he not be drooling right now?

Shaking hands, he knew his hands were shaking, sure as they were in their course of action it was the emotion behind it that had him quaking- pushing the shirt up and over her shoulders, with the assistance she provided pushing it over her hair and grinning at the way that it mussed her perfectly styled blonde hair- choosing not to make a comment on it as his eyes fell hungrily back to her uncovered torso- his hands this time moving to the skin- to the one item left covering the rest of it from his view- tortured groan out of his throat as his lips moved back to her collar bone- roved over the raised bone and down into her cleavage even as his roving hands slid around to her back again, lifting her shoulders just enough to work his fingers up under them and to the strap in the back, slipping and sliding until they could grasp the hooks keeping the offending fabric together, snapping it several times until it finally gave- his hands hurriedly tearing the covering off of her body and pulling back enough for the look of wonder to fill over his features, appreciation so very clear in every inch of his body. His hands going to either side of her upper torso, cupping the sides of her and just staring for a moment. Because he could. Because he could do that now. His eyes slowly moving up to her face with a hoarse clearing of his throat that did nothing to make his next words any less scratchy. “You’re so fucking beautiful.” With or without clothes. Perfect just like he’d said earlier- his torso inclining so slowly, just slowly enough that before his lips touched her skin he could see her body arching up into it- the pleased noise he made in encouragement all he could manage as his mouth closed over one of her peaks- moving between the both of them with teeth, tongue, lips, and hands before moving further down her stomach. Pressing his lips into her bellybutton and pausing there, lifting his chin so that he could see her face again. “You’re sore..” Not a question, even though he desperately wanted to be just because he knew that if it were a question there was the possibility that she would say no- but his lips drifted lower, one hand running from her hip down to her thigh, circling around it and gripping her there. “I’m going to kiss it better.” Deeper, his throat almost closing around the words as he lowered his mouth once more.

And he would. As best he could. Because he wanted to. Because he wanted to see her come apart. Because he wanted her in all of her forms as whatever she came, however she came to him. Because he loved her and he was going to continue to this time until she passed out- and then he would be sure and still be here the next morning, with her, when she woke up this time- to promise her all over again in whatever manner she needed.

IF I AM NOT MADE FOR YOU

( • T H E N W H Y D O E S M Y H E A R T T E L L M E I A M ? • )

W O R D S •1861

T A G G E D •Odette

O U T F I T • later

L Y R I C S • If you're not the one- Daniel Bedingfield

T E M P L A T E • PANIC! ITS LAUZ of CAUTION

N O T E S •short,short,short- I suck I'm sorry