Where there is a will;;Closed-Autumn

[Autumn Stanton]

Why was it so hard to be mad? Autumn knew, she knew she had every right to be. The way that things had ended…that wasn’t how a relationship like theirs was supposed to. She deserved to be upset for being completely blindsided by his wish to break-up. The months that turned into years without any sort of contact, except by post to help Cammie, his sister she barely even knew, was cowardish. She had done nothing so awful as to simply be dropped and walked away from. The emptiness that had been left in her heart was unfair and downright cruel. It had seemed that Marlon truly had no regard for her feelings, her opinion about the situation that had caused their break-up. That was the thing about him though. As good as he felt his intentions were, he had difficulty communicating them to her. Autumn felt he disregarded her own thoughts, never bothering to allow her the chance to speak up and put up a defense. The fatal flaw had been more than hard for her to accept. Her Marlon. Her perfect Marlon. Too headstrong. All of this warranted reaction from her. All of it needed it for an outlet besides hiding behind the heavy books she loved so. There was only so much a fantasy world could do. None of the books had been able to play as a distraction for very long after she had used them. For as soon as her eyes set on something that reminded her of Marlon, or their relationship, Autumn had been forced back to the devastating reminder of what once was.

Autumn had never fully gotten over Marlon. That much was clear. Though she had gotten better over time. While it was still extraordinarily difficult to be in such close proximity to him, she wasn’t silently crying nor had a head full of daydreams and fantasies. That was a good thing. The memories were threatening to shake her to her very core, but she was strong. She could deal with this. This was exactly what she needed for the closure she had been wishing for since they had split up so long ago. All she needed to do was breathe. Sure, her mind was still troubled from her long shift, but she could remain calm and civil. They were both adults here. Grown, intelligent, level-headed adults. Autumn truly respected the fact that Marlon had finally come to his senses. It was a big thing of him to do. Even if it was to only fill some selfish need of his, he had made the move that she had been wishing he would have done since the very beginning. Beggars couldn’t be choosers she supposed. With all that in mind, she needed focus and remember why she was here. The quip to Marlon may have been deserved, but she was better than that. She truthfully wasn’t just some scorned ex girlfriend who wanted to make the man rue the day he ever met her. In fact, it was quite the contrary. All she wanted for Marlon was for him to learn about his previous mistakes and to move on from them. To give whoever entered his life next a better chance than she ever got. He deserved to be happy just as much as she did. He deserved to find someone who he believed could better put up with his intense work schedule. Maybe it would be exactly what he needed to learn to prioritize time better. If that was even possible with things for him nowadays anyway. She had no clue the true meaning behind his earlier statement about time.

“Right down to business I see.” She shrugged, swallowing nervously. “We can’t beat around the bush forever Marlon. There’s only so many ways we can go about asking how the other is doing without actually asking.” He should have expected sooner or later. The memory of their first time speaking, when Autumn had confronted him in the Galaxia library after noticing him watching her again, came to the forefront of her mind. She had changed in the years since he had last seen her, but some parts about her remained the same. She watched intently as his internal struggles displayed themselves in his body language. Though she felt bad to see him looking so troubled, a small part of her, a very small part mind you, took pleasure in knowing that she still had an effect over him. It was strangely nice seeing that he was suffering. That there was still a human side to him in all of this. “Autumn...I.” She waited, a somber expression on her face. A stronger part of her wanted to stop him and give him the peace he wanted to have, but she couldn’t. Not this time. She was curious when he stood up. Was he about to leave? Already? Autumn was likely to snap if that’s how things were about to unfold. There was only so much of one person’s backside she could see over and over again. Plus, it would be taking the coward’s way out. She hoped for Marlon’s sake that in the years that had passed he hadn’t lost bits of that brilliant mind of his. Instead of leaving, he stepped closer to her. Pulling on the fabric of his pants, he began lowering himself and caused her eyebrows to arch in serious question. They very nearly moved to her hairline as she noticed him get on one knee and look at her with a small smile. What exactly was going on?

Marlon took her hand into his and Autumn had to refrain from trembling. Merlin she had missed that. The way their hands always fit perfectly together. She bit down on her lower lip nervously. “Please, I never wanted to leave you Autumn, I loved you-” It crushed her to hear him say that. Despite enough damaged already being done, no woman ever wanted to hear her former ‘one’ use the word love in past tense. She could feel the tears threatening to cloud her vision but she closed her eyes and breathed in deeply. She shouldn’t have expected anything different. “I wasn't fair to you, I just- couldn't give you want you deserved.” Her eyes shot open and without meaning to, glared into his own. “Marlon please,” she started, the hurt coming through in her voice, “it almost feels like you never gave it a chance. I know the times were tough, trust me. I was only starting to get into my own workload. Did you even consider that things would work themselves out at some point?” Autumn had always been willing to wait for Marlon. At least, she liked to think she did. Then again, he had been her first love. He had taken over her life from an early age until she had reached young adulthood. Perhaps she was a little biased, but even he used to remark on how wise beyond her years she was. That had to count for something. It had to help prove her case in regards to her commitment to him. “I'm sure that you have questions.” She nodded. “A lot.” “Like what I'm doing here, for starters.” She said nothing as he released her hand and took a new position on the floor. “I just, had to see you. I-I want you back Autumn.” At this, her eyes widened and she felt her jaw slowly began to drop open. This conversation had taken a completely different turn then she could have ever expected.

He wanted her back. Autumn had waited so long for him to say that. She dreamt of all the occasions in which it would have happened, but none of them had been here, at the hospital, after a twelve hour shift. She was speechless. “I know I don't deserve it, I don't deserve your trust or your kind soul.” How was she supposed to respond? The young girl inside of her was giddy with lovestruck excitement. Yet the woman…the woman held back. She was reserved. This was all too fast and after years of thinking that her love had chosen a career over her. Her mouth moved up and down but no words came out. If she was able to think clearly, she’d be embarrassed for resembling a fish out of water. “But Autumn, if you just...just let me try? Please, I will do anything.” The change in his voice, this was so unlike Marlon. To Autumn, it was almost like a complete stranger was on his knees begging for her forgiveness and for another chance. “My life just...isn't the same without you in it. I've tried for years and leaving you was the worst mistake of my whole life.” This was exactly like a page from one of her sappy romance novels. Though to be truthful, their whole relationship always had been. Her hand went to her mouth, covering it as to let her eyes show every ounce of emotion she was feeling at this sudden revelation. “I think about you every day.” He had always known how to take her breath away. As he scooted closer to her again, the urge to jump off of her seat and into his arms to cover him with kisses missed was overwhelming. “I don't deserve you Autumn, but I can take care of you now. Ask me anything, I'm an open book and in return all I ask is just a little bit of your time every week.” She could handle that, couldn’t she? All she had to do was say yes and they could slowly start rebuilding the relationship. They could start back on the path to the future.

“Just one dinner to show you that you come first. If you don't believe me, I'll never bother you again.” The idea seemed so wonderful and yet it all still felt like one of her dreams. Like she was bound to wake up any minute in one of the beds in the break room. But it wasn’t. This was all real. Marlon was here and he was pleading with her to take him back. To give him a chance. Unfortunately, he was the man who had broken the heart of a very sensitive woman. Autumn doubted that she would ever be able to forget what he had done to her, and over something that seemed so…trivial. She began to look around nervously, unsure of what to do next. The battle was raging on within her body. Would it be for the best? Would she only wind up heartbroken for the second time in her life? She really didn’t know if she would be able to handle it again. “I don’t know Marlon,” she finally started, still not looking at him. “This all…so sudden. And I don’t know if I can process everything you’ve just said to me right now.”

[Marlon Wagner]

This wasn't coming out right, for the first time in his life he was fumbling over his words and he wasn't fond of it. He was always so poised, so sure of exactly what to say in just about any situation. At least since he had gone through puberty he had been. Yet, looking into her eyes he couldn't tell what her reaction was going to be. He had always just assumed that he had known her well enough to always know what she was going to say or do, they had spent enough time together in the past for him to feel confidant in that knowledge and now, she was so grown, so different from that last time that he had seen her and yet, still the same woman at heart. He wanted to be closer to her, to place his hand on her knee, to cradle her head against his chest, to stroke her soft hair and hold her as close as he possibly could. He meant every word that was leaving his lips, and he could only hope that she still had a little faith left in her heart for him. He just wanted the chance to know her again. Whatever else came with that, well that would just be even better. The heart that beait under his breast was still hers, it always would belong to her, she had to know that. She just had to. She had been the one person that he had ever really opened up to, that he had taken the time to let in besides his best friend. They were all he had needed to block out horrible history, the past that haunted him on a daily basis. They were his support system to make it all seem like it had been just a distant, bad dream. He had never told them about it, because they didn't need to be tainted with it. Whenever work had replaced them as a support system, the transition had been just so flawless that he hadn't noticed it until it was too late. Would he be able to repair that transition? Was he going to be able to get his support system back, and this time in turn, support them? Be wanted it, he wanted to be there for them but only if they would allow him.

For some reason, his thoughts couldn't stop drifting back to his bedside table. The same small table where a black velvet lined ring box sat. It didn't have the same layer of dust that most of his other possessions had coating their exterior, no, this box was looked at frequently. There had been dozens of ways that he had wanted to propose to her, in his mind there was no one else that was suited to be his life mate. That fact still hadn't changed, he still desired her. Even more now that she was a woman and her own person. Time hadn't softened his emotions as he had hoped that they would. Yet, out of all of the romantic and thrilling proposals he had imagined, not a single one of them had him on his bent knee in front of her. Oh, he had planned skywriting over the castle after a Quidditch match, a broomride to her favorite locations, all things that were suitable for a pair of teenaged lovers ,but looking at her now he knew that none of those would have been as fitting for them as this. No grand gesture would have meant the same to her as him professing his love with honest words. How could he know somebody so well, and yet still have their wants be so alien to him. Of course he hadn't ever assumed that things would work themselves out. If he couldn't fix it, if he couldn't find a way to make it work then it obviously wasn't possible. He trusted his mind to be able to solve all problems for him, to be able to sit down, access a situation and handle it as need be. It was what he had done, it just had been at the cost of his heart, and at the feelings of all of those around him. Sure, it had solved the problem, but nobody was really happy with the outcome. He just, had no trust in fate. His past wouldn't allow for it, fate should have been kinder in his childhood if he was expected to have any faith in it during his older, wiser years.

Explosions could have been going off behind him, the death eaters could lay siege to the Hospital and take everybody hostage and he wouldn't have been able to tear his eyes away from Autumn at this moment. All of these months that he had been standing outside of this location, fantasizing about seeing her just one last time had led to this, he had to see it through. He had to know what her response would be. He couldn't breath and his lungs were starting to burn within his chest, but he needed to know. Her small hand covered her mouth, she was thinking, and he owed her that time. He owed her space to think about his offer and consider the pros and cons. He would have wanted that same courtesy, yet his legs wouldn't carry him back to his earlier seat on the couch across from him and for that he was oddly thankful. He had no intentions of every letting her go if she would only have him, he would smother her with love if it was what she wanted, he knew that there was more than enough of it within his chest to accomplish that task. He had hurt her once, and wasn't ever going to do it again. How could he make her see that? “I don’t know Marlon,” He had always known that four words from her had the power to turn his whole mood around, to control the outcome of his day. Yet, these were not the four words that he wanted to hear. Why wouldn't she look at him? Confusion started to spread out over his features as he sunk back onto his heels, inch by inch. His mind was reeling, was he going to be rejected? He had never been rejected before, he didn't know if he would be able to handle it. “This all…so sudden. And I don’t know if I can process everything you’ve just said to me right now.” So, this was it was it? Was he supposed to leave, give her the time that she needed and just...go back to work? There was a foreign ache in the pit of his stomach that he didn't know a name for. His hand moved to his abdomen and rested over his stomach, was he going to be sick? He didn't think so, but the hurt that he was experiencing usually led to something like that. Only, this time it was spreading, moving from the pit of his stomach upward to his chest and lungs. This was what disappointment must feel like, what rejection felt like. He didn't like it, not one bit.

“I see” he muttered, his eyes suddenly transfixed with the patterns and fabric of the carpet he was pushing his knees into. It was a nameless color, generic for places like this. The type that was cheap and easy to clean while still being moderately comfortable. His knuckles dropped to the carpet, brushing softly against the coarse surface. “Of course you are entitled to your consideration.” Forcing a smile onto his face like he did whenever he found out that he had another stack of paperwork to do on a deadline he lifted his gaze back to hers, this time to see that she was actually looking at him in return. He knew that he wasn't being fair, springing all of this on her so suddenly. Slowly, the fake smile melted off of his face, leaving a black expression behind to gaze at her. Merlin what he wouldn't give to know what she was thinking right now. “I just hope that you consider my offer, this time I will be the one doing the waiting” he could do that for her, couldn't he?

[Autumn Stanton]

Autumn could have gone the rest of her life without this silence. This deafening, everlasting, tension-filled silence. The last time she had to endure such cruelty had been in the supposedly warm and inviting environment of Marlon’s living room. Though she had known from the minute she had stepped foot through the door of his home that it was the haven of some sinister force. The look on his face had done nothing to ease the concern that had been growing from deep within her bones. It was the moment he had sat her down on the couch and taken her hand that she had first taken notice of the silence. It was overwhelming and it weighed heavily down her like a brick wanting to break through Autumn’s chest and crush her heart. And it had continued. There hadn’t been a single sound in the room. Not the cackling of the flames in the fireplace or the slow-ticking hand of the clock on the mantle. Not even the rain, which had conveniently added to the already sorrowful atmosphere, had been able to penetrate the barrier blocking the silence from completely crippling her. But the one thing that awful silence had been unable to shield her from were the cold words that came from Marlon’s mouth. They weren’t cruel words by normal standards, but the logic he attempted to use behind them made him sound inhumane. To Autumn, it didn’t matter if there was an iota of truth behind everything he said. When two people were madly in love as they were, things were just always supposed to work out. Why had he been so blinded as to not see that?

That awful silence. It had been there during the initial break-up and continued to hang heavily in the air as Autumn had gathered her coat and quietly left without saying a word. It had haunted her for several months afterwards. Her lonely apartment had only continued to make it worse. It was only when she, after taking a cue from Marlon, became absorbed in her work that it had slowly began to ebb away. Eventually, the silence she would come home to was just that. Silence. There was no depressing meaning behind it. No laughter at her expense. Just quiet. It had been so long now that she had hoped she would have been oblivious to its existence, but that wasn’t the case by any means. It had come back quicker than it had left and it floated, threatening to suffocate Autumn. She wondered if Marlon could feel it as well. Nothing was coming from him to give her any indication. He was silent, just as she had been all those years ago. But she couldn’t get any satisfaction out of his pain, his confusion. She knew exactly how he felt. The rejection. She hadn’t taken them down the exact same road but she was forcing him to deal with something she knew he had no clue how to handle. Rejection wasn’t a word in Marlon’s vocabulary. He didn’t know how to be anything but successful at what he did. Now that she was uncertain of whether or not to give him what he wanted, he was bewildered. It was written all over his face. It was in this instant that Autumn felt pity for him. He was one with the world in many aspects. So many that it seemed impossible for him to find one that he wasn’t familiar with. This would bring him back to reality. Maybe this was exactly what he needed. She didn’t want it to be considered revenge, but for his benefit, perhaps he truly did need a taste of his own medicine. To accept the consequences for his actions. He had not just hurt himself here. He had gotten her involved too.

“I see.” Autumn bit down on her lip so hard that she was surprised to have not drawn any blood. She was on the edge of her seat waiting to hear what he would say next. He wasn’t looking at her anymore. He looked defeated, like a child being told no by their parent. It was strange seeing him at such a loss. This wasn’t her Marlon. This wasn’t the man who always had everything together. The man who knew how to handle every situation thrown at him. The man sitting before her was perplexed and sad. “Of course you are entitled to your consideration.” She nodded down to him as he raised his gaze back to her face. She was. After all, she had endured years of his silence. He could stand a week or so of her own. At least she would have the decency to give him an answer to his request, whenever she was of proper mind and time to think on it. Autumn knew Marlon didn’t deep down agree with what he was saying. The forced smile gave him away. He had made his own bed though. He had no choice but to lay in it. The relaxing atmosphere of the break room, added with the silence between the two of them, was starting to make her brain remind her of just how tired she was. Her eyelids were beginning to flutter slowly without her even realizing it. A soft yawn escaped her lips as her hand quickly covered her mouth to contain it. If she remained here any longer, it would be a guarantee she’d fall asleep. After being deprived of her exquisite bed for so long, it would be blasphemous to waste her precious time devoted to sleep in the place she worked. Autumn had spent too many nights sleeping here in intervals as it was. Plus, she was certain Marlon had work that he was being kept from. She was flattered he had taken enough time as he had already to spend with her but knew that he must have been itching to get back to his desk at the Ministry. Their time to bid their farewells was fast approaching. Despite her longing to stay with him for just another five minutes, she knew it had to be done. She needed to put her food down and remain defiant.

“I just hope that you consider my offer, this time I will be the one doing the waiting.” Her eyes briefly squeezed shut as a final painful memory hit hard. Autumn went back to the three posts she had sent to Marlon months apart. They were all the same. Friendly posts, weak attempts to make light conversation and to see how he was doing with no mention of the past. She would wait day after day for any sort of response, but nothing ever came. She had spent so much of her time waiting on him. And for nothing. He didn’t realize how lucky he was that he would only have to wait a short while for her. Opening her eyes, her vision blurred again. She needed to leave before the tears began to spill. Clearing her throat, Autumn pushed herself from her chair and took the few steps to the book that Marlon had saved. Picking it up, with effort, she shifted the heavy load as comfortably as she could in her arms. “Unfortunately you will be,” she finally said, looking down at him with sorrowful eyes. “I don’t mean to sound so cruel, but I need my time now. I hope you will be able to understand.” She exhaled deeply. “I’m going to ask you to see yourself out Marlon. I just really need…to go. This is all so…overwhelming.” Her voice was cracking. Breathing out deeply again, she hugged the book closer to her chest. “The elevators are to your right. If anyone stops you just tell them that I was called away.” With that, she walked as fast as she could over to the door and placed her right hand on the door knob. Before turning it, Autumn looked back at Marlon one final time. How badly it hurt her heart to see him like that. She yearned to drop the book and run back to him, fall into his arms and shower him with kisses missed. Anything to ease his pain. But she had to remember that she had to be strong. She had to. She had to think about the whole picture and everything that could result from it this time around. “Goodbye Marlon,” she said slowly, beginning to turn the knob. Turning her attention back to the door, the lock clicked and she pulled the door open.

“Autumn! I thought I might find you here!” She had not been expecting to come face to face with another soul so quickly, but yet it had happened. “Sorry to bother you, but Accounting needs to see you. They say its urgent about the patient you tended to earlier this morning. The one who couldn’t continue to pay for his treatment?” The man didn’t need to go any further. Autumn knew exactly what they wanted and exactly at least how much longer it was going to be before she saw the comforts of her own bed. She should have apparated back to her apartment when she had the chance. A small smile appeared on her face as she nodded. “Yes. I understand. I’ll go speak to them now.” A Healer’s work was never done. As the messenger stepped aside, she stepped through the door and closed it behind her. So much for doing anything but sleeping the day away whenever it was time to go home. If there was a time that was.