Post by Scott Wilde on Mar 10, 2014 8:39:53 GMT -5
THE TRUTH COMES OUT IN THE BREAKDOWNS
( • M E M O R I E S M Y G O D T H E S E M E M O R I E S • )
“There WAS NO NOTE Scott!” She was yelling at him like he was crazy- looking at him like that, he'd heard her mumbling while he was saying it, denying it even as he told her but he knew. He wasn't crazy, there had been a note. He had written it and put it by her head so she wouldn't miss it, had wished he was in the advanced classes or something so that he could charm words into the air the way Annie did when she reminded Mikey of something- wanted her to wake up to star written letters in front of her eyes or something stupid and romantic- and he'd just been a third year. Three years didn't seem like such a big deal, didn't sound like a huge chunk of time when just put out like that- but those three years had done a lot. He'd grown a lot. Learned a lot. All kinds of things. But he knew if he could have done it over again he still would have wanted stars in front of her eyes- wanted her waking up smiling because she was Odette and she deserved the very best of everything- fuck wasn't he some kind of pussy for thinking so though- some kind of misguided sap because he'd written her that note while he watched her sleep- watched the way her mouth worked around words she wasn't even saying- the curl of her lips at random parts. She had been so damn beautiful to him for so long, untouchable. But she'd let him- had given him that and it had just. It had meant something, still meant something. “I left you a note,” he said it again, repeating it over- he had left it- “by your head on the pillow so you coudn't miss it.” So she couldn't lose it in the covers when she'd turned over to where he was sitting beside the bed writing it. He'd written it. He felt like his mind was on loop, repeating that over and over, but her denying it- shoved something inside of him, made his head pound with the words. Only no matter how many times he said it- verbally, in his own head- she was still shaking her head, denying him, calling him a liar just in action alone. Like he would lie about this- this of all things. He'd stretched the truth before, told tales to get out of things. Outright told people that Danny was the one to have done something or that one of the other arseholes he lived with was to blame. But this? This with Odette? It wouldn't matter how many years went by he'd never be able to forget that night, the next day- everything was so firmly etched in his memory, lived over and over again besides. “There was no note...” Broken records, the both of them, repeating the same story. Yes- no – yes- no.
Only her story was changing, being added to with that face- oh god what did that even mean? “They woke me up, the four of them...” Four? Four of who? No one was supposed to go up there it was just supposed to be- “I had detention for a month...they told my parents...” He felt as if he'd been sucker punched in the gut, one of Aubrey's surprise punches, all the breath letting out of him as he sank to his knees- felt the water on his face- her parents. Her father and mother. He'd never- professors and parents and- he hadn't known he would have never let her face that all by herself. Wouldn't have allowed it to go down like that if he'd known. He was a git- could be a git. But not like that, not with her especially of all people. He l- cared for her, he cared for her so deeply it was ridiculous. Liked her bitchy phrases and the way she turned her nose up even when she liked something just because she was Odette and that was what she did. Unconscious movement entirely as he ran her words over and over again in his head- a new loop to replace the last. The note didn't even seem as important in light- in the knowledge that she'd had to face professors coming in on her like that, it wasn't like she had been dressed, he'd stared at her bare shoulder long enough, smiled over and over again when he thought about it, about the way her body rolled to him wherever he went, the brush of his palm against her and she was rolling again and he had just- he'd loved that and he'd committed it to memory. That bare shoulder. How had he not heard? How had it gone by him like that? Like everything he thought he knew was all murky, his head under water as he looked at her, really looked at her- not through the lens of some falsified on again off again friendship- or some battling wit. Looked at her like he wanted to look at her every damn day he had to see her. Looked at the way her eyes seemed to always be shifting between greens and blue-greens and colors he'd never be able to name because no matter how many pencil sets he got they never captured them quite right. Looked at the way she was looking at him, not in revulsion but confusion and he didn't even know what else to tell her after that. She was bigger than him, always had been. She was a goddamned queen in their midst, some other kind of creature- wings and pointed ears, vats of toxic waste- none of it had anything on her and maybe that was why he'd been so taken with her, at least in part. Because she was so... otherworldly.
He felt her feet shifting along his thighs, her knees digging into his sides and all he could do was look at her, drop his head forward so that his brow pressed against hers, hold her eyes with his own and let one of his hands leave her arms- go to her face and catch the tear on one curved finger and remove it from her cheek. “You've always been bigger Odette. You've always been a damned queen.” His damned queen. Always. From the day she'd walked into that compartment and shared the liquor they'd been sent with- she was a queen then even in her ridiculous heels. Even without them here and now with the tear tracks on her face and the air ringing between them with things that they hadn't said and the things they'd said too much of. “You've always been perfect.” And he didn't mean for that to slip between them but it was there and out and he didn't even want to pull it back into his mouth because she was. Perfect. And not in the way she made herself up for the rest of the world to see- but with the headbutting him when she had gone to kiss him and the awkward fumbling touches. With the way that she'd elbowed him in the damn face or the fact that she was literally standing on his damn thighs right now to keep from being too close to him- like it mattered whether she was across the room from him or right up against him- he could feel her regardless every time. Every time he sat behind her in class and tried to pretend like he wasn't staring or that he wasn't trying to find some way to talk to her- even if it meant insulting her. They were beyond the age for 'pulling pigtails and shit' as Sissa called it but he had done it because he got to talk to her and that was all he needed most days. For her to roll her eyes and sneer but when he said something that amused her even if she didn't admit it the right side of her lips dimpled and it was the cutest damn thing in the world.
THEY DON'T MEAN ANYTHING OH THOSE MEMORIES
( • A S Y O U S P O K E Y O U R F O R K E D T O N G U E S H O W E D • )
W O R D S • idkT A G G E D •MedusaO U T F I T •linkL Y R I C S • memories by lion if idoT E M P L A T E • PANIC! ITS LAUZ of CAUTIONN O T E S • siiiiiiiiiiigh
