Undisclosed Desires {Gavin}

[Gavin Dewhurst]

take a chance or you'll never ever know

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( I GOT MONEY IN MY HANDS THAT I'D LIKE TO BLOW)
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[/i] That was it? He hoped that would do it, he hoped that would just be the end of it and she was going to walk away. He didn't want her to know him, he didn't want her to know anything about his life or desires, and certainly nothing about the things that tended to keep him up at night. He didn't want to know her, he already knew too much, he pitied her and he didn't want to look at her like that. He wanted to look at her as somebody who was soft with great legs. He just wanted to see her as a set of legs and nothing more. Why was that proving to be so difficult? He knew that in the past, people had 'liked' him, but they had never said it to his face because he would have laughed at them and walked away. He felt sorry for those people, sorry for her. He wasn't capable of doing anything but hurting her. Surely she had recognized that for herself by now. So her first time had been horrible, he wished that he could change that for her, he loved deflowering women, opening up their eyes to the bright fireworks. He prided himself on it. He would like to castrate men like that, Amina was just so jaded to the darkness of the world it seemed, too bright to have anything pulled over her eyes, she didn't deserve that. Not that he personally felt that any females did. He knew that she was attempting to prove a point, that not all people were bad, but he was. She wouldn't be able to change him on a cellular level and that was what it would take. Sure, some days were harder than others, but that was true of everybody. He loved his family, they meant the world to him, he loved being a pure blooded male and all that came with it, he accepted it, and she was just going to have to accept that he did. Whenever he had children from his arranged marriage down the line, they were going to be put into the exact same world with the same choices that he had been raised with. It was a flawed system, but it worked. She didn't get it. But she would, in time. He would figure out how to open her eyes.

He was still looking for more, something else to come out of her that would seem surprised, and yet she was still just taking it all in stride, he didn't understand it. How could she just accept something like that from him like it was nothing? He would have been furious if he had found out she was engaged. He didn't care how hypocritical that was, mostly because he just knew that there was no way in hell she would have allowed herself to be corralled into a loveless marriage. At the time though, he had only had one passion, could only foresee ever having one passion in life and that was Quidditch. It still did more things for him than the company of any other person ever had. She wasn't a robot, the most emotion he had ever seen from her was whenever they had been connected by the mouth...shouldn't she be feeling something? Any emotion, he would take it. "If you're planned to marry someone, why even bring me in here? Why that moment before?" He rolled his eyes, his hand moving out to her arm, allowing his bent knuckle to run down the expanse of her silky skin. He watched it tighten and her expression change. She could think he was just chasing a high, he was fine with that. Perhaps that was how he was really going to get what he wanted. Her hate. She knew why he had done it, he wasn't going to say it, she couldn't make him. No amount of questions that she bombarded him with was going to make him say anything that he didn't want to. "Is it by choice?" His arm dropped to his side and he was no longer touching her again. Fine, she wanted to get into it? It didn't matter what he said, no matter whether it was his choice or not the outcome was going to be the same. If he was honest with himself, he supposed that it was his choice he got to do what he wanted with his life, assuming that he made it into the profession circuit he would be allowed to live out his dream. Granted, he had agreed to this whenever he was thirteen, but he still believed that it was the right choice. Had he refused and pursued a Quidditch career anyway, he would have been disowned. His family meant far too much for him to do something like that. He had played by his rules, he had allowed his mother to choose his wife, he trusted her, he knew that he wasn't going to be saddled with somebody insufferable, she would be smart enough to hold a conversation, able to cook and at the very least be attractive from a good, promising family. That much was a given, they both got what they wanted. Gavin wasn't cut out for a high powered career. They both knew it. He wasn't really suited for marriage either, but you win some, you lose some.

"Doesn't matter, It's done, it's over. I can't fix it. I've moved on." he turned her own words back on her, spitting them out with almost the same tone as she had done for him. He had no idea who the girl was, other than that she was some french trollop. Well, apparently she was chaste, his mother had done that much for him but he still knew nothing else about her. He didn't want to know anything else about her, he didn't care if she was breathtakingly stunning and always smelt like rum and chocolate, he hadn't picked her, and he had already made up his mind not to like her. Yet,he had made up his mind not to like Amina and that had just worked out so well for him thus far. He hated looking at her pained, pitiful smile, he just wanted to make it go away. In the wizarding world, once a man turned seventeen he was a man, they were legal and of age whenever they were seventeen. Which is why he was going to be meeting his betrothed for the first time on the date of his seventeenth birthday. What a happy birthday that was going to be, at least he knew that he had a good after party lined up for after whatever it was that his mother had planned. She had assured him that he wouldn't be actually married until after he had graduated, she did him that much at least. So long as he got drunk enough to forget the face of whoever it was, he was going to be pleased. He didn't even know her name yet, though he imagined by now she knew his, no doubt had his pictures and Quidditch roll cards all over her room, taped to the walls. The thought of it made him sick, whoever it was, he wanted her to not like him either. Once again, it would be easier if it was nothing more than a business relationship. He would ply her with money and good sex, she would crank out babies and spend most of her time with her friends, it was a good relationship idea as far as he was concerned. That was how it happened more often than not in his society. His parents had been one of the lucky few to actually like one another.

"Maybe I just want to use you?" He commented, standing only inches away from her now, He needed her out of his head, and if he needed to be in her first to accomplish that goal, by Merlin he was going to do it. He took her hand, and held it to his stomach, where he had caught her looking earlier, his thumb rubbing against the back of her hand as he slowly lowered her hand until it was up and under his shirt, resting on the muscles of his stomach. She just needed the right push, perhaps she just needed to feel what a man really felt like, he knew that she wanted it just as much as he did, why wouldn't she? He was devilishly handsome, and he was bound and determined to make her sexual memories good ones. He let go of her hand, figuring that it would stay there of it's own accord. His hand moved back to her back, hoping to ignite the feelings that she had earlier, before she had removed herself from the equation. She didn't seem bothered enough by his news to stop him now, he was only good for one night anyway, nobody needed to keep him around any longer than that, he didn't stick around much longer anyway. This would be no different, she had to know that, he just...wanted her. That was all he would allow himself even if he knew that the very thought was a lie. He wanted so much more than that, he wanted the things that could never, ever come to pass. But he could settle, he could settle for just getting her out of his system. His hand pressed her limits, pushing up the back of her shirt once more, his other hand hooking into her belt loops just like he had seen her do so many times before and pulling her closer to him, standing, waiting for her to make the move she had to be wanting, his back bent down to be closer to her, waiting.


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I don't know about me,

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(BUT I KNOW ABOUT YOU)[/center]

[/b][/color] 1,644
outfit: This
tags: Amina
credit: gabs of a different color; @ caution 2.0[/ul][/size][/font][/left]

[Amina Krane]

"Doesn't matter, It's done, it's over. I can't fix it. I've moved on." Amina rolled her eyes at his comment. Of course he would be childish to use her own words against her. Jerk. She wondered what the connotation behind it, though. Was he saying it because he didn’t want to admit he was cheating on the woman he actually loved? Or was it more along the lines like he didn’t want to get married? That he was being forced into it by someone? She couldn’t imagine the woman would force him into getting married. With how forceful he had already been with her and unwavering, how would he give in so easily to a woman? She could not imagine anyone else being able to force him into getting married but maybe his family whom he had mentioned earlier. But no one’s family would be that cruel to make them get married to someone. That was far too old school. It had to be the first, but for some reason, she did not see him as the type to cheat on a woman. She had seen the anger in his features when she had let it slip that she had had a bad experience with a male before. Why would someone who can be so easily angered over that, cheat on a woman he was soon to be married to?

"Maybe I just want to use you?" He moved closer and as he did so, she shook her head. She didn’t want him to do that. She didn’t want to be used. That had been her first relationship and she wasn’t into being someone’s toy. She didn’t care how good looking they were, or how nice they were. She was not a doll they could play around with. But even as she was upset at him for saying he wanted to use her, even if he didn’t mean it, she couldn’t help but feel her stomach crawl as he stood only inches away. He was within reach. Her stomach was doing somersaults, wanting to take this one step further, to go back to where they had been. Why was she so ready to give herself over to him? What made him so different then the men from before? Was it that he was a challenge for her? Not many men didn’t like her. She wasn’t conceded in the slightest but she knew she was pretty. Most men whom she had become friends with over the years tried to get with her in a heartbeat and she wouldn’t have it. It had taken her so long to sleep with her first boyfriend and her second, that much longer. Yet here she was, ready to throw herself on him just because he was in her proximity? It was something mental with her. If he just hadn’t been so hardheaded that day and had let her run off, they wouldn’t be having this problem. They would both be in their respective dorm rooms, doing whatever the hell they would be doing, rather than standing in this empty classroom like idiots.

She felt his hand touch hers and her heart skipped a beat. His warm hand, oh so comforting, lead her hand right to his stomach. She could feel the muscles under his shirt with even jus the softest touch. She closed her eyes, trying to hold it together. Trying so desperately hard. Each stroke of his thumb against the back of her hand only made her heart beat that much faster. He had to stop. He had to. Or she wasn’t going to. But apparently he wasn’t going to either because he still had control. He moved her hand from over his shirt to under and there, still with her soft touch, she felt each toned mass. He was a sport player and she could feel it just by touching him. That’s all it took. She knew the muscles of the human body because she conditioned herself as well. And his muscles? Those were damn well formed. Her eyes opened, her breathing becoming more shallow and speeding up with every passing second that her hand rested on his skin, on his muscles, on him. She didn’t even realize at this point that his hand was no longer holding her there. She didn’t realize until it was making its own way up her back. She tried not to let it affect her but it did no good. Her back arched lightly as he made his way up further, his other hand finding its way into one of her belt loops of her jeans and pulling her even closer. She tried resisting, but none of her muscles were working. First they wouldn’t let her move and now they wouldn’t let her not move? What the hell was going on with her body?

Her breathing became even more labored as he bent down even closer to her. Her eyes closed, but she could still feel his hand on her back, her hand on his chest, the steady rise and fall of his chest. Finally her hand began to travel up his shirt and it was done. She leaned up and placed her lips directly onto his. She was starting to lose that softness about her. She wanted it so bad she couldn’t hold it in any longer and it was coming out as a burst of feverish passion that she didn’t know where else to direct but him. And that was what she was doing. Her free hand joined her other against his muscles, tracing the dips and grooves until they were nearly at his chest. Instead, they moved to the hem of his shirt and, with a momentary break of their lips, pulled it up and over his head. It was a difficult feet with her being so much shorter, but she wasn’t going to let that stand in her way. Now she had free reign of every chiseled piece of his torso and she took advantage of it. Her fingers traced each line as her lips went back to his. She could feel his hands against her back and a moment later, she found herself topless as well. Her skin was pressed up against hers as she moved her hands from his chest to his neck. Once again, she found herself wrapped around his body, her hands laced through his sort, yet attractive hair. Every part about him was attractive. Every inch. She wanted to know it all. Know everything about him. Know why she had to know about all of it.

You have to stop. The voice in her head was weak, must weaker than the one telling her to press on. It was the softest her will power had ever been and it was because she didn’t care what it said. All she knew was she was wrapped around probably one of the most interesting, most attractive males she had ever been with. There was very little that was going to stop her. Most certainly he wasn’t going to. This time, they had reached where he had been trying to bring her the first time. Her legs dropped from his hips as they lowered to the ground, their kiss not breaking. His body was heavy against hers but it was a welcomed weight. The cold ground was a shock to her burning skin but it was soothing. It calmed her nerves a bit. Finally their kiss broke but it was only as his lips trailed down her neck again. Her body rolled up against his involuntarily, mostly because he was the first male to do any of this with her. The other two had been straight to the point. He knew how to play around and she was pretty sure she liked it. Her hands, still laced around his neck, began to run back down his chest, taking in everything. She wanted to get to know him. But this isn’t the way. No, that’s true, it wasn’t the right way. But it was a way.

Doesn’t matter. It’s not the right way. That damn voice was getting louder, more obnoxious, more prominent. She could feel his hands sliding down to places she wanted him to go. They were so close, yet so far. Stop it. You have to stop it. The voice had almost became a yell now and she oculdn’t ignore it. Because it was right. She was giving in just like she knew she would if he got any closer to her. She knew herself too well and should have gotten the hell out of Dodge when she was still in her right mind but her body had betrayed her, just like it was doing now. None of her muscles were responding the way she needed them to. They only did what she wanted them to, keep herself pressed against him. But she needed them to stop. She needed to leave. This wasn’t going to help things any. So move. “I can’t,” she said. Or at least she thought she said. But no, it had been all in her head. She was talking to herself and nothing was getting through to him. Damn her for being so weak. What was it about him that made her this way? She was so strong in every other aspect of her life but the moment he kissed her, something in her mind broke down, a wall came crumbling down that kept the weakness from breaking through.

Taking in a breath, she felt his lips crawling down to where her shirt had once been. Her shirt. She couldn’t leave topless. How awkward would that be? She wasn’t a Victoria’s Secret model. She had no business walking around in a bra and jeans despite how athletic her body may be. But to get that would mean she would have to find it. But to find it, she had to get out from under him. His body weight was just so comforting. Why get out? BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO. The though coursed through her entire body, cuasing an instant migraine she was sure she wasn’t going to be rid of for days. But it was irhgt. She had to move. She had to get out of there or she was going to hate herself for being so weak. So, doing the only thing she could think of doing, she brought one of her hands to his cheek and with everything she could muster, forced his head away from her as she slid out from under him. She didn’t give him a chance to object. She was strong and fast, the two things she had to be in order to win all those gold medals. And she was going to use every ounce of her talent. As soon as she was clear of him, she got to her feet and in a quick walk, she was on her feet. She barely slowed down to pick up her shirt and throw it over her head. She didn’t care if it was on backwards, inside out, or crooked. All that mattered was it was on. Her pace quickened as she ignored whatever words may be coming from his mouth.

Her eyes didn’t even catch the stack of books on the desk where she had left them. Instead her hand went right for the door and the moment she was through, she was at an all out sprint. She dodged out of the way of the other student and headed straight for Gryffindor tower, keeping at bay the tears threatening to well over her eyelids, at least until she was in the confines of her room. She wanted to redo the day. To stay there the entire time and never leave. She wanted this lust for him to disappear. She wanted to get to know him so bad she was willing to do anything but that, yet something inside her said that was the only thing she wanted. Eventually, maybe, she would understand how to control herself around him but today was not the day.

[Gavin Dewhurst]

take a chance or you'll never ever know

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( I GOT MONEY IN MY HANDS THAT I'D LIKE TO BLOW)
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I don't know about me,

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(BUT I KNOW ABOUT YOU)[/center]

[/b][/color] 1,469
outfit: This
tags: Amina
credit: gabs of a different color; @ caution 2.0[/ul][/size][/font][/left]