{D}elicate

[Kariana Gabrielle Travers]

Heavy breathing rang through the soft cadences of the otherwise quiet night air, sharp pants punctuating the ring of feet hitting the stone pavement lining the courtyard. It was past the designated hour in which students were supposed to be in their beds- leaving the entire place completely devoid of all human life. But then, both the thing running and its pursuer were far from that in the end, both equipped and able to avoid whatever aurors might be lurking around the place- something that altered the course of the female even as the steady thrum of a heartbeat around the next bend reached her ears. A sharp turn, legs seeming to elongate with the way they stretched out from her body, sprinting to the next archway she came into contact with and pushing herself through, ignoring the way her feet seemed to know this course better than the one she’d previously been on. She would though, the familiar scent of the quidditch field lay just over the hill, stands rising into the darkening skyline. It had been a second home to her, a place she’d been able to retain control and excel in. The fissure of pain that seemed to worm its way through her heart was ignored, pushed aside as she tried to lengthen her stride once more, trying to ignore the sharp pain of stone being pushed outward from the hardened soles of her bare feet where they’d imbedded themselves sometime since she’d started running from the nearing figure pursuing her. He was fast, even above and beyond that of what would be considered normal for their kind, but she ran as if the devil himself were on her heels- pouring her pain, anger, and frustration into each pounding of her feet against the ground. She couldn’t be caught. Couldn’t face the censure she knew would come with it. Censure not for sneaking out of the dorms as he’d caught her doing at this hour… but for the way her thoughts had seemed to circle the last time they’d shared a mental link, the things her mind had focused on. She was getting better at protecting her own privacy, becoming more adept at hiding what she considered important. There were times when it just became too much, times when she couldn’t find something to hold to in order to refocus herself though. Her hands curled into fists at her sides as her legs pumped impossibly faster, straining fists now swinging in tandem with her movements. She just needed to get to… All thought cut off swiftly, as if a shield had been thrown around her even as she tried to shut her senses off entirely, nostrils flaring of their own accord as the scent that seemed to track her very dreams filtered through. It shouldn’t have been that big of a surprise, she smelt him all day- every day, everywhere. And the trail she’d caught even now wasn’t fresh enough for him to be standing there right now. But she could see him, blue orbs flashing as his arm jerked back, dismissing her completely with a physical finality that she never expected to come from those hands. It shouldn’t have caught her so completely unaware so as to physically trip her up. But then a lot of things that shouldn’t be happening seemed to be coming to pass as of late. Her entire body seemed to gravitate towards the scent even as her mind tried to protect itself, resulting in the feet that had been so furiously pounding the pavement to fly from beneath her, knees jerking instantaneously as she stumbled in place, falling in slow motion onto her quickly healing knee caps. The coppery taste of blood filtered through her mouth, teeth slowly removing themselves from the tongue that she’d bit down upon with her less than graceful landing. The running footsteps from behind her had come to a halt as well, breathing evening out between the both of them as one hand came shakily up to clutch at the front of her chest as if to ward off the pain that had deepened within.

“Leave me the fuck alone,” the snarl that left her lips was so at odds with the broken expression that still held across her features as her hands fell to her knees, fingers gripping her thighs as if to stave off the cold that suddenly threatened to drag her down from within. One, two footsteps and the figure was looming just a step or two to her side, gilded eyes flashing out against the shadow cast face still marred by week long stubble. “No, aye don’ think so. Not this time.” Careful, measured- the words did nothing to soothe her, proverbial hackles rising at the very thought that he might try. “Ye’ve been runnin long enough, don’t’ya think?” Her fingers gripped tighter, growl pushing out from between her lips in answer. She wouldn’t have had to run from him if he hadn’t stalked out her dormitory …a-fucking-gain. “Obviously not if I’m still doing it.” She pushed suddenly up from her position, causing him to take two steps back as she unfolded herself fluidly from the ground. In age old defiant gesture her arms crossed tightly beneath her chest, fingers moving their grip to her sides instead, still grasping for some unseen purchase. She tried to ignore the long filtered sigh that escaped the boys lips, her own anger mounting more at the sound. What right did he have to be angry? How much more was she expected to lose before it was acceptable for her to mourn? Her lips curled upwards in a sneer as she met his gaze head-on, ignoring the way he looked her over as if checking for injury. As if he cared. “Ye can no keep doing this. No ta yerself or ta tha others around ye.” Another derisive snort. Doing what? Understanding what she’d lost? Mourning all that had been stolen from her? Being angry over the attack she’d just recently suffered? Her mind shut that down quickly, form shaking at the very thought. Just because he knew didn’t mean that she needed to think on it so openly. Just because he thought he fucking understood didn’t give him the right to condescend to her as he was. She turned her face away from his in pointed silence; chin notching up as she stared out at the still night air. It would be the perfect night for flying, the perfect night to get lost in the stillness of the stars and air surrounding them. It was why she’d tried coming out here in the first place… besides the initial need given today’s date. Two years ago this night had changed her life irrevocably, altered every portion of her makeup possible. Two years ago it had been the best night of her existence, despite being tinged with sadness as it had been. Two years ago she’d been a different girl. Again a cold that lived nowhere in the night air threatened to chill her bones, her eyes staring sullenly- blankly, out at the visage before her. She’d just wanted to go to the quidditch pitch. Just fly for a bit and get lost in her own memories.

“Yer being selfish.” Her bark of laughter was short, sarcastic even in the way it suddenly cut off. “Selfish? Who should I be considering first blood traitor, the girl who did this to me or the one who let her?” Her gaze was pointed when it shot back to his momentarily, blame filtering angrily through each syllable. “She was no in control of herself, she was no the one wh---“ She whirled suddenly, one hand going out to cut him off even more effectively as she glared at him. “Don’t give her that excuse. Ply me with any other but. She was the one who attacked me. She was the one who tore through my flesh with claw and tooth. In a different form. But it was her.” Quick, choppy, concise- the words flew from her lips each word seemingly punctuated, colored with a multitude of negative emotions. She wasn’t buying into their bullshit, it was the same argument she’d had with him a few times. Always ending in him looking troubled and storming off. It had still been the girl, not some mythical monster, that had changed her into the same. It wasn’t the point though. She didn’t focus over much on who had changed her or her thoughts on the matter when in wolf form, didn’t send any unnecessary amount of guilt the girls way. The only thing she was guilty thinking of was Gavin. And now the scene that had taken place after the party she’d attended… but then that had been when she’d shifted with Marcus alone, no Amina to witness. “Yer so bound an determined to hold ta a memory of something that does no even exist anymore. Holding with things an people who give ye no loyalty of their own.” Her laugh was high-pitched, condescending as she looked him over-down and up with disdain evident. “What would you know about loyalty blood traitor?” She’d given up expecting him to react to the word itself, though the bristle at the implied fact that he was far from loyal settled some malicious intent inside of her, feeding the tense atmosphere above. “Aye know enough ta know tha aye don’ leave those I’m loyal ta breaking an bleedin on a grassy hill.” Her hands shot out without warning, catching him on either side of his blasphemous mouth in order to shut him up. “Aye know tha holding on ta yer own self pity and loathing will get ye nowhere.” He’d sidestepped her grasp quickly, catching only nails against his cheek as he put more distance between them. “Aye know tha wallowin in yer own misery gets ye nowhere in the end.” She stepped back herself, growl working its way up her throat.

“Aye know tha at tha end o’ tha day ye do no have anyone ta blame but yerself.” Her shoulders seemed to shake, eyelids closing briefly as she felt the familiar tugging on her heart that she knew couldn’t actually signify anything right now, as the scent that had been hours old seemed to intensify and grow with each passing second, as if he were only just around the corner they’d found themselves stopped. “Aye know that things are always better in the end, if it isn’t better it isn’t tha end.” Her eyes snapped open at that word, her form stilling supernaturally as she straightened, cream colored eyes shooting daggers at the molten gold staring back into hers. “YOU don’t get to use that word. DON’T use that word. You don’t understand anything.” Her words were soft, like silk over a fine edged blade- slipping around them with clarity. “Wha? Always? Aye forgot ye do no like that word do ye?” Her heartbeat seemed to stutter within her chest, her head shaking quickly back and forth as if to stop him. She could feel the very presence that so easily tore her down, feel him surrounding her even though he wasn’t there. “Ye said it during yer change.” The words weren’t accusatory now, they were musing- as if they could search out what it was that she might’ve been hiding. “Ye cried out for him then too. Ye cried fer yerself. Ye don’t get it though. He loved her more, chose her no because o’ the way things went about… but because ye were a monster before yer change. She may have gone furry first, but ye’ve always been one. Maybe he just recognized it.” The scream that tore forth from her lips was feral, eyes flashing dangerously even as hysteric laughter bubbled from her lips, sharp nails digging into her sides as she tried to hold herself together, tried to ignore the things he was throwing at her. She couldn’t even see him anymore, only the line of saliva hurled at her, only the backhand that crashed against her face… Only the burn seemed to not only exist in her memory, but on this plane as well. Eyes shot open at the sight of Marcus standing above her, palm still raised and drawn eyes looking back into her own. “Go…” It was command and offer both, the lines of his face set in an emotion she didn’t want to take too long to think over. “Ye are no the only one who hurts.” His tone had gentled, but it did nothing to stop the pain still ripping through her, causing her entire form to shift before him, bones breaking on one another as she groaned- more animal than human, “always.” She hated that word, hated that it slipped between her lips even as she fell onto the ground on all fours, body rippling as fur sprouted- as a pain nearly as agonizing as her emotions took over her body. She didn’t even pause to consider Marcus turning from her, wand pointed at her shredded clothing before he took off. Didn’t stop to think that there was another heartbeat, had been one since Marcus had pointed out where the blame really lay. She turned quickly, running from the scent that filled her nostrils, howl tearing the air in her wake.

She just needed out. Out of her skin. Out of her head. Out of everything.

[Marcus O'Conner]

Marcus was tired, nearly spent. All of his energy the past few weeks had been divided between the two broken girls that had emerged from the hilly grounds of the castle, trying to patch both up in the separate ways they seemed to need. At least one of them was allowing him to, or at least trying now. At least one of them didn’t require constant supervision to ensure that she kept from hurting herself or someone else. The first week had been the most difficult, the most trying if only because the both of them had been so devastated by the events that had unfolded that night. Not that anything had really changed in that instance- they were both still broken more than Marcus cared to think about, still reeling from all that had happened and coming to grips with it. It wasn’t like he expected either girl to come to overnight and suddenly be okay with things. He wasn’t even sure how they were supposed to come to grips with the situation as it was. Amina was doing better though, much more so than he would have even predicted. It wasn’t like she was back to being entirely as she had been before that night, he still caught the random shifts in her emotions and demeanor when they spent time with her, caught the salty smell of tears lingering on her some days even though she did her best to hide it. She wasn’t hiding away in her dorm room wasting away though, wasn’t refusing to eat but what little Victoria had managed to get her to choke down despite her reservations. He liked to think that he and Tobias had been instrumental in that, liked to think that by scaling the walls leading to the girls’ dormitory that day they’d had some positive impact at least. That they’d done something right. That he had done something right in this situation where he felt like he was constantly failing. With Amina at least he could feel that some progress had been made, no matter how slight. Travers however… he was still staying posted outside her dorm room most nights, still following her whenever she saw fit to leave after hours from her own self-induced seclusion- he could smell the alcohol off of her, so poignant most days when she did actually leave her rooms he could practically taste the substances she’d been consuming on his own tongue. It was less out of fear for her going after Amina these days though, more out of trying to make sure she didn’t do something dangerous and get herself- or someone else- killed. He had thought, when she’d started going to classes more regularly again, when she’d stopped hiding herself away, that she would be more open to accepting their help- that she would understand that she needed it. That had been before she’d pushed him away at every turn, turning physically and verbally more violent towards him each time. She’d gone so far as to punch him- publically. And while he could understand her lashing out some, it went beyond that. She didn’t want their help. Wouldn’t take it. But he kept offering anyways. She needed it even if she didn’t want it. At least when he phased with her before she’d had the chance to do so with Amina she’d accepted his orders not to intentionally torment the girl with thoughts of Gavin, with any of the viciously vindictive thoughts she allowed to roam her mind on the subject in the short time they had been phased alone. He wasn’t even sure how he’d done that, how he’d managed to get her to accept it. Other than the occasional unfiltered thought she’d done well on that though, done better than he had expected. It was difficult. Helping her. All the more so because she wanted it to be as difficult as possible, evading it at every turn. Having the history he had with her didn’t make it any easier either. It had been easy enough to ignore before this, he’d spent years building up the blocks that kept those memories and thoughts out of the forefront of his mind. It was what kept him only attuned to the surface of her thought process when changed with her, what kept him from going any deeper. He wasn’t sure he could handle it- didn’t want to see the inner workings of her mind like that. Not with the way she still called him blood traitor, or sneered mutt in that tone she saved specially for addressing him… 

He closed those thoughts off daily though, returned them to the abyss they’d been dismissed to second year. And normally he managed to leave them there- only allowing them to creep up occasionally. Of course one of those times would be when Travers managed to make another break from her room, just slipping past him before he caught her scent leaving the Dungeons. It wasn’t like he could sit right outside the exit of the entrance to their common room after all. He’d barely swung himself down from the rafters he’d been encased in before she was running full tilt away from him, making use of what he was sure were her new physical abilities and her years of Quidditch. If ever there had been a need for a slow werewolf it should have been Kariana Travers. Not that she was the fastest of their kind, but she was moving so quickly through the halls with her head start that he was finding it difficult to keep up, much less catch her. Because he needed to catch her. She could avoid him during the day time, had managed so far to avoid him at night even when she did leave her rooms- but she needed to listen to him. To hear him out at least partially. All that pent up anger she carried, the bitter resentment that twisted her features even when walking down the hallway was being channeled to lash out at unsuspecting people, it had consequences. And he was afraid it only had so long before it burst from her very pores and caused serious injury to someone else. His pace picked up at the thought, the adrenaline pumping through his system increasing his stride, bringing him closer to the quarry that dipped and dodged down the familiar passages. Only she stayed just a step ahead, just a few yards out of sight each time he felt like he was almost upon her… until something had her tripping up, he could hear the thud of her body hitting the stone; smell the blood that was spilt on impact. His pace increased even further, legs striking out against the air as he hurled past a corner and slowed within feet of her, coming to a stop only a few feet to the side of her hunched form. “Leave me the fuck alone,” His stomach tightened at the sight of her, hands clutching at her chest as he’d seen her do so often since she’d been turned, face twisted into a mask of unidentifiable emotion. Emotions rather, the play of them across her features was so fast though. “No, aye don’ think so. Not this time.” He took another step forward before finally stopping, eyes seeking the unnaturally light pair that seemed determined not to meet his fully. “Ye’ve been runnin long enough, don’t’ya think?” And she had. This entire time. Running from their help. Running from herself. It had to get old sometime, had to be wearing down on her. “Obviously not if I’m still doing it.” He felt the shift in the air even before she sprung up from her position, taking two quick steps back and eying her wearily. It would hardly be the first time she’d lashed out at him physically. Despite everything though there was worry, clenching at his stomach as he smelt the blood once more, eyes running over her as if to assure himself that her injuries weren’t worse than they seemed. He may not like her, he may get irritated with her… but he didn’t want her hurt. “Ye can no keep doing this. No ta yerself or ta tha others around ye.” He wanted her to understand, to get that he was there to help her. That Tobias, someone else she’d taken time out of her busy schedule to taunt over the years, was willing to help her. They weren’t the bad guys in this situation; they were only trying to make it easier on her, to give her a network that Marcus himself hadn’t had when he’d first changed. It didn’t matter how many times over the years she’d made derisive comments in his direction, didn’t matter that the way she sneered mutt to him even now- he didn’t want her to go through what he had his first year by himself. His words didn’t seem to be getting through to her though, didn’t seem to be reaching deep enough. 

He was growing frustrated already, his lips thinning as he looked down at her. “Yer being selfish.” And she was. She was only considering herself in this situation, only seeing how much she had been hurt by everything that had happened. Nevermind the other party who had been equally as hurt, nevermind the two boys who had witnessed it and held their own scars in the aftermath. She only thought of what she had lost- of how this had changed her. “Selfish? Who should I be considering first blood traitor, the girl who did this to me or the one who let her?” The way she sneered her favorite name for him had him flinching, his fists tightening against the hurt that it still caused. Blood traitor. Like she wasn’t in the same situation now. Her assessment of the situation hurt him less- somewhat. She was right in that he had let it happen, not intentionally but he hadn’t read the situation right, hadn’t been able to prevent it. To blame Amina though… with her so new and not in control… His head shook from side to side instantly, defensive words falling from his lips. “She was no in control of herself, she was no the one wh---“ Only to be swallowed as her form turned suddenly on him, shifting to the balls of his feet defensively at the action. “Don’t give her that excuse. Ply me with any other but. She was the one who attacked me. She was the one who tore through my flesh with claw and tooth. In a different form. But it was her.” He should have expected that, should have known where she would take this argument. He’d heard it from her in the forest too, words angry and quick then just as they were now… He’d didn’t like how she viewed her wolf, it sat uneasily in his gut- twisting savagely. It made him nervous around her. Her wolf was always so close to the surface, always present. She didn’t keep it locked and caged as she should, it was part of what worried him her being out in public- but how could she cage it when she didn’t see it as separate from herself? She thought the wolf was her, and that was more disconcerting than even the brighter white-gold of her eyes, made his skin crawl. She was wrong. She had to be. It was her holding onto Gavin, her holding onto the pedestal she held him on that was keeping her wolf so close- her holding onto the night that she’d been turned. He shook his head from side to side, his nostrils flaring as he picked up another scent approaching them, already within hearing distance. He couldn’t stop though, couldn’t even stop to identify it. He needed to get Travers out of her own skin, needed to push her into exercising some of this volatile emotion out of her before it was too late. “Yer so bound an determined to hold ta a memory of something that does no even exist anymore. Holding with things an people who give ye no loyalty of their own.” He knew he was playing dirty now, plying into an open wound that seemed to fester more and more each day. But her hysterical laughter made him uneasy, called his own wolf to the surface. She was dangerous. To him, to herself, to any who might cross her before she got a better hold on herself. “What would you know about loyalty blood traitor?” She was still trying to hurt him though, on the defensive. At least it meant he was heading in the right direction. “Aye know enough ta know tha aye don’ leave those I’m loyal ta breaking an bleedin on a grassy hill.” And he didn’t, he wouldn’t have. He ignored the sharp pain of her hands snapping out to his lips, pushed forward even as he took a step closer to her. “Aye know tha holding on ta yer own self pity and loathing will get ye nowhere.” This time he moved away, stepping back as her nails scraped against his flesh, as the blood pooled just under the stubble of his beard. “Aye know tha wallowin in yer own misery gets ye nowhere in the end.” 

There. The caged look in her eyes, the way she moved back away from him- he was pressing. He knew it. And in part it hurt him, to push her like this, to see the pain on her features. He wasn’t cruel, he wasn’t like them. “Aye know tha at tha end o’ tha day ye do no have anyone ta blame but yerself. Aye know that things are always better in the end, if it isn’t better it isn’t tha end.” He probed harder, his gaze steady as her hunched form seemed to straighten, anger and grief coloring both her face and words. “YOU don’t get to use that word. DON’T use that word. You don’t understand anything.” And there… he’d finally hit hard enough, found somewhere he could press deep enough to get her over that edge, to push her wolf out of her form. It took him only a moment to figure out what word she was referring to, she’d screamed it over and over after she’d been bitten- she’d called it out at night sometimes when she actually slept- he’d heard it over and over in her head with no backstory to it. He didn’t need a backstory though. “Wha? Always? Aye forgot ye do no like that word do ye?” She was slipping, her form vibrating even further as he took a step closer.“Ye said it during yer change. Ye cried out for him then too. Ye cried fer yerself. Ye don’t get it though. He loved her more, chose her no because o’ the way things went about… but because ye were a monster before yer change. She may have gone furry first, but ye’ve always been one. Maybe he just recognized it.” Words he hadn’t even meant to say bubbled forth, his form cringing at the response it garnered, worry slicing through him. He’d meant to push her, needed to push her… but this… this was agonizing to watch. The hysteric laughter that followed her scream had his skin crawling- itching for his wolf to take over, itching to get away from her. Grief. He knew she needed the outlet, knew she needed to let go- knew her wolf needed out, but he could regret the way he’d had to go to bring it about, he could feel sorry for the girl who he’d once sat with on summer afternoons and tossed quidditch stats with back and forth. He stepped forward quickly, his palm splintering against her cheek before her eyes opened back up to his, frantic, his nostrils flaring at the sight of her so broken nearly doubled over before him. “Go…” To the wolf and girl both, to the girl she’d become and to the girl she had been. His chest turned over in pity, in sorrow. He didn’t ever want to see that look on another person’s face. “Ye are no the only one who hurts.” He wanted to place a hand on her shoulder, to offer her some comfort, but he knew from him it would be empty, meaningless. And he knew she was on the precipe of her change. “always.” And then she was falling, the change overtaking her body in painstakingly slow motion as the white and cream fur sprouted out of her pores, as her bones began to break in tandem. He couldn’t stand to watch all of it, his face turning to give her some privacy as the clothing was ripped from her body, his fingers closing around her wand and incinerating the fabric that fell to pieces around her as she turn and ran, howl ripping from her calling to the wolf inside of him- nearly brining him out of his cage. 

He stood there a moment, breathing deep in the cool of the night’s air before he remembered the scent he’d smelt only moments after they’d begun speaking, before his hearing registered the heartbeat just around the bend of the stone wall. Without Travers breaking in front of him he could register the scent easily, feel the hair on his neck standing to attention as he did so. What were the odds? He stood for another moment in silence before cocking his head toward the archway, eyes seeking out the shadowy figure passing through it. “Two girls now, was tha’ yer toll? Are ye satisfied yet?” He couldn’t help the anger that came in reaction to seeing the face, couldn’t help the way his fingers curled into his palms. Two girls. Two girls he’d been trying to keep alive these past few weeks. Two girls that had loved him. Two girls he’d turned away, broken. All in the name of blood purity. All in the name of what he’d turned away from Marcus for as well. Hurt lanced through his chest along with the pain as he acknowledged that thought, teeth clenching around the rest of what he wanted to say to the man in front of him. Two girls. He didn’t even like Travers and he could be angry for her, could be angry for the girl he now viewed as a sister that Gavin had also hurt. All for Gavin. All for bloodlines that meant nothing at the end of the day.