what your heart wants - closed

[Michael Wilde]

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Quills were stupid. They were beyond stupid. He could never write more than two or three words without having to dip the tip of the quill back into the stupid ink pot like this was the stone age or something. Pens and pencils had been around since people learned how to harness graphite for the masses but no, the wizarding population just HAD to stick to it's archaic methods. And yet, he was still expected to take notes during class? Whenever the Professors talked so fast and wiped things off of the single blackboard that had been written in infernally small print far faster than an person with normal eyes would have been able to read it. Much less copy it all. He had tried using a pen, he had more than enough of them, always did his homework with one, but his highness next to him had made fun of how it looked for hours and it just wasn't worth it. So he had given up. Given up on the Quill, given up on trying to take notes, and then, as of course was the logical extension of that pattern, given up paying attention to the lesson at all. Of course, the ever dutiful prat next to him had pretended to be paying attention even longer than he had. Perhaps to lord it over him, perhaps he was actually interested in this garbage. They didn't need to know when the Trolls colonized themselves. History of Magic was the worst. The professor was an idiot and tended to think that things were far more interesting than they actually were. Getting so enthusiastic that he lost himself in his stupid tales. It meant he was normally nice and easy to distract, which was something at the very least. Though, he never turned his back unless he was paying attention to his lesson, meaning Mikey had to keep quiet. Even whenever he was whispering to Apollo, those bat like ears tried to catch just about everything that was said.

He didn't really know where he stood with Apollo, who he knew was only sitting next to him because he had to. Because it was expected and because if he didn't, people would start to talk, and they were already doing enough of that otherwise. Talking about him and why they were fighting. What was going wrong with them and why they kept fighting. Even more why Annie was having to bounce back and forth between the two. Not that any of them were the most popular in the school, they were well enough known to be talked about. Apollo had hardly said a word to him the entire lecture, even though Mikey kept interjecting highly intelligent observations about things that the Professor kept mis-saying, given that he tended to speak in double negatives. Apollo hadn't taken the bait, not once. Just staring at the board like Mikey wasn't even here and he was sick of it. He was beyond sick and tired of all of these stupid games, of the way they were talking only to not say anything at all. He wished Apollo would just come out with it already, but no, of course no, that would have been far too simple. Either way. He was going to show that he was pissed. Sighing dramatically he slouched even further in his chair. His chest was nearly level with the black table that was positioned in front of them. His right hand moving beside of him to come to rest on the top of Apollo's knee. Not quite inappropriate, but certainly less than friendly, and it wasn't even talking, but he could feel his message getting across, the heat of his palm transferring through the fabric of his pants, he knew it was. He had always run a little warmer than most. He didn't look, he just kept chewing absently at the extra metal Quill tip he had found in his bag to keep himself distracted from doing anything else, as he let his hand just rest. Unmoving, that is until the professor turned around and he sat up just an inch higher, moving his hand comfortably along the space of Apollo's thigh, he wasn't even thinking about how it made him feel. Wasn't bothering to think of the implications or what it might mean, he was just doing it to get a reaction. It didn't even register that his hand was on another dude's thigh, it was just to be annoying, more than anything else. Again the professor turned around, and again Mikey moved. Only, he stopped turning around, talking about something that Mikey couldn't have heard even if he had wanted to with the blood pounding so heavily in his ears. Why was it doing that?

After what seemed like a year of them sitting in silence, his own breath held captive in his chest until the professor turned around, and whenever he did, he made to move again, but Apollo moved first, stretching himself out and turning his torso as if he was trying to pop his back, and of course, dislodging Mikey's hand in the process. He was going to count that as a win for himself. He even had the smug look of satisfaction all ready on his face whenever Apollo leaned over, and he thought, well, he didn't know what he thought, but it wasn't that his 'idiot' brother was at the door flapping his arms like a hyppogriff. His eyes locked onto Apollo's for what could have been only about half a second, but it was enough. This wasn't over. “Bird. You could have just said bird you know,” and he forced his eyes to roll. Turning to look over Apollo's shoulders where sure enough, one of the idiots was motioning for him to hurry up. Subtly, he packed up his bag and silently as possible whenever the professor turned to write on the board, pushed out of the row and jogged up the steps to the back of the room to let himself out, and holding the door just long enough for Apollo to leave behind him. Because, of course he did.

“You know, I'm all for ditching class.” Well, normally, and it was even one of the classes that Annie wasn't in, so he didn't have to hear her nagging him about it either. He also knew that 'family meeting' generally didn't mean anything good. Actually, it was surprising just how many people here didn't even realize that he was related to the twins. In fact, with all of the Wilde's that had gone through the school over these past seven to ten years, not many people put it together that they were related, all of them. Huge family that they had. Like a plague they were. Wilde wasn't even that common of a last name. Still. He knew that one way or another he was going to have to hear them out, it was just as inevitable as Annie getting onto him or her squirming in her chair over something or another. Some things were just going to happen, no matter what you did. It hadn't even been a question as to whether or not Apollo was going to come with him. Mikey was summoned, therefore Apollo was summoned. There was nothing else about it. He didn't even need to look at him to know that he had been followed out of the room, and Scott didn't look like it phased him anymore either. Apollo was family now anyway. He was moving a little more quickly than he would have thought, jogging backward and never stopping moving, even as they were talking. It's not like it was hard to keep up with him or anything, his legs were so much longer than either of the twins. Obviously, and no doubt they were heading toward the other at this brisk pace. “So what's this all about, something I should prepare myself for?” Apollo might understand their ways, or why Mikey needed to be included on any affairs of the twins, but he just did. At least he knew it would be taken seriously. No matter what it was.

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S tatus: Done
T Mikey/Apollo/Wonder Twins/Annie
O utfit: idk. something.
N otes: November,Precursor to all Odette relationship things.
C redit: template by Marv of A Thousand Fireflies
L yrics: Here By Me by 3 Doors Down

[Scott Wilde]

I DON'T WANT TO RUN AWAY BUT I CAN'T TAKE IT

( • I D O N ' T U N D E R S T A N D • )

Fuck. Shit. Fuck. The professor wouldn't turn his damned back- staring at the front of the room and just talking- talking- talking. Like anyone needed to hear that much of the lesson all at once without some guidelines or some shit. Scott didn't know, didn't really care- he just had to get the fat fucking oaf's attention sitting two rows from the back, profile visible as he flicked bits of paper at the other damned oaf sitting with him. Because they were too good for fucking class. Or some shit. He didn't even know. Fuck. Everything was a mess in his head, jumbled and confused. They needed- out, they needed to talk it out but to do that they needed the damned 'older' brother who couldn't seem to look over to the- there! He jumped up even as the professor's back finally turned, waving wildly through the glass portal in the hops of getting Mikey to turn and notice- but of course not, he wasn't even paying attention to what all was going on in the room, much less outside of it, even if he was all frowny. Scott's arms moved more frantically as the hand holding the chalk at the front of the room slowed, seeing Apollo's eyebrows raise his way and head cock to the side as if he wasn’t' quite sure whether he wanted to follow the obvious instruction or not. Like he was too damn good to bend himself that far- but they didn't have time for any of that and his itching middle fingers would have to be kept bent as he jumped again, mouthing any number of pleas as the other boy leaned forward and gestured to him- the both of them collecting their things and sliding out of their seats as if they weren't in the middle of fucking class. Scott didn't care. Didn't. They could be fucking delinquents all damned day so long as it benefited him this once. The two had barely slid out of the door before Scott was scooping his own bag up, two steps forward before he turned and leveled his stare at Mikey. “Family meeting.” Important one. With as much of their family was in the castle anymore. All of it needed to come out, needed to be talked about and shit- fuck if they were still wasting time, his legs jogging another few steps back before he turned.

Nervous- he was still nervous, even as he moved through the hallways with the two following him- knowing that the two on the other end of the castle were probably sitting in just the same sort of tense silence. Knowing because he could feel it in his goddamn chest, eating away at the edges of his ribs with worry and anxiety- anger, nervous anger, and so many things that they'd just been sweeping under the rug for so damn long because there didn't seem to be any reason to deal with the confrontation before now. So many different stories and points of view- and it was all just a huge clusterfuck but she had said, she'd said both. She'd acknowledged it and opened up- opened up this whole new realm of possibility and made it … reality. Made this possibility of happiness real and they would fucking get through all of that murky shit in order to achieve it because this was Odette- and she was just, she was the dream. She was the dream that neither of them wanted to admit to having or allow to actually manifest- only... if they could just sort all of this out then they could- they could move past all of that and – he wasn't even sure, but it was important and every footfall against the stones was too long, every space of breath as they turned a corner a waste of their time.. “So what's this all about, something I should prepare myself for?” The strangled snort that left him was on a breath of air he almost couldn't afford, chest seizing uncomfortably as his hand sought out his pockets, pushing through the fabric until he could feel the plastic rectangular piece despite his sarcastic laughter. Something he should prepare himself for? This was a family meeting- there was no preparation involved, especially not of this level. His chin notched over his shoulder as he brought the inhaler to his lips, pushing on the end and sucking in another breath with a roll of one shoulder. “Bridgette.” One word, with so much behind it- “Odette. Danny and me. I. The fuck ever.” No one was here to really correct his grammar or how he'd butchered it- somewhere, he wasn't even sure which one was right, so worried with other things. “You. It's a goddamned family meeting Mikey. Like Sissa's missed period level.” Another clusterfuck family meeting that he didn't even want to relive, but somehow he felt they might actually surpass that, even with only the few of them here that there were. His head turned back around again as he pocketed the inhaler, turning the corner and into the front of the door that they'd agreed to meet in, his hand on the knob without warning to the two behind him as he swung in inward and allowed his body to follow- watching as his twin's head shot up- red lines down his face where his fingers had run the flesh standing out against the abnormally pale face. He was almost as white as Annie, standing behind him and rubbing his back like she would if he'd been hit by some physical ailment.. well close enough...

His calves were already burning, crouching like this despite the fact that it had only been a few minutes at most- but then he hadn't slept in he didn't know how many days, hadn't had time to allow his body to relax. It was on constant alert, muscles coiled in a way that even a quidditch match couldn't prepare him for. Add that to the already fucking tremendous tension in the room and it was just a fucking joke, the five of them divided up as they were- three standing across the room and he and Danny seated over here. He could just as easily stand and push in next to Danny but for whatever reason the leveling would have felt off- wrong to be at the same when his twin was so unstable already. Not that it made a fuckin' bit of sense, or that he could explain it, he only knew that he needed to be supporting him from here. “So,” His body angled more, shoulder pressing into the bone beside him, resting part of his weight against his other half as he faced the three across the room. ”So?” Fuck, Scott flinched, eyes cutting to Mikey as if he could somehow convey that he was pressing something he didn't really want- that he was entering dangerous territory. Because he was- just by coming here he had entered it. He didn't know why his twin was so obsessed with thinking that their brother had been with Odette that way, that he'd- when Scott knew better, knew that after him it had only been the one other- Barbie had said, Bridgette had said. He didn't know why Danny was so obsessed with it- but he knew that he was, and if everything he had said couldn't dissuade him then it was even more serious. “Scott and I want to date the same girl.” Had wanted to date the same girl now for years, but that would work as an opener. “At the same time.” Before anyone got too confused. Although Apollo was the only one who seemed to have an issue understanding it so far. Or maybe he just hadn't ever heard of the like before. “And she wants to date both of us.” Or she liked both of them- they hadn't exactly covered dating- with their limited question, but that was for after- and if she wanted the both of them then she wouldn't be against dating the both of them right? “So?” He could feel the body beside him tense even more, feel the anger practically radiating off of him and there wasn't a damn thing he could do about it yet. “Only, you know, it's Odette.” Like he was setting a trap, Scott could recognize it, his forearm shifting down so that his fingers could press into the toe of his twin's tennis shoe. ”Okay?” Merlin- fuck. Scott's fingers pressed harder, trying to- he didn't even fucking know- just make Danny calm down enough to listen to what Mikey had to say or- “Is this a Crisis? I mean, I didn't know you liked her, but that's great, she's a good one right? So, go forth and bone or something?” Fuck. The foot beneath his hands shook, pushed Scott's fingers off with the derisive snort that fell from Danny's lips.

IF I AM NOT MADE FOR YOU

( • T H E N W H Y D O E S M Y H E A R T T E L L M E I A M ? • )

W O R D S •stuff

T A G G E D •Wildes

O U T F I T • later

L Y R I C S • If you're not the one- Daniel Bedingfield

T E M P L A T E • PANIC! ITS LAUZ of CAUTION

N O T E S •short,short,short- I suck I'm sorry

[Daniel Wilde]

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ONLY WHEN I STOP TO THINK ABOUT YOU, I KNOW

O N L Y . W H E N . Y O U . S T O P . T O . T H I N K . A B O U T . M E . D O . Y O U. K N O W.

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Danny's hands lifted and settled- back and forth in the air in front of him, repeating the same motion over and over again despite the hands on his back, little fingers working over the shoulders as if that would somehow soothe him- stop the ache that hadn't quite left the center of his being since he and Scott had left class earlier. The plan was to get Mikey together. The plan was to discuss things and calmly decide- he didn't even know what, nothing felt calm from before Odette had acknowledged all that she had, definitely hadn't made it any more so with the knowledge provided. It was like his brain couldn't quite keep up with anything- scrabbling around for what it was that they needed to cover. They'd already gone over so much of it themselves, argued between them what their separate knowledge on matters were and come up blank. They just needed to talk it out, needed to- he didn't even know what all they needed to do, his knuckles were still scraped raw from the day before- face bruised from the same fate to his twin's hands. Different bruises, same knuckles. No one who knew them would be surprised. Only, it wasn't just Scott he ran the risk of fighting now- not with who all they had to involve to get their stories straight. And they needed their stories straight. Everything settled. This nervous ball of energy that had settled within his core wasn't about to be expunged by Annie rubbing those circles into his back- not while waiting for Scotty to reappear with Mikey- not with … all of this. They'd only split up so Danny could get the things from their dorm room- so that there wouldn't be much time wasted. His forearms pressed into his thighs, back bowing slightly so that he could press his head into his hands, thankful that at least the only other person in here didn't feel the need to complicate the space with chatter that didn't matter.... It was only when the door opened that his head shot up, hands falling between his knees as his body jerked in response, the palms on the back of his shirt changing their direction.

He knew Scott would be the first through the door but that didn't stop him from feeling some sort of relief at it- at seeing him walk in and immediately cross the space to where he was, drop down in front of him on his haunches, angled slightly to where he could still see the two who were filing in behind him now- united front or something. Fuck. He didn't know, and he could feel the fingers tensing on his back- feel the hesitation of the girl behind him enough for him to shrug his shoulders, displacing her hands as the silence entered the room- well not entering, there hadn't been much discussion before the other three showed up- but with Mikey and Apollo in the room it felt like more. Another shrug of his shoulders and he could feel the hand moving over his neck, comforting before she moved from behind him, straight to Mikey- no surprise, right where she'd probably been wanting to be since he'd brought his damned self into the room. He could feel his face heating somewhat, eyes breaking away from them and up to the ceiling for a moment- too much of the past clouding his shit. But he was angry- and.. hurt, and confused. And he had every right to be all of those things. By the time he looked back down Annette was folding herself under his brother's arms and casting a – he didn't even know what that look was about aimed at Apollo, or why she was using Mikey as a buffer between them- it didn't fucking matter. Another irritated sigh and he was fucking rolling his own shoulders back, sitting up straighter as he felt more than saw Scotty's arm against his calf- like some reassuring presence urging him to calm down before he spoke. Even still his “So,” was gruff as he readjusted on the bench he was on- hands balling between his knees. “Scott and I want to date the same girl.” “At the same time.” “And she wants to date both of us.” Might as well get all of that out of the way first, even if fucking Apollo looked like he'd just swallowed his own dick. Served him right. It wasn't like he was some fucking prude or anything himself. Danny's eyes leveled with his for only a moment- looking back at the other two before shrugging again. “Only, you know, its Odette.” His eyes steady on Mikey this time, narrowing slightly as he dared him to react. Anything. Any reason for Danny to start out with the fact that he had gone and done it again.

Danny's brain seemed to be beating against his skull, the anger he found radiating inside of him, rebounding and redoubling with each passing second. He couldn't ever fucking keep it in his pants. Not ever. Not for any reason. He just went and screwed anything with legs on campus that he could get on top of. It didn't matter if his own fucking brother had been dating her first, or if there had been enough drama surrounding the girl and their family already. All he cared about was his dick, about doing what it is he wanted- and they all accepted that. It was just Mikey, Sissa would say, they all had their different faults. Matty would bump his shoulder and insist that they were all difficult to fucking deal with. Aubrey would tell him they were all fucked up and find some way to turn the conversation away from it entirely. But Danny? Danny was angry. He was sick of cleaning up Mikey's fucking messes on the daily. He was sick of how fucking okay he thought it was to think with his dick and only his dick. “Okay?” He could feel the fingers on his foot, feel them pressing as if encouraging him to look to Scotty and calm down or whatever- but his eyes were fixed on the person that they fucking trusted over and over again only to have him throw it back in their face. “Is this a Crisis? I mean, I didn't know you liked her, but that's great, she's a good one right? So, go forth an bone or something?” He felt himself snort a laugh, felt the absolute revulsion with the words as he twisted his ankle, rotated it until the fingers fell away and he could sneer at the boy in front of him. “Yeah- well not all of us just go and bone everything Mikey- she's a good one? Yeah? You know that from your fucking personal experience?” Like vitriol it fell from his lips, staining the already tense space with a black poison that threatened to seep into his very pores. She's a good one. She was a good one. She was still a good one. But Mikey had gone and- Danny couldn't even think it all the way through. He knew, he knew that something was going on with his brother's and Odette, even if he didn't know exactly what. But then- if the girl actually being one of their girlfriends didn't stop him why would he stop just because there might be something there. He shook his ankle again, form bursting off of the bench as his lips curled up in a furious sneer, ignoring the body to his side that followed suit, albeit more slowly. “You wanna tell me how good Bridgette was too?” The paper felt heavy, folded up in his pocket, like no matter the fact that his jeans were on- he could still feel it, pressing against the pocket lining, weighing him down. He didn't care that Annie was protesting now, her lips opening and face scrunching up- he couldn't even fucking hear the words, didn't care to. “Shove it Annie, just stop fucking defending him for goddamned once.” Like she wasn't just as much a victim of him as anyone else. Fucks sake she just took it and took it. Year after year. Danny loved Mikey, maybe even more than she did who fucking knew- Danny trusted Mikey. Over and over- and he always got the same damned result. The fury built white-hot in his chest, twisting around his insides and making his elbow numb to the familiar, identical fingers curling around it.

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TAGGED: wildes
WORD COUNT: the shortness
ANY NOTES: welp
LYRICS: COLD HEARTED WOMAN- Rainbow
CREDITS: ALYX SAYS RAWR of A THOUSAND FIREFLIES

[Michael Wilde]

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He could feel the tension rolling off of the boy in front of him in waves. Sending it straight backward in his wake and washing over him. He could hardly remember what had happened in the classroom now, could hardly remember why he had been having such a weird morning because his brother was upset. Brothers. Plural. With them it was always plural. Even worse was the way that he was reacting to his question. Like it was death con five or some shit like that. He didn’t know, but it was already making his stomach hurt. Like he needed to eat, or something. He wasn't going to even attempt to bring Apollo in on this, whatever this was. This wasn't just a family meeting, this was an inhaler meeting. Those were worse. “Bridgette.” Mikey's step faltered, just a little. Just half a step, enough to be noticeable to Apollo but not Scott. Not with the way that he was walking. Still moving so fast and gaining speed as they made their way swiftly across the castle. He didn't understand what she could have had to do with anything, she wasn't even here any more. She wasn't dating Danny anymore or attempting to bang her way through Slytherin house. He didn't even know what she could have gotten on to with her life and really, he didn't care to know. She was unimportant to him in every way . “Odette. Danny and me. I. The fuck ever.” Odette? Another name he didn't expect to hear because she was so commonly referred to by them as Medusa. Not that he, personally, had anything against the girl but he was still under the impression that those two weren't talking anymore? When had that changed? How had he managed to become so very far behind in all of the news? “You. It's a goddamned family meeting Mikey. Like Sissa's missed period level.” “Me?” He had interjected while Scott was still talking, he understood the family meeting part, but that was just a title, considering that the whole family couldn't actually be here, given that they were at school and all. Though, at the mention of Sissa, he nearly stumbled over his own feet. That had been a bad one. Bad didn't even begin to cover it. He followed wordlessly into the space that Scott had finally settled on, the area itself having no meaning to him whatsoever, his arm lifting automatically to accommodate for Annie's form as she moved over to stand beside him, just like she normally did. The look that she gave Apollo escaped him, he was far too attuned to his brothers and their freaky wordless communication. He was almost about to ask for them to just get it over with already, whenever they seemed to reach the same consensus.

“So,” “So?” Mikey echoed, finally looking down to Annie to see if she would go ahead and spit it out already, he knew she had to know. She always did because they went to her for everything. Why? He didn't know. They just did. “Scott and I want to date the same girl.” “At the same time.” “And she wants to date both of us.” What an interesting concept. He hadn't ever heard of that before, but if the girl wanted to date both of them, and they already knew that they were both going to be dating the same girl, what was the big deal? That was enough information for him. They wanted to do that, and she wanted it to. There was no crisis here. “So?” Again, he was waiting for the real news to drop, how did Bridgette tie into all of this? And Odette? No way was Danny going to try dating Bridgette again, Sissa would skin him alive. “Only, you know, its Odette.” Ah, okay, that tied one of them in at least. “Okay?” Mikey looked from Scott to Danny...and then did a double take on Danny. Why was he looking at him like that? His brow pinched and furrowed, that was like, nearly a painful stare. What had he done to deserve that? “Is this a Crisis? I mean, I didn't know you liked her, but that's great, she's a good one right? So, go forth an bone or something?”

“Yeah- well not all of us just go and bone everything Mikey- she's a good one? Yeah? You know that from your fucking personal experience?” It was a very well known fact that Mikey was somewhat of a slut. He was a serial dater, usually nothing lasting more than a week, at the first hint of a fight, he was broken up with whoever it was an on to the next girl. He was all about sowing those wild oats, enjoying life. Free love. He never had an issue admitting to just about anybody that he had such issues, one could even call him a sex addict and he would be hard pressed to argue. It was an issue. He had an issue with people touching him. He knew it was an issue, and was comfortable with it. Didn't feel the need to seek treatment, so to speak. He hadn't ever denied sleeping with anybody, but he couldn't say he slept with somebody that he hadn't. Not ever. Bridgette, was a mistake. He knew that. Had discussed it at varying length with the other girl in mention, the one that he absolutely, without a doubt, irrevocably, had never slept with. Never even seen her undressed, never even seen the girl in shorts, and never without those weird shoes of hers. He doubted he had ever been quite so blind-sighted by one of his younger brothers before. His mouth was hanging open like a fool and his arm went slack around Annie, not tensing in defense, just shocked. Why in the world would they think that? They? Just the one? He didn't know. He hadn't been boning anybody for a couple of weeks now! It was his longest dry spell yet because he had been literally sick to his stomach at the thought of finding new people, his head was all muddled with other things, person, the weird one, he was too confused to think about much else. “She's a good person” he quickly corrected, he hadn't been hinting that....ew, no she was like a little sister to him. That would be just as weird as boning Sissa. Hell no. Neither were even girls to him. “For Fucks sake Danny! You really fucking think I would do that?” He knew they used to be friends, and he knew the look that she got on her face any time his brothers were mentioned. “I DIDN'T FUCK ODETTE! Merlin!” not that danny was listening, he was vibrating with rage, over an obvious LIE. He would do ANYTHING for them, they were his BROTHERS. Perhaps that offended him more than the implications. That he would have hurt them like that. He might have been a slut, he might have been a Slytherin, but he was a Wilde first and foremost. This Apollo business had been making him sick, but not like this., Nothing like this. His own brothers didn't trust him. “You wanna tell me how good Bridgette was too?” His face feel from shock and outrage to nothing at all. He was just staring. Slack jawed and close lipped, his arm tightening reflexively around Annie's arm but not really realizing that he was squeezing Annie. Bridgette was a mistake. He had made a mistake, and he wasn't even all that sure that he had meant to make it. He had been drinking, but he knew he KNEW he hadn't drank more than a couple of glasses of that weirdo wine she had brought over...he must have just mixed the wrong pills or something before drinking. It was a weird wine, maybe it was enchanted or something, but he knew he had done it....he thought he had. She had said as much, whenever she had 'thanked' him the next morning. “Shove it Annie, just stop fucking defending him for goddamned once.” He cast a downward glance to Annie, why did she need to defend him? He wasn't somebody who needed defending, he could fight his own battles, she wasn't his savior. He couldn't ever really remember being angry with her before, jumping in to his aid, like he couldn't fix this himself. Affronted, his arm lifted from hers and he brought his to fold across his chest. Was this a regular habit of hers? He wasn't going to pretend that he hadn't made the mistake, he could handle his guilt. He knew it was fucked. He shouldn't have been drinking with her at all, and they certainly didn't want to hear excuses. He could feel his shoulders squaring. “That was a mistake, not that you've bothered to talk to me about it since then, you choose now to throw that in my fucking face? Fine. I slept with her. Whatever. She's a god damned leech and you know it. But, I did NOT fuck Odette. I've NEVER EVEN TOUCHED HER!”

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S tatus: Done
T Mikey/Apollo/Wonder Twins/Annie
O utfit: idk. something.
N otes: November,Precursor to all Odette relationship things.
C redit: template by Marv of A Thousand Fireflies
L yrics: Here By Me by 3 Doors Down

[Scott Wilde]

I DON'T WANT TO RUN AWAY BUT I CAN'T TAKE IT

( • I D O N ' T U N D E R S T A N D • )

“Yeah- well not all of us just go and bone everything Mikey- she's a good one? Yeah? You know that from your fucking personal experience?” Flinching wasn't all that crossed his face this time, Scott damn near recoiled from the words used and the tone they were flung out with, his fingers finally moving entirely away from the toe of the tennis shoe, curl back up and press into the stone floor so he could move his side off of his twin, neck twisting to look up at him as if he couldn't quite believe what he'd just said himself. He'd told him. Over and over Scott had told him- Odette didn't sleep with Mikey- wouldn't sleep with Mikey, they were friends. And not friends like the two of them had been with Odette. He knew Mikey slept with people indiscriminately, but- that wasn't- even if he would have... and he wouldn't. He wouldn't because that just wasn't what they did- no matter what shit they said about each other and how many fucking fights- physical or otherwise- it wasn't what they did, they always could be sure that the rest of them were waiting to back them up. And Danny was calling that into question or something. Calling their very foundations into question. His eyes slid to his twin incredulously, hand coming up to the juncture of skin between his twin's elbow and forearm and wrapping around it. He needed to think to - “She's a good person” he found himself nodding along, agreeing with the words being used, his face only turning with surprise once he realized that it had been Mikey who had said it. “For Fucks sake Danny! You really fucking think I would do that? I DIDN'T FUCK ODETTE! Merlin!” It was all Scott needed and maybe he should have tried to interject verbally, maybe he should have added something himself but he was just glad that he had been right, that Mikey hadn't. He said he hadn't so he hadn't. It was that simple. Mikey didn't lie about girls he'd slept with. No matter the circumstance. He looked back to Danny, hoping that he would have already reached the same conclusion but- he could tell before his eyes had even settled on his face that he was wrong, before his own lips were pulling into a disappointed frown. “You wanna tell me how good Bridgette was too?” One word. It was all it took. That name, said like that, in that context and his hand was falling completely away from his brother, eyes immediately going to the ceiling as he began trying to calm the increased rate of his heart. How good Bridgette was. His eyes squeezed shut, hard, slamming down until his eyelashes were pressed directly into his skin- lips thinning as he took in a breath. Bridgette. That- it wasn't like that, wasn't the same- but he could feel his bones shaking all the same, feel the dread welling up in the pit of his stomach. “Shove it Annie, just stop fucking defending him for goddamned once.” He couldn't even look up to see what it was that Annie was doing, couldn't try to offer her any help or try to diffuse the situation because the panic in his head was so loud, so insistent that he was just barely keeping it at bay. “That was a mistake, not that you've bothered to talk to me about it since then, you choose now to throw that in my fucking face? Fine. I slept with her. Whatever. She's a god damned leech and you know it. But, I did NOT fuck Odette. I've NEVER EVEN TOUCHED HER!” A rough swallow and the even rougher clearing of his throat interrupted the breath that Danny had taken, the half a step forward paused as Scott's voice rang out hollow around them. “I had sex with Bridgette too.” The words sandpaper against his tongue- eyes opening only marginally, in time to see the shoulders just almost in front of him square up and hear the indignant squeak across the room cut off my Danny's harsh head shake. “That was different. You didn't choose that.” And everything else faded again as he shut his eyes, fists clenching at his sides. He didn't choose it, but he kind of had hadn't he? Chosen to spend that time with her. Chosen to drink with her. Chosen not to hit her or push her- or dislodge her. Because he'd been afraid of hurting her but that was a fucking cop out in the end wasn't it?

All of the words- all of them were washing over Scott- settling in him and making his chest seize, break with the force shaking it. It wasn't any worse, it wasn't any worse and Scott knew it wasn't. Knew that Mikey hadn't been any more of a willing participant in what had happened between he and Bridgette than Scott had been when it had happened with him. He knew it because he knew Mikey, he knew Mikey and he knew Bridgette- and he'd tried telling Danny- tried telling him so many times after it had happened that Mikey wouldn't just sleep with her. If he'd wanted to do that he would have done it ages ago- but Danny was blind when it came to her. Blind and... unreasonable on all levels, unwilling to listen to anything that he couldn't explain away in his head. And that was- that was just how it was. Scott should have tried harder, tried to force more reason into it- but he just, it had seemed like it had been resolved, and trying to fix it anymore? That would mean hashing the whole thing out- letting all of the secrets come out and isn't that what the fuck they were doing now? This- all of this was exactly why Scott had been willing to let it go and rest where it was. Because this was- something else. Going over again what had happened with him and Bridgette, dealing with the sharp knives of pain in his chest and lungs and the very thought of it- reliving that night in the tower where he'd tried really hard to keep his eyes closed and pretend he couldn't hear the drunken fumbling and crying of the two next to him- that he hadn't heard... that at all. It was one of those things that was better left locked away. He'd gotten to see enough of the after effects between the two of them anyways. Gotten to watch Annie push it so far deep that she could pretend it never happened- which was easy enough he guessed when all she could recall of it was alcohol and kissing- and pain. And there, that made another secret, something he'd sworn never to tell Danny. So full of secrets and they were supposed to all be open with one another- had been practically fucking coached from birth that they were supposed to be inseparable and depend on the others. And here they'd all been so busy depending on their damn selves these past few years. His fingers fumbled for his inhaler, had difficulty finding purchase around it and bringing it to his lips- but he managed, his eyes finally opened and trained on the scene in front of him, hard swallow following the medicine. Everything was coming out, everything was being thrown out onto the floor and all they could do was keep doing it- push it all out there and hope it was still small enough to be patched up. Only he wasn't Sissa and he didn't know what to say, or how to direct any of that- he just felt fucking useless.

Because he could understand the words leaving their mouths, could understand exactly what was being said but it was like he was hearing them and watching them overlay the memories he had of all of it- watching the past replay behind his eyeballs and it hurt. It seized at his chest, invisible fingers wrapping around his ribs and squeezing tight. He could see his two brother's standing almost chest to chest- could see Apollo blocking the exit, see Annie curled up on herself on the floor sobbing and all he could fucking do was stand there with the stupid fucking inhaler that he'd never, a day in his life, needed when he was in the same room with Danny, pressed between his lips as he tried to find enough breath to speak- to interject. Anything.

IF I AM NOT MADE FOR YOU

( • T H E N W H Y D O E S M Y H E A R T T E L L M E I A M ? • )

W O R D S •stuff

T A G G E D •Wildes

O U T F I T • later

L Y R I C S • If you're not the one- Daniel Bedingfield

T E M P L A T E • PANIC! ITS LAUZ of CAUTION

N O T E S •short,short,short- I suck I'm sorry

[Daniel Wilde]

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ONLY WHEN I STOP TO THINK ABOUT YOU, I KNOW

O N L Y . W H E N . Y O U . S T O P . T O . T H I N K . A B O U T . M E . D O . Y O U. K N O W.

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The hollow beating in his chest, the way his stomach knotted up with the question he flung out- he knew it was hurting Scott. Knew that he was going to draw fucking stupid parallels that weren't really there, and knew that this whole thing was only going to get worse for his twin- but he was so angry. So violently, nauseatingly angry. Mikey was yelling and he couldn't even hear what the fuck he was saying- looking at him as if he were the one who was wrong- ha. As if he were the one that had gone and slept with his girlfriend. He wouldn't ever do that to Mikey- sleep with someone he loved, well, loved romantically. He wouldn't look at Annie now, because that was different. He hurt her over and over again and didn't even fucking care- he'd practically fucking forced that whole situation to happen in the first place. More blame. More anger. All of it welling up within him and threatening to choke him- to spread through him and just- fucking burst or something. Absently he was aware of the fact that the even warmer section between his elbow and forearm was cooling, that it was no longer being held- that he was no longer being held back and he could feel the fury on his face shift, the new anger melding- growing into the old. “That was a mistake, not that you've bothered to talk to me about it since then, you choose now to throw that in my fucking face? Fine. I slept with her. Whatever. She's a god damned leech and you know it. But, I did NOT fuck Odette. I've NEVER EVEN TOUCHED HER!” A mistake. He snorted at the word itself, leveling his brother with his glare. A mistake. Sleeping with someone while drunk was a mistake, whatever, fine- Scotty had done it often enough. Sleeping with a random girl or hooking up with an old friend or- there were any number of fucking excusable things when you were drunk. But getting drunk with the girl your brother was in love with. Getting drunk with that girl and fucking her wasn't one of them. He'd never even apologized, not really, not that he would have listened if he had- but still. His fists clenched, fingers digging harder into his palms as he rolled his eyes. A leech. He had loved her. He had been with her for two years. Not consecutive. But two years. And he just acted like that was negated or some shit. His lips parted to draw in a ragged breath- ugly emotion waiting on the tip of his tongue- but Scott's throat clearing cut him off, the jagged pain in his chest that he knew didn't belong to him. Scotty's voice stilling the step forward he'd been taking. “I had sex with Bridgette too.” Sex. He'd had sex with Bridgette too. Something tried to insert itself into his brain, remind him- but all he could manage was to shake his head, hard, trying to dispel it and the emotion it brought with it. “That was different. You didn't choose that.” And he hadn't. She'd- she'd done that. But she'd been hurting. She was always hurting. Under her skin, unable to rest in it. Danny saw, Danny knew. His breath came out harsher again as he shook his head this time at Mikey. “A god damned leech? Really- do you even know what you did? Mikey? Do you- do you fucking understand how much you did that night?! What you did to me and Annie?!” Never mind that the girl in question was shrinking back and blanching like she'd just seen a ghost. Never mind that something within him was recoiling. This was anger. Righteous indignation. “How can you sit here and lie to me- lie to ME Mikey, after all you've done. You slept with Bridgette- got her fucking drunk. You slept with Odette KNOWING something was going on with the group of us- and fuck- you fucking prick, its your fault. I can barely look at myself in the goddamned mirror anymore. Because you couldn't fucking keep it in your pants I had to fucking hurt Annie- are you fucking SATISFIED yet?”

Violent rage- rage he thought he'd gotten rid of already, choking up his throat and forcing him another step away from his twin- forcing him that much closer to the body now squaring off with his as if he was righteously offended. As if he had a fucking right to be offended in any of this- like he was the damned injured party. It didn't matter that everyone else was falling to pieces around him- that Annie was almost crumpling to the ground- just barely holding herself up and looking at him like she was fucking asking him to just let it go- but he couldn't. He couldn't let it go. All he'd been doing was letting it go. Scotty was always tell him to – to let it go, to brush it off, roll it off of his damned shoulders. Like it was that fucking easy. Forget it. Forgive it. And maybe he could do that, he was always fucking doing that- letting people hurt him and just forgiving them over and over and over again. Always willing to just let it go. But Danny couldn't. It ate at him, stayed with him months after the incident and gnawed away at every positive emotion he had concerning things before that. He thought of it when he laid down at night without the days distractions. Went back over just what all had happened and tried to figure out what it was that he must've done so wrong to fucking deserve it- why they would do that to him. Over and over. With everything and everyone. He couldn't shake off the fact that his brother had slept with his girlfriend, with Odette, couldn't fathom him lying to him over it- but he was doing it. Doing it when he had physical fucking proof burning a hole in his damned pants. Just waiting to be shoved under his nose- but over and above that he was just sick. He was sick of all of these fucking lies and half truths between them. Sick of having to deal with the fact that he'd fucking taken Annie's- ANNIE'S, HIS SISTERS, virginity because of that whole night. Sick of having to look at her when people made jokes about her being a prude and know that he'd fucking ruined that for her- that Mikey being a dick about things had forced that to happen. He could feel Scott behind him- still stuck, hear the sharp sound of the inhaler his ears were so attuned to- could see Apollo stepping back with narrowed eyes like he was trying to assess just what the fuck was going on here- but Mikey was right fucking there- looking between he and Annie like he was finally fucking getting it- like he was putting something together and Danny wanted to yell- because he was going to fucking act like it was all Danny's fault- but he'd been just as willing a participant as Danny had- had forced just as many hands in this whole fucking mess. More if he really thought about it. He was going to get pissed and suddenly fucking remember now that Annie was family- he sure as fuck hadn't cared the night he'd boned Danny's girlfriend. Hadn't cared for the days following.

Not that Danny had gotten to fucking see much of Annie personally, but Scott had- and because Scott had Danny had heard he knew- “What did you do to her?”- his eyes narrowed further at the question, scoffing low in the back of his throat. “What the FUCK did you do to Annie? You're mad at me so you take it out on HER? WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?! SHE DIDN”T DESERVE ANY OF THIS!” And he did? Fuck! He didn't mean to sleep with her- he didn't mean for any of it to happen, they were both just drunk and fucking crying and he didn't know what the fuck he was doing when he started kissing her or when he started undressing her. It had just seemed like a good fucking idea. He was so drunk it wasn't even Annie he was sleeping with in his mind- and that just made it all the fucking worse- made it worse that she admitted that she didn't remember a whole lot of anything at all. She didn't deserve it. But neither did he. He didn't deserve to be stabbed in the fucking back like that. “NO FUCK YOU MIKEY- WHAT DID YOU DO? Don't you turn it the fuck around on me- what did YOU do? You fucking forced my hand- you made- you were the whole fucking reason we were up there in the first place- while you were busy boning my fucking girlfriend I have to live with the fact that you doing so made me take my fucking sisters virginity. You don't get to FUCKING play the victim in that. YOU DON'T GET TO.” His hands came out, palms flat against his brother's chest as he shoved and took a hard step back, breathing far more heavily than it called for- completely oblivious to the choking sobs coming from behind Mikey- to the shoulders pushing back against the shut door and calculating eyes as hands came up to cover Annie's face- hide her away from what was happening and being said.

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TAGGED: wildes
WORD COUNT: the shortness
ANY NOTES: welp
LYRICS: COLD HEARTED WOMAN- Rainbow
CREDITS: ALYX SAYS RAWR of A THOUSAND FIREFLIES

[Michael Wilde]

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Family fucking meeting he had said. Family meeting. Not let's all fucking attack Mikey over shit that's not even true. The things that he was saying, the anger that he was saying them with, he really thought that it was true. He really thought that Mikey was capable of doing that to him and nothing that he could say was going to make a difference. He had already denied it, the one that wasn't true, and if the pig headed asshole wasn't sane enough to listen to reason, then there was nothing left to say. Mikey was seething. He felt betrayed, hollowed by the absolute lack of trust that his little brother seemed to have in him. Fucking grown up together and he didn't even trust him. Because of some girl? How many times had Sissa gone off about girls like that, to his face? He obviously had lied about believing her too. He didn't want to be talking about the leech, he was supposed to be gone, this was supposed to have been over and done with. “I had sex with Bridgette too.” Mikey's eyes just about bugged out of his head, the weird almost pacing that he had taken up in the small space, shuffling his body around out of sheer disbelief that this was even happening halted totally. What's worse, was Danny seemed to have already known. He was twisting his hand, brushing it off like it was nothing of consequence. What? FUCKING WHAT? “That was different. You didn't choose that.” He couldn't believe what he was hearing. Scott had slept with her two, WHO FUCKING KNEW when that happened even, and Danny had known, AND forgiven him. Some fucking pass or some shit because otherwise he would have heard SOMETHING about it. “Uh- what?” He turned his anger on Scott who looked just about as sick to his stomach and green in the face as Mikey felt right about now. “And when the fuck was this? HOW IS THAT NOT WORSE? YOU WERE ON FUCKING BEING!” They had grown from the same group of cells until they had just manifested into being. How was that, with out close those two were, not worse than what he had done? He knew he couldn't tell Danny anything. Knew that with how set he was right now, that fucking tick in his jaw and the vein in his temple sticking out like it was, no, he had already sentenced Mikey. This wasn't a trial, this was a reading of the god damned verdict. “A god damned leech? Really- do you even know what you did? Mikey? Do you- do you fucking understand how much you did that night?! What you did to me and Annie?!” What HE did? What he did was NOTHING more than what the other one had done. He had been drunk too, he hadn't even known what the fuck was going on. It had been an accident he didn't even remember half of it happening. All he could remember was sinking to the floor, that fog settled into his head until he could hardly lift his hands. He knew, because he had stared at them for so long, willing them to pick up the glass so that he could finish his drink...hadn't even been a full two glasses then, no, just over one because Apollo had been chugging straight from the neck and doing impersonations, just like he always did whenever he was rolling. He had gone for more...he knew because the laughter had stopped and he could feel her, on him....and that, well he couldn't remember the rest and that was that. It was over with. Not that he was going to tell them that, they didn't need to hurt any more than they already were. He didn't understand just what it was that Annie had to do with any of this. Yes, apparently she had walked in on them, yes, apparently he had yelled at her, or been told to yell at her....she had been whispering all night long, right in his ear and he couldn't even remember what she had said, even as he was standing here in this small room he felt like he was drowning in that thick perfume of hers. Clogging his nose and making him want to retch all over again. Something he must have done a half dozen times on the phone with Sissa after, he had been so confused, he hadn't even known that he was at school...just thought that he couldn't come down from whatever high he was on...and she had sat, so somber on the other end of the phone with him...for hours, it felt like hours she had listened as he recounted the details as they came back to him, curled up in that tower until the feeling came back to his legs. Even now, more was coming clear that he hadn't wanted to remember. Sissa had said he didn't need to, Sissa had said she would remember for the both of them...she had said...but it was out now. He knew he hurt Danny, and he would take responsibility for that, if he wanted to hit him, he could hit him, he wouldn't even hit back, but Odette. He had nothing to do with Odette. Nothing. He talked to her, they talked, that was it.

“How can you sit here and lie to me- lie to ME Mikey, after all you've done. You slept with Bridgette- got her fucking drunk.” “Hey, you got it wrong on who brought -” Mikey's hand lifted, stopping Apollo. No, Danny was too blind into his rage to see reason. He didn't care. He was blaming him for everything. Everything. He had never lied to Danny or Scott. Never. He couldn't. They were his blood, his brothers. He would have done anything for them. Anything. He knew he wasn't serious about much, but he had thought Danny knew, thought that they both knew he was serious about them. Had gotten into more than his share, more than a few men's share of fights for them. Because of them. Mikey meant nothing to him, apparently. Bridgette and her lies, her leech like tongue was more important to him than his own brother, and he didn't know how to handle that. It was too much for his body. He could feel himself squaring off to meet Danny's stance, as the issue was with him, Scott was hardly saying anything at all. “You slept with Odette KNOWING something was going on with the group of us- and fuck- you fucking prick, its your fault. I can barely look at myself in the goddamned mirror anymore.” He didn't know that anything was going on with Odette, the most that he knew was that something had happened fifth year and then they all stopped fucking talking. So, that was that. He didn't talk to her about them because she didn't seem to like to. They were always yelling at one another. More secrets being kept from him after all. Some fucking brother he was. They didn't even feel like they were talking to family. Danny was DISMISSING him. ”Because you couldn't fucking keep it in your pants I had to fucking hurt Annie- are you fucking SATISFIED yet?” Annie? What the fuck did Annie have to do with- wait. What. Hurt Annie? He hurt Annie? In his rage and blink anguish he turned to her and she wouldn't look at him. Wouldn't even lift her head from where it had been staring at the floor. “What did you do to her?” his voice was low, even as he was faced her, and slowly turned back to look at his brother, if he could even call him that any more, apparently they didn't know one another at fucking all. He took large strides to close the distance between the two of them, shouting all the while “What the FUCK did you do to Annie?” even more, why hadn't she told him, he thought that she told him everything, even if he was only half listening half of the time, he still thought...apparently fucking nobody here trusted him even a tiny bit with anything. Fuck them all. “You're mad at me so you take it out on HER? WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?! SHE DIDN”T DESERVE ANY OF THIS!”

“NO FUCK YOU MIKEY- WHAT DID YOU DO? WHAT DID HE HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING THAT DANNY COULD HAVE POSSIBLY DONE TO ANNIE? He didn't have anything to do with this. He wasn't involved in the hurting of Annie. He never you have intentionally hurt Annie. Fine, the asshole wanted to blame Bridgette on him, fine, he wanted to blame whatever nonexistent tryst with Odette on him, fine. But he wasn't going to take the blame for anything to do with Annie. He didn't do anything to her, and he wouldn't let people say that he did. ” Don't you turn it the fuck around on me- what did YOU do? You fucking forced my hand- you made- “ He didn't MAKE anybody do ANYTHING. He didn't understand where the fuck any of this was coming from. He had just been in class, just a few moments ago, minding his own fucking business, more or less, and now this? “I DIDN'T DO A FUCKING THING” He was screaming over his brother now, attempting to get him to LISTEN, to just HEAR him. His face was shaking, and he knew spittle was flying loose from his mouth in his rage. you were the whole fucking reason we were up there in the first place- while you were busy boning my fucking girlfriend I have to live with the fact that you doing so made me take my fucking sisters virginity. You don't get to FUCKING play the victim in that. YOU DON'T GET TO.” The whole room stopped. Everything stopped. The dust particles hung motionless in the air. He wasn't even breathing any longer, all he could hear were her sobs. Sobbing coming from behind him. Heavy, deep into her hands sobbing. The sort of ugly sobbing he normally was the one to stop, he'd only heard that particular sob whenever she came home from her parent’s house and crawled into bed with him. He couldn’t even hear the rest of whatever Danny was screaming at him for. Danny and Annie? Annette had....slept with him? HIM? And yet, somehow this was his fault? Mikey hadn't pushed them together. Danny was over here, shouting all righteous about how Mikey was such a horrible fucking person whenever he had gone and cheated on the girl that he was so affronted had done the same thing-many times- to him? And with ANNIE?

He felt the shove. Didn't even see it coming as he damned near fell over backward. There had to of been hands just barely catching his lower back before he caught himself, righted himself. Must have been Apollo. He would have gone crashing right to the ground. He was having trouble finding air. Why did it matter? Because Annie was family. You didn’t just fuck family. Obviously. Unless she wasn't really family, or Danny wasn't. One of them had something to explain here because Mikey's brain could not understand what was happening. “You slept with Annie?” his voice cracked, he would never admit it, or understand it, the way his brow furrowed as he said it, turning to her, “And you?” voice overbearing with expectation, better, needing something better “slept with him? And you've both been what...just lying to me this whole time?” he shook his head, “fuck this” and moved for the door, his body not even wanting to move but Apollo didn't budge, his eyes locked on his own, waiting. He didn't want to go another round with the still foaming child behind him. Couldn't bear to look at Annie for even a second longer. He wouldn't stand here, and he called a liar over and over again.

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S tatus: Done
T Mikey/Apollo/Wonder Twins/Annie
O utfit: idk. something.
N otes: November,Precursor to all Odette relationship things.
C redit: template by Marv of A Thousand Fireflies
L yrics: Here By Me by 3 Doors Down

[Scott Wilde]

I DON'T WANT TO RUN AWAY BUT I CAN'T TAKE IT

( • I D O N ' T U N D E R S T A N D • )

It was all out there now- all of the transgressions. All out there- and Scott knew, Scott knew that Annie and Danny and all of that was going to fuck Mikey up- he knew because it was fucking wrong, had been wrong and Mikey didn't even know the half of it. Knew that Danny confessing it was going to make Annie break down even more and it did- it was- he could see all of it and he was just frozen- stuck to the spot with his seizing lungs and rapid beat of his heart. With the pain rebounding around the room and crashing into him over and over. So many lies. They were supposed to protect the rest of them but they hadn't- and he got it, he got why Sissa insisted on complete, no barriers, communication. He got it and getting it now hurt even more – because how fucking much could they have fucking avoided if they'd just done what they were brought up doing? This castle- that girl- she was rotting them all from the inside out- had come and infected them with her poison and left it to spread through them- over them. “Go ahead and tell me you didn't Mikey. TELL ME that you didn't sleep with her. Lie to my face again. Give me a fucking reason.” And he was searching for one, Scott knew it even if no one else recognized it, saw that Danny just wanted him to tell him that somehow yes, he'd slept with her and lied about it – own up to it and still have a reason to make it all okay. He knew better than anyone, that the thought of Mikey betraying him was tearing through Danny in a way that almost nothing else could. Mikey was one of their fucking heros, had been since- well since forever. His breath caught in his chest, watching something thrown between the two of them and wondering just what else had been kept from him- only- his eyes were zeroing, because he had to be wrong... “TELL ME that isn't your handwriting Mikey- tell me I'm fucking imagining that. Tell me that Bridgette didn't see you coming out of Odette's fucking bed that morning. Tell me that I made all of that the FUCK up. PLEASE.” That stationary couldn't be the same, couldn't have that little design on the corner because he'd only ever seen it once before, but his half step forward didn't change what he was seeing- and it was like an invisible blow to his chest, knocked the breath right out of him as his fingers loosed from the inhaler- as his eyes centered even more on that paper. Because that paper, no matter what writing it had on it, that was his- had to be his- that was his, and he'd left it. He'd left it beside a girl on a pillow after he'd lost his virginity. He'd left it with that exact same smiley face drawn into one corner and looping around the top of her name. Because despite the writing it was the same exact length- and he wasn't even aware that he'd dropped to the floor until the residual pain shot up his legs from his knees. Wasn't aware he was gasping until hands were on either shoulder and he was clutching at his chest. “Mine, mine, mine, I wrote it- I left it for her. I told you- the note, on her pillow, I knew, I left it there for her on the pillow.”

That was his- sitting there, held against him as his thoughts raced despite the negative emotions clouding him. And he was panicked because he knew that was Mikey's writing- it was, but that was his note to her, that was his. And that meant someone else had seen it, someone had to have gotten to it before he had and the only person that it could have possibly been- made him sick to his stomach. Made the bile literally try and fight its way past the obstruction in the back of his throat because Bridgette had been in there with Odette after... after. He could hear Mikey's questions but he couldn't respond, couldn't stop seeing Odette just as he'd left her, couldn't stop hearing it over and over again. Hearing him telling Bridgette he just wanted to do something special for Odette. He hadn't told her what, he hadn't- he hadn't told her but of course she'd know. He was taking candles up there and borrowing records- what else would he have been doing all of that for? Of course she had gone and ruined it for them, gone and taken the one thing from them that really made them happy, that they really wanted. And hurt Odette in the process. Because why would she stop and just hurting Scott and Danny when she could get one in on Odette as well? His stomach turned over, hearing Odette describe how it had happened all over again and again it was his fault. Again he'd allowed Bridgette to do something, to infect him in some way, that negatively impacted everyone else. “He said he'd written Odette a note, after they were... together third year.” He had, put it on the pillow by her head, looped a huge smiley face through the top corner because he was just fucking ecstatic after all of the awkward fumbling of the night before. “That he wrote her a note and left it for her when she woke up- but she said she never got it-” She'd screamed it at him through her tears, accused him of lying, of imagining it. But he'd known. He wouldn't have left her without it, had been hard enough to do it in the first place even with it. It was Odette. It was always Odette. “But that can't be the same Scotty. That's Mikey's-” His hand shot out, fingers connecting with the first thing they could find and curling into the fabric, looking up and Danny and just willing him to fucking see, his head shaking. “No.” Not it wasn't Mikey's it was his. The hand holding it to his chest extended, held it out so both he and Mikey could see the thing. It was Mikey's hand writing, could have easily been Mikey's smiley even, but the little nose he had to fucking put in it because Odette always wrinkled her nose and made a damn face at the fact that he did so - “That's my smiley, that's my paper- I don't-” He shook his head, confused. “I don't know why it's Mikey's writing but Bridgette...” It had to have been Bridgette- she had to have. “Bridgette hurts people. It's what she does.” Annie's voice still weak, pointedly at the back turned to her, at the two boys that were both looking at Scott. Like they were the ones that needed to hear it- and maybe they did. Danny did. Danny needed to get it.

Bridgette hurts people. She hurts people. Over again, the phrase and fragments of it resonated in his brain and he couldn't- didn't know how to process the assortment of images that were flashing through his memory. Bridgette over him. Bridgette laughing. Bridgette leaning down to whisper in his ear all sorts of things that he didn't want to hear and that made his stomach turn. Images of her afterward with Danny- with those barely smudged eyes as she looked at him from under his twin's arms, accusing words and half smile on her lips. Images laced with the smell of her overly-sweet perfume, with the burn of repeated retching as he curled around the lip of a toilet in a dormitory that wasn't his own. He didn't want to see any of it- but that phrase had never been more accurate. Bridgette hurt people. Danny curled around her while she talked to him, her hands in his hair- all smiles that never quite reached her eyes. Danny stretched out on his bed by himself, refusing to let Scott do any more than lay beside him, refusing to speak. To him, to his twin. Danny glaring at the back of Mikey's shoulders from across the pitch. Danny yelling at Mikey only moments before. She hurt things. Fractured them, found cracks in them and made her home there- inside where she could hurt all the more effectively. Bridgette was poison and hate, all wrapped up in a package that would never be nearly as pretty as it was perceived. Bridgette was... Bridgette had wormed her way into their grouping and tried to break them- it was what she did- only she didn't know what it was that she was trying to break, didn't understand just how deep those bonds went. Even here- with all the lies and accusations and insults out in the air between them. Even with all of the tears that were being shed right now in this very room. They were Wildes. And the fact that they were still here doing it, still here at all and without any other reason than to figure it out was because of that fact- because no matter how much hurt and desperation and all around pain was here in this room right now they were still together. In some respects. Even if it still managed to feel like everything Scott had ever known was being thrown up into the air and left to chance what came back down. He had faith. In his brothers. In his brothers he had faith that it would end up okay, and that made his holding that damned smiley to him all the more stupid, all the more ridiculous in the long run. Because it hurt, but that was just what she had wanted. Wide, warm amber connected with flinty black, pressed until the pupils started to calm, until the shoulders begun to shake with the repressed emotion, Scott's opposite arm coming up to mirror the hold Danny had on him, making a circle of the two bodies.

Scott's knees shuffled back against the cold stone, leaving one arm wrapped around Danny as he curled himself into their elder brother, body almost curling inward upon itself as he watched, fingers rubbing into the back of his twin's shirt. “We're family. Your family loves you.” And his own chest was shaking, pulsing as he pressed the tips of his fingers ever harder into that shirt with the words as back up. They all loved him- all of them with their separate idiosyncrasies and stupid fucking issues. It was what they did. They could fight, they could scream and yell and throw fists and feet both at one another for hours- but they loved one another all through it. And after it. It was just who they were. His fingers twitched, twisting to pull the two bodies he was holding closer, arms banding around either torso as if he could force them to meld into them. They were family. They were supposed to fight these sorts of things together, supposed to – his body shook, quavered like the one across from him and it was all he could do not to repeat the lines coming from his brother. “I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. I should have come to you, myself. The both of you.” It wasn't like he hadn't considered it, but then he hadn't- and what did that make him? His head shook slightly, pressing into the shoulder despite the choked sob from behind the group of them, the uncomfortable clearing of another man's throat. He could feel something, within his chest, seizing, but not his own and without thought he curled his arm down, shifted his fingers until they could grip the inhaler sticking up from his pocket and hand it over to his twin- not even twice considering the impact as the other boy took it to his own lips, pressed the familiar release button before he handed it back. “I should have said something,” to either of them- about either of them. He had just wanted... had been caught up in fucking everything. Everything that had tumbled down upon their heads and it almost felt like it was still falling, crushing his shoulders beneath the sheer weight of it.

IF I AM NOT MADE FOR YOU

( • T H E N W H Y D O E S M Y H E A R T T E L L M E I A M ? • )

W O R D S •stuff

T A G G E D •Wildes

O U T F I T • later

L Y R I C S • If you're not the one- Daniel Bedingfield

T E M P L A T E • PANIC! ITS LAUZ of CAUTION

N O T E S •short,short,short- I suck I'm sorry

[Daniel Wilde]

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ONLY WHEN I STOP TO THINK ABOUT YOU, I KNOW

O N L Y . W H E N . Y O U . S T O P . T O . T H I N K . A B O U T . M E . D O . Y O U. K N O W.

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“You slept with Annie?” He wanted to throw something- wanted to scream more but all he could manage was a strained - “It's not sleeping Mikey.” Like that somehow made it better, like it wasn't twisting his fucking stomach and like the high-pitched hiccup that resulted from it didn't make him feel guilty. She was cringing into the damn floor and he was still trying to fucking talk to her, still acting like they were the ones who had done wrong and he was so over it- so over his lies and over him not giving a damn about them, about him. He was Mikey. He was supposed to be – Mikey, always Mikey. Always up above them, always ready to defend them so long as the insult wasn't from his lips, always right there when one or the other needed to talk something out- but he hadn't been. He'd let him down. He'd lied. He'd betrayed him, and it stung, cut him deep to the roots. “And you've both been what...just lying to me this whole time?” Another strangled laugh as he turned like he was leaving- Danny's elbow jostling something- sending it clattering to the floor behind him as he stepped forward. “YOU want to talk about lying still? REALLY Mikey- that's where you want to fucking go? Like you aren't STILL fucking lying. Please. Like you didn't SLEEP WITH ODETTE?” He wanted to see him turn, wanted to hear him deny it again, but he couldn't even stop himself from that second step, bringing him closer again, couldn't stop his voice from raising frantically higher. “Go ahead and tell me you didn't Mikey. TELL ME that you didn't sleep with her. Lie to my face again. Give me a fucking reason.” His hand shoved into his jeans pocket, pulled the folded paper out and threw it to the ground between them with barely concealed disgust, his form vibrating with anger as it fell open to reveal the script, to reveal the so fucking familiar script. The fucking handwriting of his brother. “TELL ME that isn't your handwriting Mikey- tell me I'm fucking imagining that. Tell me that Bridgette didn't see you coming out of Odette's fucking bed that morning. Tell me that I made all of that the FUCK up. PLEASE.” Lie to him again, just fucking show him that he was worth the shit he had shoved on him over the years- just let him know that the love he'd thought existed between them was one fucking sided- that all of this was just fucking finally out in the open for no goddamned reason. He dared him to try- to try and excuse this away- because he couldn't. No matter what else Mikey couldn't keep up this fucking lie, couldn't possibly think he could- no matter what else- Danny couldn't handle it, couldn't handle any more of his foundations being broken down like that. Only the sound of knees hitting the ground behind them, the sound of plastic rattling over the stone floor had his neck turning suddenly, had him bearing witness to the crumpling of his twin's face- to the absolute horror painted there.

Panic- he could feel it- gripping his chest even though it wasn't his own, making his heart race and his palms sweat even as he dropped to the floor beside his other half, even as his hands closed over his shoulders and held him up from falling forward. “Mine, mine, mine, I wrote it- I left it for her. I told you- the note, on her pillow, I knew, I left it there for her on the pillow.” Mumbling, repeating it over and over like there was something else to it- something- and it hit him then, sank into the pit of his stomach and forced him to rock back on his haunches, anger slowly sliding off of his features until all that was left was gray- a sickened, stricken expression. It may have taken him a minute, taken him that minute to work past the indignation, fury, and hurt spiraling through him- but he knew. Of course he knew about the note that was being argued over. He'd gone over it and over it again with his twin on how it could have fallen off of the bed, how it could have gotten lost under it or something. Went over it and over it after that last confrontation that Scott had with Odette, with the emotional shitstorm that had followed it. “Scotty?” He couldn't turn away from the way Scott was curled over the paper, how his hands were pressing the thing into his chest, his eyes on the floor as his lips moved soundlessly. And Danny... didn't even know what was going through his head, couldn't understand what conclusions it was that his twin was reaching and he was sickened by that- by this chasm that had reached out between them and left him separated on the other side. From everyone even. From Mikey. From Scott. He didn't even know he was crying until the first drop hit his neck, rolled down off of the side of his face and splattered across the skin. They'd all gone and- he didn't even know, they'd been... divided and it was the one thing he never thought he'd have to deal with, it … broke him, it reached inside of him and twisted, turned until he swore his entire stomach was going to come out of his side. “Somebody want to tell me what the FUCK is up with this paper?” His face seemed to have deadened- fingers rubbing into the fabric of the shirt he was still holding. “He said he'd written Odette a note, after they were... together third year.” After they had sex. “That he wrote her a note and left it for her for when she woke up- but she said she never got it-” He wasn't even looking at the other three in the room, eyes trained on Scott as he relayed the information via monotone. They could fill in the rest, they had to know about what Odette's third year meant- apparently Scott was the only one who hadn't heard- but then Danny had just assumed it was with someone else and didn't- Merlin, it hurt, it all hurt- lanced through his chest as he shook his head slightly. “But that can't be the same Scotty.” It couldn't be. “That's Mikey's-” The hand shoving up against his chest, curling into the fabric covering it and frantically wide eyes made the words still in his throat.

He couldn't focus on what Annie said in companion to his own words, couldn't think about them because he was afraid of disagreeing with them- or even worse, in some ways, agreeing. His skin crawled, mind on constant loop. Everything he thought he'd known, everything he was being told was different, every memory and every bit of the emotion he'd attached to it. He felt... asunder, like he was standing on the precipice of falling but he couldn't quite figure out if that was what he needed to do or whether he needed to hold back and seek more stable ground. Standing on the edge and looking out, wavering there- he just wanted to go back up to his dorm and forget any of this had ever happened. He wanted to go back to his third year and not see Bridgette that way at all, to not get to know her and feel for her- because he knew, some part of him, that she was... that there was something wrong with her. He knew there was something there that was just... off. But he could excuse it away, when she smiled at him like that- when she stole into his room not to touch him or to make a show like she always seemed to end up doing when they were in public- when she came in nearly regular clothing and just lay there with him without talking. Just looked at him and let him look at her. That was when he got it- got that there was more to her than the smiles she painted on her lips the rest of the time. That was when- he just- felt. He knew she'd done things- knew that not everything about her was perfect but … everything was crowding in his brain, pushing against his skull till he felt it would implode. The only thing holding him down at all was the body under his hand, the shoulder he had such a firm grip around as the mirrored tears fell between them, as his twin's eyes stared at his own until he felt like he was going to collapse, until he felt like all of the negative emotion surrounding the lot of them was coalescing into him alone. “I c-c-can't.” Like Annie now, the stutter on the edge of his tongue, choked up with emotion and moisture. “I d-d-d-on't- I-I-I- loved -” His whole body shook, his bones feeling as if they were going to come out of his skin as he shook his head, convulsing there- frantic eyes turning up as Scott's hand that had come up to his shoulder broke away, as his arm reached out to the body behind them.

It was like his whole body was splintering from the inside out, like everything that he'd already known but couldn't quite get a grip on was cementing within him and it hurt. It hurt- pushing aside all of the twisted lies, rearranging the confused data he'd been fed, and the torn, frayed edges that he hadn't even been aware were inside of him. He'd tried for so long- to push it down, to move on. Tried to take all of that grossness inside of him and expel it. Through his art, through quidditch, through the classes he took. Through his friendships even. He'd tried so hard to wash it out of himself- to rid himself of it choking up the back of his throat. But everything seemed- it just seemed as if it had some black fucking veil hiding beneath even the best of things. Every comment had too many different alternatives for meaning. Every action hid so many other truths behind it. And he felt like he was going crazy, insane, with no one to talk to about it because Scott- he couldn't do that to Scotty. His body broke, bent almost in half held up only by the arms surrounding him, by the extra set that had come to him- fit under his extended arm before he fully curled it around as much of the shoulders as he could reach. He had just wanted- something. He didn't even know what, wanted clarification, wanted a reason. Wanted her to be wrong even though his entire body seemed to reject the thought. Like it just wasn't possible for her to be. “We're family.” Something- some choked noise escaped his throat, unable to put into words just how that one line resonated within him, choking on the things he had left to say. Family. “Your family loves you.” His arms shifted, both of them going to his elder brother as the other half of him shifted, without thought, moving so he could accomplish wrapping the both of them around the one body. She'd told him- had shown him- had proof- but even then the shattering within his ribcage wasn't as bad as this- and that didn't make sense. He loved Mikey. He loved Mikey more than he ever would himself, in the same way he loved all of his siblings, that fierce, deep need to be around them- even if not through just physical presence. The same way he still needed to owl Matty at least three times a week or else his stomach bottomed out. Why he wrote Sissa every day and sometimes more than- why Aubrey was literally called to come see them Hogsmeade weekends when they could manage it. Unhealthy- Bridgette had called it- but he was more unhealthy when removed from it, they were all better together, the lot of them- they functioned better as a group rather than singled out. Which was maybe why he'd failed so miserably at all of this- trying to handle it himself, go it on his own. His forehead tilted, arms shifting to hold tighter to the massive body holding onto him, nearly crushing the arm Scott still had wrapped around him in the process, his face rubbing without thought against the fabric it found before the arms shifted, before his own lifted to pull back in the identical body that had shuffled a space back to allow the other two bodies to fit, now shoving bodily under the two arms being offered him and squeezing back just as tightly as Danny had tried with the one before. “I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. I should have come to you, myself. The both of you.” He could feel his own head shaking, same as the one across from him as they both denied the words. Wouldn't have mattered- they could have done the same. But still his voice was stilled in the back of his throat, overlain by a shallow, gasping breath before the arm around his shoulders shifted for a beat, plastic pressed into his fingers as he pulled the inhaler up to his own lips.
Aimee Collins

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TAGGED: wildes
WORD COUNT: the shortness
ANY NOTES: welp
LYRICS: COLD HEARTED WOMAN- Rainbow
CREDITS: ALYX SAYS RAWR of A THOUSAND FIREFLIES

[Michael Wilde]

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Now. Now was the time that Apollo was going to choose to get involved? To decide that finally he gave a shit about how the Wilde's interacted with one another? He knew he was glaring at him, much harder than he really should have been, and he was still doing it. This had nothing to do with whatever was happening between the two of them, and everything to do with just what was happening in this room. Apollo should have been storming out of there behind him. Should have. But wasn't. “YOU want to talk about lying still? REALLY Mikey- that's where you want to fucking go? Like you aren't STILL fucking lying. Please. Like you didn't SLEEP WITH ODETTE?” He could hear Danny again, screaming until he couldn't get any louder, repeating the same fucking lies over and over again like he was on some mission to force Mikey to lie to him. He rounded back on Danny, nearly chest to chest with him now “I DIDN'T FUCKING SLEEP WITH HER!” he didn't know how else to put it to make him understand, he didn't understand any of it. “Go ahead and tell me you didn't Mikey. TELL ME that you didn't sleep with her. Lie to my face again. Give me a fucking reason.” He was just raging on top of Danny's rage, and he could feel whatever friendship that they once had had falling around them to the ground. Broken bits to be swept up, no doubt by Sissa. This was so much more than a fight. “Go ahead and tell me you didn't Mikey. TELL ME that you didn't sleep with her. Lie to my face again. Give me a fucking reason.” He shook his head, he was going to lose his voice if he kept yelling like that, screaming at him and he just wasn't understanding. He hardly noticed the slip of paper brandished in his face and then thrown to the floor. What the fuck? Why was he waving paper around. He was smoking something, obviously. . “TELL ME that isn't your handwriting Mikey- tell me I'm fucking imagining that. Tell me that Bridgette didn't see you coming out of Odette's fucking bed that morning. Tell me that I made all of that the FUCK up. PLEASE.” Like that paper meant anything? He couldn't see the handwriting from where he was but he sure as fuck wasn't going to stoop down and do him the satisfaction of reading it. He'd never once come out of Odette's room, well. Not because Odette was in there, some other girl maybe, she did share it with a handful of other birds after all. Not that Bridgette – had she in fact seen him – could have POSSIBLY known who's bed he had been in. “I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT THAT IS!” And he didn't, he didn't even need to look at it, not really, the only person that he ever wrote notes two, had graduated years ago. If he needed to write Annie, he did it on her skin, if he needed to write Apollo or Joel, he did it in their text books so they couldn't ignore it. He didn't pass notes like some little girl. Danny's gaze was shifting, and out of reflex, mirroring him or something, his looked down two, the other half of the raging boy was crumpled on the floor, scooping the letter up into his hand and clutching at his chest like he knew something about the letter than Danny just, didn't. “Mine, mine, mine, I wrote it- I left it for her. I told you- the note, on her pillow, I knew, I left it there for her on the pillow.” “Scotty?” He was beyond confused “Somebody want to tell me what the FUCK is up with this paper?”

“He said he'd written Odette a note, after they were... together third year. That he wrote her a note and left it for her for when she woke up- but she said she never got it-” Almost nothing about sex tended to shock him. His first thought was that the Odette thing made a fuck ton more sense now. The second, was if Sissa knew or not, something he was sure would please her. He could see Danny wasn't seething anymore but he couldn't let go of his own anger like this. He didn't care what the cause of it was, how it had been orchestrated, one way or another, he had allowed himself to believe that Mikey was capable of such a thing. He couldn't forget that. No matter what the note said, who had really written it, what ever had happened, Danny thought Mikey would hurt him like that, and it cut. Deep. He knew all about Odette's third year, more tha most people did he was sure because he had teased her about it a few times, until he made her cry, and was incapable of doing that again. He hadn't known that it had been with his own brother, she had always left that part out...but he knew the rest“But that can't be the same Scotty. That's Mikey's-” More secrets, more lies that he knew nothing about. They were expecting him to be in on their freaky brain thing and he wasn't. He didn't know what they were talking about. “No.” About fucking time. He shifted his stance, craning his neck to see this paper and, merlin, that did look a lot like his fucking handwriting. Who the fuck would have copied his handwriting? [i“That's my smiley, that's my paper- I don't-”

[/i] And why. Why would anybody want to do that? Plant something like he had written it? It was just so fucking pointless. “I don't know why it's Mikey's writing but Bridgette...” Bridgette. Of fucking course. “Bridgette hurts people. It's what she does.” He couldn't even look at Annie right now. He could hardly look at Danny. So he was focusing on Scott. Trying to listen, trying to understand. Trying not to shake with rage until he punched one, or all of the people in this room.


There was no doubting that Scott was hurting, he didn't doubt that somehow, this letter had been twisted by Bridgette. Everything that she did hurt people, she was a leech. A lacrimose leech. She was horrible. She had somehow managed to weasel her way in between these two, his brothers, his twin brothers and not only turn one of them again him, for years, YEARS Danny had been hating him and he had no idea. For years, he had been festering in his hurt and his bitterness toward him and Mikey had somehow missed it. Nevermind that she had managed to wedge herself between the two twins. No, it didn't seem like it was as bad, but he still didn't have all of the details. Just a chunk of them, he was assuming. He never would have thought that anything, ANYTHING could have come between these two. They were one and the same. Always. They always had been. He couldn't stand the thought of somebody hurting his brothers, even with all of the other nonsense that they were accusing him of, of Danny sleeping with Annie. He couldn't even think about that right now. That was going to have to be handled without her present, he couldn't even look at her. “I c-c-can't.” He could handle anything that Bridgette threw at him alone. But not this. He couldn't handle this. They were still so young. He could feel the blow to his chest like a mallet. His hurt and his own feelings of deep betrayal shoved aside in a second because that was what he was trained to do. Pops had raised him to take care of his family, his siblings were his mother. He was freakishly bonded to them, even if he was the only one to have been placed in this house. “I d-d-d-on't- I-I-I- loved -” He was already moving before the arm was extended in his direction. His arms coming to wrap fully around Danny's body tightly, holding him there for a long moment while he shook, no hesitation. “We're family.” he murmered beside his ear “Your family loves you.” He knew beyond a doubt that he was free to speak on behalf of all of them on that front. After a beat, his grasp shifted, massive wingspan coming to wrap around both of his little brothers bodies and hug them to him as best as we can. “I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry” not about Odette, he didn't have anything to do with that, but he was sorry they were hurting, sorry that he didn't remember, sorry he wasn't able to make her pay. He wanted to make her pay. He held them until their arms had to be close to bruising, his grasp so tightly around them. He let them cry, mainly because it was all that he could do to keep from doing it himself. “I should have come to you, myself. The both of you.”

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S tatus: Done
T Mikey/Apollo/Wonder Twins/Annie
O utfit: idk. something.
N otes: November,Precursor to all Odette relationship things.
C redit: template by Marv of A Thousand Fireflies
L yrics: Here By Me by 3 Doors Down

[Scott Wilde]

I DON'T WANT TO RUN AWAY BUT I CAN'T TAKE IT

( • I D O N ' T U N D E R S T A N D • )

People fought in the Wilde house. All the time. There wasn’t a single occasion that even two of the siblings were put together that there wasn’t some sort of physical altercation that came from it. Maybe not right at first. Or even within the first few hours, although really it not being was pretty rare, but it still happened at some point. Playful or not. Usually both, sometimes switching from one to the other. Sissa had to stitch up and fix anything from broken bones, contusions, to actual accidental maiming for as far back as Scott could remember. They fought a lot. They felt a lot. That was the main problem. Every single feeling seemed exacerbated in the lot of them. Like they couldn’t just be numb over something. If they were angry they were ANGRY, in all capitals and bolded and underined with growling in the background amidst their glares. When they were happy they were downright jovial and ecstatic. They were a unit, cohesive. The fact that this, this thing festering still between those in this room, had gone on for so long unnoticed was more disturbing than any of the facts that were being brought to light. More disturbing than the truths that had been laid bare in this room. More disturbing than finding out that everything between him and Odette, all of that hurt and anger, had been some fucked up calculation of the poisonous bitch who had set these roots as she had. They were a family. Mikey had said it. A family. And he’d always taken such pride in them being so much closer than any others that he knew. Felt so secure in that knowledge. And this- this had just been there, beneath all of that for the past several years. Not weeks or months as some tiffs in the house tended to run if Sissa or Pops didn’t set it to rights quick enough. This wasn’t like the time that Aaron’s wife had been purposefully locked out of the house in an attempt to keep her from it. Something the twins had ended up taking the credit for under bribery from Dani- because whatever it was between those two everyone in the house knew that they’d never really … gotten on. This was actual… anger, anger that had stayed, that had twisted and grown and divided without anyone seeing it and seeing it for what it was. This was earth shattering, even with the arms around him as they were now and his around them- the whole of this situation stuck to the roof of his mouth and made him sick to his stomach, made his bones chill despite how heated the air around them still was from the entire confrontation.

Lucky actually that it hadn’t come to blows, seeing how little it took. For those two especially.

He couldn’t stop his head from drooping as his twins breaths continued to come in gasping inhales and barely contained shaking release, watching once more as his inhaler was lifted to his lips and medicine taken in- the twisted plains of his brother’s faces all he could see in the room even though he could still hear the people also sharing it- still even see Apollo leaning back against the wall with his face all twisted up watching them with that confused, contemplative look on his features. Still see Annie as she shrunk into the corner with only her red-rimmed eyes visible. The pain in this room was palpable. On display for everyone to fucking taste and see and it should have been shameful- but everyone in the room was family. They were family. And the two he was still holding onto, wordless, soundless tears tracking down his face- he didn’t know how to separate himself from them. Figuratively or literally. Family was everything, it always had been- there wasn’t a him without a single member of their large clan. You took one of them out of the equation and it didn’t make any kind of fucking sense. Couldn’t shift those dynamics like that. They were perfect the way they were. Made sense just as they were. To think that, had all of this not happened, that could have changed, that the anger that had been building could have actually turned to hate or pulled the threads that bound out of a single relationship within that fold… that was terrifying. His neck craned down, pressing into his twin’s shoulder as both of his hands bunched up further in the fabric of his brother’s clothes- the both of them, tightening his arms as Danny’s shaking seemed to both slow and intensify- another hit on the inhaler and Scott knew just how much he was taking but he needed it- Scott knew he needed it and couldn’t stop him- not sure whose knees begun to buckle first as the three of them seemed to fall in a strangely organized heap, his arms staying wrapped around just the same as he settled slightly off-centered in front of Danny, forehead pushing further into the curved shoulder as he tried to regulate his own breathing into deep- even measures- one hand coming up further along Danny’s back and pushing his face to Mikey’s chest- mimicking the breathing as best he could. Better if the heartbeat was centered but that was more difficult to finagle with three people. “C’mon twin, we got you.” Just barely out of his throat, raw sounding against the otherwise quiet room.

They were words of encouragement, even though he knew that the tremors moving through his twin in the aftermath were nowhere near close to stopping- even though he knew they’d be sitting just as they were for hours to come. They needed to be said. Would be said again, and reaffirmed until Danny was able to talk. Until they came to a point where they could send one of the two by the door out to get food and water and really get into discussing things more. That was hours away though. Hours and he knew it- so he settled more comfortably into the stone they were sitting on now, his own tears drying slowly on his cheek. He could focus on that later, focus on all of the repercussions when they came to it- he was in nowhere near as bad of shape as his identical half. And he knew it. And he knew it. He knew it. He was starting to get real sick of knowing shit. The hand on Mikey shifted. Coming up slightly to press into the base of his neck in- comfort? In offering? He didn’t know. Apology certainly.

IF I AM NOT MADE FOR YOU

( • T H E N W H Y D O E S M Y H E A R T T E L L M E I A M ? • )

W O R D S •stuff

T A G G E D •Wildes

O U T F I T • later

L Y R I C S • If you're not the one- Daniel Bedingfield

T E M P L A T E • PANIC! ITS LAUZ of CAUTION

N O T E S •short,short,short- I suck I'm sorry

[Daniel Wilde]

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ONLY WHEN I STOP TO THINK ABOUT YOU, I KNOW

O N L Y . W H E N . Y O U . S T O P . T O . T H I N K . A B O U T . M E . D O . Y O U. K N O W.

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Fuck. Fuck. Shit. Fuck. Damn. His chest was seizing, squeezing and making it difficult for him to even pull half of a breath in, like he had nothing left in the way of airways and it hurt. The pain so intense and sudden that he almost couldn’t indentify it along the myriad of other pain he had going on at the moment. It was stupid. It was incredibly fucking stupid that he was allowing all of this to cripple him like it was, and somewhere in the back of his mind that was exactly what he was focusing on to try and keep himself from falling even deeper into all of it. On how stupid it was. On how stupid he had to be. It was such a small part of him though, the rest too ensnared in everything going on- caught up in the emotion of it all. Because fuck there was so much. So much wrong with everything that had been put out before him like that. Scotty and Mikey and … fuck. He couldn’t speak to deny that Mikey coming to him wouldn’t have helped. Couldn’t even rationalize to his own self why it wouldn’t have. Because fuck. He had been so caught up in her. Caught up in her for so long, still couldn’t put what they were telling him to her face, hardly even her name even though he knew with a bone crushing reality that they weren’t lying to him. That it made the sickest, most twisted of sense. That it fit. It fit with everything that they were saying but he couldn’t… couldn’t comprehend. She had loved him and he her. They’d been so good together. Despite all of that. Despite even what he had thought their issues had been at the time. She gave him… a part of himself. All his own. Of his own making in his own identity and she was always there to bolster him when he felt down or let him ramble on about things that she really didn’t have any interest in. Took his drawings as often as she could and always told him how much they meant to her and just how much better the simple things made her happy. Didn’t care that he didn’t come from money like she seemed to. Didn’t care that he could get moody and stupid at times. The things that he thought had bothered her all of that time had made sense, even when they were over something stupid they didn’t have any problems outside what normal relationships had. Only… Normal relationships didn’t have his girl fucking two of his brothers. Both of them with a fuck ton of alcohol but twice… twice the same excuse couldn’t be made. They, every single person- well no, Apollo hadn’t- so almost every person in this room had said she was twisted. Had said that she hurt people. That she liked it.

It just wasn’t the Bridgette he knew. Wasn’t the Bridgette he loved.

Thought he loved.

No. That was the most fucked up thing involved. He still loved her. Knew he did, could still feel that, the thing inside of him that belonged solely to her still twisting, trying to resist the expulsion of it that this all brought about. The only problem was, or maybe the only thing saving him, was that the two people holding him up from crumpling to the floor… his love for them was entirely different. And entirely more. Built into him instead of just grown. Composed in his very makeup. Even with as angry as he had been with Mikey, still was, if he were being honest. Even with the voice within him still wanting to see his fist disappear into the folds of his brother’s face- he loved them without question. Every time. They were the biggest part of his makeup. His family. His siblings. His Pops. Sissa… Matty, Chrissy, Aubrey, Aaron, Mikey, and Scotty. Vivi. All of the kids. Trying to imagine himself without them was impossible. And he had thought, for a long time, that trying to imagine himself not loving Bridgette was impossible to. That trying to imagine a world in which he hated her the way that Scotty did, and kept quiet on most often for his sake, just wasn’t a real possibility. His breath came harsh out of his chest, stuttering out as if there wasn’t enough within him to qualify an exhale, his heart still pounding away at an uneven, rapid rate. Slamming against his ribs as if to punish him for the very thought process still looping in his mind. He wasn’t good enough. It was a thought he’d been struggling with for so long, with this sickness inside of him. Like he was less than every single important person in his life, and even some of those that were just on the fringes of acquaintanceship. Wasn’t good enough to have any of the apologies that a part of him still fell righteously endowed to. His anger and his hurt at war with one another within his slowly deteriorating form- inhaler pressing into his lips again as if he could push all of the churning mess within him out if only he had enough air to do so. If only he had the capacity for such air.

His throat constricted around the foreign push- swallowed back the groan of defeat that still seemed lingering in the back of his throat- swallowed back the urge to scream until his throat bled raw all of the negative festered within him. Until he could rid himself of the demon attached so firmly to him, until he could erase everything that had been said- no everything that had been done. Go back and rewrite all of what had fucked all of this up. But he couldn’t. Couldn’t even open his lips for fear that he’d just… fuck it all up more. Collapse. Something. The hands against him seemed to shift and before he knew it it seemed his knees were buckling, the energy it took to keep himself even partially upright disintegrating as he fell to the ground, arms holding him and keeping his form from just freefalling down to the stone- keeping him in a seated position as they arranged around one another without thought. His heartbeat stuttered again, allowing his twin to move his body- allowing his face to be shoved more into Mikey’s chest with a last puff of the inhaler- allowing it to clatter to the ground between his legs as he shut his eyes- tried to block out everything but the sound of his twin’s voice and the breathing surrounding him- the pump of blood and breath he was leaning against. “C’mon twin, we got you.” eyes rolling behind his lids as he fought to regain the control of himself. Of his own body.

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TAGGED: wildes
WORD COUNT: the shortness
ANY NOTES: welp
LYRICS: COLD HEARTED WOMAN- Rainbow
CREDITS: ALYX SAYS RAWR of A THOUSAND FIREFLIES