not enough glue in the world - closed

[Cole Foster]

Cole shook his head, incredulous laughter forming but never quite leaving his lips as he looked down to the ground. He knew he was good at hiding his feelings but maybe he had thought, maybe he had just hoped she would have gotten it. Apparently she didn't. That was okay, it was better that way. At least she wouldn't get hurt this way. She didn't need to think back on things and beat herself up about it. So his eyes lifted finally to see her face, how had she managed to not age a single day? “You're right, Annette.”

“Not me?” He could only be pushed so far. His brow pinched, his eyes squinting from the sunlight now hitting his eyes in the wrong way as his body shifted from one foot to the other. He half shook his head. He didn't want to hut her. Didn't want to speak to her in a way that she would consider insulting but...he couldn't speak to her at all in this moment without it. “We aren't friends Annette. You made it very clear that I don't fit in with your friends, I have no place among them...so by logical extension...” his hands gestured as he spoke, trying as hard as he could to keep the bite from his voice, but he was probably failing. Didn't she realize that she had dropped him the moment that one of them started paying attention to her? He got it, he did, but she couldn't have it both ways. It was a mean girl thing to do. They made her a mean girl. She had to know that, she could apologize and make excuses for it all that she wanted, pretend she didn't, but she did. His hands came up behind his head, looking to her, never down at her. “You made your choice babe,” his lips pressed together into a thin line, regretting the word as he said it and shrugging his already lifted shoulders.

He hated that she was crying. Even if the tears weren't falling yet, he could see that it was coming and he hated it. He was trying to avoid hurting her. He never wanted to see her hurt. He cared about her, couldn't she see that he had actually liked her? His lips turned inward, pressing against one another as he watched her, lacing and relocking his fingers over the hair on the back of his head. He kept shifting. “That isn't what I said- I told you.” She had. She had told him her family was the most important. But she hadn't even given him time to change. To try to like them, and it would have taken time...it would have taken a lot of time. She had only phrased it so whenever she was breaking up with him. He had already been in with the biological side, and he didn't much care for them either. Though, that was in a whole other way. “I can't- couldn't- afford to care about you any more than I already d- did. They're my family Cole.”His hands dropped to his sides, swinging as his fingers snapped. He didn't have anything to help, no outlet, no quaffle to toss between his hands to keep himself calm, couldn't wrap the curls on her head around his fingers therapeutically, so it was coming out. His fingertips bouncing against his chest, voice raising only slightly. “I could have been your family Annie!” He had gotten so close with her, not even aware that it had happened until it was too late. He liked talking to her every day, had grown accustomed to telling her about his day and laughing with her while checking over one anothers homework, and then she had just taken it away. She had other people to turn to, and he just didn't. Danny was a close substitute, but even he was noticing that the talk about Annie had increased since the breakup and now he couldn't even talk to him until he had managed to get her out of his system. “And anyways, remember, you were about to break up with me anyways.” He shook his head. No way was she going to get away with that crap. “Right Annie, fuck you're so blind to anything that isn't him.” his eyes widening. “Don't you pin this on me, you only asked me to go out with you in the first place because they hurt your feelings....so whatever you think I'm guilty of, if you think I was only with you because I had some sort of vendetta, or was using you, or anything else that your dreaming head is going to concoct you're just as guilty of it as I am, once my purpose was served I was dismissed. Or don't I know who you've been seeing lately?” he was talking too much, his voice softening the whole time he was speaking, waiting for her to slap him, to interject and correct him, and she was just standing there. He couldn't stand it. “Do you think that maybe, just maybe there is a person in your life that is trying to protect your feelings?”

Set: After the break up, late 6th year

[Annette Andres]

Her feet shifted, hands pushing down further into the pockets of her skirt as her fingers balled up into fists around the material lining the inside of them. His words didn't make sense. He'd dated plenty of girls, she'd seen and heard it often enough around the school. And he hadn't even really liked her. Not really. Or maybe he had, in some sense, but it had mainly been about pissing her friends off. He hadn't cared that they'd broken up in the first place. Her eyes darted nervously away before her shoulders rolled back, somewhat jerkily. “I don't know. I thought we were friends Cole, friends talk you know. And you dated plenty of people before me.”

“You're right, Annette.” She didn't like the way that he said it, or the way the words formed so differently than they would have in the past. But it was the past for a reason.. only- they were friends, once upon a time. And she had thought they would remain friends. Why? Because she liked having Cole as a friend, liked having Cole in her life. “Don't talk to me like that.” Her eyes rolled back to him, lips pulled to the side in a small grimace. Not him. He hadn't ever condescended or made her feel less than she was. Back then she might have taken it, might have just let it roll over her. But things had changed. And maybe not all for the better, but she wasn't going to just ignore this. “Not you.”

“Not me?” No not him, not him because even before they'd started dating he'd never made her feel like she was somehow lacking, or like she was incompetent. He hadn't treated her like that before, he shouldn't be treating her like that now. She'd explained, and he'd made it perfectly clear that the 'relationship' aspect of things was completely... well that it didn't matter to him at all- so... “We aren't friends Annette. You made it very clear that I don't fit in with your friends, I have no place among them...so by logical extension...” Her head jerked sharply, red curls bouncing off of her shoulders with the severity of the motion. She'd said that she couldn't continue dating him when he couldn't get along with her family, with her friends- that she couldn't afford for it to hurt more than it had when she'd done it in the first place, due to how much she cared about him. She hadn't ever said, never implied, that they couldn't be friends. She'd just … assumed that they'd take some time to get used to acting like just friends again and then things would just... go back to normal. “You made your choice babe,” She could feel the moisture lining the under crease of her eyelid, feel the way her face twisted with the second shake of her head. “That isn't what I said- I told you.” She had. She had tried so hard, she'd ignored the fact that she was crying, she'd talked to him anyways because she couldn't just break up with him for no reason. She couldn't not let him know that it wasn't like the rumors would be sure to try and twist it once they got wind of the situation. “I can't- couldn't- afford to care about you any more than I already d- did. They're my family Cole.” They were all she had ever had, ever- they were the ones who'd patched her up and sat with her when she was sick and taught her everything that she knew outside of school. It wasn't like she hadn't tried. So hard. So much harder than she had before in any other attempted relationship. She'd ignored the bitchy remarks and all of the commentary for so long. “And anyways, remember, you were about to break up with me anyways.” That was what had hurt, over and above the fact that she was having to do it at all- the knowledge that she hadn't been any more than Apollo had been suggesting the whole time.

ooc; alksdjafldsjafdas
lyrics; she will be loved - maroon 5
credit; template by twilightbright @ caution

[Cole Foster]

“I went out on a date with you because they made me feel like that. I dated you because I liked you. I stayed with you,” And of course, she was so obviously the only one who felt like that. He couldn't possibly be having the same issue. Couldn't possibly have done the exact same thing. Why did she think he kissed her so often? Tried to be so close with her? She was so blind to everything she didn't want to see. It had been adorable, until it had been turned back onto him. No. He had never shattered one of her realities before. Never forced her to see the truth and there was no reason for it right now. No reason for him to do so now. So long as she didn't see it on his face. So long as she just remained oblivious, it would be easier for her. She didn't need to know. His hands finally managed to settle across his chest, arms folded, knuckles white. They weren't a couple anymore, he didn't need to be open with her, it wouldn't be good for him if he was. No talking about feelings, he wasn't that guy. “because I wanted to. Don't make me out to be some kind of-- I'm not that girl. I'm not with Apollo.” She was that girl. With Apollo or not. If she said she wasn't, then she wasn't...even if he had seen otherwise with his own eyes. His jaw was tense, nodding along, only half believing what she said. He could feel his throat constricting, making it hard for him to talk, even as he was nodding, his lips rubbing over one another over and over again, rocking from side to side, but otherwise managing to at least stay rooted in the same spot now. That was better than nothing he supposed. “You're right Annie,” he managed to choke, words dragging from his throat. He didn't want to be having any part of his conversation. Because he was crazy about her. Even now, he was crazy about her, and the way her nose was turning red because she was trying so hard not to cry. He wanted to scoop her up like he should have been allowed but she had removed that right from him. How many times had she come to him crying because she was upset about something she didn't even want to talk about? Because of them. Those who she thought were her friends. Now, she was going to go running to them because he hurt her. He hated it. He loathed them. All of them. If he didn't keep it together he was going to cry. He was going to tell her that she was amazing, and that he missed her, and liked her freezing cold feet waking him up in the mornings, even with all of the blankets wrapped around her. He would tell her she was beautiful, and he couldn't handle any of that. Neither could she. He knew that. Jaw locked and tense he shrugged. “It was all just a game, right? That was the whole point.”

It had been easy enough until now. To avoid her. To remain around his friends and laugh, and joke, and keep him distracted. He had just assumed that he would have been able to keep that up at least until he had found a replacement. Not a replacement, a rebound. Annie didn't get replaced. She didn't even understand that, but she should, and he couldn't even tell her. It wouldn't help anything. He hadn't thought that she was going to follow him out here, and he should have, but he didn't. He didn't want to watch her cry. It was making something inside of his ache, making his stomach knot into impossible knots that he didn't know how to fix. He wanted to kiss the tears off of her face and kiss her all over, wanted to make it better, make her laugh, distract her, something. Anything. Just wanted to make it go away. He was fracturing her. The way she was backing away from him made him hurt, had his shuffling his feet and clenching down on the inside of his cheek. It wasn't a game for him. Not since she had met him in the entrance that night, he had kissed her because he had wanted to. Plain and simple. He wanted to be with her, liked having her around because she was her. Not some little generic elf like she was to the others, but because she was Annie. He wanted her. “I don't want to be your friend Annette.” And it was true. Even if she didn't hear him, even if she took it the way that her little self-deprecating mind was going to take it. He didn't want to be her friend, he wanted to be her boyfriend, and travel that road where ever it was that it was going. She wouldn't know that, and that was for the best. So he stood, and watched her walk away. Again.

[Annette Andres]

She didn't like seeing the nervous energy on him, or the way he seemed incapable of standing still as he listened to her. It made everything feel imbalanced, wrong. Made her feel like maybe it hadn't bee- nope, nope, nope. She couldn't afford to go there, it hurt her too much, made her chest unbearably tight. “I could have been your family Annie!” Not that she could stop his words, or force him to take them back- shove them back through his lips and pretend she'd never heard them. Because that made it sound like- made it feel like he had cared, about her, as more than just a friend. And that... she could feel the liquid sliding out of the corner of her eye, falling down the flesh of her face as she choked back the denial she wanted to hurl at him. He had said- had told her, and now he just wanted to take it back and throw everything out of whack. As if everything else in her life wasn't up in the air right now anyways, like she wasn't questioning the darn shoes she put on in the morning because everything she'd ever known seemed to be so wonky. “Right Annie, fuck you're so blind to anything that isn't him.” Him? She blanched visibly, shrinking back under his gaze with a small shake of his head. There was no way he could know- no one knew. Well. Danny. Scott... And now Apollo. But that was different and none of them would ever- right? They wouldn't tell Cole of all people, wouldn't hurt her like that. “Don't you pin this on me, you only asked me to go out with you in the first place because they hurt your feelings....so whatever you think I'm guilty of, if you think I was only with you because I had some sort of vendetta, or was using you, or anything else that your dreaming head is going to concoct you're just as guilty of it as I am, once my purpose was served I was dismissed. Or don't I know who you've been seeing lately?” Another visible flinch away from him. She didn't want him to see how much he was hurting her, or see how wide her eyes were on the rest of her face. Didn't want him to see any of the reactions she was sure were so clearly painted across her features. She hadn't even been seeing Mikey- not really, not since .. everything had been thrown up in the air. Mikey had just... gotten so angry and accused her of so many ridiculous things. “Do you think that maybe, just maybe there is a person in your life that is trying to protect your feelings?” But he wasn't talking about Mikey was he? No, because the only person she'd really been seeing so much more often was Apollo- and of course that would be who Cole accused her of. Of course. Because Mikey had. Why wouldn't the two men who meant that much to her in her life both think so little of her? “No,” her voice was too small in this open space, too shaky for the question that had been asked. No. Danny and Scott tried to protect her from a lot of things but they still told her how it was straight up. “No,” stronger this time as she shook her head harder. No she wasn't with Apollo. No she hadn't actually dated him to make her point. “I went out on a date with you because they made me feel like that. I dated you because I liked you. I stayed with you,” choked staggering in her words, “because I wanted to. Don't make me out to be some kind of-- I'm not that girl. I'm not with Apollo.” She could hear the incredulity in her own tone, the slight hint of derision at the very thought. She wasn't with anyone. She hadn't been- not since him. Not that he could say the same. She swallowed, hard, her throat working over the feelings that were attempting to constrict it.

Hated this. She hated this. Hated the fact that he wasn't talking to her the way he had in the past, was so many feet from her and looking at her like she was an alien creature instead of herself. She was Annette and he was Cole and things had always been so easy between the two of them. Because they could talk about it and work through it and she'd just been hoping that that part out of everything else had stayed. That he'd remain her good friend and she'd be able to keep him- somehow, in her life. Did that make her selfish? Yes, probably. She'd admit to that, she'd take it. Because she liked how Cole made her feel and she liked how Cole could make her laugh even when she just wanted to cry. Of course that made her selfish. Only she'd thought, been told, heard him- when he'd acted like their whole relationship was no more than a joke. Only he wasn't acting like it now and she was so darn confused- so lost. She didn't like it. He was the only thing that was sure left to her. The only sane thing left. The only person who wasn't going to treat her like she was crazy or that she'd done something wrong- only here he was, doing it here. Doing it now. To her. Looking at her- like that.. and it hurt her, made her heart ache in a way she didn't want to even begin to look more closely at. Made her feel like maybe he had cared about her as more than a friend. Maybe a bit. Maybe it just hadn't been enough, or maybe her being friends with who she was friends with made her undesirable in the long run. She just didn't know. She didn't know and she didn't know how to begin to figure it out. She was just.. hurt. “You're right Annie,” Hurt because of the way his eyes didn't even be seem to be focused on her. Hurt because of the way those words came out of his throat like there was something more behind it. Hurt because she was lost and alone and she didn't even have a friend to go to now. Hurt because... he was Cole and she was Annette and she just wanted the easy friend part of it all back. Wanted him to smile at her with the way that he did, his dimples deepening with that silent laughter behind his eyes. She wanted to reach up and push her fingers into his tense jaw like she had in the past and watch his jaw work against the smile that it inspired. But she couldn't, she could only fold her arms around herself, fingers digging into the fabric at her sides and push it into the flesh even further. “It was all just a game, right? That was the whole point.” She shook her head, hard, tears falling freely now down her cheeks as she looked at him- her cheeks staining with red on the tops of her cheekbones, frustration and hurt clear. “Not for me it wasn't.” It was hard, the words leaving her lips like they were forced from her- emotion choking her voice as she shook her head again, stumbling a step backwards. “I want to be friends still Cole. I want you in my life. If you change your mind... find me.” Her voice tripped and stumbled as if in reaction to the now increased rate that she was walking back from him, turning at the last second and running away from the man she'd left standing there. She didn't want him to have to witness the sobs that had overtaken her, or how twisted her face had become. It was so unfair.

“I don't want to be your friend Annette.” Of course he didn't. Why would he? She didn't stop though, didn't turn and question him like she wanted to, like she'd convinced herself she would when she'd first followed him out here. The only sign she'd heard him was the greater stumble her feet seemed to take following the words, body bending forwards like it was going to come down to the ground. The tips of her hair actually brushed the grass, face held just above it before she desperately regained her footing. She was sure it wasn't graceful. Awkward and messy, but she hadn't fallen face-first. She'd enabled herself to run through the archways, ignoring the students still milling about the courtyard, ignoring the voices and the bodies that she had to scramble to get around. She knew exactly where she was going- had gone there in similar states of distress before- often enough to not question her way. Rushing and stumbling her way through the castle and down through the dungeons. Through the portal with a password on her lips that she hadn't had any reason to use lately- that she only knew because of the boy who was frequently using her dorm as a hide-out. He'd probably be there- Apollo- right now, sitting on the end of her bed and avoiding Mikey. Either that or causing problems. Because he was so good at it. Not that she stopped him, not lately, she knew now why he did it and she could empathize. She could afford to give him even more leeway because of it. He was hurting- and he was being ignored the majority of the time, same as her. Being accused of things and dealing with temperamental mood swings. Temperamental mood swings that she was running towards wasn't she? But he was her only real source of comfort from the outside world. She always turned to him, always. Which was why when she skidded to a halt inside the door she didn't care about the fact that the other boys in the dorm were turning towards her as well, or the fact that her face was tear-streaked and her breath coming in sharp pants. She just ran full tilt at the familiar form- threw herself at him and wrapped her arms as far around him as she could before burying her face into his stomach, sobbing all the harder now that she was finally still.

ooc; alksdjafldsjafdas
lyrics; she will be loved - maroon 5
credit; template by twilightbright @ caution