Dreams Aren't What They Used To BE;

[Megahn McCormack]

everything's gone white and everything's gray ,

NOW YOU'RE HERE AND NOW YOU'RE AWAY

• • •

she wasn't lost.

she wasn't lost because she wasn't.

she couldn't fucking be lost okay, she knew this castle too fucking well. knew it like the back of her fucking hand drunk or not- high or not- no matter what her fucking state of being she knew where she was in the castle of all times. like she had some fucking map in her head that was always just on.

only tonight it had turned its damn self off. just gone and fucking blipped. why? because life fucking hated her that was why. oh my god that was so depressing and stupid. why would she even think that? because she was fucked up or something. her buzz was being seriously damaged and it had been a good fucking night of drinking. she'd gotten to see her boys earlier and the evening and gotten to fucking go dancing with whatsherfuckingface from ravenclaw and just – fuck, she should have come back with her when she'd come back to the castle. she shouldn't have fucking stayed to down another two bottles of- what had she even been drinking? she could still taste it, like some fruity combination of heaven fuckin' nectar against the inside seam of her lips every time her tongue ran across it. which might have been often because it tasted so righteous and because she was a little lost. okay, she was really lost. that stupid staircase had started its spinny movey shit when she was on it and headed to the dorm and now she had no idea where she was and she'd been up and down several fuckin' corridors and down a set of stairs and up two? three? up stairs and downstairs, that was all that mattered and nothing looked familiar. and she didn't know if it was the dark or the fact that her brain was just a disgusting blob of dark mess or what. she couldn't even puke, even though she could feel the discomfort starting in her stomach. why couldn't she? because she'd puked up all of her food before she'd fuckin' gone out so that she wouldn't embarrass herself by doing it there- and oh, she'd had alcohol. so much alcohol. but could she risk puking that up? wouldn't that unsettle her drunk state? is that how it worked? fucks sake she never threw up after drinking until the next morning. she wasn't some sleaze. or lightweight. or whatever. maybe she was now, who knew. her hands hit the air despite the fact she was walking by herself, flung up as if she just couldn't handle it anymore before she tripped with the exaggerated motion, body wheeling a few steps on her impossibly high heels before she tipped- coming to a stop so she could pull the damned things off of her feet and slow from the toddling walk she'd been doing into a – was this a weaving stroll? yes. fuckin' okay she liked the sound of that. a weaving stroll down the hallways while she was lost as shit and didn't have any way to contact anyone to help her and oh- fuck she needed r.j. the tears were already slipping past her lashes, down over the apple of her cheeks and no doubt smearing her goddamn glitter in the process and making her into a bigger fucking mess than she already was.

maybe it was the drinking. the drinking that made her so unattractive to other people. but- nah, she used to not drink like this, at least not with the intention to get drunk. and she'd danced with plenty of people tonight. moved between partners and watched them all fuckin' pair off with other people as the night went on. because- why the fuck not? it wasn't like any of them looked to her for more than a laugh. she was good at that. make them fucking laugh and have an otherworldly conversation before they found the fuckin' pretty face and bangin' body just across the way to fall head over heels with from the minute they saw them. twist the knife a little deeper while she was down ya know. of course the world would. absently she bent down, collecting her shoes in one hand and flicking off whatever worldly whatever was watching her- the sky or some shit, and tripped over to the wall- staring at the signs on the door with a haggard, demented laugh. of course. she tripped into the damn bathroom- the gurgling in her stomach picking up at the very sight. the bathroom. she didn't want to puke or shit okay- but... if she could just get some control maybe? … maybe she could fuckin' find her way to a bed or something. or maybe, she didn't even care, the depressing thoughts were circling her brain and she just wanted to drive her fingers into her goddamn skull and pull them out, her shoes dropping to outside the door as she pushed her way in, slipping and sliding her way over and into a stall before falling to her knees- ignoring the cold tile and the hard impact of the surface as she stared into her reflection in the water. all vivid color and painted edges. her eyes blinked slowly a few times- watching the tears hit the toilet bowl and just- how the fuck was she so fuckin' weak? all of a sudden- out of nowhere, it had hit her like a damned train, taken her breath and shut the lights out on everything that she thought she'd known despite hanging on by the skin of her teeth. it just didn't seem to fuckin' matter. no matter how much she put into shit or tried to take care of things they just kept falling from her goddamn fingers. she could barely hold her boys together much less herself. oh gods, there it was, bubbling up the back of her throat and spewing through her lips, hands shooting out to either side of the seat as her body heaved up every bit of acid that it could manage- expelled it from her body and into the bowl beneath. not that she'd seen any fuckin' change in weight since she'd started- not that- another shuddering heave and she was only dry heaving, shoving herself violently back from the toilet and letting her head hit against the stall- balling her fists up and shoving them into her damned eyes as the sobs took over her body.

none of it even fucking mattered. not really.

but it hurt her heart so damned bad, found purchase on the flimsy fucking muscle and squeezed- squeezed until she wasn't sure what even was keeping her body rooted to this – oh fucking fuck! how stupid was that. her anchor was bubba, always would be. had since before she even had his presence in her life. he was her everything. god damnit how stupid was it that she was still crying- her form pushed up from the floor, scrabbled its way out to the hallway and looked around again... only to crumple beside her shoes, trying to stop the snuffling that kept leaving her nose intermittently. like she hadn't done e-fucking-nough of this lately. this crying nonsense. crying was fine. good. good fucking crying jags expelled negative energy and shit but how much negative energy did she even have?! her legs curled, arms wrapping around them and bringing them up to her chest as she wished- not for the firs time, that she'd paid attention in fucking dada when they'd been going over patronous shit, she couldn't even fucking remember the incantation- so that she r.j or myron or merton or heath or ory or – gods any one of them down here to help her figure out where the hell she was- only she didn't want them seeing her like this, didn't want- fuck. her lips parted in a surprised, and half pained gasp as something connected with her thigh, eyes looking up in time to see the form tripping down. oh fuckin- fab. just fab. a prefect or some shit- she couldn't quite see their face and right now she could care less to, her face burying into her knees as she waited for the impending fucking lecture on being out after hours, on being out and obviously dressed as she'd just gotten back or just fucking anything- only there was nothing but the sound of something moving on the floor and the heat of a hand on her shoulder. ugh. fucking fuck fuck they probably thought she was in trouble or something or needed help – well that discounted slytherin or some shit seeing that it wasn't you know, any of her babies in the house that were prefects and was she fucking rambling in her own goddamn head?

• • •

OUTFIT. link
WORDS . 1468
TAG . OPEN
CREDIT . template by becky @ caution

[Joel Foster]

Too late. He had taken too long with that stupid party and he needed to get back. He shouldn't have been hanging round after the fact because out of all of the people who had been in attendance, he was the one with the most to lose. Joel had his hands stuffed deep into his pockets, thumbs running over the small plastic bags within as he tried to move as silently as he could on the way down the hallway. Nearly everybody else had to be back in their rooms by now, he had been...one of the very last people to leave and it was going to be too close to morning at this rate. Thank Merlin for soft shoes as he moved down the corridors, silent as much as he could be, coming to look behind him every few paces. That sort of paranoia that came from having taken too many drugs to a party and had too little people buy them. This, was why he stuck to Slytherin parties. They knew how to have a good time. At the parties for other houses. Too many cynics. They all were too hard of a sell. Sure, there was usually one good egg in the bunch who was just, down, and they could help but too many of those reds had been poisoned against him because of his good for nothing brother. Why bother asking him to bring party favors, if nobody actually wanted to party. It was more than a little annoying. He could have had a date with his cat tonight. A soft and furry....but no, he'd had to make Muriel babysit. Cat sit. Arturo and Muriel, two of his favorite things and he couldn't even be there to witness the insufferably cuteness. He was going to have to listen to all of that screeching about how much fun they were going to have and all that nonsense...and neither was going to cuddle him to sleep. He just knew, that he was going to come in there, and the little furry traitor was going to be cuddled up on somebody else's bed. It's just not fair.

He was still turned around whenever his feet collided with somebody, at least it felt like a somebody, it was soft, but squishy enough to break his ankle...and for a weird strange moment he was thinking that it was one of his little babies come to fetch him, like he had been gone to long and needed a sweater. Only, it wasn't. Too big to be one of his babies. Muriel was a damned string bean. “Mommy!” He exclaimed as his hands fell out in front of his body just in time to collide with the hard floors, grunting because he wasn't quite fast enough yanking them out of his pockets and his forearms hurt and his wrists felt jarred and...who the hell had he tripped over? Nobody in that party was pass out worthy, he didn't think so anyway. His body curled, groaning into the small carpet runner as his face was the last thing to come up off of the carpet, pouting in the darkness. Knees pushing upward into a position that most would have laughed at as he reached out in the darkness, grasping onto something solid – a body part, shoulder or something as he pushed himself the rest of the way up onto his haunches. Whoever it was – female, it was female was squinting up at him and he was rubbing his palms together to get rid of the sting in his skin, which was pretty easy to do but he was tempted to take a pill from his pocket just to give himself the ability to laugh at the situation. As it was, he was very tired and wanted to sleep. With an over exaggerated grunt he pushed himself up to his feet and extended a hand in her direction. He wasn't able to see just who it was in the dark and short of shoving his face in front of her face to see the details of her features, he was going to have to guess. “Up we go pumpkin butt,”

He gripped her forearm with his other hand and hauled, grimacing but it didn't show, he hoped. “What house do you hail from drunkie?” he didn't apologize for tripping over her, and maybe he should have, or she should have, but he didn't even think about it. “Well, you don't want to stay here do you? I mean, you could but your leg will get stampeded in a few hours and the dorm beds are way better than the infirmary beds,” True enough. She just needed to say something, anything.

[Megahn McCormack]

everything's gone white and everything's gray ,

NOW YOU'RE HERE AND NOW YOU'RE AWAY

• • •

Ohhh drunk she was too drunk. Rambling in her own damn head- who even fucking did that? Too drunk bitches that was who. Too drunk bitches who had the scenery swimming in their eyes as they tried to identify who it was she’d taken down with her… well probably sprawling form? Had she slipped further down on the wall since she’d been sitting here? Sure seemed like it. Fucking small of her back almost parallel with the floor- and how the fuck had that happened?- her hands pushing against the floor so she could try and right her body somewhat, look less like she was about to lay out in the middle of the fucking floor of the hallway and lay her own damn self out. No sireeeeee’ bob. No she was not. She wasn’t tired. Not really. Not sleep tired. Not exactly. Justttt drunk, but she doubted that the person who had fallen was going to understand that. Had he said mommy when he fell down? She snorted. Not to her certainly. Only one person called her mommy. Well only one person with frequency and she sure as fuck was not drunk around that little angel. Like hell she would ever be. And this person was too- too tall? Definitely taller than who she was thinking of, that was for damn sure, but she hadn’t noticed much more than that before they were flat out on the floor. Shit. Shit. She should have fucking apologized. That was what normal fucking people did- but- oddly enough, she wasn’t sorry. Hadn’t been watching where he was going. Cosmic influences and the like. Karma or some shit. His chi wasn’t centered. He needed to look into that shit. She could do it for him. Maybe. She thought she had a crystal somewhere on her person. She definitely had flowers. Daisies. All up in her air and on her person. Jewelry was all daisies. And she was sure she still had a few tucked somewhere in her hair. In honor of the pretty little blonde slip of a honey she’d gone out drinking with. Aw. She really should have come back with Daisy. Daisy wouldn’t have let her get lost. Or let her trip up male forms in the hallway. Although, she probably wouldn’t have liked the fucking puking. Because who fucking liked puking? No one that was who. Well, not liked in the way that it was enjoyable anyways. Even if it had its uses. Oh hell weren’t you supposed to be more sober after you puked? You were. You really were. But she didn’t feel it. Still all slushy and bogged, like she was moving under pounds and pounds of saran wrap. And she knew what that shit was like- fuckin’ R.J… Aw her baby. Shit. She sniffed, tilting her head and scrunching up her features to try and identify the body that was using her to move up off of the floor, her hands going to help him before falling again because the state she was in the both of them would probably be rolling down the damn stairs that had gotten her lost in the first place… wherever they’d gone to.

She couldn’t fucking see though. Couldn’t tell who it was. Didn’t recognize the body. Not that she, you know, could tell people apart by their BODIES so well or whatever. It just… shit. He was holding his fucking hand out to her, in her face and she couldn’t stop from taking a second to look at it, wondering if he was trying to shake her handor offer her help the fuck up off of this floor. She kind of liked the floor though. Stationary. Sure as fuck didn’t roll under her feet like it did when she was walking.. “Up we go pumpkin butt,” Ah. Helping her up. Her bottom lip pouted out a bit, unnecessarily glancing around as if some fairy was going to fly out from behind the portraits and tell him to leave the poor drunk girl to sleep on the floor. But- no, of course not- so her hand was out, fingers curling around his hand as he went to help her up before she even realized what he’d said. Pumpkin butt. Ha. Late giggle as she made sure to grab her boots in her free hand, tucking them under the arm on the side he wasn’t on- not like he was going to steal her boots… well maybe. Sure had been an insurgence of the cross dressing type here since her babies had all graduated- and a damn shame too because they sure as fuck woulda appreciated that shit with her forrrrr sure. She stumbled a bit as she gained her footing- stepping a foot back and then forward again with a wholly different type of scrunched face as she finally righted herself- fingers going to the side of her hip and pointing outwards as if that would really help her balance. Who knew. “What house do you hail from drunkie?” Talking. Ah he was talking. House? The lions, she almost leant forward to roar at him before she remembered, just in time, that her ass had just puked and assuredly had the fucking breath for it, even if she hadn’t had fooood in that mess. Did puke smell if it was just alcohol and some stomach acid? It had kind of smelled sweet to her… but she was drunk. Her fingers were already searching in her purse, unsteadily spinning in a circle as they searched before she finally came upon it, popping a mint in her mouth with a happy kind of humming noise as she came to a still again, blinking hard as the world continued to spin. Fuckkkk. Shoulda called the baby boy and seent if she could crash with him for the night but then she would have had to explain the drunkness and she didn’t have the presents for her little baby peanut. Not to mention. Drunk. No. No there wassss a reason she’d come back here the fuck after all.

“Well, you don't want to stay here do you? I mean, you could but your leg will get stampeded in a few hours and the dorm beds are way better than the infirmary beds.” Oh she hadn’t answered him. Duh. But his voice sounded familiar, really fucking familiar, familiar enough that she was almost tripping her way over to him, hands going to his shoulders to balance herself as she stood up on her tip-toes- peering at him from the new close proximity and finally outright laughing. “I know youuuuu babydoll.” One hand coming to press at the side of his face with a lopsided grin, because she did. Brother of her oh-so-illustrious cap’n sexypants. Tadny did not approve of him. Had all kinds of rap sheets. Well not literal. She didn’t think. Maybe? She giggled again, falling back to the soles of her feet and taking a step back. “Meghan.” With a sure nod, although, you know, she didn’t mind pumpkin butt. She had a nice butt, her hand patting the side of her hip absently as if to assure it. “Gryffindor. Fucking just… kind of… lost the common rooms.” Her gaze breaking from his face to look around them again. Assuredly nowhere near the Gryffindor anythings. Which you know, was fuckin’ something. Because she didn’t know where she was. A long way out from her dorm. Just… not the exacts. Her eyes moved back to him with a shrug, rolling shoulders as she held her hands out in front of her, being sure to keep her boots secured beneath her arm pit- as if she were expecting him to take her hands or something. She didn’t fucking know. “Rescued by the big bad who’d’a thunk.”

• • •

OUTFIT. link
WORDS . 1302
TAG . OPEN
CREDIT . template by becky @ caution

[Joel Foster]

“I know youuuuu babydoll.” It wasn't often that people called Joel by any form of nick name, despite the fact that he next to never called anybody by their first or given names at all. He was known almost as well for his nick names and constant monikers that made little to no sense as he was for, well, the other thing. Though, given that she was rather sloshed as it was, she could be actually seeing him as a giant, plastic faced babydoll. Why she would want to? He had no idea. But, it sounded terrifying. “Meghan.” Right. That sounded like a name that people had, but it wasn't anything special. Somebody he knew, likely, but he knew just about everybody in this castle so that wasn't exactly exciting news. Patting at her hip like she was clearly thinking about other things, or asking him to sit on her, which, wasn't going to happen. He didn't want to be on that cold, far too hard floor again. No manner of supple squishy hips was going to entice him either. “Gryffindor. Fucking just… kind of… lost the common rooms.” Lost a fixed point? Very, very drunk. This was why he didn't drink. Drugs only, made things so much better. Which, was why he had chosen to devote his life to them. So far, it had served him very well. At least he knew where the common room was, given that he had just come from there. Of course, it was very likely that she was going to stumble right on inside and them drink more or help herself to whatever was around, and there was still plenty whenever he left, but that wasn't anywhere near his problem. “Rescued by the big bad who’d’a thunk.” The big bad? Joel leaned forward as she extended her hands out toward him, trying again with a much more sure footing to help her up and not stumble this time. Leaning backward to pull her to her feet he let her go. Maybe she could stand on her own, maybe. Watching her fall might be worth waiting to see, nobody said he was a good guy. Cruel jokes at others expense? Those were the absolute best. “Big bad?” He echoed his earlier thought, not sure how to take that otherwise.

He had been called quite a lot of things, but not the big bad...at least not unless it was in reference to drugs of some kind or another. Given what house she was from, it was very likely that she knew his brother, however way that she knew him. Which, he supposed, was more of an explanation than he needed really, because his brother no doubt said all sorts of things about him. Nobody even knew that they were twins in most cases, because they looked next to nothing alike and they hated one another. Not like that other pair of twins who kept paying him to smuggle weird shit into the castle. Talking all over one another, being a twin like that might just make him puke. They were always so close to one another, in all situations. And while, he couldn't prove it, not even sort of because they were freaky similar, but he thought that sometimes, they were really just one person, being two people. Somehow. “So, you got this?” He meant her standing on her own, his hands were still readily available for her, should she start to fall again. “Ready to get that caboose on the rails?” his arms pumped at his sides like they were wheels “Chugga chugga....chugga chugga, WOO WOOOO!” he laughed at his own joke “though you've already done all of your chugging that you're going to do? Right? This isn't a cleaning car”