try to hear my voice.;;closed

[Amina Krane]

Black. Black everywhere. There was nothing there, but darkness. No sound, no smells, just nothingness. It was both frightening and comforting at the same time. For once, Amina was alone and her head was empty. She could just be without the complications of her time in Austria. Without feeling like there was dead weight on her shoulders no matter where she went. She was adrift in probably the most pleasant condition she had been in since… since when? She tried to remember why she had been so upset for so long, but nothing came to her. There was nothing to think of, nothing to see. Her lips spread into a smile as her hands laced behind her head and she laid herself out in a relaxing position. But as Amina imagined doing this, she quickly realized that she wasn't actually moving because she had no body to move. That was the frightening part. Was she even in an existence? Had something happened that had caused her to be lost to herself? To be lost to the world? Was she going to drift in this nothingness forever? Never to see… Merlin, whose face was she trying to recall? It waivered at the edge of her mind, trying so desperately hard to rear itself in front of her, to show her what she was missing but no matter how hard Amina tried, she couldn't find it. The face, not even the name, would come. Amina wanted more than anything to have her hands, to be able to hit her own forehead with her own palm to try and jog her memory, but that wasn't a possibility. Why didn't she have her hands? Why didn't she have her eyesight? Her hearing? Her sense of smell? She was a werewolf. All of those things should be heightened. Unless she was dead. Or worse. "Amina, no." The voice was faint, but it was there, Gavin was there. Yes! That was his name! Gavin! How could she ever forget? She would give her entire world for him if only he would let her, but he always seemed to be so against her doing anything for him. Why didn't she just forgo what he wanted and go after what she wanted? Maybe they wouldn't be in this situation.

But the question still remained, what situation were they in? Why was he telling her no? And why did he sound so desperate? She strained to remember, strained to see what was going on but something was holding her head in the darkness, pushing down on the crown of her head and mocking her as it watched her struggle to figure out the reality of the situation. The wolf, she thought simply, knowing she had found the answer. It had locked her inside the cage that she locked it in this whole time. This deep, dark, empty hole where one could hardly exist had been its prison for months. It had only been allowed to taste the outside world, and only during the full moon while Amina was on wolfsbane. It had never been given the opportunity to run free without her battling it at every second. But she wasn't battling it now, was she? She was a prisoner to the beast while it ran wild out there. And Gavin was there. Oh dear God, Gavin was out there with the beast. But surely it wouldn’t hurt him. Surely it wouldn't cause Gavin any damage because it had to know damn well how she felt about him. Since it was a part of her, wouldn't the wolf feel the same way about him? Maybe deep down the wolf loved Gavin as well and it was keeping him safe from a danger she wasn't aware of. But who else, or what else, was out there? Her mind struggled to remember and faint images started to creep up into the darkness, illuminating what she had forgotten. Did the wolf fight this hard all of the time to find out what was going on in the outside world? It had to be tired after all of this work. Amina knew she was already exhausted and she wasn't even done deciphering what had happened let alone what was happening. As an image popped up of Marcus, grinning broadly as he swung her around on his shoulder, Tobias on the ground, a grin just as wide as he watched them. Yes, they had brought her into some sort of game that Marcus had eventually won. Then what? Why Gavin. An image of Kariana and Gavin, standing at the top of the hill. That was right, they had interrupted. Gavin had punched Marcus, fighting had ensued. She had been so focused on them that she hadn't even remembered to hold down her emotions, to keep back the wolf. All of this was her fault. She had been weak and she had allowed it to come out of its cage. Had she doomed everyone? Would it kill everyone she knew? A sinister laugh seemed to echo from every inch of the darkness, as if the wolf was confirming her fears. What was she going to do?

"Amina." His voice again. But more than that. She could feel him, feel the spark she always got whenever he touched her. It was like he had just lent her some of his strength with that touch. Gavin had given her something that she had needed. He had given her a connection to the outside world, the strength she needed to crawl out of the darkness. The wolf seemed to sense this because it pushed her down farther, but she resisted, straining to find a way to see what was going on. Then there was a light. It was small, but it was bright and it was a light. Biting down on her lip, Amina tried to move, tried to find some way of getting her bodiless subconscious to that light. Maybe it was the way out, the way to throw the wolf out of her body and take it back. It took some struggling, like she was trying to swim through wet cement, and by the time she neared the light, she was so exhausted that she was unsure of how far she could go, but she realized that the wolf had stopped pushing. It was only her fighting herself at this point. The wolf was gone. She pushed a little harder, until the light engulfed her. She could see! Merlin, there they all were. Gavin. Marcus. Kariana. She could smell Tobias, he was there too. They were safe, but as she tried to call out to them to let them know that she had taken control, Amina realized that was the farthest thing. She was still bodiless. Still stuck in the cage, but she was merely able to see through a window to reality. Turning left and right, the rest of her world was darkness, flooding every space behind her. She could only see what the wolf allowed, only smell what the wolf smelled. Why had it given her this opportunity? Had it gotten tired of holding her down and knew that she couldn't get out even if it did allow her access? Or did it want her there, to watch what it was going to do? She dreaded the thought of either.

A searing pain coursed through her in an instant, and she knew the pain well. A burning sensation filled with cracking and popping of every bone and joint in her body, her skin being replaced by fur, her face contorting into the muzzle of a black-furred wolf. But the pain was almost instantaneous, and then it was gone. She could hear the panting of the wolf. The phase was so much faster, more like Marcus or Osiris, than like what Amina experienced on the full moon. How? Had the wolfsbane been slowing it down this whole time? Or was it that the wolf was free now and it had control? Maybe it was able to shift faster without Amina holding it back. Either way, she was thankful for the lack of pain, but frightened at what that meant. She begged and pleaded for the wolf to shift back, to give her control back. She would agree to give it a chance to run freely every so often if it meant she could save her friends today. But the wolf wasn't listening. Its eyes were focused on those in front of her. It had a mission and it didn't give a damn what she said. Its eyes fell on Marcus first, Marcus who had been a godsend and had pulled Gavin away before the wolf had burst forth. But the wolf knew well enough that Marcus was part of the pack. Marcus was friend, not foe. Instead of considering attacking Marcus, it instead began to call out to him, to beg him to come to life, to join it in all of the glory a werewolf was. It wanted a partner in crime and Marcus was the only one there to fulfill that desire. Fortunately, Amina didn't even have to be concerned about it attacking Marcus. It was too enthralled in the idea of Marcus joining it that she couldn’t imagine it ever attacking. She hoped she didn't have to worry about Tobias, either. He was in the back, out of the way, but he was just as much a pack member as Marcus. She held them in the same regard. Well, sort of. Marcus was like a brother. Tobias was… well, Amina wasn't entirely sure how to describe Tobias. She wanted to deny that she had feelings for him, mainly because there was always Gavin. There would always be Gavin. And because of Gavin, she would do nothing but hurt Tobias, but she still couldn't deny that there was something there that caused a tingle when her hand had touched his earlier, when he had smiled at her, when he had sacrificed himself in the game for her. She only wished he wouldn't do such a thing at this moment. He needed to stay safe. He wasn't immune to her bite like Marcus.

But as she figured, the wolf didn't even consider Tobias, at least not yet. He was safe for the moment. Its eyes instead went to Gavin. Fear washed over Amina, the same fear that had been radiating off of Kariana and had fed he wolf, giving it the power it had needed to break out of this cage. She could see in the wolf's head, how it contemplated attacking Gavin after all the pain he had caused Amina, after attacking Marcus. But Amina wouldn't-no, couldn't- allow that to happen. She tried to shout, tried to make herself heard but all that came out was a small, raspy grunt. The wolfs eyes lingered. Gritting her imaginary teeth, Amina put everything she had into it. "Don't touch him!" The words were feeble, but she knew her point had gotten across. It was as if the wolf had obliged, given her this one thing. Amina knew that wouldn't be the end of fighting it for Gavin's sake, but at least she had bought some time until she could muster the strength to get out of this cage, to take back her own mind from the beast. Just shouting at it had taken all the strength she had. But now its eyes rounded on Kariana. Though she knew how Kariana felt about her, though Amina knew Kariana had been the root behind the problem, Amina couldn't find herself willing to allow the wolf to attack her. She didn't deserve that, no matter what she did. Amina couldn't let it attack anyone, but even as she tried to do the same that she had for Gavin, Amina knew there was nothing left. She had nothing, no strength, no voice, to object to it rounding on Kariana. She had no way of saving the female who, at one point, could have been one of her best friends. If only things had worked out differently.

--

The wolf knew damn well that the girl didn't want to hurt anyone, but it didn't care. Amina had held it back, and now was its time to shine. Its time to show what it was made of. Sure, it had spared the male that she supposedly loved, the male who had caused its captor to weep on too many occasions, but it wasn’t permanent. It was a temporary reprieve. It planned to show Amina just what it would do to the male when I came back around to it. First it would demonstrate on the female, and then turn on the male. It had planned most of this out while biding its time, waiting for her to slip and lose focus. Now that it happened, it intended to show her exactly why she shouldn't have locked it away in that cage. Why she should have just let it roam during the full moon like it was meant to. If she had, maybe it wouldn't need to scratch the large itch in its throat, the itch that could only be soothed with blood. “You don’t want him, right? I’m the one you want.” The wolfs gums pulled back into a sneer, revealing razor sharp canines that stretched the length of its mouth as it watched the female begin to retreat, her fear coming off in droves and giving the wolf an even stronger craving than before. Small drops of saliva dripped from the teeth, down the gums and down to the grass below. It was salivating, imagining the way her blood would taste. It would be the wolf's first real taste of blood, the first time it would get to taste the thing it had always been teased in scent form. Finally it would be able to match the scent of blood with the taste of it, and the wolf couldn't wait. But the female was wrong. It didn't just want her. It wanted them both. It wanted them all, with the exception of its pack mate. Unless he stood in its way. If he chose to do that, the wolf would turn on him too. It had no prejudice. It had been locked up so long, prejudice was out the window. Any other time, maybe the pack system would have mattered, but right now, the only part of the pack that the wolf wouldn't attack was the Alpha. It couldn't even if it wanted to.

“You broke him. You broke him because you were weak. Because you chose to be weak.” The words were for the girl, the wolf was completely aware of that, but it could feel her reaction to them. She was shuddering at the thought of harming the one she loved. She was questioning why she couldn't have been stronger, why she couldn't have solved their relationship problem before this mess, as she so simply put it. The wolf honestly didn't care. It didn't care to know the truth behind who broke who, who had been weak in the scenario. Amina was weak, the wolf knew it because on more than one occasion it had seen her weep for hours. But at the same time, it knew how strong she was as well. How long had it been locked inside that dungeon in her head? She had been strong enough to hold it there, even when she wasn't on wolfsbane. This had been Amina's biggest point of weakness, and it all pointed right back to the male whom she had protected for the moment. So there was no way to tell who was the weak one, but it could feel Amina in its head, feel the emotion radiating off of her. Suddenly she was angry. Her mood shifted from doubting herself, blaming herself for these problems, to angry at the female for pointing it out. Angry that the female didn't realize how bad of a state Amina was already in and that she didn't need reminding of how she had hurt the man she loved. The wolf grinned internally at her anger. She may have objected moments ago to attacking the female, but she wasn't objecting now. The wolf decided to use that moment to attack. She was angry, and she was going to be the reason the wolf attacked. It attacked because of her anger. The wolf was going to break her down, make her weaker than ever. It was going to make it so Amina could never trap it again.

So it leapt. It took one bound to cover the distance between itself and the female, only one bound to sink its claws into her flesh and tear it. Fresh blood ran down her face, her torso, but it wasn't good enough. The wolf had her pinned down to the ground and its muzzle hung over her, small drops of saliva dropping onto her clothing, her bare arm, her face. Its hot breath rained over her before it took in one last deep breath, remembering how fear smelled, and now it was ready to taste it. Without giving her a chance to recover from the scratches, the wolf reached down and sank its fangs deep into the meatiest part it could find: her side. It was the largest strip of flesh available and hid so many of the vital organs. As its teeth broke skin and blood flowed into the wolf's mouth, it nearly howled in satisfaction. It tasted even better than it smelled. Amina disagreed, Amina fought with everything she had for the wolf to stop, but she didn't have the strength it took. She couldn't even make her voice heard. She could only think her reaction. The wolf grinned in response to its hosts weakness, and removed its fangs from the females side before moving into latch onto another piece. It hadn't found an organ in the first bite, but it intended to. The wolf was going to sink its fangs into the female until it could puncture an organ, until her blood ran freely from the wound in droves. It dove in with its canines again, but found it had only hit bone, feeling the cracking and fracturing of her ribs under the pressure of its jaws. As it tasted her blood more freely, the wolf sensed a change behind it. He had come to join her. Finally. He had decided to stop hiding behind that human, two legged body and came to join her in his true form. But it wasn’t the wolf. No, he had retained control. The wolf's beckoning hadn't reached through to his dark side. He still maintained control. ‘AMINA, Amina come on. Come back. Amina look at her. Yer KILLING HER.' Grinning against the females flesh, the wolf felt its counterpart come closer. 'Amina's not home right now. Feel free to leave a message.'

"NO." The wolf sneered in response to the objection from the female it was latched around, digging its fangs deeper into the females flesh but still not able to find purchase on an organ. It was new to this, and that was obvious. It would figure out in time, how to bite once and hit the vital organs. In time. It released her side and went back for another bite, sure that it could find the sweet spot this time, but out of the corner of its eye, just a little too late, the wolf caught the gleam of the bracelet. It had seen the move before in Amina's memories. She had used the same move. It tried to move before the females wrist hit, but it was too late. She dug the bracelet into the wolf's shoulder and the searing pain was enough for a howl to erupt. It wanted to stay on top of her, to push past the pain and end her life right then, but the pain became overwhelming. It was too much to bear, like someone had taken a branding rod straight from the flame and was searing the seal into its shoulder. So it jumped back, releasing her from its grip. The searing didn't cease, but only dulled. The pain was still unbearable. It needed to bite off her arm. That would solve the problem. She wouldn't be able to use that silver then. Of course, that would mean blood would be wasted in the grass instead of her mouth. But it would deal. Looking up, the wolf positioned itself to launch back onto the female, for its claws to remove her arm before she would have a chance to use the bracelet, but he got in the way. The wolf let out a low growl, a warning. He wasn't alpha, there was no reason why she couldn't attack him if he didn't get out of the way. Of course, the wolf didn't want to, but if he stopped her from getting what she wanted, she wouldn't be afraid to inflict some damage. The wolf stood on its hind legs, about to warn him to move when an onslaught of images came flooding in. How cute. He was trying to remind Amina why she shouldn't be attacking the female.

--

Amina watched in horror, unable to do anything about the scene she was watching. The wolf was enjoying this, enjoying ruining someone's life and making Amina watch. Kariana would never be the same again. The fangs had sunk into her flesh more than once. The scar that resulted would be hideous, just like Amina's. But that could be fixed. The effects on her body chemistry wouldn't. Amina was more than thankful when Kat had realized how to defend herself, how to make the wolf back off. Even if Amina also felt the pain of the silver, suddenly aware of what the other wolf had felt when she had done it when she was attacked, but she didn't care. She would accept the pain because this was her fault. A few more moments of it and finally the wolf moved. There was distance between it and Kariana. Though she could see in its head, see that it was finding a way around the silver, Amina hoped and prayed Marcus would do something. Her brother, not by blood, but by adoption, was in wolf form. He was the only one that could stop the wolf. And he planned to do just that. She suddenly saw his familiar form move in between herself and Kariana, protecting her from further harm. Amina hoped Kariana wouldn't bleed out before she could get help, but she could sense Tobias moving. He was doing what he needed to do, and she was sure he would do what he could for her. He would make sure she survived, even if her life would never be the same. But at least Amina wouldn't have her death on her hands, if that was much better.

Amina let out a sigh of relief, but her attention was turned quickly back to Marcus. The wolf wasn't afraid to attack him, it would do whatever necessary. That meant Tobias would be in harm's way too. No, Amina thought to herself, suddenly afraid for them more than Kariana. She could live without Kariana. She couldn't live without Marcus or Tobias. And then she was reminded of why. Marcus was flooding her head with images. Every one that passed brought her a small amount of resolve. Images from only minutes before, the three of them laughing at one another. Then another of her half asleep on his back as he carried her back to the castle. Merlin, she had been tired that time. The cycle had been more exhausting that time for no apparent reason. The images turned way to a horrible sight. The night she was cursed. The pain she had felt. Marcus was privy to all of this information, just as he had been privy to her love for Gavin. He was using this to fuel her, to help her regain control, but even with the emotions he was stirring, Amina couldn't push her way out of the cage. She was stuck. ‘Come back ta us Birdie.’ Had Amina not just been a figment of her own mind, she might have started crying. She wanted to come back to them, to be their birdie for as long as physically possible. She tried shouting it to him, but she couldn't find her voice. The wolf still had control. She used whatever strength that Marcus' reel of images had provided and pushed at the barrier. It seemed to crack, even if only in the slightest, but it was enough to tell her that it wasn't impossible. She could get out. But how? The strength needed was far more than she had. The wolf was too strong. If it was weakened, maybe, just maybe she could regain control. But despite the crack in the prison, she couldn't reach out to Marcus to tell him. She couldn't tell him to attack her, to hurt her. But maybe she didn't have to. Because Gavin would. Gavin would do whatever necessary to save Amina. He had always done what was best for her. And he had found a way to sneak up behind the wolf. He would find a way to get her out of here. He had to.

The wolf seemed to notice him too. How could it not, since the wolf was the only way Amina was able to see anything? Thoughts of attacking Gavin flew past her. It was going to kill him. She knew it. Its torso began to twist in Gavin's direction but Amina wouldn't allow that. She suddenly pushed as hard as she could against the barrier. It cracked further, causing a wave of what almost felt like fresh air to come to Amina. 'Don't you dare touch him!' Amina shouted to the wolf, pushing at the barrier again. Though the request had been obliged earlier, Amina knew well enough not to expect the wolf to give Gavin another pass. So she pushed harder. Fortunately, she seemed to be chipping away at the prison where it held her. It was enough to throw the wolf off, to make it pause long enough for Gavin to wrap his arms around the furry frame. Amina let out a soft sigh. Gavin was behind her. The wolf would have one hell of a time biting him from that direction. But then its arms reached out and scratched at Gavin's arms, trying to get him to drop it. Gritting her teeth, Amina pushed harder. She would not allow Gavin to get hurt. If anger was a strong enough emotion to crack this prison, love had to be even stronger and if there was one person in this world who she loved with every fiber in her being, it was Gavin. So she used it, and tried to reach through the barrier. She met resistance at first, unable to slip her hand through the crack that she made, but once she pushed a little further, Amina was able to reach an arm out. It was enough. She had access to the wolf and it didn't like that. Suddenly its attention turned inward, trying to push Amina back into the prison. She felt the wolf's claws pushing her arm back, pushing down on the crown of her head again to put her right back to where she had started, into the deep dark abyss of her mind. If it couldn't contain Amina, then it wouldn't be able to finish what it started. The wolf figured Gavin couldn’t do any serious damage, that Amina was the threat. Amina knew better than that. Gavin would do whatever necessary to bring her back. She just hoped he would find a way.

Words | 4,640
Tag | Tobias, Marcus, Gavin, Kariana
Outfit | Click

[Gavin Dewhurst]

i'll bare my skin,
(AND I'LL COUNT MY SINS)
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Gavin hit the ground hard. Much harder than he rightfully should. For a moment he lay there, dazed, his shoulders and back aching as his lungs gasped to have the air back that had been stolen from him in the fall. There was something about the obscene that made it impossible to look away. Something about things that were just gruesome enough to push the lines of what a brain could accept, what it could handle until it gave out. This, what was happening before him was almost more than he could handle. More than he was willing to stomach. Before it even registered in his mind who, or what had pulled him down, he watched her. His eyes clouding, his very worst nightmare being forced between his eyes. He had known what had happened to her, knew what was coming, he knew what she was...but knowing was one thing. Seeing it? Was a whole other. He could never unsee this. The image would always be there, lurking at the back of his mind in every moment for the rest of his life. Knowing that this disgusting thing was within her, was resting inside of her, wanting to rip her to pieces. A strangled noise left his lips. The beast in her, that was his fault. It was all his fault. There was no pity for himself however, only that he had done this to her. Ruined her, in every way possible. “Amina...” the fur covered her body, he could hear her bones snap in a crunch that made him sick, this was more than he could handle. His body wanted to fold in upon itself, the thing that she had become tore through her clothing, like it was shedding itself of her all together. Was she even in there? The way it moved, the way it's eyes were consuming everything in front of it, that wasn't Amina. She wasn't a predator. It was easier now, to hate this beast, to hate himself and not blame her. Seeing it move like this cemented something in his mind. It tossed her things aside, her bag falling open as it fell. As it moved, Gavin felt a morbid need to follow it. He could get Amina back, he wouldn't let this this have her.

His body expanded, his limbs struggling against whatever was holding him. It wasn't female, that was for sure. His head attempted to whip around to see what was happening, to see where the thing was going, what it was chasing. His mind didn't want to accept that it was Kariana, that it was her stupid, foolish insults that had provoked it. He found himself blaming her, though he knew tomorrow that he wouldn't mean it. He blamed her for doing this to Amina, for forcing her hand the way that she had. He could fight his own battles, and now, as he was struggling on the ground he could help neither of him. He should have been more afraid, he should have worried more about what was going to happen rather than what was happening. All that his body held was rage, whether amplified due to the potions in his blood, or just pure adrenaline he didn't care to know. He was only angry, angry that Marcus was holding him down, the other boy was just standing there, and then took off, Coward. Gavin could only get glimpses as he was being whipped around, his hands coming up at every chance to punch at the dolt's head. He was so fucking strong, so damned strong. Freak. It was because he was like her, he was the one who had done this to her. Yet, instead of helping her, of going and getting her whenever they both knew he was the only one strong enough to to do, he was wasting his time on the ground with Gavin. Holding him back, for what? What was the use. He had done this to Amina, and now Marcus was going to let her destroy herself. At the back of his mind, Gavin knew what that meant, he knew that it meant Amina was going to attack Kariana, that it meant she was going to tear into his friends flesh like it was nothing. He knew it, but it was like Kariana's face was blotted out, that he didn't recognize, couldn't comprehend that it was Kariana that was going to be the cost of Amina's final internal destruction. He just couldn't see her, he couldn't see past Amina, trapped inside of her own head. Something feral inside of his own body was being awoken and it had nothing to do with any animal. He couldn't claim that the demons inside of his body were anything other than his own, colored by his own desires. Yells and shouts of protestation left his lips as he attempted to get as many shots into the idiot's thick head as his hands would allow.

“Ye need ta stop.” The fact that none of it even seemed to phase Marcus only incensed him further. Gavin's own hands were bloodied and starting to swell, and the only marks on the boy were of Gavin's own blood. “Get off.” he warned, his breath coming out in short, exhausted spurts. His knee came up, seeming to catch Marcus off guard, Gavin knew that the hard bone so close to the surface had to hurt. It gave him a little more purchase. More blaming words wanted to be said, to ask him if this was what the disgrace had wanted whenever he had turned Amina. Was this worth it? To make some stupid point, to taint another's blood for what, he had ruined the best woman in the entire world. They were both at fault. Equally. Another kick and he was flying, he didn't know how he did it, or how it was possible for one man, shorter than himself, to be that strong. He knew what was wrong with Marcus, knew it and couldn't accept it. Gavin's body skid across the grass until it gave fault, his shirt starting to give way to the constant grabbing and tossing, skinning bits of his shoulder as he fell. Coming to a full stop just next to the bag that the thing had tossed from what used to be Amina's body. Ink, books, same bag as always...and something else. Something that caused his heart to falter, and all concern for his own life and well being to leave his body. He no longer cared what would happen tomorrow, or if there even was a tomorrow. His hand reached out, shaking as it was and grasped the chain on the ground. He knew what it meant. Marcus meant nothing to her, the other boy, nothing. Tears threatened to fall down his face as he choked, his pride had long ago left him. She had found it after all then, had found the ring that was the point of him being in her dorm in the first place and it meant enough – he – meant enough to her that she had kept it on her person even though she couldn't wear it. His fingers encircled the pair of them, balling the chain up in his fist as he moved his weary body with nothing more than sheer will. His legs wanted to buckle, the muscles in every part of him knotting and wanting to lock out of overuse.

But they obeyed. They moved. It was all that he could ask for. He couldn't hear anything other than the sound of his own blood pumping in his ears. He couldn't see Kariana, or Marcus, or any of them. All he could see was coarse black fur, remember how it felt coming out of her shoulders. He couldn't let Amina hurt this way, hurting others would hurt her. Merlin he had to try. It was distracted, whatever Marcus was doing was distracting it, just enough to come up behind it, slamming his own body into that which was almost his height for the first time, it didn't even budge, having tried to turn and catch him, he didn't care what happened to him, he just needed to get Amina back. If Amina was the last thing that he ever saw, it would be worth it. His arms reached around the body, it was too hot, too large to be Amina, and his mind had no trouble accepting that he was hurting it not her. His hand locked onto his opposite wrist, holding with all of his might. “Uhhnnngg!” the sound was pushed through grinding teeth, his eyes pressed shut as the thing bucked against him. The fur was in his face, pushing up in his nose and making everything hard to breath. It wasn't her. She didn't smell like this. It's arms, claws, came up where Gavin couldn't see, but he could feel them. Feel the ripping of flesh down the fronts of his arms, feel the hot, sticky mess come pouring quickly out of the wounds. He would have to move faster, be more efficient, faster. Otherwise, he would loose blood too quickly, and his strength would leave him. His body wanted to give out, wanted to quit but he couldn't. He could save her. He had to. “let her go.” he said, his words crazed and little more than a grunt as he squeezed, pulling backward, wanting to pull the two of them to the ground, he could move better from there. His head was starting to feel off, dizzy almost. He groaned in fury as he yanked them to the side, it's massive body toppling to the ground and Gavin along with it. Hitting the ground hurt, and his brain felt like it was sliding around inside of his skull, unattached. The weight around his neck seemed heavier, it was enough, it was what he needed. She couldn't wear his ring if she didn't have a hand to put it on.

“GIVE HER BACK!” he screamed at it, he could hear somebody in the distance screaming, and he couldn't help but to think that it was Amina, wanting to break free, to come back to him. Gavin's legs wound as far around the bucking body of the massive wolf as he could manage, it's claws sinking into him at every chance. It's teeth attempting to wrench just far enough around to grab him, but missing. It's claws hitting his thigh, ruining his pants, shoulder and back more than once. The loss of blood was starting to make him delirious but he couldn't stop. It seemed to be slowing down, she was coming back to him, he just knew that she was coming back. It was just him and the beast now, but soon, soon it would be gone. If only he could just hold on, just a little longer. His arms managed to work up to it's thick neck, fitting around into an awkward sleeper choke hold until the limbs stopped, the claws no longer a thread, the jaw stopped snapping, the lack of oxygen bringing out the more human side he felt until it was still in his arms. It didn't even feel as heavy. He should get her to the hospital wing, he should go there himself but he couldn't. He couldn't even fathom it. For a long moment, he held the thing, making sure that it was really out cold as it's body was lightening, the bulk shrinking every so slowly, the fur becoming lighter in color and sinking backward into the skin that was once more familiar to him. His lungs were burning, pulling the chain from around his own neck, he slipped it back over Amina's head as soon as her head was small enough to fit it around. Disregarding all of their belongings, not even to remember anything else other than her at this moment, he hoisted her into the air, cradling her in his arms. Just like he had done so many times over the past summer. He knew he was bleeding, and he stumbled in the process of standing more than once as he staggered in the direction of the castle.

-

The polished river stone that made up the floor of the boys communal shower in the Slytherin boy's dorm hall was discolored. He had locked the door who knew how long ago, turned on the faucet and collapsed onto the heated stones. The water was freezing, and he was shaking harder than he thought was even possible. Gavin's torn clothing was plastered to his body, both by matted blood and the frigid water. It was the only way that he could get her body to feel normal. It was all he could do to hold her, her once more tiny frame positioned between his legs, water pushing her hair down her body as he held her against his torso. His bent leg kept her upright, but even that was starting to give way. He just had to hold on until she woke back up, until he was certain that the woman in his arms was Amina, his Amina. His eyes were locked dead ahead of him, memorizing the tiles and attempting to fill in the gaps of what had happened while he was fighting with the thing that had tried to consume Amina but he couldn't. He didn't even know if he really wanted to know. No doubt there was still something happening out there, that he should have taken more notice of, it felt important, but his brain wasn't working right. He knew that the cloths were no longer hiding his too streamlined frame, that his body was too angular now for her to be very comfortable whenever she woke up, knew that his skin was at least three shades too pale from the blood loss and it was very likely that his back would stick to the shower whenever he attempted to stand he had been pressed up against the wall for so very long. Perhaps that was the only reason that the bleeding looked like it had slowed, perhaps he was just running out of blood. He knew that nothing ultra vital had been hit, it had manged to cut just on either side of the important veins in his arms, fortunate claw spacing he supposed. Mostly, he was just focusing on the girl in his arms, and nothing else around him. He had no idea what time it was, only that the common room and corridors had been deserted whenever he had brought her in. Which was fortunate, he didn't have time to stop. It was pitch black outside, so he assumed it was somewhere around ten at night, but he couldn't be certain. He had no intentions of moving from this spot any time soon.

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just close my eyes,
(TILL I CAN TAKE IT IN)

words: 2,478
outfit: This
tags: Kariana, Amina, Marcus, Tobias.
notes:none for now I think
credit: gabs of a different color; @ caution 2.0

[Amina Krane]

Thoughts of Gavin were the only thing keeping Amina out of the darkness, the only thing that gave her enough power to resist the wolf's efforts to shove her back into the hole where it had originally placed her. It had made a mistake when it had given her the opportunity to see what it was going to do to all of her friends. Amina knew the wolf acknowledged that mistake. She knew the wolf would never make that mistake if it was given the opportunity again. But Amina had to make sure this never happened. Ever. The damage caused here was horrible enough for one lifetime. To imagine the wolf being let loose, given the chance to attack this same way again, made Amina cringe. Anger rose in her gut as she realized this was going to be her one and only shot to get back to her friends, to take back her body and she had to use every avenue she could to make that happen. So she pushed harder, screamed at the wolf to stop its flailing and scratching and feeble attempts to prevent the inevitable. Gavin had it by the neck and if she knew him, if she knew what he was thinking, he wouldn't let go until the wolf was gone. Unfortunately, Amina also knew that meant he could possibly kill her. It was a passing thought, though. Even if Gavin didn't stop himself before he went over the edge, before he took the life out of her, at least the wolf's rampage would be stopped. Amina wouldn't be able to live with herself if he stopped merely to keep her alive but yet put everyone else in harm's way. So she willed him to continue, to grip harder and stronger than he had ever gripped anything in his life, to cut off the air supply to the wolf. As long as she could keep it distracted long enough, he could do it. He could stop the beast in its tracks.

“Let her go.” The wolf scoffed, but Amina knew better. The wolf was starting to realize it didn't have the advantage any longer. With Amina pushing from the inside, and Gavin pulling from the outside, it didn't stand much of a chance. The wolf realized it couldn't fight them both at the same time. It had to choose one or the other, and at this point, Gavin had become a larger threat. The boy that the werewolf had so casually disregarded was now the object of the wolf's anger. The pressure Amina was feeling as the wolf tried to push her into the darkness was lifted and she was able to scramble back to the edge of the internal prison, to the spot she thought was where she had begun to make her way back into her own head. As she reached out her hands to try and find the break in the prison, the only chance she had to get out of here and to help Gavin tame the beast within, Amina caught a glance of Gavin. It was only of his arms as the wolf tried to wrench them away from its neck, but her breath caught in her throat as she saw his skin, his perfectly tanned skin, covered in blood. The wolf was hurting him. The wolf was going to kill him. It slashed at any part of Gavin's body that it could reach without prejudice, even trying to dig its teeth into his arms. Fortunately, Gavin's hold was strong enough to have taken some of the strength from the wolf. It couldn't reach him with teeth, so it kept at it with the claws. Gritting her teeth, Amina tried to push at the barrier but as she did, the world got toppled sideways. Disoriented, Amina tried to figure out what had happened. When she looked, all she could see was sky and claws. Gavin must have drug it down. He had it on the ground, able to get a better grip.

"GIVE HER BACK!” The sound of his voice brought her world back into focus as she scrambled to find the weakness in the prison. When hear hands seemed to reach out past the hallow area, into the light, she knew she had found it and she knew she could break it open. "Just hold on, Gavin!" she screamed, wishing more than anything that she could tell him that he was winning, that the wolf couldn't go on for much longer. Amina could it was losing its fight, because so was she. The hold Gavin around its neck was starting to cut off the oxygen supply to her brain. To both of their lives. The wolf was starting to lose its resolve as its anger was now reduced to panic as it slashed even more violently, trying to knock Gavin off, but it was failing. Gavin had more than strength to keep him attached to the wolf. He had the same thing going for him that Amina had as she tried to push the gap in the prison further, as she tried to overtake the cage of the wolf. If she could get out, she could find a way to get the wolf back in. She could take over her own head and stop Gavin from being hurt any more than he already had. Just the thought of ending his suffering caused her to put more force into her efforts. She would get out of here. She would save him just like he was trying to save her. But even as she tried to exert more power, Amina found herself fading. Her head was getting foggy, her limbs weak. Gavin adjusted his position as the wolf itself began to lose its strength. He was able to get a stronger hold around its neck. Around her neck. She could feel his power, she could feel the wolf beginning to fade and even though she was light headed, affected just as much by what Gavin was doing as the wolf was, Amina pushed. She had to get out of this barrier, to throw the wolf back into its pen so when this was all over, she could keep it there. She knew how it worked, how to keep it locked away and she could do that for all of time if she could only get out.

Gavin's grip tightened again and the werewolf inside began to go slack, no longer able to reach all the way around to Gavin. He was going to make the wolf pass out, but with it would go her too. She had to get out, to get back to him. Biting down on her lip, Amina stopped pushing against the barrier, and instead began to slip her way through the crack. She had gotten the opening wide enough. All she needed to do now was get out. Slipping her arm through was easy enough, then her leg followed and then her head. She was skinny in all sense of the word, but the crack was still just that, a crack. As her head began to go foggy, a grunt rose through Amina's throat. She would not allow herself to pass out before she had her head back. The grunt gave way to a scream as she pried her torso through, then her leg and finally her other arm. Once outside of the prison, everything became clear. Amina was in control again with the wolf staggering in the background. She could feel Gavin's arm around her throat but she didn't make any move to stop him. The wolf wasn't completely contained yet and until it was, he was doing the best thing he could do. So while he continued to choke her, Amina did her best to stay conscious as she pushed the wolf back to wear it belonged. She was so close. So close to getting the wolf inside, but also so close to passing out. The wolf had already succumb to the lack of oxygen, apparently not one to go without breathing. She assumed it had something to do with its biology but really, she didn't care. Just one last good push and it would be inside and she could close the gates, close and lock and seal it away forever. Cringing, Amina put the last ounce of energy she had and shoved the wolf. It slipped into the cage from where Amina had come, the crack sealing itself behind the wolf, and the world dropped from view.

--

It took Amina a long time to break out of the unconscious state Gavin had put her in. Every so often, her brain would try to wake her up, try to push her back into reality, but her body didn't have the strength it needed yet. Her body had started healing her brain first, making sure that there was no permanent damage from the lack of oxygen, but once it had gotten to that point, it had moved on to more pressing needs. It worked on healing her body from the process of phasing. Putting all of the bones back into their proper spots, connecting her joints and her ligaments. It was a drawn out process, but it had to be done if she was going to be able to walk again anytime soon. Amina had always been envious at how easily Marcus recovered, hardly acting like he was affected at all and often times being the one to help her out when she couldn't move her legs without wincing. Osiris was even more staggering. He had been doing it so long that Amina wasn't even sure he felt anything anymore. Perhaps one day she would be like them, but they had time on her side. So her body had always had to spend longer to recover and she had to put in that much more effort to make it look like she was ok. One day she would be, but today wasn't going to be one of those days.

Finally, the feeling of rain brought Amina to. Warm rain seemed to cover her entire body, but that wasn't quite right. Unable to move for some unknown reason, Amina tried to figure out one puzzle at a time. It wasn't warm rain, it was cold. She could tell by the smell of it. But also it wasn't rain, it was treated water. Shower water. She was in a cold shower. But that didn't make sense. She had just been outside with Tobias and Marcus. How was she in the shower right now? She wanted to furrow her brows out of frustration but they didn't budge. She couldn't bring herself to open her eyes, either. Her whole body was stiff and she couldn't understand why. Did it have something to do with the fact that the cold shower felt more like it was at the notch between warm and hot? That usually only happened when her body was recovering. Its internal temperature would adjust to the healing process, increasing until it was completed and then dropping back down about ten to twenty degrees. One day she had planned on recording her temperature, or maybe even asking Tobias. No doubt he had already tested Marcus'. Cursing herself for going off on a tangent, Amina tried to focus back on the issues at hand. Like why she was in a shower, and why she couldn’t move, and why her body was healing itself. How had she gotten from outside where she had been playing a silly game with Tobias and Marcus, to inside in some sort of shower? Finally some movement happened in her eyebrows as her frustration grew, and she could feel her fingers beginning to flex. But it was painful. Beyond painful. Like it usually was when she found herself returning to human form after the full moon.

Suddenly the world came right back to. Her mind connected with the events and she remembered every detail. The wolf had taken over, had used her body to commit acts that Amina would have never imagined. It had hurt her friends, and most importantly the man she loved. The man who had saved her from being locked inside her own head forever. But that still didn't explain where she was. She tried to open her eyes, but found them practically glued shut, so she focused on her other senses. Taste didn't help, but smell did. She could smell the shower water pouring down, smell the various soaps and shampoos and conditioners. It wasn't the same smell as Gryffindor's shower room though. It was off. She had never been here before, or had she? Merlin, if she could only see. But then another smell came to her, one that held much more meaning than anything else in the room. Gritting her teeth, Amina pried open her eyelids which took much more effort than it should. They felt like they were being weighed down with concrete. But once she had them open, the weight was lifted, she could blink freely if she so chose, but she didn't need to because the sight in front of her was all she could look at. Between the hair that clung to the side of her face, Amina could see the green that gave away the room immediately. She was in the Slytherin showers. And she wasn't alone. Gavin was there. His arms were wrapped loosely around her naked form, cradling her to his body like he had done so many times before, but this time he was shivering. The cold water had been for her sake, to get her temperature down. She used the technique often since she had been turned. But for him, Amina imagined it was like ice. The next thing she noticed was just how pale he was. The man he loved was white as a ghost and skinny. Too skinny. She had never been able to see his bones and muscle so easily when he held her, but now she could even feel them against her skin. It didn't bother her physically, but instead it bothered her mentally. What had happened to him since they last talked?

"Gavin," she muttered, her voice raspy and hardly audible over the current of the water. The werewolf had done so much growling and howling that it had worn away at her vocal chords. But she didn't need them. Words weren't needed right now. Wincing, Amina tried to move her arm, tried to touch his face where his cheeks had become slightly sunken in, where dark circles had become more prominent against paled skin. But she couldn't lift it even half an inch before the tenderness of her body forced her to stop. She wasn't sure how long she had been out, how long they had been sitting under the water but Amina did know one thing. He hadn't given up on her. Even through the toughest times, he had stuck with her and helped her out of the abyss she had been shoved into. He hadn't left her behind to pick up the pieces. He had saved her. It gave her hope, knowing that he had kept her despite everything. Hope that maybe he had changed his mind about their future. But her hope was short lived as Amina's eyes fell to his shoulder. They widened as she saw the slashes in his shirt, lined with red. The skin underneath was broken. She could see the wolf slashing in her mind, see the thing that she had been helpless to stop. Moving down to his arms, her eyes took in every inch of his tattered and torn skin. As far as she could tilt her head before she could feel her neck ache. Her eyes were wide the entire time, unable to believe what had been done to him. She had seen it as she had been trying to regain control of her own body, but she could not fathom the damage that had been done.

As if it couldn't get any worse, her eyes began to take in the discoloration of the floor. It was no wonder he was so pale. Even with the water running over the both of them and washing away some of the filth, the ground was still stained red with blood. Most of it, if not all of it had to be Gavin's. Her eyes lifted back to his face. Had he opened his eyes? Was he even breathing? "Gavin?" she said a little louder, hoping her voice would rouse him, despite how scratchy it was. But he still didn't move. Her heart began to palpitate, as she looked for any signs of life. His chest was slowly rising and falling, so he was alive, but with how pale he was… It wasn't normal. He was on the edge of death's door and it was her fault. If she didn't fix him now… If she couldn't heal him… Amina couldn't even finish her sentences. Her instincts kicked in as she realized that the blood on the floor wasn't everything. Some had been washed away and if there was that much there, he couldn't have much left inside his own body. Forgetting the state her own body was in, Amina forced the pain aside and rotated her own body, her hands patting down his sides. She might not have had her wand on her, it was going to be back where the wolf had torn off her clothing, but he had to have it. He never left anywhere without it. Except for that time that he had left it in her dorm room. But that was a mistake. Surely he wouldn't… And then her hand found the piece of wood in his pocket and pulled it out gingerly. She could already tell it wasn't completely in one piece. As the thin piece of wood became visible, she saw an obvious fault line up the shaft of the wand, and another that curled around its center. He had landed on it at some point but it hadn't broken in two. That meant it was still close to useable.

Pursing her lips, Amina tried to remember her mother's teachings. As the daughter of a healer, she had been taught the simple spells as a child and grew up to learn a few more complicated one's for matters such as these. Well, not exactly like this one. How often would one's mother predict their daughter turning into a werewolf and mangling the man she loved? Shaking her head, Amina pushed all thoughts aside and focused on the matter at hand. She had to heal him. What was the spell? She closed her eyes tightly, fighting the tears that wanted to come. She couldn't lose focus. He needed her. Just like she had needed him and he had come through, she had to return the favor. Then the two spells, the two most important, came to her. The one's to heal gashes. If she couldn't heal them, then even if she could remember the blood replenishing spell, it wouldn't do any good. Pointing the wand at his left arm, she muttered, "Vulnera Sanentur." The largest of the gashes began to mend themselves, closing in on one another. They were her biggest concern. The smaller ones were not a threat, it was the one's where the wolf had really dug its claws in. She moved to his right arm when the largest of them were done, and repeated the process there, as well as on his shoulders, legs, and any other visible spots she could see. She had wanted to move him, to see if there were any others she should be concerned with, but even as she tried to block out the pain radiating from her tender body, Amina knew that moving him would require much more than she had to give. "What is it… What is it?" she asked herself, frustration mounting. Healing his wounds wasn't enough and she knew that. So while she tried to remember the spell for blood replenishing, she worked on his smaller cuts. "Episkey," she repeated over and over for a good minute until she had covered most of the deeper, medium sized cuts. The smaller one's had already clotted over. They could worry about those later.

But he needed blood. Where was Tobias when you needed him? He was always the potions guru. The blood replenishing potion was the number one tool in this situation, but she didn't have any. The spell was so mild that it hardly did half of the work of the potion, but at this point, she needed whatever she could get. Actually, he needed it. Gavin needed blood. If she could give him hers, she would have in a heartbeat, but that would only make things worse. Then he would be cursed. She couldn't do that to him, not even to save his life. That had to be his choice. She wouldn't take his humanity from him unwillingly. Pointing her wand at his chest, Amina closed her eyes and racked her brain until finally, the spell came rolling off of her tongue like she had said it her entire life. When it hit, she could see some of the color return to his skin, hear his heartbeat speed up, but his breathing was still shallow, too shallow. It was the breathing of a dying man. Dropping the wand to the ground next to her, Amina reached a hand out to his face but stopped short when she saw her own fingernails. Gavin hadn't been the only one covered in blood. His wasn't the only blood that covered the floor. Instantly she wanted to close her eyes, to block out what she had just seen but it was too late. There was blood caked under her nails. From Gavin. And from Kariana. Just at the thought of her, the thought of what the wolf had done to Kariana, Amina felt her stomach churn. She had bitten her. She had torn into her flesh and ripped her to pieces, scratched through her skin like tissue paper. Amina had just ruined the life of Gavin's best friend, and killed Gavin.

It took all Amina had not to allow the bile that was rising in her throat to just come out. She managed to hold it in, but she couldn't stop it. Despite the immense amount of pain it caused her to move so quickly, Amina stole herself from Gavin's slumped over body and moved the few feet from where they were positioned against the wall to the drain in the center of the floor where she proceeded to vomit red. The metallic taste only made it worse, the sight causing her stomach to wretch out everything it contained and more. Given she hadn't eaten in who knew how long, the only thing there was blood, small pieces of what Amina hoped wasn't flesh from Kariana, and stomach acid. But even after it had all drained, even as she began to just dry heave, Amina still tasted the metal. There was someone else's blood, Kariana's blood, in her system. A mix of Kariana's and Gavin's blood on her hands, under her nails, and in her psyche. Tears sprung to her eyes as the full effects of what happened finally sunk in. It didn't even take a moment before the tears finally began to stream down her face and Amina dropped backwards into a sitting position, pulling her knees into her chest and sobbing into them as her hands covered her ears. She blocked out everything, all sound, smell, taste. Any feeling to the outside world was cut off in an instant. "I'm sorry," she muttered, both to Kariana and to Gavin. Even to Marcus and Tobias. She had ruined what had been a perfectly good day. She had made it into a nightmare. She couldn't even bring herself to look over at Gavin's still slumped over body, to see if the love of her life was still alive. She knew he wasn't. After everything that she had done to him, tearing at every visible piece of his flesh, more than likely even getting down to his main veins running through his body, no amount of healing could have fixed it. By her hands, Gavin was dead against the wall of the Slytherin showers and there was nothing she could do but sit in a fetal position and cry. Her body had just shut down. "I'm so sorry." She repeated the two phrases again until her voice became so hoarse, so dry from the vomiting, that she could only form the words with her lips. No sound came out as she rocked back and forth, holding her knees to her chest. What had she done? What had she become?

Words | 4,166
Tag | Tobias, Marcus, Gavin, Kariana
Outfit | Click

[Gavin Dewhurst]

i'll bare my skin,
(AND I'LL COUNT MY SINS)
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There was a faint hint of salt on the air. Even though the beach was well off from the property. The house that Gavin had finally settled on was one in the south of France. Normally, it was a tourist attraction, but it was also home to one of the smallest pure blood wizarding communities. Each property was older than he even cared to think of, and thus came with an even more impressive price tag. Normally, the houses were only used in vacation season. Christmas, and summer of course. A destination spot for the elite. Which, was exactly why Gavin had chosen it. The quiet. Of course, once it was his permanent home he would be traveling, and at least the woman who would come to live in the house would be home here while he was away. Gavin's mother had only given the keys to him in an attempt to 'get the house ready for her' and the final few weeks of his final summer to do with as he pleased. Naturally, the only thing that he wanted to do was spend the days with Amina. He had brought her here just after her gymnastics competitions had ended, not letting her pack a damned thing before he got her away from the hole that her family lived in. He had done it for her, visited with her abomination of a father. Whenever it was over, he had left and took her with him. Spending the first few weeks living in his future home with her, cemented a slew of memories that he couldn't have paid for. The only things that seemed to keep him going, and perhaps now, the only things that he had left to cling to. Carrying her over the doorstep had been a highlight of the week. Not having to duck into classrooms or run off into the woods to be together. No hiding. Nobody for miles knew who they were, it was the end of summer, their house was the only occupied one around. They could do whatever they wanted, go wherever and be whatever they wanted. No hiding, no bloodlines, and no family obligations. He had carried her over the doors, and left every window in the house open that night just because they could, because anybody could see them and it wouldn’t matter. Everything was just the two of them, as it should have been. Eyes open.

Gavin had tried to keep his eyes open, the cold was just making it more difficult. Each exhale made him want to surrender to the pain that was slowly consuming his body. He wanted to wait for her, he needed to. There was so much that he needed to explain to her, so many questions that he wanted to ask of her. So much to be said. He had thought that the showers were the only place he could have gotten her too without being seen this late at night. He didn't have anywhere else to go and her dorm was out of the question. He didn't want to have to explain by he was carrying a filthy naked woman through the castle while he was bleeding profusely. Tomorrow somebody would be sniffing around, wanting to know why there was a trail of mud and blood that lead down to the dungeons. But that was tomorrows problem, he had just been attempting to solve today's. Amina had been so hot, her skin felt like it was going to melt off of her bones. She didn't seem to be wounded in any way, at least the red washing over the rocks of the shower floor wasn't coming from her. Of course, that meant that it belonged to him, but he couldn't care, couldn't focus on that. He could feel her heart beat, drumming through her whole body, an erratic beat, but it was solid. Soothing. Human. Each time that he blinked his eyes stayed shut for a few seconds longer. He didn't want to let her go, he wanted to stay. Stay here with her. There was something inside of him that was fading, but he didn't know what it was, all he could feel was cold, cold and her heart beat. His right leg slid out from where it had been propped, his right only staying up to support her still sleeping weight. She wasn't even breathing heavily any longer, like she was just sleeping now. No longer struggling in her head, no longer growling or making those horrible noises. Open. Shut.

Every time his eyes shut, he could see sunlight. The wind rolling in over the patio, flooding in through the open doors. A highlight reel of the summer.The bright, carefree smile on Amina's face. He could see her, but he couldn't hear her. They were seated at a white painted wrought iron patio set. More pastries on the table than the two of them could have ever hoped to consume in a month. Seven kinds of juice on the table, the spread was so massive there was hardly any room for the plates that they had chosen. All because she couldn't decide what it was that she had wanted at the bakery, and had come home with bags full of freshly baked goods. Only, it hadn't ended as sweetly as he might of hoped. Amina had always had a tendency to wake up earlier than he did, saying that the light was brighter here, the air was too clean for her to miss out on it. The whole summer, she didn't even seem to sleep from what he could tell. This morning, he had woken up to Amina pelting coins at his head. ”They wouldn't take my money!” The more coins hit his groggy head, the more things started to make sense. Whenever he finally managed to get his eyes open she was waving her hand at him, his ring prominent on her finger. It had been enchanted, to fit her finger and only hers, whenever she didn't wear it, it would revert back to his size. That problem had been solved their first night in the house, whenever he grew tired of seeing such an important ring on the chain around her neck. ”One look at this and they refused even the tip!” He knew she wouldn't have taken it off, but it was just too cute, her reactions to having such wide spread wealth and influence. Showing her this world, he loved it. He loved that he could spoil her, and she protested every single time. Even though they both knew it never made a difference. He had tried to pull her back into bed, but she had refused and made him sit at the disgustingly over-prepared breakfast. It was too much, but she didn't want to waste it. She didn't want to let things that could have needed by other people and just given to them. In the end, he had ended up only having tea. Which just made matters worse, but she was so cute whenever she was angry.

Eyes open. Everything hurt. It was a dull roar spread throughout his body. The potions he had taken earlier were wearing off. He no longer had the same crazed adrenaline coursing through his system and the world was starting to slow down. His lips felt dry, like if he spoke they would crack. He couldn't move, he wanted to push the wet hair off of Amina's face. To rinse the dirt away, to help scrub away whatever must be playing in her mind but he couldn't will his fingers to work. He felt like he was freezing from the inside outward, something more than just the water was hurting him. His eyes could see a limited amount of damage to his body from where his head was positioned. His arms were in ribbons, but they were the only parts that seemed to still be burning. Perhaps they were the worst of it, at least they would make a hell of a conversation starter when they healed. If they healed, the mental echo of his own voice corrected him. He hadn't even thought that he might not make it through this until now. He could be losing Amina for a whole other reason. She would heal, he knew that much from the text book chapters on her kind. He, however, might not. His mortal body was limited in that capacity. His eyes rolled downward until his lashes prevented him from seeing anything else. The weight that Amina left against his body was welcome, it was something for him to cling to. Something to force his eyes to open too. Eyes shut.

”This is where you grew up?” It felt wrong, bringing her here. He knew it was what she wanted. They couldn't step a foot on the property, his mother would know. She had wanted to see it, even if only from the gates. She had insisted. They had to stop by London anyway and since they were going to be in England, they might as well drop by Hertfordshire. Time was running out until school was going to be back in session. Their deadline was approaching too quickly. They both needed new things for school, their final round of textbooks. Which, took little to no time at all. Even thought Gavin knew that his mother wasn't inside of the large estate, she would know if he took a girl there. She didn't care that he went around with women, that wasn't the issue. It was this woman, bringing her here that would have been an issue. So no, they couldn't go inside, but she could see. “Yes. Home sweet home” he remarked somberly, the voice didn't even sound like him. It wasn't the deadline, or even that they might be caught that made him feel bad. It was the fact that this should have been her life. Had it not been stolen from her. Sure, there were a few reputable pure blooded families in the Americas, but not like there was in Europe. Here. She should have grown up in a house like this. He had heard word that the Krane family home had been fairly impressive in it's hay day. Now, who knew what had happened to it. At least she hadn't asked him to look for that. Had it not been for the poor choices of her father, he could have proudly marched her across the threshold and in to meet his family. Would have done so easily, proudly. Only, this wasn't her life. It had been stolen from her. He hoped that she wasn't thinking the same things as her fingers wrapped around a flower growing on one of the many vines that encircled and entwined around the massive gates. Her small hands plucked it from it's stem, tucking it into her hair and looking up at him brightly. Her smile was infectious. They had spoken of his house many times, he had always imagined a world where he would bring her to it, but not like this.

Eyes open. Only, they weren't open. Everything was still dark, he couldn't see. He could feel his lids still plastered shut, the violent shuddering of his body seemed to be tapered off now that there was little heat left inside or outside of his body. He could still hear the shower, still smell the slight musk added to the water on the automatic setting. Her body had shifted. "Gavin," 'I'm here. I'm right here, I'm here,' he wanted to scream. He wanted his arms to pull her body closer, to glean the much needed heat from her body that was still draining from his. Just being this close was almost painful from the contrast in temperature. The sound seemed to be enough, his body willed him to let go, to let sleep come over him, to stop. Just stop the shaking, stop fighting it, she was fine, that was all that mattered didn't it? His lips parted only slightly, the only hint of a word he could manage. His jaw fell slack and his eyes closed again, wanting so badly to picture what was happening in front of him. See her, if only for one last time. It would be poetic justice, having been the reason she was turned, for the beast to be the one to take him out. His eyes shut one more time.

It was different this time. It wasn't a memory that he found himself in. Not really, he didn't think. The setting was similar, in the kitchen of their, his, house. He was still in the same tattered clothing that he had been. At least he was dry, it was a small comfort he supposed. Apparently his subconscious wasn't kind enough to dress him properly. Amina's back was to him, wearing his swim trunks and one of her many Bikini tops. He could remember the one, stupid polka dot thing she had gotten from the only cheap vender on the strip who hadn't known what the ring on her finger meant. So damn stubborn, so that was the one she bought all of the the cheap fabric from, just because she got to buy it. Whenever she turned around, frying pan of burnt eggs in her hand he fell to his knees. Her lips were moving, but he couldn't hear her. No sound came out. She could see him, and came to him, pressing his head against her damp torso, her hair dripping salt water onto his face. He didn't know why he couldn't hear her, but he could feel her, smell her, that was all that mattered. This would be alright, he could leave now if he got to stay here, never leave the kitchen ever again. There was cards in the drawer, they didn't need clothing or food, he could stay here. He wanted to. He could feel her hands on the back of his head, he knew what she was saying, he didn't have to see her in order to know. Her kind heart was working in overdrive, wanting to know why he was bleeding. He was so out of place in this room now, he wasn't the same man he had been here. If he managed to open his eyes again, he would never see her in this kitchen again. Never see her peering around him, nagging him to flip the toast over, that he was going to over boil the water, never hear her practicing her little stunts in the large open space behind the table, it would be gone. Did he really want to go back to a world where she was broken? Where he was bleeding and alone?

He was never given the chance.

Things were out of his hands, being put into motion by the determined motions of a frantic woman. His skin was starting to mend, fading the large wounds into scratches that looked like they came from a far, far smaller animal. His blood stopped flowing freely from his figure, the water cleaning and washing away the last bits his body would offer to the stream. Even though the outward signs of the spell were no longer showing, the damaged muscle and tissue under the newly patched skin were repairing themselves, stitching back together slowly until he would be able to use his arms and legs again without much pain. The new blood coursed through his veins, foreign from the lack of potion diluting it. As it reaching his heart, the muscle beat more violently, bursting against his chest as the life returned to him, a surge of energy as the spell was depleted. His eyes snapped open, he hadn't been this awake in a long time. Despite his sleep he had been damaging his body in other ways. Working his muscles to the point of breaking, it almost hurt to have healthy anything in his system. He knew it wasn't enough to fix things in the long run, but it woke him up with a start. His eyes wouldn't dilate, he couldn't see the room for what it was. His hands splayed out and pressed against the stone surrounding his body, he had brought them there, he was still alive. His eyes registered the long mirrors, the glass paneling of the shower double doors. His breathing took forever to calm down, but finally his chest moved at a more normal pace once it realized that it wasn't going to be starved for oxygen again. His arms were open, something was missing. Slowly, his eyes turned back to the center of the shower, where the drain was washing down the sticky red water. Amina. She was alright. Physically. She was curled in on herself, rocking her bare form side to side slightly. He could hear her now, muttering under her breath.

He reached above his head, turning the hot water on just enough that he wasn't going to shake himself to death and pulled the ruined, overly heavy soaked shirt from his torso and slowly, painfully, pulled himself toward her. Grabbing her as roughly as his hands would allow and surrounding her body with his own. He was smaller now, but still bigger than her. His arms overlapped around her torso, his hands grabbing onto hers, wanting to root her to him. His face pressed into the side of her head, body heat flooding into his own from every contact point. Her bare back pressed against his torso, his hands holding her arms wrapped around herself. His back protested, the raw skin not wanting to allow him the movement that he needed to hold her still. The faucet heads mounted in every side of the shower still pouring the water onto the broken and new skin alike, stinging with every drop. Pressing his lips into her soaking hair he held them there, wanting to tell her that he was sorry, to not blame herself because everything that had happened tonight could be traced back to himself. It was all his fault, that he was so sorry for hurting her and that he loved her. His voice didn't work, he couldn't even pull himself away from her face. It just felt so good to hold her again, he almost could forget everything horrible that had just happened at the bottom of that hill. His grip tightened, at least now he knew that nothing he did was ever going to physically hurt her again. He wanted to tell her that everything was okay, to lie to make her feel better, to help calm her down from the inferno he knew she was going to put herself through and was likely doing right now. All he could do was hold her, as the saline from the sides of his eyes added to the water hitting every side of them. His left hand moved her left hand to the rings around her neck. It was the only thing that she was wearing now, and closed her first around them, as if hoping that the metal representations of the two of them might help calm her, that she might understand what he was trying to say through the action. His hand closed around her hand and held them there.

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just close my eyes,
(TILL I CAN TAKE IT IN)

words: 3,222
outfit: This
tags: Kariana, Amina, Marcus, Tobias.
notes:none for now I think
credit: gabs of a different color; @ caution 2.0

[Amina Krane]

You know the phrase, silence is deafening? Amina could agree wholeheartedly with it. As she rocked back and forth, side to side, the palms of her hands thrust as hard into her ears as she could to block out everything around her. The silence that erupted from only hearing inside her own head was the deafening part, but Amina needed it. She needed to be inside her own head right now because the outside world was something she just could not accept. At least inside her head, she could drum up whatever reality she wanted and not have to admit that the reality wasn't true. Here, she could be whoever she wanted to be, with whoever she wanted to be with, and there was not a single person that could tell her otherwise. So as she rocked back and forth, focusing on the silence, she imagined her and Gavin in so many different lights. It wasn't a hard thing to accomplish after everything they had done together since they had met a little over a year ago now. She had so many vantage points on their time together that she could put them in nearly every scene she wanted. The beach was a common one, a bed was another, poolside, and even just lying on a couch, their bodies only covered by a blanket as Gavin stroked her hair and she held onto him as tightly as she could, like he was going to be taken away at any moment by the slight breeze coming through the window. It was silly for her to have thought the breeze could take him, but something had. She was never entirely sure what had happened to him, but they had always seemed like a perfect match.

Amina slowly found the images in her head turning negative as she thought of their breakup. Whimpering softly was about the only noise she could make now, even as her lips kept forming apologies to the man who was no longer listening and the trio who were too far away to hear her. Her voice was gone, but the struggled sounds of her horror were there. Flashes of a werewolf slashing at Kariana, teeth ripping into her side as it swallowed the blood and flesh that came with it, ingesting the fear it had smelled for so long and could only now finally taste. Amina would have puked again, but the dry heaving had left nothing left within her so her stomach didn't even churn as it remembered what it had taken in. The wolf inside rejoiced, however, and Amina put a cap on it, her head once again becoming silent as it was just her and her images to keep her company. Flailing claws came into view, striking any part of Gavin's body it could find. The sight of his bloodied arms had been a comfort when Amina was locked inside her head, because it had reminded her of how Gavin was resilient and would never let go until he got what he wanted. Well he had gotten her back, but it was at the expense of his own life. If she had thought him breaking up with her was a hard pill to swallow, she now knew it was nothing in comparison to realizing he was lost to the world all together. A life without Gavin was so much more bearable than a world with no Gavin. Those images of him trying to protect her now only reminded her of how much she had lost and how she had nothing left to live for. Without Gavin, her world was nothing. Just an empty, soundless, smell-less world that she would drift in until someone would come and find her. The would question why Gavin was dead and she was just sitting there. One of the professors might even make the connection that Amina had done it. But what would they do to her? Lock her up? Most likely, yes. That way she wouldn't be able to harm anyone further. But maybe they would do her a solid. Maybe they would just kill her for the beast she was. After all, didn't they say that once a wild animal tasted human blood, they were to be put down?

There was no telling how long Amina had been sitting at the drain. Could have been seconds or days for as far as she knew. At some point the water seemed to change, going from a raging ice bath to a more mild, warm stream. She didn't mind. The heat was her enemy and what did she do with enemies? She faced them head on. So she took in stride the mixture of her own body heat with the warm water, not even realizing that anyone else would have just turned off the water, not changed the temperature. As rough hands grabbed her, Amina knew that they had found them. Some student had probably walked in with intentions of taking a shower and found the bloody scene laid out in front of them. They had probably gone and gotten a professor who knew of Amina's situation and now they were going to haul her off. But the hands that wrapped around her didn't pull her up, only pulled her in. Tightly. Her burning skin was met with an exact counterpart. Whoever had just grabbed her felt nearly frozen to the touch, making their bodies regulate one another in the close proximity. Suddenly she found her body wrapped on all sides by whoever it was that had found her. Amina's rocking ceased as she was entrapped within the person, and her head lifted slowly to find who was now cradling her. Maybe it was Tobias. It couldn't be Marcus because he would only bring more heat. But it could be Tobias. He could have found her here with Gavin's dead body and was now trying to keep her from letting the beast out again, thinking if he held her tight enough, it would prevent the deed from ever happening again. Little did he know that she would kill herself before allowing the wolf to take over ever again. And she tried to convey that as his head pressed into the side of hers.

Amina was about to slip her way from Tobias' grip, taking a deep breath to make the move that would cause her tender muscles to erupt in protest, but the scent carried on the air stopped her before she could move a muscle. It wasn't Tobias that she smelled. It wasn't Tobias' arms that encased her or his lips that were pressed against the side of her face. He was alive. Gavin.was.alive. Every flood gate within her opened and she tucked herself into him, into the spot where she perfectly fit into his body. They were made for one another and they always would be. Even with his thinner structure, she still fit right into his body. Tears had long since mixed with the running water of the shower, but now they flowed even freer. The love of her life was alive. She tried to open her mouth to talk to him, to tell him that she was sorry for everything that she had done to him. To Kariana. So sorry for not being the strong woman he needed in his life. Sorry for not fighting for him like Kariana had said she should have. Amina had been weak in every instance of the word and she needed to apologize for it, but the words wouldn't form. She couldn't even bring herself to admit how much she loved him, how she could not imagine life without him. But, somehow, he seemed to know all of that and he seemed to respond the only way he saw fit. His left hand guided her own from where it had been latched into her knees (had she been human, there probably would have been a nasty bruise there the next morning), to something hanging just above her breasts. For a moment, Amina's breath caught, but then it gave way to a shuddering cry. He had found the rings. Somehow, out of everything that had happened, he had found them. Her hand easily wrapped around the two rings, their weight making the world so much easier to understand, and then his own hand enveloped hers.

For a long while, the two sat there, their hands wrapped around the two metal rings and unmoving. The water poured down around them, their skin long since becoming that of prunes, rinsing away as much of the blood from the floor as it could. It was finally beginning to resemble something other than from a horror movie, but blood was still apparent around the floor. But that didn't matter. What did matter was the two of them were here, now, their hands wrapped around the rings that bound her to him. The rings she would have never let go no matter how hard anyone would have tried. Moving her head to the left, Amina began to shift in Gavin's grip. His body was finally starting to warm up again, from both the water temperature and her own body heat, so she wasn't so afraid of him freezing to death if she moved, but she needed to see his face. As her torso rotated in his grip, neither of their hands leaving the rings, Amina could finally see his face. His color had finally returned, making the dark circles much less prominent than before. But in any light, Gavin was still the most attractive man she had ever met in her life. And despite what anyone else might say, he was hers. Not even thinking of her actions, Amina leaned forward and placed a kiss on his lips, soft at first but then harder as she tried to take in every ounce of him. It was wrong because he was engaged, but nearly losing him, thinking he was dead, changed her perspective on the matter. After a moment, she separated from his lips and put her forehead on his shoulder, another shuddering cry escaping her lips. "I thought I had killed you," she muttered, her voice still hoarse but recovering. "I'm sorry… I'm so, so sorry…" Her words came out as a whisper, repeating the same mantra she had been trying to say while rocking back and forth at the drain. She hoped he could understand just what she was sorry for, because those apologies were loaded with just so much. Sorry for being weak, sorry for nearly killing him, sorry for ruining Kariana's life, sorry for not being able to save him from Lucinda's grasp. She wanted to convey every ounce of her apology to him, but her voice wouldn't allow it. Amina just hoped he understood.

Words | 1,802
Tag | Tobias, Marcus, Gavin, Kariana
Outfit | Click

[Gavin Dewhurst]

i'll bare my skin,
(AND I'LL COUNT MY SINS)
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Gavin honestly didn't know if he was doing this more for himself, or for her. All he knew was that he could feel the metal, old and new, all the way through her hands. He could feel the weight of them, confined within her hands and allowed his eyes to close, leaning his tired head against hers. He wasn't even aware that he had started to sway with her, mimicking her nervous movements. Until the moment that she seemed to recognize him. It was really her inside of that skull now, as much as she might not want to be, it was her inside that body. Her mind was her own once more. He couldn't pretend to know what it was like, to have an animal inside of one's skull, but he knew what he had seen. Amina hadn't been there, in any way during that attack. She couldn't have been. His arms pulled her in tighter in spite of the sobs wracking her body. It was so much a softer reaction than she was entitled to. He couldn't have blamed her if she tore the very tiles from the wall. Gavin wanted to pull the ring from her hand, to return them both to their rightful places. To put his family crest back on his index finger, and the one he had purchased for her, more than anything he wanted to see how it looked on her hand. To wear it proudly, to show the world. He knew there was another girl who wore a ring he had purchased, she was close to them even now. Sleeping, only a staircase away but he didn't care. He didn't want to care, he didn't want to think about duty, or how the events of tonight would change the path of their lives in some horrible way. He didn't want to think about any of it, he just wanted to be here, in this shower, still shaking and rocking with Amina. He just wanted to keep her here, and not allow him mind to stray for an instant. The question that he burned to ask her sat just at the tip of his tongue, restrained only because it had to be. He had no choice.

His own shaking was starting to subside, his skin still tightened and dotted with goose flesh but he was starting to be able to feel his toes again. The protection from the heat that his shoes were offering mostly offset by the water that was rendering them useless, but he was getting feeling back in his body. The tepid water and her body was really starting to regulate his temperature, as he hope he was doing to hers. If hers could even be regulated at all. His arms only loosened to allow her the room to shift that she seemed to want. He didn't know if he could hold her gaze, not because of what she had done, but he didn't want her to see the guilt that was written in bold lettering all over his face. The allure of her eyes proved to be too powerful as he met her gaze, air pausing on his lips before it was allowed to pass to his lungs. Merlin she was beautiful. Even with her eyes swollen and red, her hair clinging to her skin and staining on her face that he didn't dare tell her about, she was his. His Amina. He realized what she was going to do whenever it was too late. The contact of her lips on his was almost painful. Painful because it felt so very right, it was the only lips that he wanted on his own. It wasn't an act that he had even shared with his actual fiance yet. Despite their lack of physical contact...he knew what the kiss meant. It meant that he was cheating, and it took everything in him to keep from continuing it. He didn't pull away, he never could. Didn't want to. She didn't stop from the hesitation, if she even felt it as she melted into him, his arms doing what they knew how, pulling her closer, left palm opening to cover her hand and feel her heartbeat through her chest. His eyes slowly closed once again, embracing her in the moment, the damage was already done after all. They would be the only ones who knew.

Just being this close to her made him feel more like himself. After a while, she finally moved her face down to his shoulder. He couldn't push her away, not for anything. His arms wouldn't have listened to the command anyway. "I thought I had killed you," the smile that formed on his face felt foreign, but welcome. He had thought maybe she had too, but he wouldn't voice it. “You're not that scary.” his words were broken, his throat still raw from some cause he couldn't remember, just speaking softly took more effort than it ought. There was a part of him, deep down that warned him, someday, whenever his time was up, that it just might be because of her. That she would be there, in some foreboding capacity. It was a light he had never even considered would shine on her, not before now. "I'm sorry… I'm so, so sorry…" He knew. Oh Merlin he knew, he had just as much if not more to apologize for. She had enough that she was going to face in the next few days that she shouldn't have to apologize to him. Never needed to say that she was sorry to him for anything. Ever. The smile faded slowly as he pulled her closer, the tears falling from her face onto his body almost burning to the touch. “Shhh..” he urged, until the pain of hearing the sadness in his voice was too much for him to handle and he lifted her hand away from the rings from around her neck, disregarding the chain quickly and sliding his own family ring back onto his finger. Knowing that it would confuse her, he couldn't stop himself as he lifted her left hand carefully, and poised the ring just at the first knuckle of the specific finger. His eyes rolled up her body, still bruised but healing. His eyes settled on hers, and he couldn't say a single word, only waited. Hoping against hope that she would know what he was saying, what he was asking of her. What he was going to give up because he couldn't stand to see her this way every again for the rest of his life. A sound mixture between a cough and a soft, tentative laugh left his lips. Her golden eyes turned upward toward his sea green ones and his whole body constricted. It was easily the longest moment of his entire life. He had tried to do it his mothers way, to appease his family, he had tried for months and look at him. He could hardly function. He needed Amina.

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just close my eyes,
(TILL I CAN TAKE IT IN)

words: 1,170
outfit: This
tags: Kariana, Amina, Marcus, Tobias.
notes:none for now I think
credit: gabs of a different color; @ caution 2.0

[Amina Krane]

It had taken a while, but Amina's body temperature was finally starting to go down, signaling that her body was finally done repairing the largest of the damage done. She could tell it was true because when she had rotated to face him, she hadn't felt the pain in her torso that she did when she had woken up, when she had been recovering over the transformation. That, and each shuttering breath as she cried against Gavin's shoulder didn't cause her entire ribcage to burn in protest. That meant at least she could walk on her own when she finally had to leave the shower room. When they finally realized that she had to get out of there before someone found them. Before someone connected the dots (really, it wouldn't be hard considering Amina was still butt naked) and informed Lucinda of what was going on in here. It would ruin everything if Lucinda found out about the two of them. Well, it would ruin some things. Maybe even the engagement? But just the thought of being the woman who tore apart a future marriage, no matter how much of a sham it was, made Amina cringe against Gavin's shoulder. She couldn't do that. As his grip tightened around her, Amina was aware he wouldn't do it either. Gavin had always been the gentleman. He was the knight in shining armor, a lover, and a friend at all of the right times. He had shown that when he hadn't kissed her back moments before. Had it been months before, before Lucinda had shown, the scene would be much different. Amina knew that for a fact, but she didn't care at the moment. The kiss wasn't for him, and it wasn't necessarily for romantic reasons, although she wasn't going to deny it hadn't turned into some form of that when she had moved away. Instead, it had been her way of celebrating that he was actually alive. And while it was a betrayal, while it was against the fact that he was engaged, Amina couldn't resist. She had to.

"You're not that scary." Amina shook her head against his chest in disagreement. From where she had been during the entire scenario, she was the scariest thing in the world. A werewolf on the rampage, without a conscience to guide it, was the most terrifying thing Amina would ever see. She could never deny that fact, and that was why the wolf had to remain caged at all times. It was why she was going to have to work harder to make sure she could control herself better. The rocking motion was finally starting to soothe her, along with his reassuring voice in her ears. Her sobs were finally calming into gentle rolling tears until they slowed to nothing. Just as she managed to calm down, she felt his hand move against her own. She lifted her head from his shoulder to look at him, to figure out what he was doing, but she couldn't see anything past her blurry vision and wet hair. He peeled her hand away from the rings she had been grasping for so long, the chain practically digging into her neck as they held them tightly, and he took them from her neck. Her eyes followed the rings as he slid the chain from between them and tossed it off to the side. He grabbed the larger of the two, putting that on his own finger, the finger that had shown a tan line since the day he had given it to her. On occasion she had made fun of him for it, but now with the ring back on, she realized it was right where it belonged. A tan line was in the perfect spot on that finger because that ring belonged there. But what about the other one? She looked up to him just as he took her left hand and placed the ring at the very base of her fingertip. Her heart stopped for a few beats, her whole body going rigid. He didn't speak, but he didn't need to. Amina knew exactly what he was asking, and she knew exactly what her answer was. A smile began to form on her lips, happy tears forming at the corners of her eyes. "Y-"

Amina's eyes widened in horror as she realized the consequences that would result in her saying yes. She suddenly saw no way of her agreeing. She couldn't say yes, not today, not with what had just happened. Her jaw slacked and her mouth fell slightly agape as she realized what she was about to do, but it was too late. Her left hand went to her mouth where it held back the urge to puke again. She was already stealing herself from his arms, wrapping her own around her stomach as she stood up and walked a few paces away from him. She stood with her back towards him, her forehead on the tile as her tears came down heavy down her cheeks again. "Gavin, I…" she stuttered, unsure of how to even explain. Should she explain? She had to. Otherwise what would he think? That she didn't love him? The thought only made her body shake with more tears. "You have no idea how long I've waited for you to… to come back… for that ring and ask me," she said, turning her head to the side so her temple rested against the tile, her eyes facing him. It was a sad sight to see him there, obviously heartbroken. He had taken a big step, a step that she had wanted him to take for so god damn long. "Had it been last night, or even this morning," she continued, closing her eyes tightly as her body shook with another large sob. "After tonight… Gavin, I can't say yes knowing that I could… kill you…" Her voice hitched on the last two words, having to put more force behind them just to get them out. "I can't marry you. Not while you're still human… The danger it would put you in… I couldn't live with myself if you died because I was too weak again." Her head rolled back so her forehead was against the tile again. More than anything, she wanted to bash her head into the wall, and to keep bashing until she passed out again. Maybe she could restart this conversation, maybe if she hit her head hard enough, it would fix everything, but that wouldn't fix the fact that Gavin had just proposed to her and she had said no. Only reversing time would change that now. Would he ever forgive her for that? "I would give anything to be able to say yes," she added in a hushed voice. Her eyes shut tightly as another wave of tears made her whole body shake. It was enough to send her to her knees, now leaning her side against the wall. She couldn't open her eyes, couldn't will herself to look at him. After everything he had done to break her heart, she said she would never return the favor, yet here she was, doing just that. But his safety came first. They could never be as long as he was human.

Words | 1,215
Tag | Tobias, Marcus, Gavin, Kariana
Outfit | Click

[Gavin Dewhurst]

i'll bare my skin,
(AND I'LL COUNT MY SINS)
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By all standards, Gavin was a man. Had been officially since his birthday. While there were a lot of people in this world who would argue that seventeen was too young to even be considering marriage, they weren't from his world. They didn't understand the old ways. There was tradition to be followed. The blood lines had to be upheld, which meant marrying off their children while they were of prime breeding age. It was the way. It was accepted to those from that world, and all others be damned. Gavin, had known that he was going to be married off since he was a child, knew that school was going to be the thing to look forward to, the freedom that would end whenever he graduated one way or another. Gavin knew what the purity of blood meant to his family, even to him. He accepted his families values to be his own. It was just as important to him, the ring that he had worn proudly on his finger since puberty meant something to him, and he was proud to be who he was. The true pure blood families were dying out, only so many left that weren't horribly inbred. It was the dark undertruth of their world, not spoken about but it was true. Amina might have cohorted with muggles, but her line was true. He had checked. Out of all the ways he had imagined this moment over the course of the summer, and even after on the difficult days, this never, ever would have occurred to him. It was the only thing that he could feel to do, that even after everything, what she was didn't change the way he felt about her. He knew that she would know what he meant. She would understand.

He didn't think about the consequences, of how it would mean he was no longer a Dewhurst. That his family would not acknowledge him, he would be a disgrace. He would break the heart of the woman that he was promised, and likely lose all of the friends and contacts he had ever made. It just, it had to be better than this. It had to be better than living this way, like an empty egg. At least he would be happy, poor, disgraced, but happy. For the first time in his life he was willing to put something in front of his family, in front of his blood. At least there was one universal vision, of all of the times he had figured putting that ring on her finger. She always said yes, despite all of the things that he had done to her, he had never doubted that she still loved him. She shouldn't, and perhaps it was just his arrogance that forced him to believe it, but she still loved him. When she said yes, it would be so much more than a proposal to him, they would both be wearing rings of importance to him, it would be as good as a marriage in his eyes. He wouldn't need a piece of paper for the whole world to know what it meant. He would move the ring from his index finger to that which would symbolize marriage and it would be done. Nothing that anybody could do about it then. He could see it in her eyes, she had to know what it meant, and the smile grew onto her face. He couldn't stop himself as he matched it, a true smile, for the first time in months. Not the sort he forced onto his face out in public or in the company of Lucinda. They could do this, really do this, and let the chips fall where they may. His heart leapt within his chest as her tears changed. He could see it. "Y-"

Only, they changed again as she stopped. His head inclined toward hers in anticipation, she always said yes. She had been so close. Was this some sort of cruel joke, that he had to officially break it off with Lucinda first? He would march the two of them over to her dorm at this very second if that was what she wanted. He just wanted the yes. His heart lubbed an erratic pulse, like the organ took a different shape than it should have. If only for a moment. She was pulling away. She was really refusing him. He had damaged her too far. The bad could not be undone. He could accept it. It was his own fault for not being stronger, sooner. For deluding himself this long. His throat burned and his eyes sagged, the urge to head back to his room and finish off the bottle of potion from this morning grew a little stronger. He tried his very best to stay in the same spot, to not move, to hear her out since she so clearly wanted to speak. There was no anger in his eyes but he couldn't hide the hurt. He only hoped she didn't think it was at her. "Gavin, I…" He averted his eyes, suddenly ashamed to be seeing the nude form he had memorized a long time ago. He had no right to see her this way any longer. He listened as calmly as he could, feeling the familiar spider webbing inside of him from before. None of this had made any difference, they were worse off than they had been yesterday. How had he managed that? To muck things up even further? "You have no idea how long I've waited for you to… to come back… for that ring and ask me," Had he passed some sort of deadline he didn't know existed? Perhaps she had given herself an expiration date on her emotions for him. If only it were that easy. "Had it been last night, or even this morning, After tonight… Gavin, I can't say yes knowing that I could… kill you…" But she hadn't. His brow pinched together in confusion, he was still here, he had fought her off at her very worst and she was still afraid. A foul taste made a home on his tongue. She thought that he was weak? He was a lot of things, but weak wasn't one of them.

He didn't lift his eyes, he just couldn't, but he attempted to make his posture passive. "I can't marry you. Not while you're still human… “ She continued talking, but he couldn't hear anything else. The words still human echoed in his brain. She was telling him that after ALL of this time, HIS blood wasn't good enough for HER? Any other words of explanation fell on distracted ears. He heard what he had needed to. Giving up his whole world wasn't enough anymore, he would have to damn himself to be worthy of her? His lip curled upward in disgust. He hoped that she didn't see since his head was lowered, but an image popped into his head, of that bastard Marcus and turning into a beast that matched her. Was that really who she wanted? Was this way of telling her that they were in fact together, that she needed to be with her own kind? “You shouldn't have kissed me.” He muttered, it was a lame excuse, but he couldn't bring himself to contain anything else he was thinking. He didn't want to be angry with her, she was entitled to her own life and choices. She had made them now. Perhaps if he had tried this earlier, she might have found another excuse. With a fair amount of pain, and a slowness from his legs he pushed himself to his feet, his remaining clothing articles making strange noises as he moved. He couldn't continue talking to her like this. Silently, he headed to the door, closing it behind him and moved to his room as silently as his dripping figure could. Reaching under his pillow, he pulled out her sundress. It had gotten packed with his other things from the summer on accident, he liked to have it close. It was bright like her, and while it was still pressed and folded, being near it reminded him of a better time. As pathetic as that was. He quickly sloshed back to the bathroom, and once more locked the door behind him. No need for anybody else to witness this. Perhaps she was better off with the mutt. That was clearly who he wanted. Why wouldn't she be mad at him and not the one who had actually changed her? His mind forming images of Marcus' face beaten in. He would never accept that truth, at least in a month, he wouldn't ever have to risk seeing them together. Why hadn't she just told him that there was somebody else better suited for her? He hated that he felt lead on.

His eyes roamed over his broken wand, being soaked in the water of the shower and sighed. It might have been kinder just to let him bleed. Though he knew it was only fair for him to hurt. He could have forgiven her rejection, live out his time in a delusional state of mind, pretend that the kiss had meant that she loved him, not that she was just grateful not to have his blood on her hands. Squatting down he reached above her head to shut the water off, taking great care not to let his eyes roam over her nude figure, not at her at all until she was dressed. He didn't want to explain why he had anything of hers any longer. At least now he wouldn't any longer. Once she was covered he reached out to her hand, placing the ring on her middle finger of her right hand. “It's meant to be worn. Shame to let something like that rust, I think” he hoped she would do him this kindness, at least until she was back in her own dorm. He just wanted to see it. Just once.

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just close my eyes,
(TILL I CAN TAKE IT IN)

words: 1,674
outfit: This
tags: Kariana, Amina, Marcus, Tobias.
notes:none for now I think
credit: gabs of a different color; @ caution 2.0

[Amina Krane]

Even in the state she was in, unable to see Gavin from where she remained huddled on the floor, Amina couldn't help but feel his pain radiating off him in droves. After all the times he had hurt her, after everything he had done, Amina had sworn she would never hurt him. That if he gave her the opportunity, she would make him see that they could be perfect for one another. But she had gone and hurt him not once, but twice tonight. Both physically and emotionally. She knew the first could be healed, but the second, there was no magic potion for that. Immediately, Amina felt like receding back into her own mind, into that dark abyss and laying to waste there. Her and the wolf could be locked inside together. Maybe it would just consume her soul and her body would just shut down without a soul to govern it, killing the wolf with it. It wouldn't be the most honorable of deaths, but at least she wouldn't be able to hurt anyone ever again, especially not the man sitting so close, yet so far from her. They had both hurt enough for one lifetime, and neither had even reached legal voting age in the US. How was it that two teenagers, so young, could go through so much in just over a year, and not conquer all? How could it come down to Amina finally getting him to ask, all be it nonverbally, the one question she had wanted to hear from him since the beginning of summer? How could things have gone so horribly wrong?

“You shouldn't have kissed me.” Cringing at his words, Amina constricted herself into even tighter of a ball. Really, all she wanted to do was run, to get the hell out of dodge and find some deep dark place to hide. Her dorm room wouldn't be appropriate, too many prying eyes. The forest was even worse so. No doubt Osiris would come looking for her after everything that had happened with some sort of scolding. She could go find a broom closet, but those held too many memories, just like the empty classrooms, the hallways, the forest clearings. There wasn't a single place in this school where she did not have a memory of him. The entire time she was bound to this school, she was bound to memories of him and doomed to repeat this night in her head. She would forever hate herself for not being strong enough to say yes, not being selfish enough to take him for herself. Why did she have to be so damn selfless all of the time? Sure the kiss has been selfish, but that was the farthest Amina had gone. Everything after had been for his sake, for his safety, and nothing more. Why couldn't she just find some way to be happy? She missed the fact that he had moved. For a moment she expected him to come over and throw her out for what she had done to him, but Gavin wasn't like that. He wasn't the violent type. So why had he attacked Marcus tonight? What had provoked him so much to cause a fight to ensue? She had hoped to ask him the question, ask him why he had come barreling down that hill, but the door shut before she could ask. Her head slowly lifted up to see that he was gone. He had just left her here. Alone. Her head fell against the shower wall and she had another urge to just keep pounding it there until she was unconscious. How much brain damage would it take for her body to no longer be able to recover? Or maybe if she broke one of the tiles, it would be sharp enough to slit her wrists or her throat. It would just have to be deep enough to where her body couldn’t recover.

But the ideas quickly disappeared. She was stronger than that. Amina had found a way to survive everything she had been dealt this year, she could get past this. She could find a way to fix this, find a way to become stronger for him. But even as she thought those words, she knew it wouldn't happen fast enough. He was due to be married soon, handed off to the blonde who was probably sleeping a few rooms over right now. How could she even dream to compete with someone who still had pure, human blood? It wasn't even about being muggle or pureblood anymore, it came down to being wolf or human. Never in the history of her life had Amina imagined Gavin and her would end up in a struggle over humanity. But that was what it came to, and she had lost. And in turn, Gavin had lost too. They were both on the losing side and they couldn't even be there together. The thought nearly made her bash the wall in with her fist, but the door opened just then. Her eyes shot up, ready to run if it was another student, but it was Gavin. He had returned. As he handed her a folded up piece of clothing, Amina reluctantly took it, realizing quickly it was one of her own dresses. It had gone missing during the summer, but she hadn't really cared. A lot of things had gone missing then after all of their rendezvous. A dress hadn't been missed, but it hadn’t really been lost, now had it? He had it on him this whole time. Maybe there was hope. Maybe he wasn't lost to her just yet. Though, if today didn't change that, if her breaking his heart didn't change his mind, she would be surprised. His eyes turned away from her, something he hadn't done in so long. He had always admired her with his eyes and she hadn't thought anything of it since the beginning of their relationship, but now it almost insulted her for him to look away. She had really done it, hadn't she? Shoving on the dress as quickly as she could, ignoring the still slightly tender muscles, Amina pulled her hair out of her face, rung out as much of the water as she could, and twisted it into a makeshift not at the back of her head. Presentable enough to walk through the castle aimlessly until she found out where she wanted to hide for the rest of her life.

She was about to walk around him, figuring he was probably done with her at this point, tired of seeing her after everything she had done and she honestly didn't blame him. She was done with herself too. But he instead reached out and took her right hand in his, sliding the ring onto her middle finger. The shock on her face was evident as she looked down at the ring then back up to him. It was supposed to be on the left ring finger, she almost told him, but she couldn't will herself to do that. She had said no for a reason, and she needed to hold firm to that response until such a time when she wasn't a threat to him. “It's meant to be worn. Shame to let something like that rust, I think.” Nodding, Amina looked back down at the ring, then reached out to him with her left hand. She held his hand in between her two, and closed her eyes for a moment before looking back up at him. He was still so cold from the shower. She wished she could stay and help warm him up more, but that wasn't her job anymore. Not until she was safe enough for him. "I will find a way to be stronger. For you. Safer for you. Then maybe… Maybe I won't be so afraid of hurting you. I just hope that when that day comes, I'm not too late," she muttered, releasing his hand as she finished. More than anything she wanted to reach her hands out, to touch his face, his neck, run her hands through his hair, all just one last effort to take in the man she loved. But she stopped her hand halfway, balled it into a fist and dropped it to her side. Her feet moved without question as she walked around him and towards the door. She unlocked it and paused with her hand on the handle. "I will always love you, Gavin," she reminded him, not looking back as she opened the door and fled through it, running as fast as she could. If she didn't, she was going to turn around and apologize. She was going to grovel at his feet and tell him how sorry she was that she had said no and that she didn't mean it. That there was no one else in the world she would rather be with. But she couldn't, because his safety had to come before her happiness. She just only hoped he could find happiness without her. If she was never happy again, it would be ok. That was her punishment for ruining someone's life. But he deserved it. Gavin deserved everything he wanted, just not her at the moment.

Words | 1,545
Tag | Tobias, Marcus, Gavin, Kariana
Outfit | Click

[Gavin Dewhurst]

i'll bare my skin,
(AND I'LL COUNT MY SINS)
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

At least she hadn't fought him. He could feel her eyes on him as he put the ring on her finger, the wrong finger but at least he got to see it. Committing the image to his memory, attempting not to stain the visage with the way his head felt right about now. He needed to act like the man he wanted to think that he still was. Stronger, not to let something so silly as his love for this woman to be the thing that broke him any further. If he had manged it at the top of the hill, if he hadn't succumbed to his insane jealousy (which he at least now knew was founded in reason) he wouldn't even be here. Perhaps she never would have snapped either. Perhaps, once again, he could have avoided the whole damn thing if he hadn't been so fucking selfish. It was becoming more than just his greatest flaw. It was becoming his downfall. Bringing his cheek in between his teeth he bit down until he could taste blood. There was nothing else he should say, anything else would just cause more issues. He should let her go, for once do what was right by her. Let her walk away in the most positive of circumstances. Keep his damned mouth shut and be the man he should have been from the start. He never should have drug her down with him last year. He knew better. As horrible as tonight was, perhaps it was finally the push that she would need to keep away from him, or in the least his silence was as close to his blessing as the cursed couple was ever going to get. He would no longer stand in the way of her happiness. The image that had enraged him earlier flashed again on the backs of his eyelids. Marcus spinning her around on his shoulder, her easy laughter. The sort he used to invoke in her. She was choosing the animal that was hiding inside of her head. His eyes glanced down to the scratches on his arms, he could feel more than he could see. They could call it even now. He should tell her. He knew if he opened his mouth too much would come pouring out so he said nothing, biting harder on his own flesh.

Wrapping his fingers around her hand a final time he helped pull her to her feet and rapidly let go of the heat that was her hand. His hands fell to his sides, shaking only slightly from the sudden contact. Every touch of her skin was still a spark. Perhaps now, it would be better named an ember. He just couldn't believe that after all of this, after all of their issues, she was the one saying that he wasn't good enough. She was choosing her curse over him. He couldn't understand, or maybe just didn't want to. Just because he was human? He didn't know how to accept that reason, out of everything, after all of this time. He had just seen her at her very worst, and told her in his own way that he accepted her, and she had thrown it back in his face. His hands hung limp at his sides, curled just enough to give him something to focus on. If she touched him again, he wasn't certain what he was going to do. He could see the shadow of her arm lifting, and had to will himself not to flinch away. She was still Amina, still the woman that he loved, even if she had wounded his pride that hadn't changed. Wouldn't that have been easier, one single rejection and all feelings faded away. If he had learned anything in the past year, it was that nothing would ever be easy. "I will find a way to be stronger. For you. Safer for you. Then maybe… Maybe I won't be so afraid of hurting you. I just hope that when that day comes, I'm not too late," His brow pinched, and his head lowered to the floor a little further. He didn't want to ask, he didn't really think that he would like the answers to any of the questions that she would ask. He was doing his very best to just stay on his feet, to keep from shaking in front of her. He felt, so very dirty in her presence and he didn't know why. Never before had he been told his blood wasn't enough. It offended something at his very core and he didn't know how to interpret her words much more. What was this maybe she kept referring to? She was stronger than him now, the tears down his back and arms were proof of that. The only way she wouldn't have to worry about that, was if she stayed with the bastard. He didn't want safe. Since he had taken up with Amina there was nothing safe about what they did, he had no interest in safe. He wanted her just how she was, or did she not understand what he had meant? He was the one that was too late.

She turned to go, he could see her feet. Stepping backward he allowed himself to fall against the tile and lifted his head to the ceiling. His eyes were red enough, he had no plans on making it any worse. "I will always love you, Gavin," Another insult. Shaking his head he knew she wasn't looking at him any longer as the door clicked shut behind her figure. At least she was alright. He didn't have to worry about that any longer. His back protested as he slid down the wall until he was seated on the floor once more. His body heaved as a muted sob left his lips. “Don't.” he pleaded, he knew she was gone. In more ways than one. It left a desperate, confused hole in his chest. Bringing his hands up to his face, elbows resting on his knees. What had just happened? Had he really been so stupid? His hands grabbed fistfuls of hair by his forehead and pulled. He felt like convulsing but it thankfully just came out as small tremors that vibrated his body. “Please, just don't” his head lowered again. He didn't want to hear her words of 'comfort' or excuses. She had made her choice and he would live with it. How could he not. He didn't even recognize his voice, he left like her parting words were condescending, like a parent telling their child they weren't angry, just disappointed. How charming it must seem to her, the mortal boy still in love with her whenever she was clearly so much more than he was. His voice was smaller, as if saying it aloud might just convince himself more than his brain would. Shaky as it was, he needed to accept it for what it was, a goodbye, something to placate him. To make the blow of her earlier words sting just a little less. “don't say things your don't mean.”

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just close my eyes,
(TILL I CAN TAKE IT IN)

words: 1,187
outfit: This
tags: Kariana, Amina, Marcus, Tobias.
notes:none for now I think
credit: gabs of a different color; @ caution 2.0

[Kariana Gabrielle Travers]

Always. The word rang through her head, reverberating mockingly within every crack and crevice that seemed to have torn open within the minute she’d realized what exactly the bites the other girl had littered on her would mean- what it was that made the physical pain that much easier to block out. Because physical pain? Physical pain was nothing compared to the fault lines that had splintered in both her mind and chest. Physical pain was nothing compared to the mental onslaught of memory she was being bombarded with- the emotional tailspin she seemed to be riding. Like a rip-tide it gripped her only to drag her under, away from the safety of the shore she had been so desperately seeking. She could vaguely feel the shape of fingers melding around her skull, moving her head up and over onto the warmth of legs and it was all it took for her to nosedive once more, a different set of fingers pulling her up from the place her head had previously been resting. Only in her memory the fingers had combed through the tangled mass of her hair, words transforming into a slow crooning meant to calm her. The lilted singing had brought her back from the climax of her nightmare, slowly morphing the claws that had been careening out of the darkness into gentle passes through her auburn hair. ”Shhhh, shhhh- I’m here Kariana.” A sob choked in the back of her throat, mirroring the very thing she’d done before- trapped by more than just the phantom claws tearing at her heels. ”Where would I go silly girl? I live here.” The tinkling laugh echoed in her ears, comforting phrases returning on a hum as the inconsolable girl thrashed once more within her grasp. She’d tried so hard to forget what she’d seen that day, tried to ignore what it was that her grandmother had taken her to in warning, what her mother had allowed her to watch. Because there was no doubt within her mind that it had been a warning, even at the tender age of nine years old she recognized that trip for what it was. She’d been willfully disobedient that day, gone against everything she’d been asked to do… spoiled a party. And what better way to show her what happened to disobedient young girls than take her to an auction of them. They’d been girls of breeding- lower breeding than she assuredly, but pure in their blood none the less. And oh, they’d been young. She’d seen some there even younger than her, put on display in front of all the people milling about in their fine silks and expensive jewelry. On the outside it looked like just another party, any party that she’d attended since as far back as she could remember. But she’d seen the ways certain girls stayed within the same area- as if held in by an invisible perimeter. Watched those same girls being questioned and passed back and forth between the other guests who milled back and forth between them. What made it worse were the small white signs at the corner of each ‘lot’, number written in a large bold font- identifying this all for what it really was. A meat market. She’d been terrified upon realizing what was really going on, listening to her grandmother’s clinical explanations as they passed among the rest of the finery with half an ear. These girls were sold; for money, politics, further breeding stock. It had appalled her at the time. And she’d thought for a little while that she was to be one of the girls on those invisible auction blocks. Not that it was so different from the fate that awaited her anyways, not in theory. Only this was more degrading, more public than the way those of higher standing normally went about it. Although she’d seen more than one familiar face… It had been that very visit that had colored her nightmares that night, gnarled hands morphing to claws as they reached for her. ”Aren’t I always here my little girl? I always will be.” The last words had been whispered as she’d drifted back off, floating into a peaceful oblivion that had eluded her before. It wasn’t often that her mother’s hands ran through her hair, wasn’t often that the woman visited her rooms. It wasn’t that she was cold, not really- she was just busy. And it was improper for her to be with her offspring more than necessary- it bred a familiarity- a spoilt nature that they couldn’t afford…

Another scream ripped from her body as the arms that had been holding her together were separated from their prize, prying her apart even further. Hysteric laughter burbled just on the edge of the end of the scream- how fitting. How fitting that nurturing hands turn violent, wasn’t that the story of her life. Always? She didn’t even realized that she’d screamed the word out again audibly, the laughter tingeing it with a distinct bitterness. A voice foreign to the places her mind had turned whispered on the edges of her consciousness, teased at the more recent memories that seemed to have been misplaced. “Focus.” Focus? How could she focus when there were too many parts of her mind finally unleashed? She’d always been so good at compartmentalizing; forcing the different aspects of herself into the corners they belonged, molding herself as she needed to be- as she saw herself fit to be. She’d been so good for so long about keeping her life on the track it belonged, putting things that didn’t fit into a box and burying them where they couldn’t affect her day to day life. With the violent sundering of her flesh, claws clinging to skin until there was none left to cling to, that thing had torn her open- brought them all out of the places they’d been shoved. There were things that were never meant to see the light of day again, things that she had never afforded herself a second thought on… and here they were lain bare before all to witness, out in the open where they ‘d never belong. She wanted to rage, she wanted to scream with the unfairness of it all, with the absolute horror that seemed to have taken up residence behind her lids. But she couldn’t, she found herself incapable as she drifted out of watching as much of the scene before her as possible in-between bouts of memories. Is this was going insane felt like? Had it finally hit her? Had, maybe, with those same swipes Amina ripped the insanity she’d been holding dormant for so long out as well? Her laugh gurgled in her throat at the thought, a coppery taste she’d only vaguely tasted before intensifying tenfold as a thick substance seemed to coat the insides of her cheeks, pooling on her tongue as it rushed up from her throat. Again she heard the command for her to focus, even if she realized that this time it wasn’t the voice proclaiming that she do so, no just the memory of it. “See whoever helps you.” Whoever helps her? Who helped her? Who really cared about her? She wasn’t nice, didn’t really make an excess of friends. She didn’t need them. She was going somewhere; she was going to be someone. Someone important. Someone who didn’t need anyone or anything to lean on. She was going to carve a niche out for herself where it wouldn’t matter that her grandmother hadn’t chosen her. Where it wouldn’t matter that her mother had abandoned her. She was going to be someone whose very name inspired whispers and awe, she had to be that person, had counted for so long on becoming that person. A jolt of pain centering in her wrists alerted her to the restraining motion being used on them. She’d been in that position before, it wasn’t new. The fingers doing it before had been much less tapered though, fuller- rougher. “Gavin,” she sighed out his name on a choked breath. She’d take it all back. She didn’t need anyone sure, but Gavin wasn’t just anyone- he never had been. He was her family, the only one she could really count on. He was her best friend, the one who confided everything in her and vice versa. In a world that didn’t allow weakness they had strengthened eachother. Always had.

She could feel his hands holding her wrists together now, his body sliding down hers as he uttered words he’d never before, shown a side of himself she’d never witnessed. And it called to her. So hard and fast, it had opened up a part of her she’d never acknowledged, never even realized was there. But it would have had to wouldn’t it? They’d always adapted to be what the other needed. No adapted wasn’t even right, because what the other wanted they always seemed to as well. It had been how they’d fallen so easily into the sexual aspect of their friendship, how they’d developed the rules for it without ever having to iron them out or make an awkward show of it. He’d held her then with a tenderness she couldn’t have expected from him given previous encounters, but had made all the sense in the world all the same. The hands that had roved over her body had been slow, almost as if he was memorizing the skin beneath to the flesh memory in his hand, as if they hadn’t traversed the same path dozens of times before. She’d arched into it, the pleasure nearly painful when coupled with the emotional connection that had finally been acknowledged, breathed unto life. Pain centered in her middle, as if his hands roamed over her once more- only this time the pain of actually losing them was coupled with the act making it ten times worse. Her back arched, body instinctively searching back for the comfort it had brought only moments before even as it struggled to escape the pain. She could feel the grip on her wrists tighten and she lost herself once more, whimpers leaving her lips in quick succession. ”I love you.” He’d given the emotion life with his words, whispering into her skin as tears slicked both of their skins, mingling over the passion they’d just begun to really ignite. Now, as of then, she’d felt the reality of the words, tasted them own on her tongue. She didn’t use that word, didn’t allow it passage from her lips. It had no place in her world, not really. She had plans, but there were also plans for her. Plans that once might have included the boy she was so desperately moving with, before things had changed… before her life had been first tilted. ”Always.” Again that word, he’d promised so much with it, cemented everything she was into it. She knew what it meant, knew that it held no place in the light of day. From any other lips than his she would have doubted, would have questioned. It hadn’t been the first time it’d been promised to her after all. Hadn’t been the first time it had held so much of her in it. So few syllables for something that meant so much, that represented so much of her heart and soul. The cry that left her lips this time was much more racked with pain than any of those previous, her very being shuddering with the loss of that word, with everything that left her. “I’m sorry.” The tears flew from her eyes unchecked, floating out from under closed lids as if to mourn everything she’d lost, everything she’d been. She knew the words weren’t for the same things, but she was sorry too. So sorry. She knew she’d lost him before today, lost him to the very girl that had torn her apart after her shift. She’d recognized it. But that was before she’d been ripped open, put on display. The minute the sunlight had hit her closed lids that next morning she’d fought so hard against it, fought so hard against herself. She’d never had so much trouble closing a piece of herself away, never had to tear at the very fabric of her soul to eschew it to a place more suited. But she had, she’d succeeded. It may have occasionally warmed her, may have niggled in the very back of her consciousness, but before tonight it hadn’t come back, hadn’t seen the light of day she’d shoved it from so cruelly. Always, always, always. She shouldn’t have believed that word, honeyed by the emotion that had both built and torn them apart that night.

Always had no place in her life.

Always was a promise on desperate lips that knew they didn’t mean it. Always was the fairytale that parents put their brats to bed at night with, whispering words they no longer even believed in. Always was the assurance that those who were too weak to understand the falsehood craved.

Her eyes opened once more as she took in the last of the struggling forms blurring in and out of her blurred vision. Of course. He’d won, he always won- even with the grey and white beast looming back and forth between them. He wouldn’t ever lose, not once he really sat his mind to it. She bit down hard on her lower lip even as her flesh knit itself back together, a blessedly numb state hovering just on the edge. It couldn’t completely cover the pain reining her body, couldn’t block out everything that she felt- but it helped to dull some of it… it helped. It didn’t help her heart as he picked the girl up, walking away without glancing back at her. What little strength she’d used to view that last scene left her, her eyes glazing as she stared blindly ahead. Of course. She hadn’t expected him to turn and come back to her, not really. Even if she had been dying, even if she hadn’t been corrupted. He had her now, he did and before she couldn’t fault him for it. She’d been so happy that he’d found someone who made him happy. She’d trusted the girl with him, had given him over in a way that only she could. Only… not all of her had, not the part that was locked so deep within her she hadn’t even allowed it air. She’d once thought that there was a part of him that belonged solely to her, that he had done the same. After all he’d promised, he’d shown her his promise. But then, he’d fooled her better than anyone before. “Always, always- I’m not worth it.” Her words were frantic, quick as she muttered the phrase in different variations over and over as she heard the voice, the same that had asked her to focus earlier talking. But it didn’t matter. She was so broken now. So unworthy of saving. Why couldn’t they just kill her? Why didn’t they just end all of this? They hated her; they shouldn’t think anything of shredding what was left of her human remains. Quickly, now before they became something else. Always. She fought back another scream as she shifted against the hard earth beneath her, feeling returning in places she wasn’t sure she was ready for, remnants of pain screaming at the nerve endings recovering. He’d never loved her, not really. The realization was like a bucket of water being thrown over the fire that had so brightly consumed her earlier. The passion she’d used to protest, to protect was void. Void because it was completely one sided. Her tears seemed to be burning the flesh of her cheeks, scarring the already marred flesh. All of her was marred now, with a scar or without. She’d been many things before this night, and not many of them good. But she’d never been tainted before, never been so worthless. Never been so broken. She couldn’t afford to be broken in the station she held, couldn’t afford anything to slip between her and the strings that kept her upright and moving at the right pace. She could feel something in the air shift, something that didn’t feel the same as the magic that bound her bones every night since she had first taken breath, it shuddered her to her very core. When had the screaming stopped? Her fingers gripped air tightly, releasing and reforming fists as she grappled to regain control of her mind. She could hear the words being spoken to her, hesitantly as if they could break her- slowly as if to make it clear in her clearly demented state. She could hear them, but why did they matter? They were going to kill her right? They had to kill her, it was only right- it was only fitting.

Her eyes seemed to regain some fervor as she met the golden pair hovering off to one side. “Yer changing, ye need ta calm down… just breathe, we can get ya through this all.” Get her through it? Get her through death. Changing? She couldn’t change. Her breathing sped up once more, her body thrashing out as she attempted to shake off what it was he was implying, what it was he was saying he was going to let her do. “Aye! Hey, Hey…” The voice had taken on a soothing timbre even as extra pairs of hands came to restrain her, to hold her still. “It’ll be … Yer alive, y’ll get through all this, thas all tha matters.” Her head shook violently from side to side until the words stopped, her body pressing further into the one that seemed to still be cemented to her. Slowly, cautiously she pulled one hand out of the grasp it had been folded into, holding her hand up above her face into the moonlight- looking at the way the light glimmered off of her skin. It looked like a human hand. It was a deception though. She was no longer human, no longer pure anymore. She was something else entirely, even if she hadn’t made her true form known yet. She could feel the look exchanged above her head and chose to ignore it for a moment, grateful for the silence that stretched momentarily. She didn’t need that one’s reassurances any longer. He was unwilling to do what needed to be done, unwilling to grant her this last reprieve. Tremors shook her body once more as whatever healing process had begun continued, vaguely monitoring itself in the back of her mind. Her hand started to drop slowly, eyes closing momentarily. With a startling quickness her wrist flew from above her, gripping the wrist of the one above her with a fierceness she thought she’s lost. Her eyes shot open; wide, crazed in their desperation. Her neck arched as far as it would allow, emotions racing through her eyes as quickly as the tumultuous train of thought and memory that gripped her. “Kill me,” the command was rasped out, between lips chapped with blood and tears. “Kill me,” stronger this time, wild as it rose in pitch and tossed about the silence reigning around them. “You,” she paused as her eyes seemed to widen even further, “have to fucking kill me.” She didn’t bother tacking on a please to her already fraught plea, her nails digging uselessly into the skin she gripped, her brows rising up into her hairline as she shook even further. He had to, he had to want to. She didn’t mind. She needed him to, she wanted him to as well. She wouldn’t hold him responsible. It would be an act of mercy. The extermination of a rabid animal that was far beyond its prime. She tried to enfuse all of it into her expression, even as she seemed to crumble from within.






WORDCOUNT:: 3,326
MUSICPLAYING:: Bottoms Up by Nickelback
CURRENTMOOD:: Anxious
POSTTAGGEDFOR:: Gavin, Amina, Marcus, Tobias
CHARACTEROUTFIT::
AUTHORSNOTES:: n/a

TEMPLATE CREATED BY YOUR SWEET DEMISE of CAUTION 2 THE WIND

[Marcus O'Conner]

living is easy with eyes closed

- - - - misunderstanding all you see - - - - 

He could feel her wolf calling to him as he skidded to an abrupt halt in front of the girl whose very life seemed to be bleeding out from her screams alone. It was all he could do just to tune her out, just to focus on the problem he was facing with Amina. Because she was still there, he could still feel her- this girl who’d stolen into the hearts of his family. So easily, she flowed into it, fit seamlessly among the gaps they hadn’t even realized were there. He could feel the battle she waged with the animal within her, recognized the pain she had to be going through. He’d very nearly succumbed himself, with all his years of practice. With all of the power he’d put behind fighting it, with all the lengths he’d tried in order to protect her he’d failed her. He’d taken their birdie and clipped her wings, forced her into a corner and missed the signs of need that had so clearly flashed behind him. This may not have been his battle to begin with, may not have been scars that he himself had inflicted or even participated in by bearing witness. But it laid at his feet now, this thing that would surely break Amina apart. He hadn’t been strong enough to help her, had worsened things with the actions he took. He had failed his family. He couldn’t dwell on that now though, not with the cajoling presence pacing before him- begging him to understand, begging him to play. Because wasn’t this a game to his wolf too? Wasn’t it reveling in the blood spilling behind him, feeding off the fear and angst clouding the air just as poignantly as the pollution muggles fouled their air with? He had never been one for secrets, not even- not especially from himself. That kind of thing smelled much too similar of the woman who had bore him, had cursed him. He wasn’t about to tell himself that his wolf wasn’t delighting in all of those things, wasn’t embracing them in tandem with the girl before him. No, not the girl- the wolf before him. It could be so confusing sometimes, separating the two mentally when they seemed to be one when running out in the forest. He didn’t have to battle for control then, not when his paws hit the compact earth in beat with the pairs surrounding him, wind rushing through fur and skin alike. They were one then, not distinguishable from one another in any form. If he’d ever needed something to highlight the difference between man and wolf this was it though, proving to him once and for all that man and beast were separate. He would never delight in the sheer terror that came with the breaking body behind him, would never want to soak up the agony of each of her cries of desperation, not in the way both his and Amina’s wolves were pushing him to do. No, he had to stay present, had to keep himself centered in front of the wolf that so clearly was now marking him as threat. A threat because he wouldn’t move. Couldn’t move. He couldn’t fail her a second time, couldn’t let her take a life that she’d regret when she awoke.

So he reached out to her the only way he knew how, trying desperately to give the girl trapped within some leverage to pull herself up from the crevice with- stepping stones back to the reality she’d worked so hard at building. Wasn’t that what they’d all done with eachother? They were all broken, flawed, cast off in some way or another respectively. But they found happiness in eachother, a wholeness that didn’t exist outside of their circle. She’d become his little sister, the missing link to family he hadn’t known he was missing. He’d thought to put Victoria there once, but the thought of labeling her as such seemed so inherently wrong, so sick he couldn’t even do it regardless of not understanding the reasoning behind it. He shoved as hard as he could into the mental fractures he could feel forming in the cage she’d surrounded herself in, pushed himself in as far as he dared as he watched the boy approach her from behind- keeping it separate in his mind. A task not so difficult with the creature focused solely on getting past him. He didn’t want to let the boy near her, found the very thought repulsive. It didn’t matter that he’d seen the same crazed desperation on his face as on Amina’s when looking at her. If anything it made it worse. He couldn’t love her the way her memories had professed, not with the way he’d cast her aside. People like him weren’t capable of the kind of love Amina offered. But he’d seen the way even her wolf reacted to him, not because it wanted to- he wasn’t a creature equal to her wolf, couldn’t hope to be with mortality clinging so close to his skin. But the girl within fought too strongly for him for the wolf to ignore, and that meant he had a chance where Marcus could only splinter. He had a chance to fracture entirely the hold it held on her. He could feel Tobias in the distance, hear his movements and it took everything he had not to divide his attention to the boy rummaging just beyond his narrowed sight. They were fighting so many different battles here, waging both external and internal wars. It was a miracle the only casualty so far had been the girl behind him. So far. The thought centered him as the boy- as Gavin sprung upon the creature from behind, attempting to restrain it. If he’d had a mouth he might have yelled that he was going about it wrong, causing himself more pain. He couldn’t hope to overpower her physically- not with the wolf in control, not with the anger that raged within the beasts very inner self. But even before he could process it he felt the fractures within the cage of her mind fracture more, felt Amina’s presence more firmly within his own mind as she fought back.

And she fought back hard; he felt pride stain his thought stream as Tobias slid behind him, reassuring him on a whole other front. Tobias had Travers, and Tobias was as good a healer as any here could boast to be, especially for those who weren’t human. He’d entrusted the life of the Slytherin girl to the best he knew, the best he could hope for. She’d live at least, there was no doubting that. Though she’d be the very mutt she’d called him, would become it in the process of sustaining her life- would become stronger. The thought of her volatile personality with a more bestial side would have made him shudder if he could think about it for too long, were he not watching the struggling forms of beast and man tumble. He couldn’t interfere, couldn’t disrupt the holes that Gavin had flailed within the beasts control. If he entered the fray he’d no doubt that the wolf would find a strong hold in Amina’s surprise, in Amina’s hesitation. Instead he watched, guarding the movements- prepared to intervene should it progress to a point he couldn’t just watch- couldn’t just pray. Because he was praying. To every entity he’d ever heard of being worshipped. He was praying for the man who had been born into the same life as he originally had, he prayed for his life. He prayed for the girl waging the inner battle so extreme it nearly brought him to his own knees. He prayed for the hands of the boy behind him, tending to wounds most people would run from. He prayed for the girl who lay in pieces, both emotionally and physically behind him as well. But he couldn’t turn from the fight, couldn’t walk away from what it was he was watching. There was much too much at stake. A low whine fell from his throat as another swipe caught Gavin full on, both sides of himself fighting to jump forward – to interfere. He needed to protect Amina, even his dual nature was on agreement with this, and he needed to be there for her. Only the best he could do for her now was stand here. The unnaturalness of it stung at his throat, fighting to break free of his lips as he whined low again, pacing back and forth still though no threat tried to break his defense. He wasn’t even sure what he was defending anymore, his pack was scattered about the lawn, in two separate places. Man and wolf rebelled against the thought, lupine body sinking low to the ground, paws stretching out to accommodate. He couldn’t interfere.

The smell of his own blood behind him distracted the wolf just enough to hear the screaming and muttering coming from the girl that lay turning, his ears lowering in recognition of the human patterns. “Always doesn’t last. Always never stays. Always is broken. Like me.” Broken. He could acknowledge that much at least. If she hadn’t been before she would assuredly be so now. He could hear Tobias’s assurances uttered to her, feel the calm he provided the entire situation. He was too torn to appreciate it on a high enough level though, his golden eyes darting between the figures now slowing, the forms now blurring. He’d succeeded then, Marcus’s attention too divided to hear all that had transpired. The movements he’d followed with an otherworldly precision, the rest was just a guess though- hints thrown in here and there from what he’d gleaned. But Gavin was picking the girl up and leaving, walking in a direction opposite of what Marcus needed him to do. A howl rent itself from his throat as he fought the urge to chase after him. Amina couldn’t just… He shook his head quickly, ears flattening even further against his head as he tried to stave off the desire to chase after, to watch over. “Marcus.” His friend’s voice broke through the layers of confliction, holding his paws firm to the ground beneath them. “Marcus, hear my voice.” He did, he heard but he couldn’t acknowledge. He needed to keep pace with the two leaving now, he needed to make sure everything that happened was okay, that she was okay. “Marcus come back to me. She needs help. You can help her.” He shook his head slowly, lowering his form into a seated position as the calming balm that came of his friendship with Tobias rolled over him. She wasn’t the only girl this night that needed his help. She wasn’t the one he wanted to help most, no matter how selfish that made him. No matter how wrong that made him. He had failed their birdie. And like the albatross their ship was now coming down, falling down around their ears and taking them with it. He needed to listen to what Gavin was going to do, he needed to follow and make sure that everything went as Amina needed. It didn’t matter that someone would notice the lurking form of wolf inside the castle walls. What mattered now was that the girl he’d failed so miserably was leaving his sight, leaving the small sphere of influence he could use to help her. “Marcus.”

Both wolf and man stiffened at his name again, this time seeming to grip his chest, holding him even more firmly in place. “Turn around Marcus, she has to do this on her own.” On her own? How could she cope with this all on her own? His shoulders shuddered, fur receding and growing back in quick succession. He could feel the familiar weight of the gaze on him, recognize the need he found to turn and acknowledge it, but his wolf rebelled- pushed away the now healing body that had begun to call to it, had started to smell of a familiarity he didn’t want to acknowledge. Slowly, so slowly on his exhale he turned his body, golden eyes blinking as they met the familiar hued pair that was already locked where his gaze would be. Because Tobias knew him, knew him well enough to provide him what he needed before he knew himself. He felt his whole body relax, the shift coming to him with the floating breeze. One minute he stood in wolf form, elongated and furred out to the extreme… And then he was shrinking upon himself, fur receding even as his bones reformed, his face falling into an expression displaying his inner emotions, drawing upon the strength and reserve Tobias offered. He didn’t bother worrying over his naked form as he strode to where the pair lay on the ground, sinking to his knees to Travers’ side and pushing his palms into the bloodied grass beneath him as he leant forward. “Travers- Kariana,” he’d have to get used to saying her name, to not separating her as he’d grown so used to. “Kariana I know ye can hear me voice, jus listen right?” His throat felt dry, as if it were closing in on itself, trying to deny the words that were pushing past them. “Yer alive girl, ya can feel it going through ye righ?” He didn’t know how to do this, there was no manual when you were turned, he was sure it was different for everyone. How was he supposed to help her?

One bloodied hand came from the ground desperately to run through his hair, pulling at the ends – uncaring of the blood he smeared throughout. “Yer changing, ye need ta calm down… just breathe, we can get ya through this all.” He didn’t want to elaborate too much on the changing, outline for her just what it was that she was changing into. Even if everyone there knew, he knew too well what world she came from- knew the detriment that saying too much could have to her psyche right now. She’d barely stomached finding him out for what he was, he’d smelt her- he’d FELT her. He heard her heart rate increase dramatically; body thrashing once more against the hold Tobias held her in. “Aye! Hey, Hey…” His hands shot out to assist as she became more frantic, crooning slowly to her as he drew closer, frantically searching for some way to calm her down- to provide comfort. Mindlessly his hands smoothed where he held, pushing his skin to hers as if to transfer some amount of calm without any indication that it was working. “It’ll be … Yer alive, y’ll get through all this, thas all tha matters.” In the end it would be. Amina had already begun to heal, even with the scars that littered her physically and emotionally. She’d begun to stitch herself back together with help. Kariana could too, even if he didn’t like her. He could help her, because he owed it to her too. She had been turned because of his lack of control of the situation, because he’d been too weak. He owed her at least this much. It wasn’t until his words stopped that she calmed somewhat, head stopping its protestations. She seemed to be leaning more towards Tobias, sinking into him- which only made Marcus’s brows knit together as she stilled all but her hand she reclaimed- putting it before her face. His eyes lifted from her to the pair across from him, meeting them with no small amount of loss as she turned her hand about. That was until she made her next move, his hands pushing down on her once more on instinct as she grasped Tobias. “Kill me.” The words seemed to drag from her lips in slow motion as Marcus rocked back on his legs, hands releasing her entirely. Hadn’t he asked for the same? It had been so long now, so long since it happened. He’d thought that was the intention after all, for him to die. She repeated the words and he felt the reality of the situation set in, his jaw setting in a firm line as he was once more demoted to watching the scene unfold before him. She couldn’t really want to die, not because of this surely? Not to this extent. His fingers curled once more into the grass as he sought the words to stop her, to assure her. But he came up blank. He came up with a rough exhalation of air.

.

tag Gavin, Kariana, Amina, Tobias
words 2,767
lyrics strawberry fields forever - the beatles
credit a girl with kaleidoscope eyes @ caution 2.0
wearing this

[Tobias Leberecht]

SOMETIMES I FIND IT HARD
• to believe there's someone else who could be •
JUST AS MESSED UP AS ME

Marcus would know what to do, he would have to. He was the only one out here who had done this before, who had suffered through this. Tobias could remember, it wasn't long ago that he had finally been given the last piece to the puzzle, the final little bits of the story of how Marcus had been turned. He had been slowly collecting the tidbits over all of the years that they had been friends. He knew why it had been done, but he had finally told Tobias how it had happened, the healing alone in his basement, left to fend for himself. Tobias had never wanted that to happen to another person. He had heard the saying before, that if they survive the bite, then they will become stronger. Though, not many survived the bites. Most of the died. Tobias knew the wounds on Kariana, they were mortal. Too many bones broken, shoved through too many organs. By no means was Tobias a healer, but he knew what he was looking at, he knew how much blood a human body could contain, and he knew she had lost too much. She was talking in a delirious haze, she couldn't see what was actually happening around her, she didn't know what she was doing. Tobias wanted to call to Marcus, to ask him not to make her have to do it the way that he had, not alone and in the dark. She wasn't their enemy any longer, she was a woman dying. A dying for a reason that Tobias couldn't hope to understand. He knew that if he could just get the boy to turn around, that Marcus would know what to do. He could tell Tobias if it was working, if it was helping or if it was just making things worse. The potion in her side was bubbling, the bigger they got, the more she seemed to thrash around. Marcus would have to tell him whether or not it was working, only he would be able to smell the healing. His own diluted and mutated blood mixing with hers. There was no cure, there would never be a cure. Only the stupid went looking for a cure. For as long as he had been into potions, he knew that there were people out there attempting to make cures for lycanthropy, vampirism, all sorts of genetic afflictions. It was foolish. No point in looking for the impossible. Better to look for things to make the best of a difficult position. Make it less painful, the silver, the call of the moon, all of the side effects should be tackled not the source. Which, was exactly what Tobias did. Perhaps if he wasn't so dedicated to this one thing, he might be a little bit better in his other subjects, but he wasn't. He was passionate, and was sick as it was, as cruel as it was, he couldn't tear his eyes away from the gaping wound on Kariana's side. This was of his contribution, he was being allowed to be a part of something that magic couldn't ever hope to touch. It was, as equally exciting as it was horrible, in his mind. It was all he could do to keep his face focused, to keep his priorities in mind to accomplish this task. To keep her alive, to keep her hope this worked, that she wouldn't have a month long recovery time.

He knew that the bite that turns a human into a wolf doesn't heal right. That while all of the rest of the abilities were forming, the healing would be slow, as prone to infection as anything else might be. That even if they didn't die right away, they could die slowly,days later before their matured healing abilities even took form. Kariana didn't have that long. They couldn't let the Aurors see this, couldn't let it get out what Amina had done. They could hide this, Tobias could help her, Marcus could contain her. Tobias had never thought of himself as hiding anything for somebody like her. He wasn't a liar, but this secret, it would harm those he cared about if it got out. He couldn't let that happen. So, he would help her in any way that he could. He could feel himself deciding that she was one of them now, to himself in this very moment as he held her arms down, and it wasn't until he caught glance of her wrist, the deep purple that had been there now only a sickly green that he almost made himself sick attempting to contain his laughter. It wasn't the time or place but it was working, it was working really working. She was healing, it was pushing aside her other abilities to form last, to heal her first and foremost. Oh, the hole in her side would take days to really look right, that was a given but she wasn't going to die. She would live. She would be alright. At least physically, he had never been able to understand the world that he wasn't a part of, he didn't understand why anybody thought this way or that way about blood and family lines. He had attempted to understand, but it all just seemed so damned stupid. They were all people with magical ability, wasn't that all that mattered? Those that knew about the wizarding world, and those that did not. Those who were talented and good, and those who were not. The world was easier for him to understand on those terms.

Tobias didn't even try to understand the string of nonsense sentences that Kariana was uttering. He didn't know her, and he had no idea what it was that she was seeing. She seemed to hear him well enough, that was a kindness he supposed. As she let go of and grabbed his hand again, she seemed to focus further, obviously in pain from the cold, but rapidly heating sweat that had broken all over her body. Who knew the other side effects from his unorthodox potion would have on her? It seemed to be bringing her body to a near boil. Was that the potion or was that just what normally happened? “Travers- Kariana,” Tobias had a hard time with the slip up, he knew that the choice he had made applied only to himself, but for some reason he had assumed Marcus would have made the same choice. Now was not the time or place to question the boy, he knew Marcus would do the right thing. So he waited, waited silently as he struggled to restrain the woman who was attempting to start screaming again. “Kariana I know ye can hear me voice, jus listen right?” There was nothing for him to interject, just to watched the pained face of his friend as he attempted to put into words his thought process. He didn't know if there were words to comfort the girl either, the one who had so easily called Marcus mutt and Amina cruel things, things that she knew nothing about. As far as karma went, this was a little cruel. 'Yer alive girl, ya can feel it going through ye righ?” Tobias felt himself cringe as Kariana's hand broke free of his grasp so he moved his hands to her shoulders. It was the torso that needed to stay still anyways. Let the potion work, at least until her body could take over. He just hoped it might bridge the gap between the one side of her skin, and the other. As her body made new blood rapidly, a good portion was still coming back out. “Yer changing, ye need ta calm down… just breathe, we can get ya through this all.” Tobias' lungs stopped taking in air as he waited. He had somehow thought that this was going to be a faster process. Though, he didn't know why he had. He was too distracted, when her body fame up, the top of her head clipped him sharply in the chin, forcing him to bite his tongue as she moved to settle against his body. She was so much smaller than him, if she weren't so damned slippery with the red mess, she might have been easier to hold. Thankful for the extra hands that Marcus finally provided, Tobias managed to get his hands back onto her, keeping her still finally.

“It’ll be … Yer alive, y’ll get through all this, thas all tha matters.” It would be. They would help her, if she would allow them. If she didn't end up trotting off the highest tower before morning even came round. She shifted again, slowly, more controlled, arching herself into his torso and he found himself letting her go. He didn't think he had ever been this close to a woman before, and it certainly wasn't the most pleasant of first time experiences. His hands hovered awkwardly, making sure she wasn't going to thrash into his head again but as he went to pull them away, Kariana grasped one in in her blood soaked grip. His eyes locked onto hers, He could no longer see or hear anything else happening in the world around him. His heart beat slowed, his eyes sinking into her own. There was something more there, staring back up at him in a way that hadn't ever happened before whenever he looked at Marcus or Amina. He could feel his torso bending down to see her eyes more clearly, straining in the absent light. His own eyes widened. They could see her lips moving out of the farthest corner of his ability but he didn't hear her the first time. There was something, pulling him out of himself and into her eyes that he didn't understand, and it frightened him. Made the lung that sucked itself rapidly in between his teeth feel like ice as it filled his body. Something deep, below her iris' a gold bubbling up from inside of her and slowly making it's outward appearance. A near silent gasp left his lips as it started to slowly, ever so slowly reach out from the inside, holding him in her gaze until her words registered in his head. He didn't struggle to free his arm, only stared at her in silence for longer than allowed. “Kill me,” was it his imagination, or was she no longer fighting against him? “You,” Yes. “have to fucking kill me.” finally his eyes blinked, confused as the contact, the draw of her strange eyes let him go. He couldn't kill anybody. Certainly not after he had just saved her.

Her nails were about to break his skin open, his fingers curled limply back into his hand, a lame fist in rest. With those eyes? Never. Never. “Never.” he voiced. There was no way he would apologize for it, he couldn't have. To kill her would go against everything he was, even if he could figure out how to do it in the first place. Why would she single him out to do it? Marcus was the only one with the built in tools to handle the task, even if it wasn't in Marcus to be a murder either. He stared at her, obvious questioning written all over his face. “I will help you. If you'll let me?” he dragged her slowly repairing body up a little, sliding easily in the messed grass until her back was against his chest for leverage. His eyes cut to Marcus as he slid his legs out from around her. First and foremost, he needed the blood gone, to see what all needed to be done. He could grab her arms if Marcus could get her lower half. Each time he blinked he could feel it, that thing that was more than a single gaze staring up at him from within her, something magical, more than magic something breathtaking. Even now her eyes were turning gold, it happened sooner than one might thing he had heard. He had seen it, the thing coming up into her, waking up, opening it's eyes to meld with her vision. He had seen something...more.

TAGGED ! marcus, kariana,
WORDS ! 2,034
OUTFIT ! CLICK
LYRICS ! sometimes by skillet
TEMPLATE ! PANIC! ITS LAUZ @ CAUTION
NOTES ! -hello

[Kariana Gabrielle Travers]

Her lips pulled into another grimace as the pulling within her midsection increased, brushing against the not quite yet healed flesh that just barely covered whatever it was that felt like it was pushing her nearly apart. And she burned. Oh Merlin, she burned. Every cell of her being felt like it was alight with fire, sending shivers racing up and down her spine, her flesh pebbling as if to contradict what it was her body was telling her. A small part of her welcomed the way the flames seemed to tear through her, long since past merely threatening to consume her. If she closed her eyes tight enough, fought off the memories and the vitriol threatening to spew out of her barely healed system, she could pretend that it was something else- that she was something else. Her fingers curled into the sticky grass beneath her, slipping to find purchase against the slick blades until she gave it up as futile, eyes still screwed tightly shut as she grasped at the hand that had rooted her earlier, fingers wrapping around it as if she focused hard enough it would make it hold her here, hold her away from the pain that threatened just at the surface to drag her back under. She couldn’t go back into her memories, couldn’t remember the words that no longer applied to her life. No, not her life. Whatever this was this wasn’t life. Why wasn’t she dead yet? Fear clogged the back of her throat, a small voice whispering that death wasn’t coming- even here at the end she couldn’t hope for it to come easily. Except, she wasn’t dying was she? The feel of flesh knitting slowly back together was still prevalent- pushing in between the fog in her brain. It wasn’t supposed to be like this, the thought kept looping through her mind. Ever since he started assuring her that she could live through this. It was easy enough for him to say. He had been this way for who knew how long now, had been out of his family’s favor- been blacklisted for so long he may as well have never not been. How could he tell her that she could live through this? Her blood had been tainted with the first bite that had slipped so painfully beneath her skin, tearing it apart as if the flesh put up no resistance. She was no longer the same person she’d been before, no longer a person at all- with the ever increasing pain that had been pushed upon her she’d been made into something different, something other. She was less than. Less than those who she’d shared her dormitory with these past seven years, less than the muggle born who roamed the hall as if dropped into a fairytale, less than the muggles themselves that had helped to sire those children. Less than… It was a concept she couldn’t understand, couldn’t accept. She’d never thought of herself as less than anyone, not for as far back as she could remember. Drakonas blood had flown through her veins, a bloodline that stretched back over the ages, spanning decades upon decades of hierarchy.

Had flown. Past tense, it had to be past tense. The minute Amina’s teeth closed around her flesh that first time she’d stolen that from her, taken both blood and birthright. There was no way she could ever hope to beat Michkayela out of inheriting now; no way could she even hope to be married off to someone of equal breeding. It was something she’d dreaded her whole life, something she’d attempted to find her way out of on more than one occasion. Only now as it was ripped from her grasp did she grasp everything that she was losing with it, the opportunities that fell just short of her fingertips. She already had one black mark on her pedigree, even if only a small handful of people knew of it- it was the same thing that had made her ineligible for Gavin. The name sent another wave of pain through her, her heart constricting painfully. She’d lost everything that she had defined herself by. Her blood purity, her family’s name, her future… Gavin. All of it lay mixed in with the puddles of her blood she still lay in. The tears that had slowed started to pick up again, running more silently down her face this time as she attempted to piece back together the threading that wove together to create whatever words Marcus seemed to be trying to assure her of. She was alive. Death would have been a welcome release from the fate that waited for her beyond this. The fog that had covered her mind seemed to be slowly fading the longer whatever Tobias had done to her continued. She vaguely remembered him pouring something over her; through the jumbled mass of memories and actions that had blurred together as she burned. Sometime between him tending to whatever wounds might have had her hovering on the precipice of death and Marcus’s voice interjecting his assurances he’d become the chord she clung to to hold her to this world, away from the memories that kept threatening to overtake her. Anchored. She was always anchoring herself as if she were somehow going to float off, her brain supplied the thought blearily, venom pushing into her very stream of consciousness. Only it never really seemed to work did it? She pushed and pushed, dug until she wasn’t sure where it was her destination had been, tried to tie herself down- keep herself contained within the neat compartments she’d assigned herself over the years- keep herself separate. She’d managed that at least, managed to find the determination to achieve it. Only she’d never really grounded herself- not to something real. Everything and everyone, no matter how few, she counted on always left in the end.




Always doesn’t ever last… The phrase whispered through her mind again as she reached up, besieging the very anchor that had caused it. She just needed him to understand, to listen. Something was taking place inside of her, shifting. Not the innards that had earlier started to right themselves, not the slow burn of flesh knitting itself back together from the attack… It wasn’t even her mental state returning to her, reordering in the way she needed. No, something else was shifting, taking precedence. And the familiarity of it scared her. It was the same thing that had reared its head faintly upon hearing the news of her parents- the same thing that had driven her out onto the self made quidditch pitch the night her mother was admitted despite the pouring rain and thunderous atmosphere. She’d tasted its cousin each time she’d really lost her temper, the tendrils pressing against her mind, begging for entry. Only this time it was so much greater. So much more. And she’d never been more terrified in her life. They had to kill her, and quickly. The thick sheen of sweat and blood that comingled to cover her flesh seemed to freeze, molding itself even more firmly to her as she caught the light colored orbs with her own. She knew with a certainty that shocked her to the bone that if she could just reach the person behind those eyes, if she could just get him to see… But it was already too late, already she felt the shifting inside her solidify, pressing down into her with a suddenness that had her gasping, the shivering that had racked her body intensifying. It settled over her bones, into her skin- melding with the fire that had so consumed her for what felt like days, years. And she knew that she had changed. He’d been right, she’d felt it. Was still feeling it. So similar to the familiar magic that for so long had buzzed in her blood and bones, this flame seemed to settle over it- into it- morphing it. Again that taste in her mouth, running along the tip of her tongue as she sought her answer out of the eyes staring so intently into hers. As if he could see her. Not the bloodied mess resting here between the two males trying to awkwardly to insist that living was the most important thing, not the girl who’d been only an hour ago hurling insults and venom so expertly, not even the girl who had lain with a breaking heart as her body was being ravaged. It was like he was looking into her and reading the secrets she’d kept locked up close to her chest for so long. Something hovered at the edge of her brain, pushing her to look further, to do the same to him- to try and press past the flimsy barrier of his irises that had widened as he dissected her very essence. She fought the impulse, slamming her lids over her own irises as if to cut off the connection, as if she could convince him not to look anymore- not to see all of the pieces of herself she’d so carefully stored for so long. And to fight the temptation to do the same. She couldn’t look at him. Wouldn’t open her eyes straight into his again. Her head tilted marginally to the side, as if she could still feel his eyes on her own, trying to break the phantom contact. If she didn’t look at him he couldn’t see, couldn’t know.

Weak, she felt so weak. Her fingers loosened as the skin beneath stretched, curling under the crescent shaped nails. Her fingers flexed, throat tightening as he spoke again, this time in answer to her. “Never.” Panic bloomed within her, the urge to try and fight off both the comfort and restraint the two were offering her in different doses. No. Not never, he couldn’t say never. She’d lose her nerve if he didn’t do it now; she was already so weak, so broken. They couldn’t ask her to ask them it again, couldn’t expect her to find the strength to demand it. Slowly she blinked, careful to keep her eyes from meeting his again, focusing instead on the bridge of his nose, following the small splatter of blood that seemed to have landed there, her blood her mind connected idly. Only she wasn’t just seeing his nose or the red substance on it. It was almost like she could see his where muscle met tendon, skin stretching with each breath he took. Her eyebrows met slowly, long breath testing the restraint of her ribs- pushing the limit of her pain. It hurt so fucking bad, but there was something else there now, something pressing just beneath her skin. “I will help you. If you'll let me?” She let her body be manipulated once more, not even bothering to protest. Her head turned easily, focusing on Marcus as she sunk back into the chest behind her- partly broken form molding easily to the assistance provided. “Aye. We’ll help ye.” The stress on the word we wasn’t lost on her, eyebrow trying to stretch up before falling dejectedly back down, turning her gaze more directly on Marcus and letting her breath catch in her chest. Golden. Tawny. She could see the honeyed tones melding together in his eyes now, no longer the singular color. And it called to her. Panic bloomed once more, heartbeat hammering against her ribs as she swallowed over it, silent under the pretense of considering their suggestion, their offer. She was seeing too much, feeling too much. Her fingers curled in and out of themselves, feeling empty without something to grasp. The blades had already proven too hard, her jeans from before torn in ways she didn’t want to feel right now. “Breathe.” The command sparked something within her, low growl fighting its way up her throat only to tamp itself back down. She was breathing, what the fuck did he think was keeping her alive? His eyes met hers and she watched him jerk back, eyebrows coming down sharply over troubled eyes. It wasn’t as if he should be surprised she was so broken, he’d seen the girl- no, the wolf, deal the damage. She was sure even only moments before she’d looked worse, she could feel the difference- feel her body thrumming with… something.

Her fingers clenched again as she turned her head away from him as well. Lips compressing in a firm line as she shook her head slightly. “No one can know.” She was weak; she had warned Tobias hadn’t she? With her eyes, she’d told him. She couldn’t ask again, she couldn’t say no to this help. She was beyond weak; despair welled up deep within her, pulsating. Her neck rotated as if to look back at him before freezing, her head nodding once more as she granted assent. No one could know, it just couldn’t… A deep breath flew through her lungs as the boys seemed to have yet another silent conversation, Marcus scooting himself forward until he was at her feet. “I’m goin’ta touch ye Kariana.” It was a warning, one she found herself grateful for, even while she glared at him pulling her feet up. “How do ye want ta do this Tobias?” The question was louder than she’d anticipated after him touching her, her body jumping instinctively and seemingly jarring every muscle within her body. She wasn’t going to turn around to look at him when he answered. She wasn’t.







WORDCOUNT:: 2,254
MUSICPLAYING:: Bottoms Up by Nickelback
CURRENTMOOD:: Anxious
POSTTAGGEDFOR:: Gavin, Amina, Marcus, Tobias
CHARACTEROUTFIT::
AUTHORSNOTES:: n/a

TEMPLATE CREATED BY YOUR SWEET DEMISE of CAUTION 2 THE WIND

[Marcus O'Conner]

living is easy with eyes closed

- - - - misunderstanding all you see - - - - 

He knew he needed to be doing better than what he was, offering her something more. He knew it, he felt it. He owed her it. But it was so hard to force himself into what was happening now when a part of his brain was still trying to force its way after the pair that had already left. He was so conflicted, so at a loss for what he was supposed to be doing. He wasn’t good with these things, wasn’t built to efficiently grasp onto change so easily. He knew though, that he had to try. She wasn’t just a former acquaintance turned occasional tormentor anymore, she wasn’t the same girl she’d been when she’d first stopped at the top of that hill. His wolf was already scenting her, accepting her. Which was scary enough as it was. Kariana as a wolf was the scariest thing he’d had to think of since the thought of Amina killing someone had first become an actual possibility, the thought of her being pack seemed inherently wrong to him. But she was, had already crossed into that territory. Maybe not in the same way that he counted Tobias and Amina, even Victoria to an extent. But she was still pack; she still carried the scent that made her such on some level. He fought to keep from freaking out over everything that had happened tonight, fought to find some center in himself that wasn’t so close to the wolf. The wolf that had tried so hard to break through earlier. His shoulders nearly shook at the thought, wincing as the girl moved a little too unsteadily into Tobias’s chin. Tobias seemed to know more what to do than he did in this situation, had already made some sort of peace with the creature resting in his arms and Marcus was struck once again by the sheer brilliance that came with being his friend. In social situations, ones that they both seemed to be forever awkward in, Tobias froze. Give him a broken, bloodied girl to tend to and he seemed to instinctually garner her trust on some level and begin to set her to rights. They just had to keep her from dislodging whatever work the other had already done, had to keep her from killing herself somehow with the injuries that still seeped at the edges, the ones that made his nostrils flare. Admittedly not in the same respect it had moments prior. His wolf couldn’t find her blood as appealing once potions mixed with its own blood had been poured into the wounds, not since it had begun to run not human anymore at all. Maybe that was part of what made it more cemented from him, that her blood had mixed with his some- it was there, the scent hovering just under the flesh now knitting back together. He hadn’t heard of that before, didn’t know if any effects would be borne out of it. As long as she lived he didn’t think they could be so bad, not in comparison. His hands went to soothing, trying desperately to help the girl. He knew his confliction bothered Tobias, had seen it when he’d first slid to his knees beside them and tried addressing her. It bothered him on some level to. What kind of person did that make him?

He wanted to blame it on the wolf that had been lurking too near the surface, but it wasn’t. It had been all him, and that was a bitter pill to swallow. Almost as bitter as his complete inadequacy as she begged Tobias to end her life, his stomach churning at the request- churning at the implications. Living with the wolf was bearable, was something one could become used to given the right equipment. And he would show her, no matter how hard she fought or how much she didn’t want it now. He could show her that the wolf didn’t dictate everything. A harsh breath was sucked in between his teeth as he watched Tobias bend down, watched the silent interaction between the two of them as she uttered her words, forced her plea. He knew, just knew that the other boy wasn’t considering it. It was a faith he had in him that he couldn’t do that sort of thing, not even in theory. He knew, but he didn’t know why the both of them seemed to be silently communicating something, something he wasn’t privy too. And it bothered him. Not only because his own demons were making themselves known with her request, but because it just seemed off that the two of them should be able to communicate like that at all. But he trusted Tobais. In a way he couldn’t say he did anyone else. Not even Amina, with as much as she now meant to him. He trusted Amina with his life, yes. He trusted Amina in ways that he couldn’t put into words. But Tobias’s was a trust that had been earned off of years of friendship, borne of an almost spiritual binding that theirs had formed into. “Kill me.” Again she voiced the words, no longer asking- demanding. And he saw whatever it was that was going through Tobias’s head release him back into the present, watched the instant rejection he’d known would happen. There would be no death here tonight; they’d all fought so hard to make sure that it didn’t happen. Even Kariana in her own odd way. He could recognize her attempts at trying to protect the boy she’d come with. He could see that in some fashion that had been all of their intentions, not on Gavin alone- but all of them had been trying to protect someone else, everyone here had been fighting such a similar goal in different ways. Which was what made it so fucked up, this conclusion in the form of a broken girl begging for death. “You have to fucking kill me.” He shook his own head back and forth, rejecting the idea as outwardly as he possibly could. “Never.” Relief flooded him at his friend’s words, his mirroring emotion to the request comforting. He didn’t even pause to consider the reasoning behind the word choice, he had verbally shot her down where Marcus could not have.

The scent of raw panic hit his nostrils and his fingers curled against the ground beneath as he stifled the instinct to touch her once more. She needed comfort, but all he seemed to be able to bring her was the wrong emotions. Inadequate. Even his guilt couldn’t drive him to lift a hand until it was needed. “I will help you. If you'll let me?” His jaw tensed, fingers curling even further as Tobias lifted her onto himself more fully, setting himself more firmly behind her as if to support her. “Aye. We’ll help ye.” He couldn’t help putting extra inflection on the ‘we’, for both her sake and his own. Because he was going to help her. And he hated the fact that he was having to remind himself of that, that it wasn’t as instinctual as it seemed to be for his friend. He knew he wasn’t the best guy out there, knew that he had his faults, but he liked to think of himself as better than that he’d come from. As as much of a good guy as he could be. He met Tobias’s eyes with understanding, if a bit of self-loathing for the things running through his head as he nodded, just slightly, in acknowledgement. Again panic slipped through her, pushing Marcus’s wolf to the edge with the scent, making his own chest tighten as her breathing seemed to slow to a halt. “Breathe,” it wasn’t just suggestion, his voice dropping in timbre and coming out almost unfamiliar in its cadence. It was an order, simple and to the point. She just needed to breathe, she couldn’t go of panicking again- couldn’t revert back to the state she’d been in when he’d first found his way here. She seemed to have regained some presence of mind. And she was going to need it when the wolf finally made its presence known. She was going to need time and ability to cage it; he could already smell it- close to the surface of her skin. So close it was almost as if- everything stopped as her eyes slid to his, anger coloring the irises. Irises that had already changed. He jerked back in surprise, in fear. Her irises were already changed, the sea blue-green from before replaced with a light honey ring, fading to a creamy- nearly translucent white. It was disturbing coming out of her blood streaked face- glaring in its difference. Even if it weren’t from the difference in color he’d been expecting- he knew all wolves’ eyes were different- knew Amina’s were even lighter than his. The fact that hers had already changed, and into that odd a shade, was frightening to him. It meant her wolf was already present.

…But she wasn’t fighting, wasn’t growling or acting in any way he’d come to be accustomed to expecting the wolf to make its presence known. She was acting just as she had before he’d realized the change, though belatedly he could see the anger receding from her eyes and being replaced with a gut-wrenching amount of self-hatred and self consciousness. He shook his head as she turned from him, hiding her eyes from his sight and letting the shock slowly wear off. “No one can know.” No, that was a given. They couldn’t risk it getting out, couldn’t risk Amina being somehow held accountable for tonight’s events as she surely would be. Though he doubted those were Kariana’s most pressing of concerns. He was just glad they didn’t have to talk her out of telling anyone, of trying to find a way to press charges. The implications of what that could do left a charred tasting remains in his mouth. He turned his head up at Tobias, still worried- still reeling from what he’d just seen when looking at her, and quirked a brow. He knew they needed to check the girl’s injuries, knew Tobias did too. It was just difficult finding a way to do it. There was no way they could move her from here. There was nowhere in the castle they could be assured not to run into someone. The forest was dangerous in its own rights, and Osiris… he couldn’t take them to Osiris like this. He had an obligation there as well. Not that he wouldn’t be having to go to Osiris soon, tonight if possible. His lips pulled down as he centered himself in the present, moving slowly enough to register to Kariana as he scooted forwards. “I’m goin’ta touch ye Kariana.” Kariana, not Travers. He needed to familiarize himself with that name. She couldn’t even be Travers in his head anymore. Not if he was really going to focus on helping her. He pulled her feet up into his lap, looking over the rips and tears in her jeans and frowning. They were going to have to undress her. She couldn’t do it herself. How to do so while still preserving some of her modesty was the real question though. “How do ye want to do this Tobias?”He was musing; he knew it, his own voice cutting his own question off as he shook his head. “I have an extra shirt in me bag.” They could at least use it for her after she was cleaned up some. “Aye… Forgot me wand was in me pants.” Pants that had been shredded back where he’d sprung from after wrestling off Gavin. He lifted his eyes from the torn legs and raised a brow at Tobias, hoping he had his own wand.


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tag Gavin, Kariana, Amina, Tobias
words 2,767
lyrics strawberry fields forever - the beatles
credit a girl with kaleidoscope eyes @ caution 2.0
wearing this